Author Topic: Your naughty joke for the day (Read 78731 times)

hubag bohol · « **Reply #300 on:** January 17, 2011, 08:59:10 AM »

Two farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbors, but didn't like each other much. In 1989, there was a period of -30 degree centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it. So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the window ledge the longest with a bare ass.

After two hours Bob's wife came home and asked Bob, "What are you doing?"

Bob explained and she said, "Come on... you will only freeze your ass off."

Bob refused as he wanted to win the bet. Then his wife got an idea. "Let's change places when Joe is looking the other way."

Bob's wife put on the same kind of pullover and cap and traded places with Bob.

Half an hour later Joe's wife came home and asked him, "What are you doing?" Joe told her and said, "I am determined to win the bottle!"

"You are crazy. Come on in."

"Certainly not, I am already on the winning side. Bob lost his balls half an hour ago!"

Bwahaha!

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #301 on:** January 29, 2011, 05:37:20 PM »

Buta: Hoy, libat! Gawas diha, ajaw pagtago sa ngitngit!
Libat: Tonyo no! Ngano gud tawon nga mogawas man ko? Duha mo, unja ako usa ra!

Toinks!

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wolfpack823 · « **Reply #302 on:** January 30, 2011, 04:12:10 AM »

Buta: Hoy, libat! Gawas diha, ajaw pagtago sa ngitngit!
Libat: Tonyo no! Ngano gud tawon nga mogawas man ko? Duha mo, unja ako usa ra!

Toinks!

heheheheh

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #303 on:** February 14, 2011, 10:59:10 AM »

Usa ka toto nangihi sang pader, kag kalit lang mikidlat. Nagakalidadis gid ang syagit sang toto...

Toto: Ginoo ko, indi mo bla ipadevelop ina ya, kay PISOT pa gid ako haw...

Bwahaha!

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BolBuhol · « **Reply #304 on:** February 15, 2011, 10:47:47 PM »

teacher: Juan, use low in a sentence.

Juan: He has low confidence.

Teacher: that's right! ikaw pedro?

Ondoy: my brief is low-ag!

Teacher: Wrong!

Ondoy: TAma baja mam bitara pa.

---------------------------------------

3 kah vampire misod ug bar ug mi order

v1 : ahmmmm fresh blood lang ako day be
waitres: here´s your order sir fresh blood.
v2 : dugo-dugo lang aho, kay kuwang jamo ahong kwatra kung mag fresh
blood pa ko!!
waitres: huwat una sir ha kay giluto pa imong gi order, ikaw sir sani may imo???
v3 : tubig init lang aho day kay nakapunit kug napkin mag tea lang ko..

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #305 on:** February 16, 2011, 12:06:41 AM »

teacher: Juan, use low in a sentence.

Juan: He has low confidence.

Teacher: that's right! ikaw pedro?

Ondoy: my brief is low-ag!

Teacher: Wrong!

Ondoy: TAma baja mam bitara pa.

Teacher: To Bol, use low in a sentence.

To Bol: He has low confidence.

Teacher: That's right! Ikaw Bo Toy?

Bo Toy: my low-bot is wet!

Teacher: Wrong!

Bo Toy: Tama baja mam, hikapa di ba nakaigit ko.

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BolBuhol · « **Reply #306 on:** February 16, 2011, 12:16:04 AM »

Mama: (knock knock)
Anak: Who's there?
Mama: Mama nimo!
Anak: Mama nimo who?
Mama: Leche! Ablihi ko uy! Pa-who who pa ka diha!! Bunalan tika ron!!

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bol-anon nga cebuano · « **Reply #307 on:** February 16, 2011, 06:29:26 AM »

Mama: (knock knock)
Anak: Who's there?
Mama: Mama nimo!
Anak: Mama nimo who?
Mama: Leche! Ablihi ko uy! Pa-who who pa ka diha!! Bunalan tika ron!!

bwahahahahaha

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #308 on:** March 20, 2011, 07:27:01 PM »

Bugs: Unsa may gusto nimo, away o gubot?
Bolbs: Away na lang gid para waay na gubot haw...

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windgate · « **Reply #309 on:** April 04, 2011, 12:13:34 AM »

Mare1: Mare, gumamit ka nang vibrator kung wala si Pare.
Mare2: Sinubukan ko na yan, Mare, masakit sa ngipin

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #310 on:** April 04, 2011, 12:15:29 PM »

Mare1: Mare, gumamit ka nang vibrator kung wala si Pare.
Mare2: Sinubukan ko na yan, Mare, masakit sa ngipin

Bwahaha! Ugom diay ang tirada!

