Author Topic: Are You Lonely?  (Read 10866 times)

glacier_71

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Are You Lonely?
« on: March 05, 2009, 02:26:26 AM »
One is the loneliness number
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
By Richard Handler CBC News

The other day a woman I hadn't seen in years stopped by my office. "You know my partner died," she said (I didn't). Her partner was a man she didn't live with but, for 30 years, they were intimately connected.

They spoke frequently by phone throughout the day, when she arose in the morning and just before she went to sleep at night. They shared stories, gossip, dreams and jokes and were probably bound up more closely than most married couples.

Then one day, as the obits say, he "suddenly" dropped dead from a heart attack.

"I have never felt such loneliness," this woman told me, even though she had lived alone for years. Now she was aching as if her very soul had been hollowed out. She said she now understood the true meaning of loneliness.
Drifting apart

Being lonely isn't something people tend to admit to. According to Jacqueline Olds and Richard Schwartz, a married team of Harvard Medical School psychiatrists, many of their patients, especially women, come into their offices announcing all their troubles. (Depression? Yup, got it.)

But hardly anyone admits to being simply lonely, say the authors of The Lonely American: Drifting Apart in the Twenty-First Century.

Being lonely is like being in high school and admitting you're a loser, perhaps the most humiliating term in the universe (or at least North America).

Americans live in a land that is obsessed with success — social and financial — and we Canadians come a pretty close second.

We are not supposed to be lonely. But according to the "loneliness experts," many are and the condition is getting worse. Consider some of the signs.

One of the fastest growing trends in recent decades — accelerating since 2000, according to StatsCan — has been the rise in single-person households.

In 2006, they represented 26.8 per cent of all households in Canada, 27.1 per cent in the U.S. In 1940, the number was 6.8 and seven per cent, respectively.

Of course, living alone can be a sign of mobility and affluence. People who live alone could be deliriously busy (that's Americans' favourite boast, say Olds and Schwartz).

But being "deliriously busy" can be part of the problem.

As Duke University researchers report, between 1985 and 2004, the number of confidants with whom the average person discussed personal and important matters dropped from three to two.

More importantly, "the number of people who said there was no one with whom they discussed important matters, tripled." Individuals without a single confidant now make up nearly a quarter of those surveyed.

We North Americans may be texting and talking more on our cellphones, but real heart-to-heart conversations appear to be on the decline. Understandable, perhaps: it's hard to spill out your heart in 140 Twittery characters.
Human connection

Now, you might ask, what exactly is loneliness? What makes it different from, say, depression?

Psychologists have argued there is an epidemic of depression in our culture. Maybe lonely people are simply depressed, part of a plague of mood disorders.

Not according to University of Chicago psychologist, John Cacioppo, co-author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection.

Cacioppo, who has studied loneliness for 30 years, thinks it's important to make a distinction.

Depression makes you apathetic while lonely people want to "affiliate." They want human connection. Cacioppo defines loneliness as "social pain."

For Cacioppo, loneliness is a warning sign. It "triggers feelings of threat and dread." He even has a shorthand formula for the two conditions: "Loneliness reflects how you feel about your relationships. Depression reflects how you feel, period."
A downward spiral

Unfortunately, lonely people can be their own worst enemies. The research shows that lonely people are socially inept and clumsy. They trip all over themselves trying to escape from their solitary existence.

Lonely people lose the ability to "read" social cues in others. When they fail to connect, they can get more obtuse and aggressive. Other people avoid them, so they grow lonelier. Then they don't understand why they can't connect.

As the song from the band Three Dog Night laments, "One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do."

We've all seen (or felt) such bumbling activity. Psychologists can actually divide up groups of people into Ins and Outs and create lonesome feelings in the lab, proving that disconnection can be manufactured.
The Loneliness Scale

Psychologists even have a test to measure the state of disconnection. It's called the UCLA Loneliness Scale. You can take it yourself.

