Words Of Wisdom"It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger."
â€Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
"If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people."
"The Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math"
"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
"When all else fails, follow instructions."
"Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist."
"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
"The early bird gets the worm" "On the other hand, the early worm gets eaten..."
"Remember: 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
"When everything comes your way, you're in the wrong lane."
"Two rules in life are deny everything, and now I have no idea what you're talking about."
"If Christmas isn't about the giving or the receiving, you ain't got much to ride on."
"If an idiot throws a knife at you, take off the sheeth and stab him in the back."
"Nobody ever died from hard work, but I don't wanna take the risk."
"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the person you're with."
"You're unique, just like everyone else."
"There are only three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count, and those who can not."
"Don't do drugs... .do medicine."
"The only difference between smart and stupid people, is that you dont brag
bout being stupid."
"Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons."
"All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?"
"Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest!"
"It takes many nails to build a cradle, but only one screw to fill it."
"Don't give me that "there's no I in team" crap. There's no U in team either."
"No one likes a loser. Be a cheater."
"It's not kids in the backseat that cause accidents, it's accidents in the back seat that cause kids."
"Sarcasm keeps you from telling people what you really think of them."
"You can't be late until you show up."
"Computers help us do stupid things faster."
"Make war, not love, it's safer."
"A wise man once said, man who go to bed with itchy ass wake up with smelly finger."
"Anything can be obtained through hard work, perseverance, and a large assortment of automatic weapons."
"There are no stupid questions, only stupid people."
“What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.â€
â€Never try to teach a pig to sing; you'll frustrate yourself, and annoy the pig.â€
â€If you can't convince them, confuse them.â€
â€If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.â€
â€Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.â€
â€Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.â€
â€After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat.â€
â€The secret to finding something is knowing where it is.â€
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