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statesville · « **Reply #311 on:** September 08, 2011, 10:38:54 AM »

The blind man is here
A Nun was taking a shower one day and she heard the door bell ring, she yelled "Who is it?"

And the person ringing the door bell yelled, "I'm the blind man."

So the Nun got out of the shower and wrapped her hair in a towel, she didn't bother putting a towel
around herself because the person behind the door was blind.

She opened the door and said, "What do you want?", and the man said, "I'm here to check your blinds."

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statesville · « **Reply #312 on:** September 08, 2011, 10:46:07 AM »

Closing sermon words
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said,
"If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile,
"For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

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bugsay · « **Reply #313 on:** September 08, 2011, 10:51:45 AM »

nyahahahha...

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statesville · « **Reply #314 on:** September 08, 2011, 11:15:24 AM »

Highly religious horse
There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks.
One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary.
Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.

Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town.
On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse.
He goes back into the house and asks the missionary,
"Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"

The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse.
You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."

Not paying much attention, the man says, "Sure, ok."

So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking.
Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting.
Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God"
and the horse just takes off.
Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop.

"Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!"

Finally he remembers, "Amen!!"

The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God."

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statesville · « **Reply #315 on:** September 08, 2011, 11:21:48 AM »

What has caused it?
A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin
was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began to read. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest
and asked 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies "My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women,
too much alcohol and contempt for your fellow man"
"Well I'll be darned' the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper.

The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologized.
'I'm sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'

'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'

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statesville · « **Reply #316 on:** September 08, 2011, 11:28:42 AM »

Encountering a bear
A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him.
"Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."

And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too:
"Oh Lord, I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."

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bugsay · « **Reply #317 on:** September 08, 2011, 11:32:39 AM »

Encountering a bear
A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him.
"Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."

And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too:
"Oh Lord, I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."

AMEN!..

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #318 on:** September 08, 2011, 09:11:38 PM »

Hmm, kon way kalainan ang bear ug lion, hayahay ang makasasala...

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bol-anon nga cebuano · « **Reply #319 on:** September 10, 2011, 09:11:47 PM »

A wife asked he husband to describe her.

He said, "You're A. B. C. D. E. F. G. H. I. J. K. "

She asked, "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable.. Beautiful.. Cute.. Delightful.. Elegant.. Foxy.. Gorgeous.. Hot."

She said, "Oh, that's lovely!. What about... I.J.K.?

He answered, "I'm Just Kidding!"

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bol-anon nga cebuano · « **Reply #320 on:** September 11, 2011, 08:04:11 PM »

If sex between 3 people called THREESOME
and sex between 2 people called TWOSOME.

... Now I know why they call a guy HANDSOME.

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #321 on:** September 14, 2011, 04:39:56 PM »

If sex between 3 people called THREESOME
and sex between 2 people called TWOSOME.

... Now I know why they call a guy HANDSOME.

Bwahaha! Bitaw...

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bol-anon nga cebuano · « **Reply #322 on:** September 16, 2011, 12:32:05 AM »

Hitler was conquering another village during World War II when he decided to give a chance for every woman in that village to save her family. He made all the men stand naked side-to-side, each woman was then blindfolded and told to look for her husband by giving each man a blowjob. The first woman starts sucking and says: â€œNot mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, mine!â€ She was right, so she walked free. A second woman starts to suck. â€œNot mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, mine!â€ She also had it right.
Hitler was so surprised that he decided to stand in line between two local men. The third woman begins her turn and says: â€œNot mine, not mine, not mine, not mine, not from this village, not mine...â€

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bol-anon nga cebuano · « **Reply #323 on:** September 16, 2011, 12:34:31 AM »

BF: Bumili ako ng 3 tickets sa isang concert, siguro magiging masaya gabi natin.
GF: ha? bakit tatlo?
BF: 1 sa tatay mo, 1 sa nanay mo at 1 sa kuya mo.. sa concert sila, Tapos sa bahay tayo XD.... hahahaha... ^_^ ..

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statesville · « **Reply #324 on:** September 27, 2011, 06:55:24 AM »

THE BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER!

Dear Wife,

Iâ€™m writing you this letter to tell you that Iâ€™m leaving you forever. Iâ€™ve been a good man to you for 7 years
& I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit
your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didnâ€™t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even
wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You donâ€™t tell me you love me anymore; you donâ€™t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either youâ€™re cheating on me or you donâ€™t love me anymore; whatever the case, Iâ€™m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. donâ€™t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! â€”â€”
... ...
Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. Itâ€™s true you & I have been married for 7 years,
although a good man is a far cry from what youâ€™ve been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesnâ€™t work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was â€˜You look just like a girl!â€™
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you canâ€™t say something nice, I didnâ€™t comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them,
& I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica
But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you wonâ€™t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Heck & Free!
P.S. I donâ€™t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope thatâ€™s not a problem..

