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Author Topic: Mangatawa Usa Ta.  (Read 67094 times)

Scarb

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #360 on: February 09, 2008, 08:33:29 AM »
SINGING CONTEST
1st contestant: Akong kantahun "dahong laya"
2nd contestant: Akong kantahun "d falling leaves"
3rd contestant: Dli ko mukanta!
Judges: Nganu man..?
3rd contestant: manilhig nalang ko kay daghan sagbot!

laughing again-received ds fwd.message

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Moyhua

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #361 on: February 09, 2008, 09:28:23 AM »
TEACHER: give me a tag question.
PUPIL: My teacher is beautiful, isn't she?
TEACHER: Very good! Ibinisaya dong.
PUPIL:  Ang akong maestra gwapa, wa sya kuyapi?


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Moyhua

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #362 on: February 09, 2008, 09:28:56 AM »
BISAYA: Pabili nga ng lemoncito.
TINDERA: Anong lemoncito?
BISAYA:  Lemoncito gud.. yong maliit na buongon!
 


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Moyhua

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #363 on: February 09, 2008, 09:30:53 AM »
security: excuse me po mam, titingnan ko lang ang bag nyo kung merong baril
tiguwang: bu**** ka! di man gani maigo ang balde sa akong bag, baril pa kaha!


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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #364 on: February 11, 2008, 02:09:16 AM »
ANG NURSE UG ANG MEKANIKO
Sa fiesta sa usa ka lungsod, nakigsayaw ug "sweet music" ang usa ka ulitawo sa usa ka dalaga sa bayle nianang gabhiona:
Ulitaw: Nurse ka day, no?
Daga: O, nganong kahibalo ka man?
Ulitaw: Nanimaho ka man gong hospital.
Daga: Mekaniko ka dong sa?
Ulitaw: O, nganong katag-an ka mang mekaniko ko?
Daga: Ganiha ra man gud ko nimo gi-jackan!

     


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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #365 on: February 11, 2008, 02:11:39 AM »
KANDILA
Usa ka madre nagpacheckup sa clinic. Pero nasayop ang laboratory kay nailisan iyang urine sample sa specimen sa babay nga mabdos.
Doctor: Sister, ang resulta sa imong test miingon nga mabdos ka.
Madre: Doctor, makamabdos diay nang kandila?

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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #366 on: February 11, 2008, 02:15:07 AM »
HOTDOG
Inahan: Nag-unsa man mo sa imong trato sa sulod sa imong lawak gabii, nga saba man mo kaayo? Puwerte ra bang singgit nimo og Kalami!
Rosario: Si mama sab uy. Wa man miy gibuhat nga dautan ba. Gipakaun lang ko niya og hotdog nga lami kaayo.
Inahan: Mao ba. Diay napkin opahiri na imong ngabil kay naay mayonnaise nga nahabilin


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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #367 on: February 11, 2008, 02:19:41 AM »
VIAGRA
Andoy: Papalita kog Viagra bi.
Pharmacist: Wa koy Viagra kay illegal man na dinhi. Dia noon koy local nga version nga mas maayo pa sa Viagra.
Andoy: Unsa may ngan ana?
Pharmacist: Buyag ra.


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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #368 on: February 11, 2008, 02:21:12 AM »
BIBLIYA
Pari: Dong, pahuwama ko anang bibliyang imong gibasa bi.
Sacristan: Playboy man ni padir.
Pari: Kana na lang!


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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #369 on: February 11, 2008, 02:22:33 AM »
NAKATOG
Teban: Paita bay uy. Wa na koy trabaho. Gitangtang ko sa akong boss kay nakatog ko .
Pedro: A grabe! Gitangtang ka tungod lang kay nakatog ka?
Teban: Dog hinoon nako iyang asawa.


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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #370 on: February 11, 2008, 02:24:23 AM »
SHY
Pasing: Mare, naunsa man na imong son-in-law nga pila ka tuig na mang walay klarong trabaho?
Claring: Unsaon nga shy man gud na kaayo siya.
Pasing: Shy gud nga tabian man kaayo na!
Claring: Shy tiglaba ba, shy tiglimpyo sa balay, shy say tigluto.


