Your naughty joke for the day

[Mulligan]

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.  They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies,  'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

[jorgeanna]

wwaahhhhh

[janjan]

toinks hahaha

[jamo2x]

 


Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin?
Anak: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, 'Tama na
inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko.'


***********

Overseas call:
IDD call from US:
Husband: Hon, musta ang tindahan?
Wife: Department store na!
Husband: Ang tuba-an?
Wife: KTV bar na!
Husband: Ang mga tri-sikad?
Wife: Taxi na!
Husband: Ang dalawa kong anak?
Wife: Lima na!

[Mulligan]

Bwahehehe ... Ang nagkuha ani nga pix murag mao neng starring ane nga joke nga Oh My God.  Joke  

HaPpy  WeEkEnD EvErYoNe !


+--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Oh My God

An old man on the beach said to a beautiful girl in a bikini, "I want to feel your breasts!"
"Get away from me, you crazy old man!" she replied.

"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars," he said.

"Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!"

"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you $100!" he stated.

"NO! Get away from me!"

"$200", he offered.

She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and said, "I said NO!"

"$500 if you let me feel your breasts," he claimed. She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough ... and $500 IS a lot of money ... "Well, OK ... but only for a minute."

She loosened her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slid his hands underneath and began to feel. Then he started saying, "OH MY GOD ... OH MY GOD ... OH MY GOD ..." while he was caressing them.

Out of curiosity, she asked him, "Why do you keep saying, 'Oh my God, oh my God'?"

While continuing to feel her breasts he answered, "OH MY GOD ... OH MY GOD ... OH MY GOD ... OH MY GOD, where am I going to get $500?"

[lindy]

hahahahaha nakausa diay si manoy.

[simplylee]

mao na ayaw jud malingla sa kwarta!

[jorgeanna]

hahaha very funny jokes

[Mulligan]

Cheese Curls
--Gary Lising joke.

Pasyente............ :  Dok, bakit tuwing manono-od  ako  nang  bold  movies,  maging kulay yellow ang ari ko ?

Doktor...............  :  Pare, sa susunod na manono-od ka nang bold, huwag ka nalang kuma-in ng cheese curls para hindi kulay yellow ang titi mo.   

[Chongki]

bwahahahaha

[Mulligan]

Bai Nath, nakita ra jud ka sa TB.  

bwahahahaha

[Chongki]

Bai Nath, nakita ra jud ka sa TB.   

Bai Nath, nakita ra jud ka sa TB.   

dili tu ako....cousin nako tu...hehehehe....anyways thanks....btw wats ur handicapp bai bedo?

[Mulligan]

Haha.  Ako handicap ako mises.  Hehe.   

Bitaw,  class A (sa raffles) ko na player. 

16.

dili tu ako....cousin nako tu...hehehehe....anyways thanks....btw wats ur handicapp bai bedo?

[Chongki]

Haha.  Ako handicap ako mises.  Hehe.   

same hir...disturbo ang mga wifey .... hope to play with you in the future.... maka lugar ka diri lets play a round

[fdaray]

Gikan ang magtiayon sa grocery.
Bana: Ayaw lagi magkarga kay bug-at kanang mga grocery items . BAsin ug nakuhaan ka  darling.
Asawa: SAba diha darling............, . Wa man gani ko makuhai nga matag gabii imo kong gipatungan, 75 kilos man diay   ka.
Bana: ha..ha...ha....ha.

[Mulligan]

Hehehe. 

Gikan ang magtiayon sa grocery.
Bana: Ayaw lagi magkarga kay bug-at kanang mga grocery items . BAsin ug nakuhaan ka  darling.
Asawa: SAba diha darling............, . Wa man gani ko makuhai nga matag gabii imo kong gipatungan, 75 kilos man diay   ka.
Bana: ha..ha...ha....ha.

[Mulligan]

Usa ka kuatro anyos na bata gusto mangihi.  Usually gapagunitan iya tin-tin basta mangihi.

Bata..........:  Yaya, tawga si Lola gusto ko mangihi.

Yaya.........:   Ha ?  Ako diay !

Bata..........:   Ganahan ko ni Lola kay kusog mokurog iya kamot.    

