Author Topic: Your naughty joke for the day  (Read 60748 times)

david

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #280 on: December 15, 2010, 03:13:18 PM »
mare 1;;;nganong  nanghunaw man ka anang tubig nga pang benbeta mare'

mare 2;;;nakakubot man gud og ko lain mare nga dili sa imong kumpare

mare 1;;;a mao ba, dili na lang mo kumpisal mare

mare 2;;;ngano man

mare 1;;;basin pa limogmogon ko

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hmmmmm

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hofelina

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #281 on: December 15, 2010, 09:29:13 PM »
This is Awesome Father:

Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"

Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, you can get anything. But your attitude should be positive
Think +++++++ve

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #282 on: December 16, 2010, 05:49:16 AM »
unsay kalahian sa tawo ug sa unggoy?
ang unggoy dili pwede mahimong tawo pero ang tawo pwede mahimong unggoy. ;D

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fdaray

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #283 on: December 16, 2010, 04:42:16 PM »
Unsay una, unggoy o tawo.
Ang tawo kay maoy unang gibuhat sa Ginoo,
Una, jud ang unggoy kay ang tawo gikan man sa unggoy
    according to the theory of evolution.

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wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #284 on: December 19, 2010, 04:09:57 AM »
Unsay una, unggoy o tawo.
Ang tawo kay maoy unang gibuhat sa Ginoo,
Una, jud ang unggoy kay ang tawo gikan man sa unggoy
    according to the theory of evolution.
It was one of the debates in our Genetics class in college. Science claimed that men evolved from primates, which according to the theory, as a matter of fact both belong to the same species, the homo sapiens. But, all God believers must stick to the principles that God created man from his own image.

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wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #285 on: December 19, 2010, 04:15:25 AM »
A Doctor at a health conference said “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be destructive, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?” After several seconds of silence, a 70-year-old man sitting in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”




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wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #286 on: December 19, 2010, 04:23:48 AM »
An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.



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wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #287 on: December 19, 2010, 04:25:24 AM »
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."




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wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #288 on: December 19, 2010, 06:31:40 AM »
A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?" "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"
The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.
He takes the photo, and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription!"


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Mulligan

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #289 on: December 19, 2010, 07:19:35 AM »
Hehe, bad horse !   ;D  ;D

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."




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On vacation mode =:p

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Mulligan

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #290 on: December 19, 2010, 07:23:10 AM »

Bwahehehe.   ;D

mare 1;;;nganong  nanghunaw man ka anang tubig nga pang benbeta mare'

mare 2;;;nakakubot man gud og ko lain mare nga dili sa imong kumpare

mare 1;;;a mao ba, dili na lang mo kumpisal mare

mare 2;;;ngano man

mare 1;;;basin pa limogmogon ko

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On vacation mode =:p

statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #291 on: December 21, 2010, 11:49:13 AM »
E-MAIL OF DEATH

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
 However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
 Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
 The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.
 After reading the first message, she fainted.
 The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen
  which read:
      To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Reached Date: 16 May 2002 I know you're surprised to hear from me.
           They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.
           I've just reached and have been checked in.
           I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
           Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was!

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statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #292 on: December 21, 2010, 11:51:59 AM »
ONE STORMY NIGHT

On a dark and stormy night (of course, what other kind of night?) in Juba a man was hitch-hiking with no success.
 The oily-black night stretched on forever and the storm was so intense that he could barely see his feet in front of him.
 Suddenly a car approached and stopped in front of him.
 He got in and closed the door, as the car moved off slowly.
 To his total shock, he realized that there was nobody behind the steering wheel!

The road ahead curved, and he looked around frantically, praying and begging for his life.
Just before the car took the bend, a hand appeared through the window and turned the steering wheel.
The man, paralyzed with fear, watched the hand appear every time the car neared a bend in the road.
 He mustered all his courage, leaped out of the car and ran to the nearest lights.
 Soaked from the storm and in shock, he went into an bar an 'andaya' and ordered a double waragi.
 After he gulped it down, he told everyone of his frightening encounter.
 Everyone went very quiet when he started crying.

About a half an hour later, two men entered the shebeen and, on noticing the terrified man,
 the one said to the other, “Look, there’s the idiot that got into into the car when we were pushing.”

