sakit kaayo, tita. only because i have been with her for 4 years, i wanted to be with her. this was, honestly, the longest relationship i have been in and the most vested. i gave all of myself to this woman, to the point of na exhausted na ko because no matter what she wanted, i would give. but still, mo awayaway gehapon.
i did not have the strength to let go of the relationship until couple of months ago when i visited the basilica of mary, help of christians in holy hill, wisconsin. the load of burden was removed, but , the feeling of longing is still there. natural ra man pod segoro ni nga mo mingaw ta sa atong old love.
i am shying away from relationships right now, mag focus sa ko sa ahoang profession. that and i want to build a more prayerful life. sometimes, i realize that sexual urges and sexuality tends to drive men and their thoughts. as a sinner, i will not deny that these thoughts also enter my mind and am tempted very much to give in to these urges. lisod baya. honestly tho, i want to refrain from physical relationship until the proper time. as hard as it is right now in terms of the heart (ma mingaw man god ko, and yes, unfortunately, i am the very sentimental guy type), ampo lang ko tagaan ko'g strength from our lady of perpetual help as i focus on my profession.
i am, now, openly discerning a life of holy order. i'll leave it all to god.
please pray for me tita. i am but a weak man.