[fdaray]

Pagkahuman ug kaon sa balay sa iyang komare.
"Mare, asa man inyong tootpick"
"Dia ra Mare".
Mitutok sa Mare sa sudlanan sa tootpick.
Ug unya miingon," uy mare mao man  lang gihapon  ang kadaghan sa imong
tootpick pag-anhi nako niadtong miaging semama."
" Mo lang gihapon  MAre, kay.., kay  amo ra mang iuli sa sudlanan inig human
namo ug panghingiki."
" Ha..,ha.,ha.., daginutan diay ka kaajo Mare.

[taga pikas]

HAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!butangi!

[Mulligan]

Magbinugoy na pud ...


One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.

When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man Insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so Wonderful! Isn't he smart?

Do you think he's going to be a doctor when he grows older?' 

The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, he's going to be our son-in-law.'   

[hubag bohol]

SAFE RA KUNO

Mama: Iha, ayaw baya pagdugay og pauli, ha, mga lalaki ra ba nang imong kuyog.

Anak: Si Mama pud oi. Ayaw lang kabalaka, Ma, puros man mga seminarista ang akong kauban.

Mama: Hoy, babaye, basig nalimot ka nga imong Papa obispo!


Bwahaha!

[aquarius]

Si Johny mapasaligon  sa usa ka paring langyaw nga maoy mohubad sa English ngadto sa pinulungang binisaya sa wali sa misa.. Ug nagmisa na ang paring langyaw….


Pari: Jesus Christ was crucified between two robbers..

Johny: Ang Ginoo gilansang tunga-tunga sa duha ka goma..!

PariI : We need to sacrifice in order to survive..

Johny : Nagkinahangla’g duha ka sakong humay aron kita maluwas..!

Pari : If we don’t do that, the wrath of God will come down from heaven…

Johny : ug kung dili kana nato buhaton, ang ilaga sa Ginoo mokanaug gikan sa langit… “taymsa father..nanagan man ang mga tawo pagawas sa simbahan…ay.!..ay..! may ilaga father..!!!!”

[statesville]

<img src="http://l.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons7/24.gif">

naunsa man si Johnny gihadlok man ang nanimba

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three
sons.

Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the
window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was
lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how
could she possibly continue to feed her family now?

In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.

When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too
began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself
in he head.

Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents and the cow dead,
and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.

When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank.

She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if
you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your
parents and the cow to you."

The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to
satisfy her again.

So the mermaid drowned him in the river.

Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had
happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.

The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a
row, I will make everything right."

And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to
satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.

The youngest son, woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in
the field, and his brothers gone.

He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the
river to throw himself in.

And there he also met the Mermaid.

"I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right
if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."

The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"

The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request.

Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?"

And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said,
"Why not THIRTY times in a row?"

Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me
thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect
health."

Then the young fellow asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times
in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"

[Chongki]

bwahahaha  bwahahaha ...whaaaaaa

[hubag bohol]

Bwahaha! Mangahislot man pud ang mga himbis ni Ms. Mermaid. Tiaw mo, makapukan og baka!

[ms da binsi]

bwahahhahaha!

[lindy]

bwahahahahaha, giahak.

Magbinugoy na pud ...


One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.

He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.

When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man Insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so Wonderful! Isn't he smart?

Do you think he's going to be a doctor when he grows older?' 

The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, he's going to be our son-in-law.'   

[ms da binsi]

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.  They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies,  'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

AYLABEEET! hahahha`

[space]

hahahaha

[ms da binsi]

DEAR DIARY: DAY 1
All packed for the cruise ship - all my sexiest
dresses and make-up... Really excited.

DEAR DIARY: DAY 2
Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and
dolphins. Met the Captain today - seems a very nice man.

DEAR DIARY: DAY 3
At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and
hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him
at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful
time. He is very attractive and attentive.

DEAR DIARY: DAY 4
Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me
to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a luxurious
meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to
stay the night but I declined. Told him I could not be
unfaithful to my husband.

DEAR DIARY: DAY 5
Pool again today, got sun-burnt, and went inside to
drink at piano bar for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought
me several large drinks. He really is charming. Again
asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined.
He told me if I did not let him have his way with me he
would sink the ship. I was shocked.

DEAR DIARY: DAY 6
Today I saved 2,600 lives. Twice.

[Chongki]

bwahahahaha  ..... i want to be a captain

[bugsay]

idol ko si cap!!!