These are the first three questions:

1.) How often do you feel unhappy doing so many things alone? 2.) How often do you feel you have no one to talk to? 3.) How often do you feel you cannot tolerate being so alone?

According to Cacioppo, loneliness is also a health issue. The immune systems in most lonely people are less robust. Like those who are depressed, lonely people get sicker. They consume more unwholesome foods.

Disconnected people also don't score as well as others on cognitive tests. IQ is probably affected by loneliness.

An unnatural condition

But here's the good news: Cacioppo is part of a new breed of evolutionary psychologists who think loneliness is an unnatural condition. It's a symptom, like physical pain, a signal that something is wrong.

Our ancient ancestors banded together in small, tribal groups. But today we live in cities of millions and don't know our neighbours. We avert our gaze from strangers. You never know who you'll provoke if your eyes meet on a big-city bus.

But there is a hopeful message in all this evolutionary psychology. It is that we humans are not built to be socially isolated.

We are "wired" for connection, say not only the psychologists but the brain scientists.

Properly attuned humans and communities regulate themselves. They form strong social ties, researchers say, which are the keys to lasting happiness.

So when you hear calls for "community" and want to dismiss them as clichés, remember that underneath the whining and cant is an evolutionary imperative. We are not intended to be solitary islands, as the good poet said.


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aduy

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2009, 03:17:07 AM »
If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them.

glacier_71

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2009, 03:18:41 AM »
I'm alone and homesick

asa man ka karon diay, bay aduy?

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aduy

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2009, 03:35:23 AM »
asa man ka karon diay, bay aduy?

dia tawon bai glac sa mundo ng langis naningpad arong naay ikapalit og bugas hehehehehe......dia ko KSA bai glac

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glacier_71

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2009, 03:41:18 AM »
dia tawon bai glac sa mundo ng langis naningpad arong naay ikapalit og bugas hehehehehe......dia ko KSA bai glac

ok. layo-layo jud pod diay. may gani kay nakalugar kay sulod diri sa forum. agwanta jud lagi tungod og alang sa pamilya. murag pareho man tang tanang naa diri. ma-pinas o ma-gawas.

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aduy

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2009, 03:49:32 AM »
layoa jud tawon bai glac, maong pagkadiskobre nako diri sa furom nia na ko kanunay og tambay diri kay laptop raman kauban nako sa room. nagsawa naman gud ko sa friendster maong palain ko og putahi ba. nag member ko didto sa bohol.com.ph mingaw man didto ui mura man og wala manglihok ang mga member maong nibalhin ko diri.

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glacier_71

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2009, 03:54:31 AM »
layoa jud tawon bai glac, maong pagkadiskobre nako diri sa furom nia na ko kanunay og tambay diri kay laptop raman kauban nako sa room. nagsawa naman gud ko sa friendster maong palain ko og putahi ba. nag member ko didto sa bohol.com.ph mingaw man didto ui mura man og wala manglihok ang mga member maong nibalhin ko diri.

ok. maayo kay nadiskobrehan nimo ni. bitaw, medyo bibo2 ning dapita kay daghan mga lihokan ug kugihan mo dokdok  diri hehehe. mga friendly pa jud. naay kolokoy, naa poy seroyoso. sulod lang bisag asa nga topic diri. makapawala man pod bitaw nis kalaay.

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aduy

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2009, 03:57:48 AM »
bitaw bai mawala jud ang kalaay, mao ni akong buhat bago matulog hehehehehe...... one week pa ko diri sa furom. taga bohol u mismo?

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #8 on: March 06, 2009, 04:03:19 AM »
bohol ko bay. gatago lang ko sa akong identity diri...

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aduy

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2009, 04:10:50 AM »
bohol ko bay. gatago lang ko sa akong identity diri...

mura man og nakamabdos dah kay nagtago man. ako bitaw usbon cguro akong identity arong magpasaway sad og ginagmay hehehehe....

