Author Topic: Your naughty joke for the day  (Read 60518 times)

bol-anon nga cebuano

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #160 on: May 18, 2010, 10:11:51 PM »
BF: pa kiss langga
GF: naunsa ka? nagdrive ka diha gusto ka mabangga ta? ako nalang ang kiss nimo.
BF: O sige, ikaw nalang kiss nako
GF: ay mauwaw man ko, piyong sa kadyot.

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statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #161 on: May 29, 2010, 01:59:05 AM »
Billy Bob & the Frog
Billy Bob is 77 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see any one. img1.gif
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.
Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your woman!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
  " Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."



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hofelina

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #162 on: May 29, 2010, 04:48:12 AM »
this is actually a funny email;

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60s & 70s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love...I will.

 


 
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not  break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being  imperfect.

 


 
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.


So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

 


As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore.
I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever,
but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel  like it).

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!

 


 
Forward this to at least 7 people and see what happens on your screen. You will laugh your head off!!!
 
 


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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #163 on: May 29, 2010, 08:25:16 AM »
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.

Ah, there's the rub. Moabot ra pud ang ilang panahon...

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #164 on: May 29, 2010, 08:30:10 AM »
Billy Bob & the Frog
Billy Bob is 77 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see any one. img1.gif
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.
Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your woman!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
  " Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."



He he, I'm still far from being 77 but I guess I'll do the same. It's easier to find a beautiful woman than a talking frog. ;D

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wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #165 on: May 29, 2010, 09:13:46 AM »
( I think this is funny, no offense to anyone, just a joke for the sake of reading and entertainment)

Pay Rise

I, Mr. P. Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
V. Gina

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statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #166 on: May 29, 2010, 09:17:25 AM »
He he, I'm still far from being 77 but I guess I'll do the same. It's easier to find a beautiful woman than a talking frog. ;D

Hahaha, okey Hubag layo-layo pa gyud imong biyahe so hala
    enjoy ka lang sa daghang beauty on the way

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hofelina

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #167 on: May 29, 2010, 02:04:22 PM »
wolfie, adunay german version ni-ani paramoot jamo!



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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #168 on: May 29, 2010, 02:31:32 PM »
Hahaha, okey Hubag layo-layo pa gyud imong biyahe so hala
    enjoy ka lang sa daghang beauty on the way

Thanks, Ms. States. Dili lang gud pangitaon, kon naa lay maagian... ;D

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #169 on: May 29, 2010, 02:41:22 PM »
( I think this is funny, no offense to anyone, just a joke for the sake of reading and entertainment)

Pay Rise

I, Mr. P. Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
V. Gina

Bwahaha! The way I see it, dehado si P. Niss ni V. Gina sa argumento. Well, kon gahig ulo (he he) si P. Niss, basin mabiktima sija sa evil self ni V. Gina, si V. Ginismus! ;D

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windgate

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #170 on: May 29, 2010, 02:47:26 PM »
Thanks, Ms. States. Dili lang gud pangitaon, kon naa lay maagian... ;D
Bwahaha! The way I see it, dehado si P. Niss ni V. Gina sa argumento. Well, kon gahig ulo (he he) si P. Niss, basin mabiktima sija sa evil self ni V. Gina, si V. Ginismus! ;D

aw patambaw lang kang dr. C. Felis  :)

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #171 on: May 29, 2010, 06:33:27 PM »
A Filipino is having his breakfast (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and Jam) when an American man; chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Filipino Ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a  conversation.

American: "You Filipinos eat the whole bread?"  Filipino (coolly): "Of course."

American: (after blowing a huge bubble)"We don't. In America, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the Philippines."

The American has a smirk on his face.    The Filipino munches on... Gives a cold Look but did not reply.

The American refuses to take the cue and Persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

Filipino: "Of Course.."

American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In America we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, and then we put all the peels, seeds, and left overs in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the Philippines."   

The Filipino puts his coffee mug down...looks straight In the American's eye and then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"

American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.

Filipino: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used  them?"

American: "We throw them away, of course."

Filipino: "We don't. In the Philippines, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America.

