Its quite silly how the heart is so darn sensitive. When one allows another person to come inside your heart, to see you through the positives, the negatives, to know the very essence of you, the very nature of your entire soul, this sense of being naked to another person is doubly beautiful and dangerous. What do I mean? Its beautiful because one is totally understood for what one believes in, what one fears, what one finds joy in, to know one's hopes and dreams etc. Its also dangerous because to open oneself in such away allows one to be undoubtedly and precariously fragile to that said person.
I can cope with stressful situations at work where in involves a patient's life or death, can hold my own (well i like to think!) on 24-36 hour on calls, can even lecture to 30+ nursing students for 4 hours on the anatomic-physiologic and pathological importance of the cardiovascular system, can present seminars on health systems protocol to board members and present cases to the state board of health, but one thing that I am having difficulty is getting over one woman.
The woman who I have loved for the past 4 years, the one woman who I thought I would marry and have children with. This break up has been exceptionally hard for me. Tho I look tough and strong, but deep beneath the veneer of my professionalism at work, and my smile, is the hurt that aches my very soul. This separation from this woman who I have loved with all the love i could give. The woman whom I have given all that i could give.
This sense of loss , have to bear and to find a way to cope with. I focus my energy more on work and more on study. But thoughts of her arises when i least expect, like a festering wound whose caseaous covering that has been removed.
My Lord My God, please, take away this feeling from me. My Lord Jesus Christ, take this pain that affects my heart so, please take it all away. Strengthen me , My Lord Jesus, please strengthen me to focus on Medicine and my Doctoral Program. And not on thoughts of my former love. I beg this in your name.