[ms da binsi]

and duha ka mga HORNETS ( as in kurog2x) naningog jud! hahahha!

[aquarius]

Ms.  db..

DEAR DIARY:DAY 7...... I DID IT AGAIN.. kanindot ba diay ning kapitan ta...hahaha...

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

"What is the Difference Between Them?"
1. A successful man is one who makes more money, than his wife can spend. A successful woman is the one who can find such a man.

2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

3. A man will pay 2 pesos for a 1-peso item he wants. A woman will pay 1 peso for a 2
pesos that she doesn't want.

4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

5. There are times when a man doesn't understand a woman-before and after marriage.

6. To happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

7. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.

10.Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

[lindy]

abtik gyud diay ning seaman.

[ms da binsi]

mao lagi!!!! I HATE MEN! jawk*

hahahahha!

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

The Tri Stages of Sex in Marriage"
1. Tri-Weekly
2. Try-Weekly
3. Try-Weakly

"The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life"
1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off her clothes".
2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide".
3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in front or at the back?”
4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?”
5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it’s inside, you'll LOVE it!
6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll loose interest!”
7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep in the bush, always shoots twice eats what
he shoots, but keeps telling her, "keep quiet and lie still!”

[ms da binsi]

The Tri Stages of Sex in Marriage"
1. Tri-Weekly
2. Try-Weekly
3. Try-Weakly

"The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life"
1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off her clothes".
2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide".
3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in front or at the back?”
4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?”
5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it’s inside, you'll LOVE it!
6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll loose interest!”
7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep in the bush, always shoots twice eats what
he shoots, but keeps telling her, "keep quiet and lie still!”

[hubag bohol]

"What is the Difference Between Them?"
1. A successful man is one who makes more money, than his wife can spend. A successful woman is the one who can find such a man.

2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

3. A man will pay 2 pesos for a 1-peso item he wants. A woman will pay 1 peso for a 2
pesos that she doesn't want.

4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

5. There are times when a man doesn't understand a woman-before and after marriage.

6. To happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

7. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.

10.Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

He he, more differences:

1. NAMES: If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, a razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

4. DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

These are green jokes, have fun reading....

Joke # 1
Virgin male on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what to do.
MOM: Put your biggest thing on her hairiest thing.
SON: Ok. I got my nose in her armpit. Now what?

Joke # 2
OLD MAN: Can you give me an erection?
FAITH HEALER: I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I
can even cure cancer, but I'm sorry I cannot raise the dead.

Joke # 3
2 employees were caught naked and having sex in the office by the guard.
GUARD: Aha! Violating company rules!
MAN: What rule?
GUARD: Not wearing uniforms.

Joke # 4
Q: What is the difference between Biology and Sociology?
A: If the baby looks like the father, that is biology. If he looks like the neighbour, that's sociology.

Joke # 5
Q: Define Impotence?
A: It's nature's way of saying "NO HARD FEELINGS"

Joke # 6
A husband was asked: Do you talk to you wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Joke # 7
At the movie house.
GIRL: Honey, the man beside me is masturbating.
BF: just ignore him dear.
GIRL: I can't. He's using my hand!!

Joke # 8
Q: Why was the 2 piece bikini invented?
A: To separate the meat section from the dairy section.

Joke # 9
Boy 1: why did you run away from the naked lady?
Boy 2: because my mom said that if I look at a naked lady I will turn to stone, and a part of me was already getting hard!!

Joke # 10
A camel and an elephant met.
The elephant asked the camel
Why do you have your breasts on your back?
The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies…
What a silly question from someone who has dick on his face!

[aquarius]

Kasal.

Pari: Ikaw lalaki, tinatanggap mo bang maging kabiyak ang taong ito habambuhay?
Lalaki: Opo, Father!
Pari: At ikaw naman malanding pokpok kang bakla
ka mukha kang kabayo, 'akala mo siguro ang ganda mo sa gown o,'ano?
Tinatangap mo ba ang lalaking ito na hindi ka magsisisi kahit
magkabaon-baon ka sa utang sa pagsustento sa kanya?

Bakla: Father, sabihin nyo lang kung tutol kayo sa
kasal na ito kesa naman tumalak ka diyan, naka mic ka pa naman.

[aquarius]

LOLO : asa si DARLING nako dong?..... si lola ba nimo...!