*No offense meant, huh! This is just a joke... ;D ;D ;D

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statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #172 on: May 30, 2010, 10:01:12 AM »
whew! dah usab ka pa dinha, sigi kang usap sa
     used and recycled pa gyud nga biya sa mga pinoys...hahahahah

here's more;
The church held a "Marriage Seminar" and the Priest asked Luigi, as his 50th wedding anniversary
    approached, to share some insight into how he managed to stay married
    to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to his audience, "Well, I tried to treat her well and spend money on her.
    But the best thing I did was take her to Italy for our 20th anniversary."

The Priest said "Luigi, you are an inspiration to all husbands here today.
  Please tell the audience what you plan for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied "I'm gonna go and get her,  I left her in Italy"



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hubag bohol

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #173 on: May 30, 2010, 10:43:59 AM »
whew! dah usab ka pa dinha, sigi kang usap sa
     used and recycled pa gyud nga biya sa mga pinoys...hahahahah

here's more;
The church held a "Marriage Seminar" and the Priest asked Luigi, as his 50th wedding anniversary
    approached, to share some insight into how he managed to stay married
    to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to his audience, "Well, I tried to treat her well and spend money on her.
    But the best thing I did was take her to Italy for our 20th anniversary."

The Priest said "Luigi, you are an inspiration to all husbands here today.
  Please tell the audience what you plan for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied "I'm gonna go and get her,  I left her in Italy"



Bwahaha! Lahi pud ning iyang kabuang sa kang Carlos, he he... ;D

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aquarius

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #174 on: June 01, 2010, 09:42:51 AM »
******

Lola: Honey, nabantayan jud nako bah nga kung mangape ta, mag-init dayon akong lawas.
Lolo: Nganong dili manginit, tan-awa ra gud na imong totoy, natuslob na sa kape!
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Pangutana: ikompara sa "load" sa cellphone, unsay kalahian sa girlfriend, call girl ug asawa?

Tubag: ang girlfriend -Post paid, call girl -pre-paid ug asawa - unlimited (hehehehhe)  

******



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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #175 on: June 01, 2010, 09:51:49 AM »
******

Lola: Honey, nabantayan jud nako bah nga kung mangape ta, mag-init dayon akong lawas.
Lolo: Nganong dili manginit, tan-awa ra gud na imong totoy, natuslob na sa kape!
*****
Pangutana: ikompara sa "load" sa cellphone, unsay kalahian sa girlfriend, call girl ug asawa?

Tubag: ang girlfriend -Post paid, call girl -pre-paid ug asawa - unlimited (hehehehhe)  

******

kabit - pasa load......bwahehehehehe

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #176 on: June 01, 2010, 12:11:26 PM »
kabit - pasa load......bwahehehehehe

Bwahaha! Paet... :P

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #177 on: June 01, 2010, 12:12:58 PM »

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 mile per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?!"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That 's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT  UP?!"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Oh, heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."

;D
 


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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #178 on: June 01, 2010, 12:17:10 PM »
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin
was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of
flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and
eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart
opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart
closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.

The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”

“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.

“What’s so funny about that?”

“I’m a gynecologist.”





 ;D ;D ;D ;D

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #179 on: June 01, 2010, 12:24:33 PM »
What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?

A hematologist pricks your finger.


 ;D

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #180 on: June 01, 2010, 12:53:30 PM »
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin
was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of
flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and
eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart
opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart
closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.

The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”

“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.

“What’s so funny about that?”

“I’m a gynecologist.”





 ;D ;D ;D ;D



basin ovary shape lang doc dili bisong... hehehe

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #181 on: June 01, 2010, 12:58:43 PM »
See, who's the boss..

 A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means
business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?! "

The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four
weeks pay; now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks,
  "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters,
    "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."


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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #182 on: June 02, 2010, 05:42:31 AM »


basin ovary shape lang doc dili bisong... hehehe

hahaha, awww basin pood.