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ms da binsi

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #371 on: February 11, 2008, 02:26:55 AM »
bwahahahahahha

Good job Trader!!!!

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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #372 on: February 11, 2008, 02:36:03 AM »
Manang: Hoy bata, gaunsa gud tawon ka diha?
Bata: Gaduwa ug jolen nang, ngano diay?
Manang: Wa uroy ka maulaw noh, imong mama gikapoy ug sag-ub ug tubig unya ikaw diha gaduwa-duwa lang ug jolen...
Bata: Asa may mas uwaw nang, kung akoy magsag-ub, unya si mama ang mag duwa ug jolen???


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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #373 on: February 11, 2008, 02:40:12 AM »
Botoy: Pre, naka daug man kuno ka sa lotto?
Tikyo: Tinuod na pre, swerte jud kaayo...
Botoy: Nya, kumusta naman imong pagpuyo ron?
Tikyo: Aw, sukad naka daug ko ug lotto pre, maka kaun nami ug mga lami na pagkaun sama sa fried chicken, kadereta, litson ug uban pa.
Botoy: Hayahay diay nimo pre noh..
Tikyo: Ikaw pre, kumusta naman imong pagpuyo?
Botoy: Aw, mulang gihapon pre, makatilaw lang ug lami kung mag iy*t!!!

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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #374 on: February 11, 2008, 02:41:35 AM »
Anak: Ma, paliti ko ug tabanog beh.
Mama: Ay sus dong, mas maayo pa pan nalang imong paliton.
Anak: Sige na gud ma, tabanog lang...
Mama: Nganong tabanog man, makabusok diay na???
Anak: Unya ma, kanang imong Pan mo lupad diay na???


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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #375 on: February 11, 2008, 02:43:44 AM »
ANDIR-DI-SAYA

Kulas: Bay Tasyo, matod sa mga silingan andir-di-saya man kuno ka.
Tasyo: Unsay andir-di-saya nga bag-o lang nakong gikasab-an ang akong misis!

Kulas: Ngano man?
Tasyo: Gisugo man ko niya sa pamalantsa. Mao nga akong gisinghagan ug UNYA RA KAY MAGLUTO PA KO!!!


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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #376 on: February 11, 2008, 02:48:21 AM »
Pasyente: doc, ngano man ni nga kong malibang ko naa may plima?
Doc: ok lang na sya. Ang delikado kung inig sikma nimo naay tae!


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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #377 on: February 11, 2008, 02:52:46 AM »
asukar

tatay; pedro, asa man nimo gibutang ang asukar?
pedro; naa sa banggera akong gimarkahan ug asin
tatay; nganong man imo gibutangan?
pedro; para di katoud ang AMIGAS...


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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #378 on: February 11, 2008, 03:23:32 AM »
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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #379 on: February 13, 2008, 05:51:41 AM »
Family Quarrel
HUSBAND:Pastilan segi ta ug away;
magbuwag ta!!
WIFE:segi! ato bahinon atong anak
HUSBAND:Ako ang gwap ug gwapa!
WIFE:Nah! Gipili pa gyud ang dili iya!

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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #380 on: February 13, 2008, 05:53:45 AM »
ANAK: Tay, dili ko katulog, daghan ug lamok AMAHAN:Ato palungun ang suga, araon di ta makit-an
(Pagpalung sa suga, nanggawas ang alitaptap)
ANAK:Hala Tay! nagdala ug flashlyt!


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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #381 on: February 13, 2008, 05:55:33 AM »
Nagdadalaga

dad im turning 18 n..pwde n b ko mg wear ur BRA?? kc dad, all of my friends wear bra na..

DAD: Saba diha Diego, sipaon tka diah!!!!!

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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #382 on: February 13, 2008, 06:00:22 AM »
3 kinds of utots:
loud and proud - sipa pero walay baho
silent but deadly - silent pero murag patay nga ilaga!
wet and wild - naay dala nga unod ug pulp bits!!!

unsang klase man imong utot???!!!

nakautot na, sunog pa ang nilung.ag... faet!!! next time inday don't be amused too much with the comical anecdotes as it will result in the over cooking of your prepared carbohydrates and the emission of not so pleasant gases...