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Lollapalooza

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #293 on: December 29, 2010, 08:18:52 AM »
(thanks Diane for this)


It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. The woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb.

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fdaray

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #294 on: January 01, 2011, 04:16:44 PM »
Ha......, ha...., ha..., he..., he..., he..., Laughing is a good exercise for the heart.

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Life is what you make.
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Bambi

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #295 on: January 07, 2011, 09:04:36 AM »
Ha......, ha...., ha..., he..., he..., he..., Laughing is a good exercise for the heart.

Mao gjod Sir fdaray.... Ha...ha..happy to New to all TB members...let's all stay in good health! Some more jokes to make us happy!

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fdaray

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #296 on: January 07, 2011, 09:37:53 AM »
Yes, sometimes I laugh when I'm alone.

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Life is what you make.
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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #297 on: January 09, 2011, 05:54:46 AM »
Yes, sometimes I laugh when I'm alone.
lisoda sad ani sir felix, maalaan man sad ta ug nalisoan na.

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rogamz

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #298 on: January 09, 2011, 06:08:35 AM »
 8)  8) ;D
Anak: Inay..hayop ba c inday?
Nanay: Hindi ah bakit nasabi mo? ..ang hayop anak.. yong mga pusa, aso, baboy...
Anak: eh kasi narinig ko noong madaling araw na sa kabila kwarto sabi ni itay..hayop ka inday ang sarap sarap mo... ;D ;D

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No other time than now..

statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #299 on: January 11, 2011, 08:35:59 AM »
Tatay to anak..
TATAY: Bagsak ka na nman! Ba't di mo gayahin si Pedro? Palaging may honor.
ANAK: Unfair naman kung ikumpara nyo ako kay Pedro.
TATAY: Bakit naman?
ANAK: Matalino Tatay nun

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hubag bohol

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #300 on: January 17, 2011, 08:59:10 AM »
Two farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbors, but didn't like each other much. In 1989, there was a period of -30 degree centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it. So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the window ledge the longest with a bare ass.

After two hours Bob's wife came home and asked Bob, "What are you doing?"

Bob explained and she said, "Come on... you will only freeze your ass off."

Bob refused as he wanted to win the bet. Then his wife got an idea. "Let's change places when Joe is looking the other way."

Bob's wife put on the same kind of pullover and cap and traded places with Bob.

Half an hour later Joe's wife came home and asked him, "What are you doing?" Joe told her and said, "I am determined to win the bottle!"

"You are crazy. Come on in."

"Certainly not, I am already on the winning side. Bob lost his balls half an hour ago!"


Bwahaha!  ;D


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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #301 on: January 29, 2011, 05:37:20 PM »
Buta: Hoy, libat! Gawas diha, ajaw pagtago sa ngitngit!
Libat: Tonyo no! Ngano gud tawon nga mogawas man ko? Duha mo, unja ako usa ra!

Toinks!  ;D

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wolfpack823

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #302 on: January 30, 2011, 04:12:10 AM »
Buta: Hoy, libat! Gawas diha, ajaw pagtago sa ngitngit!
Libat: Tonyo no! Ngano gud tawon nga mogawas man ko? Duha mo, unja ako usa ra!

Toinks!  ;D
heheheheh

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #303 on: February 14, 2011, 10:59:10 AM »
Usa ka toto nangihi sang pader, kag kalit lang mikidlat. Nagakalidadis gid ang syagit sang toto...

Toto: Ginoo ko, indi mo bla ipadevelop ina ya, kay PISOT pa gid ako haw...


Bwahaha!  ;D



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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #304 on: February 15, 2011, 10:47:47 PM »
teacher: Juan, use low in a sentence.

Juan:      He has low confidence.

Teacher: that's right! ikaw pedro?

Ondoy: my brief is low-ag!

Teacher: Wrong!

Ondoy: TAma baja mam bitara pa.  :(

---------------------------------------

3 kah vampire misod ug bar ug mi order

v1      :  ahmmmm fresh blood lang ako day be
waitres:  here´s  your order sir fresh blood.
v2      :  dugo-dugo lang aho, kay kuwang jamo ahong kwatra kung mag fresh
               blood pa  ko!!
waitres:  huwat una sir ha kay giluto pa imong gi order,  ikaw sir sani may imo???
v3       :  tubig init lang aho day kay nakapunit kug napkin mag tea lang ko..