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #10 on: March 06, 2009, 12:03:21 PM »
mura man og nakamabdos dah kay nagtago man. ako bitaw usbon cguro akong identity arong magpasaway sad og ginagmay hehehehe....

hahaha, ayaw na lang bay pag-usab imong ID. pwede man gihapon ka pasaway bisag mailhan. hehehe.

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aduy

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #11 on: March 06, 2009, 03:38:16 PM »
hahaha, ayaw na lang bay pag-usab imong ID. pwede man gihapon ka pasaway bisag mailhan. hehehe.

dili bitaw ko pasaway kay bad na sya hahahahaha. hahaiz buhay.

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2009, 12:49:55 AM »
dili bitaw ko pasaway kay bad na sya hahahahaha......... hahaiz buhay.

bitaw pod. kung mawa imong kalaay sa maayong paagi, nganong moadto man jud ta sa dili maayo, diba?

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aduy

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #13 on: March 07, 2009, 12:54:19 AM »
mao bitaw, karong adlawa laman kay day off man nako nia ra tawon sa net nakaatubang kanunay pagkahuman manghinlo og laba hehehehehe....

enjoy man sad diri kaayo!

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2009, 01:02:13 AM »
mao bitaw, karong adlawa laman kay day off man nako nia ra tawon sa net nakaatubang kanunay pagkahuman manghinlo og laba hehehehehe....

enjoy man sad diri kaayo!

unsa ka lonesome diha sa KSA? wa diay mga duwa2 inyong lugar diha, like basketball? biliards?

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #15 on: March 07, 2009, 01:05:45 AM »
unsa ka lonesome diha sa KSA? wa diay mga duwa2 inyong lugar diha, like basketball? biliards?

naa man basketball diri ang nakaparat dili man ko kamao og basketball. pwede sad mag window shopping diri. daghang mga pinoy sa mga malls nakalat lang pero mas preferred nako diri lang sa balay kay walay gastos. tan-aw ra og dvd movies, tfc og net surfing lang.

naa gani association diri sa mga Boholano pero wala ko niapil, mas feel man gud nako ang Home Alone hehehe

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #16 on: March 07, 2009, 01:08:47 AM »
naa man basketball diri ang nakaparat dili man ko kamao og basketball. pwede sad mag window shopping diri. daghang mga pinoy sa mga malls nakalat lang pero mas preferred nako diri lang sa balay kay walay gastos. tan-aw ra og dvd movies, tfc og net surfing lang.

naa gani association diri sa mga Boholano pero wala ko niapil, mas feel man gud nako ang Home Alone hehehe

daghan man hinoon paagi mawa imong kalaay, bay. maayo pod kay ganahan kag Home Boy style. do you get in touch with your family at home thru the net? YM? Skype? etc?

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aduy

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #17 on: March 07, 2009, 01:15:05 AM »
daghan man hinoon paagi mawa imong kalaay, bay. maayo pod kay ganahan kag Home Boy style. do you get in touch with your family at home thru the net? YM? Skype? etc?

wala may internet sa amoa bai kay tua man sa Mabini, wla pa may net didto. call lang and text ang ways para makontak ko sila. sanayan lang ang maging Home Alone kay og moadto ko sa akong mga kauban makainom man sad ko kay kanunay man sila inom every weekend mas maayo pay home alone nalang hehehehee....

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #18 on: March 07, 2009, 01:19:37 AM »
wala may internet sa amoa bai kay tua man sa Mabini, wla pa may net didto. call lang and text ang ways para makontak ko sila. sanayan lang ang maging Home Alone kay og moadto ko sa akong mga kauban makainom man sad ko kay kanunay man sila inom every weekend mas maayo pay home alone nalang hehehehee....

maayo pod na bay kay daginot. krisis ra ba ron. ayo2 diha.

