Your naughty joke for the day

[Lollapalooza]

[luckybelle]

 ;Dhmm... paralubot cguro ni c bay hubs.... peace

[wolfpack823]

Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

bwahahahaha. be strong honey. almoranas is on the way.

[wolfpack823]

bwahahahaha. be strong honey. almoranas is on the way.

hahahahhaha Nyor...murag gisilian og siling labujo,

[luckybelle]

 

[statesville]

Mother: Come on Sonny, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school.
John: Ahh Mom, do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too.
Mother: Yes you do.
John: Give me a good reason
Mother: You're 34 and you are  the Principal!

[wolfpack823]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

[hubag bohol]

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

Bwahaha! Kahinumdom lang hinuon ko ani sa conversation between father and son:

Anak (excited): Dad, dad! Nakasuway na jud kog sex!
Amahan (excited pud): Kanay anak! Liwat jud sa amahan! High school pa gani barako na! Sigi, dali mag-inom ta. Kon pwede na kag sex, pwede na pud kang moinom.
Anak: Sunod na lang, Dad. Sakit pa akong lubot.

[Chongki]

whhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa 

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

in an english class:

teacher: class who among you here can use dermatologist in a sentence.

a complete silence in the classroom. the teacher got annoyed when no one voluntered. she then decided to just call a student. she selected the takyo the least among her students.

teacher: takyo, use dermatologist in a sentence.

takyo: ah, me maam?

teacher: yes, please stand up and answer.

takyo: ok. dermatologist.
          dear ma, tulo diyes na ang itlog. ang dagko 4 diyes.

[wolfpack823]

Bwahaha! Kahinumdom lang hinuon ko ani sa conversation between father and son:

Anak (excited): Dad, dad! Nakasuway na jud kog sex!
Amahan (excited pud): Kanay anak! Liwat jud sa amahan! High school pa gani barako na! Sigi, dali mag-inom ta. Kon pwede na kag sex, pwede na pud kang moinom.
Anak: Sunod na lang, Dad. Sakit pa akong lubot.

Hahahahhaahah Toink!

[vhinz08]

(joke lang ni Bay Bolbs ha!)   


Anak:  (gamay ug tingog)  Tay, tay nganong ing-ani man akong tingog tay.   
Tatay: (gamay pod ug tingog)  Ing-ana na  anak pag dili pa tuli.   
Anak:   

[luckybelle]

bwahahahaha. be strong honey. almoranas is on the way.

Bwahahahahahaha..... ka-cute sa ilang I love you... igo nang pantambal sa almoranas nga moabot

[luckybelle]

See, who's the boss..

A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means
business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?! "

The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four
weeks pay; now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks,
 "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters,
   "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

bahahahahahaha........bulok na CEO, wala magresearch... hehehehe... so impulsive

[jorgeanna]

Andrew to Rita: Let's go to some isolated place?
Rita: "Beware! You would not do any mischievous thing there."
Andrew thought for a moment and said, "No, absolutely no."
Rita: "Then, leave the plan, it's of no use."

[hubag bohol]

Andrew to Rita: Let's go to some isolated place?
Rita: "Beware! You would not do any mischievous thing there."
Andrew thought for a moment and said, "No, absolutely no."
Rita: "Then, leave the plan, it's of no use."

He he, mas nindot paminawon ang Bisaya version...

LAKI : Day, manan-aw tag sine!
BAJE : Unja, di ka mangagbay? Di ka manghawok? Di ka mangumot og totoy?  Di ka manguot og bisong?
LAKI : Di oi!!!
BAJE : Ngee…. Ikaw na lay tan-aw!!!


Bwahaha!

[wolfpack823]

Uso ang tulis sa Datu Paglas, Maguindanao. Ang mga jeep tulison og -irape ang mga babaye.

Tulisan 1 :  Tanang Babaye dire sa wala, lalaki sa tuo
(Sunod tanang babaye, kurog pa)
Tulisan 2: Oh ikaw Lola wala na kay labot dito ka sa tuo
Lola:      Wala ka kadungog, tanang baje kuno sa wala. 

[hubag bohol]

Uso ang tulis sa Datu Paglas, Maguindanao. Ang mga jeep tulison og -irape ang mga babaye.