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statesville · « **Reply #325 on:** October 26, 2011, 10:15:37 AM »

Seremonya sa pagpamunyag.

Pari: Unsay ngalan sa bata?

Buloy: Hosni Mubarak padre para isog ning akong anak.

Pari: Diktador sa Ehipto isog tinuod. Ang imo brod?

Mengoy: Saddam Hussein padre para labaw pang isog.

Pari: Labaw nga isog tinuod, Diktador sa Iraq gisentensyahan og bitay. Ang imo?

Bitoy: Moammar Gadaffi aron molabaw pa kaisog namatay sa gubat.

Pari: Oy dili isog, wala man to mamatay sa bala.

Bitoy: Ha! unsa man diay namatyan padre?

Pari: Napakong sa imbornal!

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bugsay · « **Reply #326 on:** October 26, 2011, 10:44:10 AM »

Seremonya sa pagpamunyag.

Pari: Unsay ngalan sa bata?

Buloy: Hosni Mubarak padre para isog ning akong anak.

Pari: Diktador sa Ehipto isog tinuod. Ang imo brod?

Mengoy: Saddam Hussein padre para labaw pang isog.

Pari: Labaw nga isog tinuod, Diktador sa Iraq gisentensyahan og bitay. Ang imo?

Bitoy: Moammar Gadaffi aron molabaw pa kaisog namatay sa gubat.

Pari: Oy dili isog, wala man to mamatay sa bala.

Bitoy: Ha! unsa man diay namatyan padre?

Pari: Napakong sa imbornal!

hahahaha....dali-a kaayong nahimuag estorya.

mahinumdom lang ta's atong amigo nga motikdol nala'g panagsa.

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fdaray · « **Reply #327 on:** October 26, 2011, 04:40:28 PM »

Pare: Unsay ngalan sa bata?
Mga Ninong ug Ninang: Lucifer Padre
Pare: Dili pwede,
Amahan ug Inahan: Combination man na sa among ngalan.
Ako si Lucia, ang akong bana si Fernando.
Pare: Ha..,ha..,ha..,Oke lang, mura ug may pagka unique or satanic.

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #328 on:** October 27, 2011, 04:11:37 PM »

hahahaha....dali-a kaayong nahimuag estorya.

mahinumdom lang ta's atong amigo nga motikdol nala'g panagsa.

Bwahaha! Kay sigi lag kapakong tungod sa pagpamoso?

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statesville · « **Reply #329 on:** October 28, 2011, 09:33:06 AM »

naunsa na man ni uy!

<img src="http://www.thatsweird.net/Pictures/amazing_tree.jpg">
It was Buddha who said:
"A tree is a wonderful living organism which gives shelter, food, warmth and protection to all living things.
It even gives shade to those who wield an axe to cut it down."

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islander · « **Reply #330 on:** November 01, 2011, 12:14:27 AM »

THE BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER!

P.S. I donâ€™t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope thatâ€™s not a problem..

hahaha! naka-last hurrah pa gyod si misis.

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islander · « **Reply #331 on:** November 01, 2011, 12:16:05 AM »

naunsa na man ni uy!

<img src="http://www.thatsweird.net/Pictures/amazing_tree.jpg">
It was Buddha who said:
"A tree is a wonderful living organism which gives shelter, food, warmth and protection to all living things.
It even gives shade to those who wield an axe to cut it down."

kuyawag tattoo ni inday, nananga man...

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statesville · « **Reply #332 on:** November 12, 2011, 05:07:14 AM »

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statesville · « **Reply #333 on:** November 17, 2011, 11:05:32 AM »

<img src="http://cdn.pimpmyspace.org/media/pms/c/q0/0p/pu/weird.jpg">

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statesville · « **Reply #334 on:** November 17, 2011, 11:30:49 AM »

unsay nakaon aning bayhana?

<img src="http://artsyspot.com/img/weird/weird-fashion/weird-fashion07.jpg">

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #335 on:** November 18, 2011, 06:37:36 AM »

He he, bra nga mapahiyomon...

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islander · « **Reply #336 on:** November 18, 2011, 08:58:55 PM »

bahalag suholan. uroy ba.

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islander · « **Reply #337 on:** November 18, 2011, 09:06:49 PM »

Boyfriend: Hon, ako ba talaga ang unang boyfriend mo?