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #19 on: March 07, 2009, 01:49:26 AM »
maayo pod na bay kay daginot. krisis ra ba ron. ayo2 diha.

mao bitaw bai daginot jud, weekly ra gani ko  motawag sa amoa unya panagsa ra sad mag text kay dili man kamao akong mga parents mag text kay gamay kono ang keypad hehehehehe....

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #20 on: April 05, 2009, 08:51:59 PM »
I'm so lonely today.....i missed him so much...(:

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #21 on: April 06, 2009, 08:57:23 AM »
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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #22 on: May 31, 2009, 03:56:50 PM »
Kung naa pay mo labaw sa kamingaw, mao nana akong gi bati karon...

mas mingaw paman diay ning mahilayo sa uyab kaysa sa pamilya...

mingawon ka sa pahiyom sa imong pinalangga, ang tam-is nga halok nga maka pawala ug stress, ang gakos nga maka hinuklog nimo nga maypag wala nalang ko molangyaw aning trabahoa.

unsay inyong ikatambag niining kasingkasing nga duot sa kamingaw ug kahingawa sa imong pinangga...matag estorya namo sa akong pinalangga tuod dili paman mi kasado pero among gi tinguha nga mapalambo among relasyon bisan paman sa kahalayo ug kamingaw sa usag usa among mahimong hisgotanan ang among mga kaagi, ang mga kaagi nga naka tumpag sa tinapok kung bukong..sige nalang ko ug hamdom sa akong huna huna sa panahon nga among gi saw-an ang panag pitik sa among kasing kasing, mga ngabil nga puno sa gugma ug ang kainit sa lawas nga mipa uraray sa among galamhan ug kasing kasing, tuod dili lalim ang mahilayo sa imong pinalangga nga sa imong kinabuhi imong nabati ang unang gugma...akong kalingawan sa pag handom ang iyang hulagway nga hadiin na himpatik na sa akong kasing kasing...akong nabatyagan nga unsa ka importante nimo ang usa ka nilalang kung kamo mahilayo sa usag usa, tuod mura ko ug mabuang ning akong gi bati....naay panahon nga akong bation maypa nalang ug maghikog sa kasakit sa akong kasingkasing nga gusto unta nako siyang gakson pero dili nako mahimo kay saon sa kalayo namong duha..ako nalang ning antoson ning ga kayong pag bati hantod mahauli ko ug akong matagamtaman pag usab ning gadilaab nakong pag bati ngadto sa iyaha.

dinhi nalang ko kutob

mao ni ang akong suwat suliran sa kasing kasing...

itago nalang nako ang akong tinuod nga pangalan miko

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #23 on: June 12, 2009, 11:43:00 AM »
Kung naa pay mo labaw sa kamingaw, mao nana akong gi bati karon...

mas mingaw paman diay ning mahilayo sa uyab kaysa sa pamilya...

mingawon ka sa pahiyom sa imong pinalangga, ang tam-is nga halok nga maka pawala ug stress, ang gakos nga maka hinuklog nimo nga maypag wala nalang ko molangyaw aning trabahoa.

unsay inyong ikatambag niining kasingkasing nga duot sa kamingaw ug kahingawa sa imong pinangga...matag estorya namo sa akong pinalangga tuod dili paman mi kasado pero among gi tinguha nga mapalambo among relasyon bisan paman sa kahalayo ug kamingaw sa usag usa among mahimong hisgotanan ang among mga kaagi, ang mga kaagi nga naka tumpag sa tinapok kung bukong..sige nalang ko ug hamdom sa akong huna huna sa panahon nga among gi saw-an ang panag pitik sa among kasing kasing, mga ngabil nga puno sa gugma ug ang kainit sa lawas nga mipa uraray sa among galamhan ug kasing kasing, tuod dili lalim ang mahilayo sa imong pinalangga nga sa imong kinabuhi imong nabati ang unang gugma...akong kalingawan sa pag handom ang iyang hulagway nga hadiin na himpatik na sa akong kasing kasing...akong nabatyagan nga unsa ka importante nimo ang usa ka nilalang kung kamo mahilayo sa usag usa, tuod mura ko ug mabuang ning akong gi bati....naay panahon nga akong bation maypa nalang ug maghikog sa kasakit sa akong kasingkasing nga gusto unta nako siyang gakson pero dili nako mahimo kay saon sa kalayo namong duha..ako nalang ning antoson ning ga kayong pag bati hantod mahauli ko ug akong matagamtaman pag usab ning gadilaab nakong pag bati ngadto sa iyaha.