Tulisan 1 :  Tanang Babaye dire sa wala, lalaki sa tuo
(Sunod tanang babaye, kurog pa)
Tulisan 2: Oh ikaw Lola wala na kay labot dito ka sa tuo
Lola:      Wala ka kadungog, tanang baje kuno sa wala. 

Bitaw pud. Kanus-a pa gud intawon mausab nga maapil sa tulis si Lola... 

[fdaray]

Usa ka madre ge rape.
Rapist: Rape ne. Hubo.
Madre: Tabaaaaang, samtang gihukas
          niya ang senina.
Rapist:Way lihok.
Madre: Misiagit ug "ayaaaaw"
Rapist: Unsay ayaw?
Madre: Ayaw ug dugayaaaaa, aron kama
           second round pa ka.

[Mulligan]

Pagka bogay nga madre sir FD !!!   

[Mulligan]

Hehe.     

Abe ni Lola ug pan ang iyang one toy este twotoy.   

******


Lola: Honey, nabantayan jud nako bah nga kung mangape ta, mag-init dayon akong lawas.
Lolo: Nganong dili manginit, tan-awa ra gud na imong totoy, natuslob na sa kape!

(hehehehhe) [/color]

******

[Mulligan]

Tapulan nga bana gisugo sa iyang asawa:

Asawa.......:    Pag sag-ob sag tubig didto Tikyo.
Bana.........:    Di ko, kapoy ko.
Asawa.......:    Pag sag-ob lage kay mag loving loving ta !
Bana.........:    Aw, balde be, agpas !!!   

[wolfpack823]

Bitaw pud. Kanus-a pa gud intawon mausab nga maapil sa tulis si Lola... 

Gusto pod intawon ni Lola nga moambit og grasya maskin pinugos..

[Mulligan]

Bwahaha. 

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

usa ka muslim nibisita sa usa ka lugar. nagsakay ug trak de pasaheroan ug naa sa front seat naglingkod.

muslim: kahinay modagan sa mga trak dinhi maihap man ang tawo inig agi.
driver: (naglagot nga nakadungog ug gipakusgan ang pagpadagan sa trak.)
muslim: hinaya pud oi maihap pa man mga balay.
driver: (naglagot nga nakadungog ug gipakusgan pa jud ang pagpadagan sa trak.)
muslim: kahinay pud ani oi maihap pa man mga lubi.
driver: (nisamot kalagot nga nakadungog sa gipangyawyaw ug gipatudahan pa jud ang pagpadagan sa trak hangtud nga nabangga.)

nabuhi ang driver  ug ang muslim.

driver: sa imong kayawyawan nabangga na nuon. unya unsa na, hinay pa gihapon?
muslim: hinay gihapon mga igso, maihap pa man ang mga patay.

[luckybelle]

usa ka muslim nibisita sa usa ka lugar. nagsakay ug trak de pasaheroan ug naa sa front seat naglingkod.

muslim: kahinay modagan sa mga trak dinhi maihap man ang tawo inig agi.
driver: (naglagot nga nakadungog ug gipakusgan ang pagpadagan sa trak.)
muslim: hinaya pud oi maihap pa man mga balay.
driver: (naglagot nga nakadungog ug gipakusgan pa jud ang pagpadagan sa trak.)
muslim: kahinay pud ani oi maihap pa man mga lubi.
driver: (nisamot kalagot nga nakadungog sa gipangyawyaw ug gipatudahan pa jud ang pagpadagan sa trak hangtud nga nabangga.)

nabuhi ang driver  ug ang muslim.

driver: sa imong kayawyawan nabangga na nuon. unya unsa na, hinay pa gihapon?
muslim: hinay gihapon mga igso, maihap pa man ang mga patay.

[statesville]

Customer: Do you have any cockroaches?

Clerk: Yes, we sell them to the fisherman.

Customer: I would like 20,000 of them.

Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?

Customer: I’m moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.

[Mapagbigay]

A couple, age 67, went to the doctors office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he then charged them $32.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "Were not trying to find out anything. She is married and we cant go to her house. I am married and we cant go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctors office."

