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Author Topic: One-Liners  (Read 13620 times)

hubag bohol

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One-Liners
« on: February 26, 2011, 08:19:01 AM »
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

 ;D




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Re: One-Liners
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2011, 10:32:01 AM »
I thought my attitude was bad, until I smelled your breath!


 :P



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Re: One-Liners
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2011, 12:18:02 PM »
And if I was getting smart with you, how would you know?


 ;D



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Re: One-Liners
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2011, 05:23:08 PM »
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

 :P



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Re: One-Liners
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2011, 03:23:55 PM »
Your village just called... they want their idiot back!


 :-X



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Re: One-Liners
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2011, 02:04:03 PM »
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

 ;D



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Re: One-Liners
« Reply #6 on: March 07, 2011, 12:52:22 PM »
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

 :P



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Re: One-Liners
« Reply #7 on: March 08, 2011, 03:12:08 PM »
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decides that nothing can be done.

 :P



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Re: One-Liners
« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2011, 05:54:40 AM »
I'm not handicapped, I'm just LAZY!

 :P



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Re: One-Liners
« Reply #9 on: March 11, 2011, 12:42:43 PM »
There is a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train.

 ;D




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Re: One-Liners
« Reply #10 on: March 14, 2011, 08:00:35 PM »
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. ;D



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« Reply #11 on: March 15, 2011, 12:45:58 PM »
A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I went over... Nobody was home!   ;D



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« Reply #12 on: March 17, 2011, 05:12:51 PM »
There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.  8)

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Re: One-Liners
« Reply #13 on: March 18, 2011, 10:49:24 AM »
Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?  ::) 

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« Reply #14 on: March 19, 2011, 07:44:33 AM »
Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.  :-\ 

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« Reply #15 on: March 20, 2011, 09:28:18 AM »
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.  ;D



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Re: One-Liners
« Reply #16 on: March 21, 2011, 10:58:10 AM »
Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.  :P



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« Reply #17 on: March 22, 2011, 05:43:27 PM »
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. ;D



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« Reply #18 on: March 23, 2011, 11:08:25 AM »
If you can't convince them, confuse them.


He he, naay ingon ani ang tactic... ;D



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« Reply #19 on: March 24, 2011, 09:22:50 PM »
Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now. :P



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« Reply #20 on: March 26, 2011, 02:42:31 PM »
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.  :P

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« Reply #21 on: March 29, 2011, 11:37:36 AM »
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"  ;D

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« Reply #22 on: March 30, 2011, 12:06:11 PM »
Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery. Stalking is. ;D

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« Reply #23 on: March 31, 2011, 03:24:01 PM »
A husband was asked: Do you talk to wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

:P

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« Reply #24 on: April 01, 2011, 10:53:23 AM »
Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.  ;D

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« Reply #25 on: April 03, 2011, 03:26:43 PM »

I have not yet begun to procrastinate. :P

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« Reply #26 on: April 04, 2011, 04:33:02 PM »

If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down. ;D

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« Reply #27 on: April 06, 2011, 05:37:40 PM »

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. ;D

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« Reply #28 on: April 07, 2011, 10:46:20 AM »

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.  ;D

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« Reply #29 on: April 08, 2011, 05:29:32 PM »

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.  ;D

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« Reply #30 on: April 09, 2011, 04:59:37 PM »

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. :P

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« Reply #31 on: April 10, 2011, 01:04:34 PM »

Help Wanted: Telepath; you know where to apply.  ;D

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« Reply #32 on: April 13, 2011, 10:48:27 AM »

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.  ;D

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« Reply #33 on: April 14, 2011, 06:28:26 PM »

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 8)

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« Reply #34 on: April 14, 2011, 08:37:23 PM »
Frankly,My dear,I don't give a damn... ::)

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« Reply #35 on: April 14, 2011, 10:43:41 PM »

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

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« Reply #36 on: April 14, 2011, 11:42:53 PM »
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

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« Reply #37 on: April 14, 2011, 11:47:35 PM »
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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« Reply #38 on: April 14, 2011, 11:48:48 PM »
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

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« Reply #39 on: April 15, 2011, 11:29:33 PM »

Ham and Eggs - A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig. ;D

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