APO : ah, kuyawa lolo uy, bisan tigulang na loving man guihapon sila ni lola... DARLING man gyod..

LOLO : Ayawg saba apo... kalimot ko sa pangalan ni lola nimo... 

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

Pari ug Madre:

Pari: Unsa gani imong apelyido sister?
Madre: Imo baya nang hagkan kada adlaw father.
Pari: Ha! bisong imong apelyido sister?
Madre: Sus maryosep! Cruz father oy..

[Chongki]

bwahahahaha 

[lindy]

hilig gyud diay si father mohalok.

[glacier_71]

Pari ug Madre:

Pari: Unsa gani imong apelyido sister?
Madre: Imo baya nang hagkan kada adlaw father.
Pari: Ha! bisong imong apelyido sister?
Madre: Sus maryosep! Cruz father oy..

bisong nga nag-kuruz....

[ms da binsi]

bwwahahahahhahha!

sakpaern si PADER! hinaut pa unta maligo na sha bendita kada adlaw!hahahha!

[aquarius]

---------------------------------------------------------------
Tip for a long life:

Wag mo isusulat name mo sa condolence book pag dumalaw ka sa patay.
Kasi pagkatapos ng libing nagkakaron ng raffle kung sinong susunod.     

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

                           *****************


Mr: Hon, buksan mo ang pinto!
Mrs: Sori, hindi pwede. Wala akong suot.
Mr: (tumawa) ok lang. Wala akong kasama.
Mrs: Ako, meron!     

---------------------------------------------------------------

[glacier_71]

Timailhan nga tigulang na jud si Tarzan:

1. layo ang tinan-awan, duol ang inihian

2. katulgon kung maglingkod, di makatulong kung maghigda

3. mahinumduman ang dugay nang panahon, makalimot sa bag-ong hitabo

4. may gihunahuna ang utok, way mahimo ang ulok

5. sa una gahi nga gahulat, karon gahulat kanus-a mogahi

6. sa una, mogahi dayon kung masaghiran, karon di na bisan pa'g bilangkaran

Looy pod! 

[Chongki]

bwahahaha  .... ouch

[hubag bohol]

[/color]                           *****************


Mr: Hon, buksan mo ang pinto!
Mrs: Sori, hindi pwede. Wala akong suot.
Mr: (tumawa) ok lang. Wala akong kasama.
Mrs: Ako, meron!     

---------------------------------------------------------------

He he, badlongon asawaha...

Diay otro... 

[glacier_71]

hahahahaahaha....kugihan nga asawa

[hubag bohol]

hahahahaahaha....kugihan nga asawa

Kanang natabonan sa habol, nasanta ang hunat mao nga nagtuybo and lubot!

[glacier_71]

Kanang natabonan sa habol, nasanta ang hunat mao nga nagtuybo and lubot!

di ba kaha pod na tungod sa gitas-on. hahahahaha

ug bilib kos ka pulido pagkagama aning balaya...ang butanganan sa kurtina ug ang aranya, wa jud maunsa bisag gitongtongan na. hahahahaha

[hubag bohol]

di ba kaha pod na tungod sa gitas-on. hahahahaha

ug bilib kos ka pulido pagkagama aning balaya...ang butanganan sa kurtina ug ang aranya, wa jud maunsa bisag gitongtongan na. hahahahaha

Tiaw moy 8 ka buok gapulipuli... naa pay 2 nga namoso, gahuwat tingaling tawgon, bwahaha!

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

anak: 'nay, unsay atong sud-an?
nanay: tan-awa lang diha sa sud sa ref, anak.
anak: wala man tay ref nay, di ba?
nanay: O di wala sad tay sud-an. gamayng common sense anak!

[glacier_71]

anak: 'nay, unsay atong sud-an?
nanay: tan-awa lang diha sa sud sa ref, anak.
anak: wala man tay ref nay, di ba?
nanay: O di wala sad tay sud-an. gamayng common sense anak!

hahahaha...si anak pod, pangitaa sa microwave

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

nisamot

[glacier_71]

Tiaw moy 8 ka buok gapulipuli... naa pay 2 nga namoso, gahuwat tingaling tawgon, bwahaha!

hahahaha...ug ang modaug sa baraha maoy mosunod tingali anig og banat sa asawa...