[luckybelle]

A couple, age 67, went to the doctors office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he then charged them $32.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "Were not trying to find out anything. She is married and we cant go to her house. I am married and we cant go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctors office."

Bwahahahahaha.......
On tight budget diay si lolo.

[hubag bohol]

Bwahahahahaha.......
On tight budget diay si lolo.

Basin gusto pud naay audience... 

[luckybelle]

Basin gusto pud naay audience... 

Mao

[jorgeanna]

ANAK: tay! sino mas mahal mo, ako o si nanay?

TATAY: syempre ikaw anak.....

ANAK: kaya pala kapag madaling araw,
ako po ay kinukumutan niyo
at si nanay naman po ay
hinuhubaran niyo......
sweet niyo tlga tay, a lab u....

aja aja aja ahehehehe

[jorgeanna]

GIRL:mag-69 tayo dear !
BOY:pano yun?
GIRL:ganito lang...
(pmwesto n cla at bglang nautot ang girl ng 4 times):
BOY:ayoko na!DI KO N KYA UNG NATITIRANG 65

[jorgeanna]

A man and woman are riding up in an elevator.
The man looks at the woman and says, "Can I smell your pussy? "
She replies, "Hell no! "
The man says, "Well, it must be your feet then. "

[jorgeanna]

A little old lady shaking violently as she walks in to the pharmacy asks the salesperson "do you sell vibrators ". Surprised by the request, the sales person says yes! The little old lady says: "Well, how do you turn the damn things off! "

[hubag bohol]

A married man was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday, she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped. "His buddy said, "I have an idea, why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, anyway she wants it... she'll probably be thrilled." So the fellow did. The next day his buddy said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," said the fellow. "Did she like it?" His buddy asked. "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling 'I'll be back in an hour!!'"

[BolBuhol]

Sang nagligad nga adlaw ang isa ka Iloy ginamulay nia ang iya nga bata...

HAMBAL SANG ILOY: Lampingasan ka gid nga bata, lamon nga lamon ka lang kabudlay sa imo suguon.
SABAT SANG BATA: Nay, kon ang baboy gani damo makaon nalipay ka. Sin-o gid bala bata mo, Nay? Ako o kon ang     
                             baboy?


------------------------------------

isa ka adlaw may duha ka mag-abyan nga boholano kag ilonggo ang nagkitaay sa downtown sang tagbilaram city.samtang nagalakat sila sa kalsada siling sa isa ay

ILONGGO: Parts bal-an mo didto sa amon ya sa Bacolod kada pusod ya may ara pulis mong...
BOLAMON: Ay minos na imo sa inyoha to,  kay diri sa amoa sa bohol kada pulis may naa pusod.   

-----------------------------------

IDO 1: Migs, hambal nila ang laway 'ta kuno may rabies! Kag pwede ka mapatay sa rabies.
IDO 2: Te, ano ang problema sina?
IDO 1: Natulon ko ang laway ko! Amo ina nga gina kulbaan na ako.

[fdaray]

Ha..., ha ..., ha..., na lang sa inyo nga jokes.

[hubag bohol]

Gitikin mo ako! 

[BolBuhol]

manog uli na ako mga utod ko man may ara pa gid pag agiang si toto na lamao ya magnogbalik lang ko gid kong tapos na gid ya

[wolfpack823]

Wife washing her clothes.

Husband: Honey here are some powder add that to your laundry.
Wife: What is that?
Husband: Body shrinker...

3 days later, husband washing his underwears.

Wife: Honey here are some powder add that to your laundry.
Husband: What is that?
Wife: Miracle grower...

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

MAS TANGA

Isa ka adlaw, isa ka bata ang naghambal sa iya nga tatay nga maupod siya pakadto sa manila kay manug-adto man ang iya tatay sa maynila pero ginhambalan siya sang iya tatay nga indi siya pwede mag-upod kay buki siya.

Bata: Tay, maupod ko sa imo sa maynila beh!!! kay gusto ko gid makakita sang maynila.
Tatay: ah!! indi ka pwede mag-upod sa akon kay buki ikaw...
Bata: tay paupda lang gid ko pangako ko tay indi ako magbinuki didto.