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mrtrademaker

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #383 on: February 13, 2008, 06:18:37 AM »
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Barbaro

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #384 on: February 16, 2008, 01:06:36 PM »
OFW Huband: Kumusta na ang padala kong pera sa mga bata?
Wife: Asenso na. Ang kubo natin, mansion na. Ang karinderia, restaurant na. Ang
dalawang anak mo, apat na

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Glen

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #385 on: February 16, 2008, 04:02:28 PM »
Hala kinsa man amahan sa uban Barbs?

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You can never really live anyone else's life, not even your child's.
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Sigbin II

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #386 on: February 16, 2008, 06:06:32 PM »
Basin og return on investment ang duha ka anak nga nadugang, Glen. :D

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Glen

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #387 on: February 17, 2008, 05:09:51 AM »
E Paul mao diay na ang interest sa iyang nigosyo napun-an og duha. Hahahaa kadaku diay sa tubo no? Duhaan man gyod.

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Moyhua

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #388 on: February 17, 2008, 06:31:25 AM »
ATTY:  asa ka pagkahitabo sa rape?
JUN:  sa kamaisan
ATTY:  nag-unsa ka didto?
JUN:  nalibang!
ATTY:  pila ka kadupa gikan sa krimen?
JUN:  naa bay malibang magdupa-dupa?…. Ayaw pagbugal-bugal 'torni uy!



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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #389 on: February 17, 2008, 09:03:52 AM »
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Moyhua

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #390 on: February 17, 2008, 09:11:09 AM »
pasyente: doc, regular lagi ko malibang. kada alas 7 sa buntag
doctor: maayu nuon na! unsa may problema?
pasyente: 8 am man gud ko maka mata!
doctor: oink! 


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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #391 on: February 17, 2008, 09:12:25 AM »
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Moyhua

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #392 on: February 17, 2008, 09:14:32 AM »
bana: gang, naka-save ko ug P6.00 karon kay ako na man gigukod ang jeep, wala man ko mu sakay
asawa: bogo! taxi unta imung gigukod aron mas dako imong na-save


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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #393 on: February 17, 2008, 09:16:59 AM »
bana: gang, naka-save ko ug P6.00 karon kay ako na man gigukod ang jeep, wala man ko mu sakay
asawa: bogo! taxi unta imung gigukod aron mas dako imong na-save


Eroplano akong gukdon para save kaayo ;D

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Moyhua

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #394 on: February 17, 2008, 09:20:32 AM »
BISAYA: Pabili nga ng lemoncito.
TINDERA: Anong lemoncito?
BISAYA:  Lemoncito gud.. yong maliit na buongon


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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #395 on: February 18, 2008, 05:47:44 AM »
BISAYA: Pabili nga ng lemoncito.
TINDERA: Anong lemoncito?
BISAYA:  Lemoncito gud.. yong maliit na buongon


hehehehe kahinumdom kos akong cousin. ingon siya "ate, manguhit nata ug binu-ongan". (Iyang tawag sa buongon);D

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #396 on: February 19, 2008, 01:41:33 PM »
Tetsir: Paul 1+3
Paul: 4 mam
Tetsir: very good
Ikaw Barbaro 33x69
Barbaro: Mao na ni kun lisod na gani ako dajun pangutan-on
pavor pavor absini nalang ko oy!

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Glen

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #397 on: February 19, 2008, 01:43:08 PM »
Barb absent baka karon? hahahahaa asa raman ka oy!

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You can never really live anyone else's life, not even your child's.
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svetlana

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #398 on: February 19, 2008, 02:53:26 PM »
Tetsir: Paul 1+3
Paul: 4 mam
Tetsir: very good
Ikaw Barbaro 33x69
Barbaro: Mao na ni kun lisod na gani ako dajun pangutan-on
pavor pavor absini nalang ko oy!

wahahahahahaha bahalag i-absent nalang siya!

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Reply: Mangatawa Usa Ta.
« Reply #399 on: February 19, 2008, 06:10:13 PM »
Tetsir: Paul 1+3
Paul: 4 mam
Tetsir: very good
Ikaw Barbaro 33x69
Barbaro: Mao na ni kun lisod na gani ako dajun pangutan-on
pavor pavor absini nalang ko oy!

hahahahah absent gyud toud si Barbaro. :P

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