dinhi nalang ko kutob

mao ni ang akong suwat suliran sa kasing kasing...

itago nalang nako ang akong tinuod nga pangalan miko

..murag mkarelate ko sa imong kamingaw..ako sab, mingaw kaaU ko sa akong Ondoy..kay pila ka tuig mi cge kuyog kuyog halos walay adlaw na dili mi magkita..every moments are so memorable..He's been a part of me! Ug karon, nilangyaw xa sa laUng dapit, kulang ang cp, internet ug unsa pang matanga sa communication para mwala ang akong kamingaw niya! Im missing him so much!

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #24 on: June 12, 2009, 10:00:46 PM »
Kung naa pay mo labaw sa kamingaw, mao nana akong gi bati karon...

mas mingaw paman diay ning mahilayo sa uyab kaysa sa pamilya...

mingawon ka sa pahiyom sa imong pinalangga, ang tam-is nga halok nga maka pawala ug stress, ang gakos nga maka hinuklog nimo nga maypag wala nalang ko molangyaw aning trabahoa.

unsay inyong ikatambag niining kasingkasing nga duot sa kamingaw ug kahingawa sa imong pinangga...matag estorya namo sa akong pinalangga tuod dili paman mi kasado pero among gi tinguha nga mapalambo among relasyon bisan paman sa kahalayo ug kamingaw sa usag usa among mahimong hisgotanan ang among mga kaagi, ang mga kaagi nga naka tumpag sa tinapok kung bukong..sige nalang ko ug hamdom sa akong huna huna sa panahon nga among gi saw-an ang panag pitik sa among kasing kasing, mga ngabil nga puno sa gugma ug ang kainit sa lawas nga mipa uraray sa among galamhan ug kasing kasing, tuod dili lalim ang mahilayo sa imong pinalangga nga sa imong kinabuhi imong nabati ang unang gugma...akong kalingawan sa pag handom ang iyang hulagway nga hadiin na himpatik na sa akong kasing kasing...akong nabatyagan nga unsa ka importante nimo ang usa ka nilalang kung kamo mahilayo sa usag usa, tuod mura ko ug mabuang ning akong gi bati....naay panahon nga akong bation maypa nalang ug maghikog sa kasakit sa akong kasingkasing nga gusto unta nako siyang gakson pero dili nako mahimo kay saon sa kalayo namong duha..ako nalang ning antoson ning ga kayong pag bati hantod mahauli ko ug akong matagamtaman pag usab ning gadilaab nakong pag bati ngadto sa iyaha.

dinhi nalang ko kutob

mao ni ang akong suwat suliran sa kasing kasing...

itago nalang nako ang akong tinuod nga pangalan miko

ah, balaknon sad diay? maanad lagi ka ana bai, ligo lang mawaa lagi na

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borobotoy

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #25 on: June 12, 2009, 10:20:38 PM »

jamo2x

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #26 on: June 12, 2009, 10:32:05 PM »
asus ma apil man sab tag kamingaw ninjo  :'(


hehehe okies pud mobasa sa injong storya. depende pud btaw na sa personality sa tao.
og outgoing ka, dali lng ka kitag amigo/miga, dali llng mawa ang kamingaw.

og mejo introvert ka, kabalo na sab ka mo adjust sa imo kalipay sa sulod sa imong kwarto. arang2x na gani ron ky naa ny computer og TV, lingaw pud.

pero naa jud tym nga ma lonely ka...o ma depress...imptante kabalo ka sa imong outlet.

aside from online chatting, forum TB...og feeling emo or homesick ko, akong outlet
mo higda ra kos sofa, dajon mag pa tukar kog soundz nga romantic labi na tagalog, bisan ganig beatles songs. very therapeutic kaajo. after 30 mins, ayo sna, payts na sab.  ;D :-* ;D

ikaw, unsa man imong outlet og ma lonely ka?  ::)



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taga tigbao

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #27 on: September 11, 2009, 12:30:38 PM »
daghan nata ani lonely

Count me in.