Gani gindala sang tatay ang iya nga bata sa maynila sang ara na sila sa pantalan nakita sang bata ang barko nga ila salakyan...

Bata: Tay, grabe nga balay bah!!! sa pagka daku-dako kang nagalakat pa!!!
Tatay: di bah!!! hambal ko sa imo nga indi ka magbinuki diri para hindi ta mahalata nga taga-probinsya ka haw!!!

Sang ara na sila sa maynila nakita naman sang bata ang tren nga ila pagasakyan....

Bata: Tay!!! grabe nga ulod tay ba, pagkadaku-dako bah!!!
Tatay: ara ka naman gabinuki ka naman kapila ko gid ihambal sa imo nga indi ka mapahalata nga halin ta sa probinsya.....
Bata; Sori tay.

Sang ara na sila sa airport nagpalapit ang bata sa idalom sang eroplano.....

Bata: Tay, tan-awa bala oh!!! perti kaayo kadaku-dako sang agila tay!!!

Nagpalapit ang bata sa idalom sang eroplano kag gindali-dali man butong sang tatay ang iya bata kag nag-hambal....

Tatay: anak, indi ka da magpalapit sa iya buli kay basi maitihan ikaw....

[hubag bohol]

manog uli na ako mga utod ko man may ara pa gid pag agiang si toto na lamao ya magnogbalik lang ko gid kong tapos na gid ya

Malain nga bata, indi ka man lang nagbabay sang nga tiya mo bla. 

[wolfpack823]

Kinsa mas hambog:

Illongo: Te kakusog gid sang bagyo sa amon, te mobalik man gid siga sa flashlight mo haw.
Bol-anon: Sus mas grabe gyud sa amo kakusog jamo ang bagjo kay kung wa kay tuli matuli man gyud ng imong pikoy.

[wolfpack823]

Ilonggo: Sus sobra gid kalaki sang kalabasa sa amo man, daw palangana gid.
Bol-anon: Sa amo kadako gyud sa kaldero, doble ang kadako sa imong palanggana.
Illonggo; Sobra may ara ba nga kaldero sina kadako mong.
Bol-anon: Siyempre unsa may lutuan sa imong kabasa.

[fdaray]

Toto: Lebre nga tuli Nay. Sabayan gid ko nimo sa Health CEnter.
Nanay: Kamo lang gid si Tatay mo To. Damo ko obra sa aton.
Toto: Ikaw lang gid Nay. Malooy ka sa akoooon .
Nanay: Si Tatay lang gid  aron magsabay mo pagpatuli.
Toto: Ha.., ha..,ha..., abi  ako lang ang way tuli sa aton.
        Si Tataaaay, way pa gid.

[Mulligan]

Aircon O electric fan ?

Usa ka hubog na mick-up ug pam-pam girl :

Hubog.............:   Day pila extra bayad ug magpa  bl_w j_b ?

Magdalena.......:   Aircon o electric fan sir ?

Hubog.............:   Unsa nang aircon day ?

Magdalena.......:   Ug aircon sir,  Ps500 ra tanan  tapos  pakapini lang ug dos pesos kay palit ko ug halls na kendi.           

[luckybelle]

Toto: Lebre nga tuli Nay. Sabayan gid ko nimo sa Health CEnter.
Nanay: Kamo lang gid si Tatay mo To. Damo ko obra sa aton.
Toto: Ikaw lang gid Nay. Malooy ka sa akoooon .
Nanay: Si Tatay lang gid  aron magsabay mo pagpatuli.
Toto: Ha.., ha..,ha..., abi  ako lang ang way tuli sa aton.
        Si Tataaaay, way pa gid.

Bwahahahaha...... especially dedicated to To Hubag 

[hubag bohol]

Bwahahahaha...... especially dedicated to To Hubag 

Naa ba kahay ingon ani nga cutter ang clinic...

[luckybelle]

Naa ba kahay ingon ani nga cutter ang clinic...

D mani cutter, lyabi d tubo mani

[BolBuhol]

Naa ba kahay ingon ani nga cutter ang clinic...

ani rang gid ya........... hahahahaha...