Girlfriend: Oo, naman, love. Bakit mo natanong?

Boyfriend: E, di ka na virgin, eh.

Girlfriend: Love, ikaw talaga ang unang boyfriend ko-- yung iba, mga customers ko lang!

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bol-anon nga cebuano · « **Reply #338 on:** January 09, 2012, 01:05:46 AM »

Boyfriend: Hon, ako ba talaga ang unang boyfriend mo?

Girlfriend: Oo, naman, love. Bakit mo natanong?

Boyfriend: E, di ka na virgin, eh.

Girlfriend: Love, ikaw talaga ang unang boyfriend ko-- yung iba, mga customers ko lang!

giahak nalang jud aning kalakiha.

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fdaray · « **Reply #339 on:** January 09, 2012, 03:08:43 PM »

Ha....., haaaa....., ha....,

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bugsay · « **Reply #340 on:** January 09, 2012, 03:13:47 PM »

giahak nalang jud aning kalakiha.

Boyfriend: Hon, ako ba talaga ang unang boyfriend mo?

Girlfriend: Oo, naman, love. Bakit mo natanong?

Boyfriend: E, di ka na virgin, eh.

Girlfriend: Love, ikaw talaga ang unang boyfriend ko-- yung iba, mga customers ko lang!

maayo gani kay dunay lista sa customer:
customer#1. Hubag
customer #2. Hubag
customer #3. Hubag
ang #4?.....

ahhhh..humag man nanan!!....

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chriswise · « **Reply #341 on:** January 24, 2012, 07:38:39 PM »

maayo gani kay dunay lista sa customer:
customer#1. Hubag
customer #2. Hubag
customer #3. Hubag
ang #4?.....

pa balik2x diay si bai hubs,ha,,he,he,he

ahhhh..humag man nanan!!....

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chriswise · « **Reply #342 on:** January 24, 2012, 08:02:28 PM »

Naay duha ka manag ti ayon nagpangidaron og 80na si lolo,,,si lola 78 anyos napod,,,..
Usa ka gabie ni hangyon si lolo ngadto kang lola,,,

Lolo:(nagkorog ang tingog).......aron sibya,,puedi bang maka sssscore,
Lola: ha? na unsa ka diha karon na hinoon nag takob2x na imong suwang.
Lolo: Unya kay akong jr.sige paman og alas dose,,
Lola: Ngari kono be atong hikapon,,

Og unya ni dool dayon ni dool si lolo.

LOLA; ay tood bitaw sibyo,murag maguwang gyud ka kontra ni jr,
LOLO: unya sige na..

sa dihangni arangkada na si lolo...

LOLO:Unsa gd ni sibya ti adlaw man kaajo,,haknot,,
LOLA:pangita paagi diha..
Lolo:ay sakto magkagod usa kog lobi kay gamit kaayo ang tono,,

Og tood man nahitabo gyud,,ang kagustohan ni lolo..
LOLO:..(tiguwang na kaayog tingog),,,,,,,asos GINOO kong wala pako mag edad pg otsenta di jod ko makatilaw og B nga tinono an,,,,

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bugsay · « **Reply #343 on:** February 08, 2012, 05:24:01 PM »

maajo kay wa nangita si lolo ug gabi pang subak...

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Lorenzo · « **Reply #344 on:** February 08, 2012, 05:28:08 PM »

maayo gani kay dunay lista sa customer:
customer#1. Hubag
customer #2. Hubag
customer #3. Hubag
ang #4?.....

ahhhh..humag man nanan!!....

bwahahahaha! paborito diay to si inday ni hubag?

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chriswise · « **Reply #345 on:** February 08, 2012, 05:54:22 PM »

maajo kay wa nangita si lolo ug gabi pang subak...

gisubakan pag lob ang,,he,he,he,,perting ubo2x ni lolo pagkahuman nag hukad ang hukaw,,,he,he,he,,

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chriswise · « **Reply #346 on:** February 08, 2012, 05:54:57 PM »

bwahahahaha! paborito diay to si inday ni hubag?

na lumay siguro,,he,he,he,,

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #347 on:** February 11, 2012, 11:03:49 AM »

Di ba sa gikaingon na, magkadugay magkalami?

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chriswise · « **Reply #348 on:** February 11, 2012, 04:22:25 PM »

Di ba sa gikaingon na, magkadugay magkalami?

murag sanaw bai,,salin sa fiesta,,nawog2x na,,init2x ton bitaw lami ibahog humay puwa,,nabiss,,,sinaw simod,,

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rogamz · « **Reply #349 on:** February 04, 2017, 11:22:08 AM »

lami bisan init-initon

;D

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