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beyotch

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #28 on: September 11, 2009, 02:47:36 PM »
some see me as a happy person...they don't see the inner truth behind my laughters...they don't know that i'm bleeding...thats why i'm happy to be in this site...thanks for making me smile...although not everyday...hehehe still thankful to all...

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #29 on: September 11, 2009, 03:49:15 PM »
some see me as a happy person...they don't see the inner truth behind my laughters...they don't know that i'm bleeding...thats why i'm happy to be in this site...thanks for making me smile...although not everyday...hehehe still thankful to all...

 :'( :'( :'(

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #30 on: September 11, 2009, 03:55:06 PM »
We may laugh when we are with our friends, family and companions in the middle of night or solitude the pain would always come back especially when the wound is still fresh and new.

You dont have to worry beyotch, you are not alone and there are still people who have bigger problems. Some even commit suicide.

You are blessed and loved. Have faith. Pray a lot, it works.

Speaking from experience, nope from what I am experiencing diay.

 ;D

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #31 on: September 12, 2009, 08:58:10 AM »
some see me as a happy person...they don't see the inner truth behind my laughters...they don't know that i'm bleeding...thats why i'm happy to be in this site...thanks for making me smile...although not everyday...hehehe still thankful to all...

we don't have to smile for them to know we're ok, bey. sometimes, being true to our feelings is the way we can be healed and able to smile again.

many of us feel the same way. we just have to hold on.

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jorgeanna

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #32 on: September 12, 2009, 09:20:09 AM »
i am always alone but never lonely......

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #33 on: September 12, 2009, 09:40:53 AM »
i am always alone but never lonely......

where is he/she, the one in your avatar?

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mistyeyed

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #34 on: September 12, 2009, 04:03:00 PM »
Only sometimes that I'm lonely,because I used to be alone most of my time.But now,I'm happy kay naa naman koy ka tuwang ug katawa. ;D

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Keep Smiling :)

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #35 on: September 13, 2009, 07:46:36 AM »
Remembering the past, I feel lonely but thinking those happy old days (love life) makes me smile alone.

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #36 on: September 16, 2009, 06:34:44 AM »
i am not today

maybe, tomorrow

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #37 on: September 26, 2009, 12:07:51 PM »
I am never lonely.
I am just sad sometimes.
Happy always.
But never lonely.

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #38 on: September 26, 2009, 12:48:16 PM »
I am never lonely.
I am just sad sometimes.
Happy always.
But never lonely.

maayo tingali ka makigsandurot sa imong mga binuhi ug mga alagad diha, bay gwargz..kay ang maka-lonely sa tawo kung sirad-an niya ang tulay sa pagkiglambigit sa iyang palibot.

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gwargz

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Re: Are You Lonely?
« Reply #39 on: September 26, 2009, 01:20:31 PM »
maayo tingali ka makigsandurot sa imong mga binuhi ug mga alagad diha, bay gwargz..kay ang maka-lonely sa tawo kung sirad-an niya ang tulay sa pagkiglambigit sa iyang palibot.

You unlock the secret Glac. Pakiglambigit. Pakigsandurot. Pakighigala. And for me, being a servant to anybody regardless of status. Mao nga i will never be lonely. Moadto lang ko sa Gawad Kalinga Village diri, kuninitan dayon ko sa mga bata nga genuine kaayo ug mga pahiyom, wala na dayon akong sadness ug kaluya.

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