[fdaray]

Dodong:Tagae ko ug gatas Nay.
Nanay: Sa manghod na lang na nimo Dong.
           Ang gatas para ra sa gamay nga bata.
           Ikaw, dako na man ka Dong.
Dodong: Ngano tutoy lagi si Tatay nimo Nay.
            Gamay pa diay Tatay Nay..,.
Nanay: Ha..., ha.., ha.., bright gyud ka Dong.

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

CUSTOMER

A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
A lady sitting next asked, 'are they your babies?'
Man: 'No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints!'

[statesville]

A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy,
   and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
  The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink.
    I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office.
My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen.

The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it,
I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener.
I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about
    putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[hubag bohol]

A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy,
   and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
  The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink.
    I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office.
My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen.

The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it,
I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener.
I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about
    putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Bwahaha! Mirisi ang hilabtanon!

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

Man at 33 quits smoking. Will Power;
At 43, quits drinking. Will Power;
At 53, quits gambling. Will Power;
At 63, quits having sex. Power Failure.

[glacier_71]

beyond that, Total Failure na. hahaha

[lindy]

mosurender na diay

[hubag bohol]

Unsaon, ubo na man lang ang gahi...

[aquarius]

JUAN: Mao ba ni ang inyong gitawag na "ART"??!! Kamaot!.. Pagkabati!.. Yuckx!..
Ewwwwwww! Painting ba ni???!!



TOUR GUIDE: Dili sir, samin na sya. Samin!    

[aquarius]

A naked girl rode on a taxi..... (as in naked gyod..!)

"Bakit? asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya..
Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?"

Driver: "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo, wala ka namang bitibit na walllet..!!" 

[hubag bohol]

A naked girl rode on a taxi..... (as in naked gyod..!)

"Bakit? asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya..
Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?"

Driver: "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo, wala ka namang bitibit na walllet..!!" 

Gisangit tingali sa dunggan...

Or else, gisuksok sa kuan, he he.

Or else pa jud, ang kuan maoy ibajad! Bwahaha!

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

Call center boo-boo:

Tech Support: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.
Customer: Ok.
Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: Ok. Sir can you tell me what you have done up until this point?
Customer: Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.

[glacier_71]

A naked girl rode on a taxi..... (as in naked gyod..!)

"Bakit? asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya..
Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?"

Driver: "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe mo, wala ka namang bitibit na walllet..!!" 

tua sa bilbil gisoksok ang bayad....hahahaha

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

Caloy: Tay, di ba sabi mo bibigyan mo 'ko ng P100 pag pumasa ako sa Math?
Tatay: Oo. Bakit, pumasa ka ba?
Caloy: Gud news, tay! Di ka na gagastos ng P100.

[fdaray]

Amahan: Questionon ta ka Dong.
Dodong: Segi...., unang question
Amahan: Unsay english sa adlaw
Dodong: Sun
Amahan: Unsay english  nimo Dong nga anak ka nako.
Dodong: Sayona kaayo ana Tay..., Son
Amahan: Tinuod ka Dong?
Dodong: Yes, I am Your son.
Amahan:Unsay english sa balas sa baybayon.
Dodong: Sand, gihapon Pa.
Amahan: Ha..? San ray nahibal-an nimo Dong.
            Undang na gyud sa sunod tuig, kay
            san  ra ang imong nahibal-an.
Dodong: Ha...,ha..., ha..,Your son,walks in the
            sand under the heat of the sun.
Amahan: Ha.., ha.., ha..., naa pay lain ana Dong..,

[aquarius]

>Mister: Di ko na kaya problema ko!
>Misis: Hon, problema natin ito, tayo ang magkasama sa buhay, lahat ng problema mo problema ko... ano'ng problema natin?
>Mister: Nabuntis natin si Inday, tayo ang ama!  
>

[glacier_71]

>Mister: Di ko na kaya problema ko!
>Misis: Hon, problema natin ito, tayo ang magkasama sa buhay, lahat ng problema mo problema ko... ano'ng problema natin?
>Mister: Nabuntis natin si Inday, tayo ang ama! 

hahahaha..soloha na lang, hon!

[aquarius]

Gisangit tingali sa dunggan...

Or else, gisuksok sa kuan, he he.