[hubag bohol]

D mani cutter, lyabi d tubo mani

He he, naa may ngipon nang imong giingon... 

[hubag bohol]

ani rang gid ya........... hahahahaha...

Indi man ini sila pangtuli sang tig-ang panit gid bla, pangtusok sang buli gid man lang ya. 

[luckybelle]

Indi man ini sila pangtuli sang tig-ang panit gid bla, pangtusok sang buli gid man lang ya. 

Kanang pinakahait na balisong pwede pangtuli 

[hubag bohol]

Kanang pinakahait na balisong pwede pangtuli 

Di na kadulot, oi... 

[wolfpack823]

Di na kadulot, oi... 

Kung gahi na kaayo nganong maglisod man, gamitan na lang og tigib, usa ra ka hapak, gisi gyud ng panit.

[hubag bohol]

Kung gahi na kaayo nganong maglisod man, gamitan na lang og tigib, usa ra ka hapak, gisi gyud ng panit.

He he, sa akong paminaw bisag tigib pa, igo lang moputi ang nadut-an sa suwab... 

[jorgeanna]

A lady walks into the dentist's office, takes off her underwear, sits down on the chair and spreads her legs wide open. "You must have made a mistake " says the shocked dentist,
"The gynecologist's office is one level higher. " To that the lady replies, "No mistake, you installed my husband's dentures last week, now you'll be the one getting them out. "

[vrglguapo]

Watch the waiter...very funny..http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=111678912194160#

[fdaray]

Didto sa menteryo.
Inahan: Nia me mibisita sa imong lubong, Dong.
Kalag sa anak nga namatay: Salamat Ma.
Inahan: Dong, niay lima ka kandila aKong gidagkotan
           para nimo Dong.
Kalag sa anak nga namatay: Ayaaaaaw intawon Nay.
          Ayaaaw intawon ko ninyo ug silabi. Patyon man
          ko ninyo ug otro.
Inahan: Init diay Dooong.

[hubag bohol]

[wolfpack823]

He he, sa akong paminaw bisag tigib pa, igo lang moputi ang nadut-an sa suwab... 

Unsa gyud diay na kublan gyud kaayo. Hehehehehe Delikado basin og mountol hinuon.

[hubag bohol]

Unsa gyud diay na kublan gyud kaayo. Hehehehehe Delikado basin og mountol hinuon.

He he, magibang pa jud ang tigib...

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

Watch the waiter...very funny..http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=111678912194160#

shock si manang. gutoalaps kaayo ang waiter.

[wolfpack823]

Never Underestimate Your Wife's Furry

One day St. Peter was very busy so he assigned Mary to temporarily watch the gate. Mary just died after battling of cancer for one year. Then suddenly Mary's husband John walked in.

Mary: So what happened?
John: I have an accident in the yacht yesterday. Remember Nancy your nurse, I married her and we were on our honeymoon when the yacht hit on something solid and I was eaten by the waves.
Mary: Yacht? How on the world you can afford that.
John: Well, 5 days before you died I won the lottery for 5M. I did not tell you because you will die anyway what's the use. I have this affair with Nancy for about a year. Remember at the hospital, I constantly hold your hands. I was desperate to remove the diamond wedding ring before you die. I gave it to Nancy. She was so impressed that she decided to marry me.
Mary: Looks like you have your plan accomplished.
John: So how can I go inside heaven.
Mary: You need to spell a word correctly.
John: That is piece of cake. Okay, give me the word, Nancy worn me out on our honeymoon, I want to sleep.
Mary:Spell floccinaucinihilipilification

[luckybelle]

Never Underestimate Your Wife's Furry

One day St. Peter was very busy so he assigned Mary to temporarily watch the gate. Mary just died after battling of cancer for one year. Then suddenly Mary's husband John walked in.