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #183 on: June 02, 2010, 08:43:11 AM »
Pedro: Alam mo pare, ang damidaming babaeng nababaliw sa akin. Paano ko kaya sila mapipigilan?
Juan: Tigilan mo ang pag-stambay sa Mental Hospital!!
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If your ears itch, someone is thinking of you.
If your eyes, itch, sumone wants to see you.
If your lips itch, someone is dying to kiss you.
If your entire body itches, KAGID NA YAN! KAGID!!!
------------ --------- -------
DIARY ng PANGET:
Dear Diary, I'm so happy talaga. Nahuli kasi ako ng ang kong nakatingin sa kanya. Minura nya ako. g***!! Narinig ko na rin ang voice niya! Ang ganda niya talaga! Last time nga, itinulak niya ako! Dumugo ang nose ko kasi sinadya ko siyang banggain. Nakakakilig, di ba? At least nagkadikit kami!
Ask nga siya ng pix ko, kasi ipapasalvage daw niya ako. So sweet!! At ang pinaka da best pa, sabi ko "love you!" Reply niya "f*** you!!" Sarap np? Nahorny ako..
------------ --------- -----
LIFE in HELL.
Demonyo - di ka pwede dito, isa kang addict. Sige, LAYAS!
Addict: Bakit?
Demonyo: Kasi pag-bangag ka, para kang nasa HEAVEN!
 ... pagtsur uy!! hehehehe!!
------------ --------- ----
Nanay: knock, knock!!
Anak: hu's der?
Nanay: nanay nimo!!
Anak: Nanay nimo hu??
Nanay: bu**** ka! ablihi ko! pa who who pa ka diha! amawa ka! OFEN door, NOW!!
------------ --------- --
Mama: JUan, why man ni imo grado? Daghan man red?
Juan: Nahutdan itom nga ink amo titser ma.
Mama: Ngano'ng naa man pud "F" diri sa card?
Juan: Mama oi, maratol dayon. Ipasabot ana "FASAR!"
------------ --------- -
Boy comes to class with broken eyeglasses.
Teacher: What happened?
Boy: I was kissing my girlfriend.
Teacher: Then how did your glasses break?
Boy: She corssed her legs!!!
------------ --------- --
Si Juan ug si Pedro sa Lasang.
Juan: Tabang bai, gipaak ako o*** sa cobra!!
Pedro: Ako text-san si doc.
  ... sa text: Pedro: doc, ako amigo gipaak ug cobra. Unsa ako buhaton?
                  Doc: supsupa ang samad nga gipaak sa cobra, kuhaa ang duga!!
Juan: Bai, unsay gisulti sa doctor??
Pedro: Sorry wa na kuno'y pagasa bai!!!
------------ --------- --
Your EX is limping around the front yard bleeding to death. What do you do??
Remain clam... Reload. Aim. Shoort again!!! Good job!! Hahahahaha!! !
------------ --------- -
Old couple at SM holding hands while window shopping.
Sikyo: Ka sweet ninyo oi?!
Lolo: 50yrs na ming minyo, ingon jud mi. Di ko mokompyansa kay SHOPLIFTER ni!!



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statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #184 on: June 02, 2010, 09:01:34 AM »


Windgate, kahimuot kaayo imong jokes

[img width= height=]http://www.elderoptionsoftexas.com/images/joke_image.gif[/img]

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #185 on: June 03, 2010, 01:48:16 AM »
Naay usa ka Pari nga naglakaw sa dalan.
Nakakita siya og batang babaye nga nikatkat sa bayabas nga walay panty.
Gitawag ang bata sa Pari.
Pari: Day, diay 100 pesos pagpalit og panty.

Niuli ang batang babaye ug nisulti sa iyang mama.
Bata: Ma, gitagaan ko ug 100 pesos sa Pari ipapalit ug panty.
Next day ang mama nasad ang nikatkat sa Bayabas ug wala mamanty.
Nakit-an kini sa pari ug gitawag unya gihatagan ug 1 peso.
Mama: ngano peso ra man ni ako unya imong gihatag sa akong anak kay 100 pesos.
Pari: 1 peso para palit ug blade pangshave. Baga na kaayo na ang balhibo.


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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #186 on: June 03, 2010, 08:54:57 PM »


Windgate, kahimuot kaayo imong jokes

[img width= height=]http://www.elderoptionsoftexas.com/images/joke_image.gif[/img]

Bwhahahahaha  pastilan this is our future hobby gjod!  ;D ;D ;D :'(

Naay usa ka Pari nga naglakaw sa dalan.
Nakakita siya og batang babaye nga nikatkat sa bayabas nga walay panty.
Gitawag ang bata sa Pari.
Pari: Day, diay 100 pesos pagpalit og panty.