Or else pa jud, ang kuan maoy ibajad! Bwahaha!

hehehe.. morag naa sa tulo bay hubs.. i prefer no. 2... kay morag may nagpakambyo nga taxi driver nga ilang gikasugat, mi boluntaryo sija nga daghan daw siya'g sensiyo. morag mibilangkad raman siya'g gamay dayon may gikuot... nakambyohan baya pod....   di gyod diay ta ka under estimate sa tawo, nga sa atong tan-aw way ikabayad... mas kwartahan pa man diay sa ato..

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

PROBLEMA JUD:
Pasyente: Doc, duna koy problema... kada alas otso sa buntag ta jud ko makalibang.
Doktor: So, unsa may problema ana?
Pasyente: Unsaon man Doc nga tag alas nuwebe naman ko makamata.

[aquarius]

naughtier joke for the day...

******************

2 ka GRO nag emote....

GRO1 : tungod sa kalisod sa panahon bisan P5. dawaton na lang nako kada sex...

GRO2 : ako gani, bj libre na lang para masudlan lang akong tiyan..!

[bugsay]

naughtier joke for the day...

******************

2 ka GRO nag emote....

GRO1 : tungod sa kalisod sa panahon bisan P5. dawaton na lang nako kada sex...

GRO2 : ako gani, blowjob libre na lang para masudlan lang akong tiyan..!

yuckzzzzz... ewwww.!!!!

WTF!!!

[jorgeanna]

Si Pedro at Cardo after the exam.
Cardo: Pedro, nahirapan ka ba sa questions sa exam?
Pedro: Hindi!
Cardo: Ang galing mo naman!
Pedro: Nahirapan ako sa answers!

[teng]

naughtier joke for the day...

******************

2 ka GRO nag emote....

GRO1 : tungod sa kalisod sa panahon bisan P5. dawaton na lang nako kada sex...

GRO2 : ako gani, bj libre na lang para masudlan lang akong tiyan..!

nyahahahah crisis na jod

[windgate]

Lalaki nipalit ug balot unya nakalimot sa asin.  Gigukod sa tindera.

Tinera: Sir! Sir! Imong itlog asini.
Customer: Kung nabuang ka, imong b**** asini 

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

Lalaki nipalit ug balot unya nakalimot sa asin.  Gigukod sa tindera.

Tinera: Sir! Sir! Imong itlog asini.
Customer: Kung nabuang ka, imong b**** asini 

murag na jud na ug tinabal kung asinan pa.

[lindy]

bwahahahahahaha.

Lalaki nipalit ug balot unya nakalimot sa asin.  Gigukod sa tindera.

Tinera: Sir! Sir! Imong itlog asini.
Customer: Kung nabuang ka, imong b**** asini 

[hubag bohol]

naughtier joke for the day...

******************

2 ka GRO nag emote....

GRO1 : tungod sa kalisod sa panahon bisan P5. dawaton na lang nako kada sex...

GRO2 : ako gani, bj libre na lang para masudlan lang akong tiyan..!

Bwahaha. High protein diet si Inday!

[hubag bohol]

Lalaki nipalit ug balot unya nakalimot sa asin.  Gigukod sa tindera.

Tinera: Sir! Sir! Imong itlog asini.
Customer: Kung nabuang ka, imong b**** asini 

Kon ang b**** uga nang daan unja asinan pa jud, kusahos ang resulta!

[aquarius]

Ang Singsing ...


BF: Hon, huwag kang magagalit, ha? Nawawala kasi yung singsing na ibinigay mo sa akin.. 

GF: Kung saan-saan mo kasi ipinapasok yang daliri mo! O, ayan ang singsing mo! nalaglag kanina
              pag-ihi ko..!  

[fdaray]

Nakit-an sa bana nga ang wedding ring didto gisuot sa kumagko.

Bana: Ngano nga na wrong finger man ang imong singsing Dear?
Asawa: Dear Dear paka, because I selected a wrong husband.
Bana: Ha.. ha...ha,

[statesville]

May isang bata pumunta sa heaven at nakita niya si San pedro nagbabantay sa labas ng gate at
  pinapasok siya at maraming orasan nakadikit sa pader at tinanong ng bata si San Pedro

bata: San pedro bakit po ang daming orasan dito sa Heaven?