Mary: So what happened?
John: I have an accident in the yacht yesterday. Remember Nancy your nurse, I married her and we were on our honeymoon when the yacht hit on something solid and I was eaten by the waves.
Mary: Yacht? How on the world you can afford that.
John: Well, 5 days before you died I won the lottery for 5M. I did not tell you because you will die anyway what's the use. I have this affair with Nancy for about a year. Remember at the hospital, I constantly hold your hands. I was desperate to remove the diamond wedding ring before you die. I gave it to Nancy. She was so impressed that she decided to marry me.
Mary: Looks like you have your plan accomplished.
John: So how can I go inside heaven.
Mary: You need to spell a word correctly.
John: That is piece of cake. Okay, give me the word, Nancy worn me out on our honeymoon, I want to sleep.
Mary:Spell floccinaucinihilipilification

Toinks........ tyahahahahahaha....

[Lollapalooza]

witzig

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

condom: day napkin, kung ikaw na gani ang motrabaho usa ka semana tawn kong way mahimo.
napkin: ay sus kanimo dom, kung ikaw sad bitaw ang masipyat sa imong trabaho 9 ka buwan man sad kung mabakante kay di magamit.

[fdaray]

witzig

Nindot sad. Makamao kaha ta ane.

[bol-anon quo nyur!]

HAPPY:
ANAK - DADDY, NGANONG MAG AGIK-IK MAN NA SI MOMMY MAGABII UNYA MAG AGOOO?
DADDY - AH WALA, HAPPY LANG NA SYA ANAK
ANAK - MAO BA? ANG BUOT NIMO IPASABOT DADDY NGA HAPPY SI MOMMY ADTONG MGA GABII BISAN DIDTO KA PA SA SAUDI?
DADDY - (SA HUNA-HUNA NA LANG) ANIMAL GYUD NI AKONG PARE!

[glacier_71]

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realised that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM” He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

[BolBuhol]

Nanay:
Toto  :

Nene  :
Nanay :

Toto:

Tatay:

Nene:

Nanay:

Toto:

Tatay:

Nanay:

Nene:

Toto:

[glacier_71]

Junior: tay, ngano ang tin2x sakung clasm8 mura sampaluk?

TATAY: hahahaha! Nganu di nak, gamay?

Junior: dli man tay, ASLUM

[Scarb]

butangi...! natilapan tali whew 

[glacier_71]

butangi...! natilapan tali whew 

mao na. ug depende sa Sambag. ug kung hilaw-hilaw pa, tilapan, una ingkibon...pero og hinog na kaayo, hamoyan unya iluwa ang LISO...

[fdaray]

Naghinungitay ang bag-ong minyo.
Babaye:Mura gyud ko ug  bata  nimo ,Darling.
        kay imo kong gihungitan.
Lalake: Tinuod Darling mura ka ug anak nako
Babaye: Ikaw maoy anak nako  Darling,
           kay motutoy man ka sa ako.        

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

pare 1: unsay kailanan sa kasag sa yuta ug sa kasag sa dagat?
pare 2: naa diay kasag sa yuta pre nga sa dagat ra man na?
pare 1: naa mo lang. ang kalainan gani nila kay ang sa yuta 2 ang sa dagat 1.
pare 2: naunsa gung paghitaboa nga ang sa yuta 2 ang sa dagat 1.
pare 1: ang kasag sa yuta 2 kay kamote man ug saging. hehehhe

[fdaray]

Mga bata nanaygon sa balay sa Intsik alas dose sa udto.
"Silent Night, Holy Night. All is calm, all is bright......,
Intsik: Kana lain nga kanta.
"Oh holy night the star are brightly shining.....,
Intsik: Pareha la gihapon, Silent night, holy night,
         bisan udto totooook. Unsa kadase silent night?

[statesville]

Mare 1: Grabe na jud ko ka kalimtanon oi, misaka gani ko ug hagdan,
           mo-hunong ko kay malimot ko kung paingon bako taas o sa ubos.
Mare 2: Ako? Simbako lang...(with matching knock 3 times on wood),
           dili jud ko limtanon. Excuse me sa ha kai murag naay nanuktok!!!
           

[david]

mare 1;;;nganong  nanghunaw man ka anang tubig nga pang benbeta mare'

mare 2;;;nakakubot man gud og ko lain mare nga dili sa imong kumpare

mare 1;;;a mao ba, dili na lang mo kumpisal mare

mare 2;;;ngano man

mare 1;;;basin pa limogmogon ko

[hofelina]

This is Awesome Father:

Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case...ok"

Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, you can get anything. But your attitude should be positive
Think +++++++ve

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

unsay kalahian sa tawo ug sa unggoy?
ang unggoy dili pwede mahimong tawo pero ang tawo pwede mahimong unggoy.