Niuli ang batang babaye ug nisulti sa iyang mama.
Bata: Ma, gitagaan ko ug 100 pesos sa Pari ipapalit ug panty.
Next day ang mama nasad ang nikatkat sa Bayabas ug wala mamanty.
Nakit-an kini sa pari ug gitawag unya gihatagan ug 1 peso.
Mama: ngano peso ra man ni ako unya imong gihatag sa akong anak kay 100 pesos.
Pari: 1 peso para palit ug blade pangshave. Baga na kaayo na ang balhibo.


BnC, maayo kay dili si Lola ang mikatkat sa biyabas whahahaha unja....at the same time "laugh, cough, sneeze and  pee" kon tua nas taas. lol  ;D malas si Padre ug maihi-an

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #187 on: June 03, 2010, 09:04:44 PM »
 
Mag-uyab nagstorya daplin sa dagat.
Girl: babes unsa imong zodiac sign?
Boy: (naghunahuna kay bugok) ikaw sa babes.
Girl: zodiac sign naku kay CANCER
Boy: ako GOITER
Girl: ha?! wala may zodiac sign nga goiter!!
Boy: hehehe! di bitaw ULCER bitaw!!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

bag-ong kasal...
Bana: Ling magbutang ko ug alkansiya sa atong kama para kada mo kayat ko maghulog ko ug singkwenta pesos atong savings pang ref ug TV set.
Asawa: ok ng plano mo!
       After 1 yr...
Bana: Ling, akong gibuak ang alkansiya ug pwede na ta palit appliances. Bilib ko nimo dah! Nagsaving pud doay ka kay naa may mga tibuok P500 ug P1000.
Asawa: ikaw ra may KURIPOT! Tag P50 lang kada i***! Atong mga silingan tag-isa ka libo ang ihulog!!!   
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
 
An engineer & a doctor both fell in love with a nurse...
One day the engineer had to leave for a week. He gave a present to the nurse and asked to open it after he left... The nurse unwrapped the gift and found 7 apples with a note saying.. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away!!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
 
Sa ngayon, tatlong bagay lang ang gagawin na magpapasikat sa iyo sa buong mundo...
1. Maging boxing champion ka sa 7 weight divisions.
2. Mag massacre ka ng 57 ka tao.
At ang pinakamatindi. ..
3. Pakasalan mo si .... ALING DIONISIA!!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
 
Dahil nanalo si Pacman sa election, magpaptayo siya ng school. Tatawagin itong: PACQUIAO UNIVERSITY. Para maiksi PACQ U...
Ang tawag sa mga studyante dun ay PACQERS,
at kapag dun ka mag-aral, magkakaroon ka nang PACQING FRIENDS,
at gagamit sila ng espesyal na papel na ang pangalan ay PACQ SHEET...!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
 
From Koala Bear: Nonoy is leading the race because the PCOS machines are made intentionally for him. PCOS means "President Cory's Only Son!!" 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
 
THE GUN
... is a bery important solution to a problem, ryt??!
... specially wen a dog gokurize you. THE GUN is rily important.. inig mo paghot na ang iro, THE GUN na lang jud!! THE GUN ug kusog, ha??!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
 
Ad2 mi Olmuk'
akay me jep'
O2g ayo dagan
to2y to2y gud'
Way brep' brep'
abot hulbada'
eyot bitaw na
liged! Da moh Mu lagi', Monge
nu'on. Hehehe!!

------------ --------- --------- -------
 
MRS: Ang hirap sa 'yo, di mo na ako iniisip pag nalalasing ka.
MR: Hoy! di totoo yan, ha!! (hik!) Katunayan, kanina ko pa iniisip kung ano ang pangalan mo e! (hik!)
------------ --------- --------- ------

 

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #188 on: June 04, 2010, 01:43:04 AM »
We do the same thing:

US NAVY (chewing bubble gum): in United States those four-sided parts of the bread are not eaten.
FILIPINO: Why???
US NAVY: Well, we put it in a recycle bin and make biscuits from it and send it to the Philippines.
FILIPINO (medyo naasar): ahhh... wi du da seym ting hir!! (we do the same thing here).
US NAVY: Really?? How??
FILIPINO: Here in the Philippines we do not throw used condoms.
US NAVY: Huh??? Why?????
FILIPINO: We make bubble gums from those and send it to United States.
US NAVY: PWAAAAA!!!! (dungan luwa sa bubble gum).