San pedro: kasi ang orasan na yan ay mga ginagawa ng tao kung may nagawang siyang kasalanan gagalaw iyan

bata: ok (tinignan niya ang isang orasan at hindi ito gumagalaw)

bata: San Pedro bakit hindi ito gumagalaw

San Pedro: dahil Madre iyan

bata: ah, ok (tinignan niya ang isang orasan at mabagal itong gumalaw)

bata: San pedro bakit po ito ang bagal gumalaw?

san pedro: dahil mabait siya hindi siya gaanong nagkakasala

bata: ah ok teka muna nasaan yung kay ate glo?

San Pedro: ah kay Gloria na sa office ko, ginagawang Electric Fan.

[hubag bohol]

Ang Singsing ...


BF: Hon, huwag kang magagalit, ha? Nawawala kasi yung singsing na ibinigay mo sa akin.. 

GF: Kung saan-saan mo kasi ipinapasok yang daliri mo! O, ayan ang singsing mo! nalaglag kanina
              pag-ihi ko..!   

Bwahaha!. Wala ba pud kaha tawon mawala ang diver's watch ni BF...

[hubag bohol]

May isang bata pumunta sa heaven at nakita niya si San pedro nagbabantay sa labas ng gate at
  pinapasok siya at maraming orasan nakadikit sa pader at tinanong ng bata si San Pedro

bata: San pedro bakit po ang daming orasan dito sa Heaven?

San pedro: kasi ang orasan na yan ay mga ginagawa ng tao kung may nagawang siyang kasalanan gagalaw iyan

bata: ok (tinignan niya ang isang orasan at hindi ito gumagalaw)

bata: San Pedro bakit hindi ito gumagalaw

San Pedro: dahil Madre iyan

bata: ah, ok (tinignan niya ang isang orasan at mabagal itong gumalaw)

bata: San pedro bakit po ito ang bagal gumalaw?

san pedro: dahil mabait siya hindi siya gaanong nagkakasala

bata: ah ok teka muna nasaan yung kay ate glo?

San Pedro: ah kay Gloria na sa office ko, ginagawang Electric Fan.

Bwahaha! Maglupad-lupad jud ang bungot ni San Pedro!

[bol-anon quo nyur!]

Bwahaha! Maglupad-lupad jud ang bungot ni San Pedro!

San Pedro?

Manok UGIS nga gitarian ni San Pedro:Nangutana, San Pedro, unsa maning imong gibutang sa akong tikod?
San Pedro: Mao kanay TARI! Mao nay imong ipatay sa imong contra.
Manok UGIS: Unya San Pedro, duna basay TARI ang akong contra?
San Pedro: O, duna.
Manok UGIS: Aww, dili nato ni masiguro San Pedro!

[glacier_71]

San Pedro?

Manok UGIS nga gitarian ni San Pedro:Nangutana, San Pedro, unsa maning imong gibutang sa akong tikod?
San Pedro: Mao kanay TARI! Mao nay imong ipatay sa imong contra.
Manok UGIS: Unya San Pedro, duna basay TARI ang akong contra?
San Pedro: O, duna.
Manok UGIS: Aww, dili nato ni masiguro San Pedro!

hahahahaha, nanalaw tawn

[hubag bohol]

San Pedro?

Manok UGIS nga gitarian ni San Pedro:Nangutana, San Pedro, unsa maning imong gibutang sa akong tikod?
San Pedro: Mao kanay TARI! Mao nay imong ipatay sa imong contra.
Manok UGIS: Unya San Pedro, duna basay TARI ang akong contra?
San Pedro: O, duna.
Manok UGIS: Aww, dili nato ni masiguro San Pedro!

Bwahaha!. Makahunahuna man lang pud tang Arthur Yap ani...

[fdaray]

Ha...., ha.....,ha....,ha

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

FACELIFT
Pasyente: Tagpila ang facelift?
Doktora: ang complete treatment kay tag P145,000.
Pasyente: ah kamahal gud!!! unsa may pinakabarato nga mahimong murag ko ug bata?
Doktora: diay tsupon, tag P20 lang. inig um-om nimo mura naka ug bata!

[jorgeanna]

FACELIFT
Pasyente: Tagpila ang facelift?
Doktora: ang complete treatment kay tag P145,000.
Pasyente: ah kamahal gud!!! unsa may pinakabarato nga mahimong murag ko ug bata?
Doktora: diay tsupon, tag P20 lang. inig um-om nimo mura naka ug bata!

wwaaahhhh ngano man gud magpabata pa gyud