[fdaray]

Unsay una, unggoy o tawo.
Ang tawo kay maoy unang gibuhat sa Ginoo,
Una, jud ang unggoy kay ang tawo gikan man sa unggoy
    according to the theory of evolution.

[wolfpack823]

Unsay una, unggoy o tawo.
Ang tawo kay maoy unang gibuhat sa Ginoo,
Una, jud ang unggoy kay ang tawo gikan man sa unggoy
   according to the theory of evolution.

It was one of the debates in our Genetics class in college. Science claimed that men evolved from primates, which according to the theory, as a matter of fact both belong to the same species, the homo sapiens. But, all God believers must stick to the principles that God created man from his own image.

[wolfpack823]

A Doctor at a health conference said “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be destructive, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?” After several seconds of silence, a 70-year-old man sitting in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”

[wolfpack823]

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

[wolfpack823]

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."

[wolfpack823]

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?" "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"
The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.
He takes the photo, and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription!"

[Mulligan]

Hehe, bad horse !    

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."

[Mulligan]

Bwahehehe.   

mare 1;;;nganong  nanghunaw man ka anang tubig nga pang benbeta mare'

mare 2;;;nakakubot man gud og ko lain mare nga dili sa imong kumpare

mare 1;;;a mao ba, dili na lang mo kumpisal mare

mare 2;;;ngano man

mare 1;;;basin pa limogmogon ko

[statesville]

E-MAIL OF DEATH

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen
  which read:
      To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Reached Date: 16 May 2002 I know you're surprised to hear from me.
           They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.
           I've just reached and have been checked in.
           I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
           Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was!

[statesville]

ONE STORMY NIGHT

On a dark and stormy night (of course, what other kind of night?) in Juba a man was hitch-hiking with no success.
The oily-black night stretched on forever and the storm was so intense that he could barely see his feet in front of him.
Suddenly a car approached and stopped in front of him.
He got in and closed the door, as the car moved off slowly.
To his total shock, he realized that there was nobody behind the steering wheel!

The road ahead curved, and he looked around frantically, praying and begging for his life.
Just before the car took the bend, a hand appeared through the window and turned the steering wheel.
The man, paralyzed with fear, watched the hand appear every time the car neared a bend in the road.
He mustered all his courage, leaped out of the car and ran to the nearest lights.
Soaked from the storm and in shock, he went into an bar an 'andaya' and ordered a double waragi.
After he gulped it down, he told everyone of his frightening encounter.
Everyone went very quiet when he started crying.

About a half an hour later, two men entered the shebeen and, on noticing the terrified man,
the one said to the other, “Look, there’s the idiot that got into into the car when we were pushing.”

[Lollapalooza]

(thanks Diane for this)


It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. The woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb.

[fdaray]

Ha......, ha...., ha..., he..., he..., he..., Laughing is a good exercise for the heart.

[Bambi]

Ha......, ha...., ha..., he..., he..., he..., Laughing is a good exercise for the heart.

Mao gjod Sir fdaray.... Ha...ha..happy to New to all TB members...let's all stay in good health! Some more jokes to make us happy!

[fdaray]

Yes, sometimes I laugh when I'm alone.

[bol-anon nga cebuano]

Yes, sometimes I laugh when I'm alone.

lisoda sad ani sir felix, maalaan man sad ta ug nalisoan na.

[rogamz]

  
Anak: Inay..hayop ba c inday?
Nanay: Hindi ah bakit nasabi mo? ..ang hayop anak.. yong mga pusa, aso, baboy...
Anak: eh kasi narinig ko noong madaling araw na sa kabila kwarto sabi ni itay..hayop ka inday ang sarap sarap mo...

[statesville]

Tatay to anak..
TATAY: Bagsak ka na nman! Ba't di mo gayahin si Pedro? Palaging may honor.
ANAK: Unfair naman kung ikumpara nyo ako kay Pedro.
TATAY: Bakit naman?
ANAK: Matalino Tatay nun