 ;D


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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #305 on: February 16, 2011, 12:06:41 AM »
teacher: Juan, use low in a sentence.

Juan:      He has low confidence.

Teacher: that's right! ikaw pedro?

Ondoy: my brief is low-ag!

Teacher: Wrong!

Ondoy: TAma baja mam bitara pa.  :(

Teacher: To Bol, use low in a sentence.

To Bol: He has low confidence.

Teacher: That's right! Ikaw Bo Toy?

Bo Toy: my low-bot is wet!

Teacher: Wrong!

Bo Toy: Tama baja mam, hikapa di ba nakaigit ko.   :P



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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #306 on: February 16, 2011, 12:16:04 AM »
Mama: (knock knock)
Anak: Who's there?
Mama: Mama nimo!
Anak: Mama nimo who?
Mama: Leche! Ablihi ko uy! Pa-who who pa ka diha!! Bunalan tika ron!!


 ;D

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #307 on: February 16, 2011, 06:29:26 AM »
Mama: (knock knock)
Anak: Who's there?
Mama: Mama nimo!
Anak: Mama nimo who?
Mama: Leche! Ablihi ko uy! Pa-who who pa ka diha!! Bunalan tika ron!!


 ;D

bwahahahahaha

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #308 on: March 20, 2011, 07:27:01 PM »
Bugs: Unsa may gusto nimo, away o gubot?
Bolbs: Away na lang gid para waay na gubot haw...

;D



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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #309 on: April 04, 2011, 12:13:34 AM »
Mare1: Mare, gumamit ka nang vibrator kung wala si Pare.
Mare2: Sinubukan ko na yan, Mare, masakit sa ngipin ;D :P

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hubag bohol

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #310 on: April 04, 2011, 12:15:29 PM »

Mare1: Mare, gumamit ka nang vibrator kung wala si Pare.
Mare2: Sinubukan ko na yan, Mare, masakit sa ngipin ;D :P

Bwahaha! Ugom diay ang tirada! ;D

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #311 on: September 08, 2011, 10:38:54 AM »
The blind man is here
A Nun was taking a shower one day and she heard the door bell ring, she yelled "Who is it?"

And the person ringing the door bell yelled, "I'm the blind man."

So the Nun got out of the shower and wrapped her hair in a towel, she didn't bother putting a towel
           around herself because the person behind the door was blind.

She opened the door and said, "What do you want?", and the man said, "I'm here to check your blinds."
 ;D

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #312 on: September 08, 2011, 10:46:07 AM »
Closing sermon words
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said,
"If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile,
 "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."


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bugsay

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #313 on: September 08, 2011, 10:51:45 AM »
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statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #314 on: September 08, 2011, 11:15:24 AM »
Highly religious horse
There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks.
One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary.
Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.

Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town.
 On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse.
 He goes back into the house and asks the missionary,
"Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?"

The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse.
You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."

Not paying much attention, the man says, "Sure, ok."

So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking.
Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting.
 Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God"
and the horse just takes off.
Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop.

"Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!"

Finally he remembers, "Amen!!"

The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God."
 ;D

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #315 on: September 08, 2011, 11:21:48 AM »
What has caused it?
A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin
was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began to read. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest
and asked 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies "My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women,
    too much alcohol and contempt for your fellow man"
"Well I'll be darned' the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper.

The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologized.
  'I'm sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'

'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'
 ;D


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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #316 on: September 08, 2011, 11:28:42 AM »
Encountering a bear
A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him.
 "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."

And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too:
  "Oh Lord, I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."
 ;D

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bugsay

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #317 on: September 08, 2011, 11:32:39 AM »
Encountering a bear
A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him.
 "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."

And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too:
  "Oh Lord, I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."
 ;D


AMEN!.. ;D

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #318 on: September 08, 2011, 09:11:38 PM »
Hmm, kon way kalainan ang bear ug lion, hayahay ang makasasala...

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #319 on: September 10, 2011, 09:11:47 PM »
A wife asked he husband to describe her.

He said, "You're A. B. C. D. E. F. G. H. I. J. K. "

She asked, "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable.. Beautiful.. Cute.. Delightful.. Elegant.. Foxy.. Gorgeous.. Hot."

She said, "Oh, that's lovely!. What about... I.J.K.?

He answered, "I'm Just Kidding!"

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