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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #189 on: June 04, 2010, 08:38:18 PM »
Ad2 mi Olmuk'
akay me jep'
O2g ayo dagan
to2y to2y gud'
Way brep' brep'
abot hulbada'
eyot bitaw na
liged! Da moh Mu lagi', Monge
nu'on. Hehehe!!

Another version:

Adto ko Mutuan,
akay ko nyep,
otenta mlete.
Utog ayo dagan,
wa brip-brip.
Abot kulbada,
iyоt bitaw ligid,
ah, mumo mi.
Da, mungi lagi mi.

;D

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #190 on: July 15, 2010, 03:45:27 AM »
Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words?

1.  BOO_S
2.  _ _NDOM
3.  F_ _K
4.  P_N_S
5.  PU_S_
6.  S_X

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - - -
Ops...  no going beyond this line until you answer the above.




Answers:

1. BOOKS
2. RANDOM
3. FORK
4. PANTS
5. PULSE
6. SIX

You got all 6 wrong.... didn't you?


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3 Women Die and Go to Heaven
« Reply #191 on: August 08, 2010, 12:23:32 PM »

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any duck, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"


Bwahaha!  ;D

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #192 on: August 10, 2010, 12:24:56 AM »
warden: kamong tanang piniriso sa selda 1 ug 2 magbag-o namo ug brief.
mga priso: yehey, bag-o nata ug brief mga kakosa.
warden: nahala, panghuboa na ninyo ang inyong mga brief.
mga priso: humana mi ug hubo sir, asa na among bag-ong brief?
warden: ang mga brief sa selda 1, ibaylo sa mga brief sa selda 2. so karon bag-o na inyong mga brief tanan.
mga priso: waaaah, bag-o na jud. bag-ong gi swap.

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #193 on: August 10, 2010, 06:30:35 PM »
may usa ka salesman nga namaligya sa iyang "vacuum cleaner" gipasulod siya sa tagbalay.. apan dakong kahikurat sa ginang dihang iyang gikalat sa carpet ang dala niyang tae sa kabayo... pwerteng sukoa sa maong babaye...

Salesman : Relax lang Mrs. sa imong kasuko kay akoy mokaon ning tae sa kabayo kung di ni malimpyo sa akong baligya nga "vacuum cleaner"...

Ginang : pwes..! karon dayon ..hinay-hinayi na na'g kaon kay "BROWN-OUT".....!!!!  ;D ;D

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #194 on: August 11, 2010, 01:37:41 AM »


   Hala, kalooy sa salesman

Padayon kita sa mga komedya;

Punsyo: Bai gibangongot ko kagabii bay
Kardo: ngano man diay bai, unsa imong damgo?
Punsyo: gilibutan kuno ko sa mga kandidata sa bb. Pilipinas!
Kardo: unya nganong bangongot man?
Punsyo: ako ang nidaog bai.... :o

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #195 on: August 11, 2010, 01:42:21 AM »


   Hala, kalooy sa salesman

 States, maru man pod kaayo ang Salesman kay nagdala man pod ug portable battery para sa iyang vacuum cleaner :D

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #196 on: August 11, 2010, 01:47:51 AM »
 ;D, nasalbar diay kaysa iyang habhabon ang iya gilabay, ngeh!

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #197 on: August 11, 2010, 03:34:54 AM »
Logical consequences are the scarecrows of fools and the beacons of wise men. ~ Thomas Henry Huxley~

Romans 10:9
"That if you shall confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and shall believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you shall be saved."
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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #198 on: September 17, 2010, 02:28:00 AM »
tua pa, kay gipabisaya ni maam. kabalo naman unta siya nga bolok-bolok nis cosme. nakadungog noon siya sa tinood. hehehe.



pila naman katimaan ang naa nimo, dave? hahahahahaha
murag naa na tanan bai...tsk tsk tsk

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hmmmmm

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #199 on: September 17, 2010, 01:41:57 PM »
   

He he, mistake kay lubot unta ang tuyo...  :P

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