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Gener

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Making Marriage Work Even In the Time of Migration
« on: May 31, 2009, 07:35:40 PM »
Making Marriage Work Even In the Time of Migration

Absence makes the heart grow ponder but sometimes distance in a relationship is emotionally draining and can put stress on a marriage. Having a work that requires being away from my family for a long time poses a challenge to my marriage not to mention, the erosion of physical intimacy which is one of the important elements of marriage. However, intimacy can be more than just physical closeness for its how couple “connects” and be present to each other every day.  
Most couples think that being involved sexually is the most intimate part of their marriage. Praying together, however, may be an even deeper form of intimacy. A first step may be praying for each other even if not in one another's presence.

Make Use of the Technology to Fill-in the Gap

Sometimes the distance in a relationship is emotional and can happen while in each other’s presence. Be present to each other today. If possible, connect with each other right now – a glance, a call, an e-mail, a positive thought, a prayer. Communication should be maintained open at any cost. Be more creative when communicating with each other, more than just the usual “HI” and “HELLO” that oftentimes lead to monotonous conversation. Be resourceful and creative. Engage in some unique practices that help the two of you sparks an interactive dialogue even when you are apart for awhile. Engage in an activity that prompts discussion between you and your spouse.

I had this questionnaire downloaded on the internet that prompted a healthy and lively dialogue between me and my wife. I sent her an e-mail of this questionnaire for her to read in advance and both of us agreed about the time we will go on-line for a chat. During the dialogue, the questionnaire prompted us to check with each other to see how close we are in interpreting others words and moods. In this practice, guessing what your spouse would answer is as not as important as the discussion you have as a result of it.

Try To See a Positive Angle for Every Sorrow

Being away from your loved ones is not that easy and at times can put you in despair. However, do not abandon yourself to sorrow and do not torment yourself with brooding. There’s always a hundred reasons and causes for our sorrow but try to look at it in a positive point of view.

When I was still working in the Philippines, me and my wife enjoyed the opportunity of having a dialogue every we time we had an opportunity. Both of us like to talk about everything, from family, career, child rearing, politics and even life in general. We enjoy talking to each other and we never had a dull moment even at times that our topic was just rehearsed of our previous dialogue. It was year 2007 when I landed an overseas job in the Middle East. Physically separated and miles apart, I saw the opportunity out of my desperation to discover my passion for writing. Now, I’m having a small but growing numbers of readers who appreciate my articles, mostly related to marriage relationship. But the most important thing of all aside of finding new ways of expressing my appreciation to my wife, we just put our marriage experience in a new pedestal; the World Wide Web.

Cherished and Achieve Common Goal Together

As the saying goes, “Love does not require to look at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.” I may not be physically seeing my wife nowadays but I know we have common path to travel and someday I know we can meet in path for we have our most cherished common goal.

Distance can put stress on a marriage relationship but as long as couple knows how to fill-in the gap to sustain their love in the time of migration, they can never go wrong.


Linkback: https://tubagbohol.mikeligalig.com/index.php?topic=20319.0

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mike

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Re: Making Marriage Work Even In the Time of Migration
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2009, 08:11:23 PM »
Youre absolutely right...thanks for the advise, Sir!..

Im not married yet but Im just trying to comprehend your message towards marriage (a few miles away)...well I have a girlfriend and we are planning to get married soon after she finishes her college and earns her degree while at the same time I am working here outside Phils. The fact is we are trying to build our relationship to be like of those married couple except having sexual intercourse, absolutely none...but I admit having those natural *things* a bf and gf usually does but in accordance to what is appropriate, to make it short there's a limitation between our part.

I would absolutely make this relationship a lifetime because I have found in her the qualities that an ideal wife to be not tomorrow but the soonest could be. I really loved her more than I know, we had spent just a couple of months after she said "yes" to me before leaving her in the Phils. As of now we are trying to make each other's feel our presence especially during we are idle (not busy), i mean when we misses each other. We continue to contact each other, thanks to the help of yahoo.

sir, just would like to ask some tips on how to make this relationship last though we are physically away from each other. I am sure enough that she's worth to be my wife and im worthy of course to be her husband in the future. Sometimes, i feel insecurity, jealous, all those negative feelings but Im not reflecting that in myself coz I know that im always faithful to her..i cant deny the fact that sometimes like what ive said i feel jealousy and all those sort of negative thoughts came to my mind...How can I make her feel happy and contented and how can i eventually fill the emptiness being far away from her...

Thanks.
"The future starts today and not tomorrow"

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Gener

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Re: Making Marriage Work Even In the Time of Migration
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2009, 09:46:37 PM »
Mike, to tell you frankly, long distance relationship is quite a challenge and many relationships fall into the common problem when it comes to long distance love affair, lost of communication, that is.

When you lose the opportunity of an open communication, it breeds negative thoughts and feelings that eventually may lead to bitterness, resentment and sometimes jealosy. I'm not saying this to discourage you but to make you aware of the common pitfalls with regards to long distance love affair, at least you can prepare before it happens. And the Good news: this can be conquered.

You just have to remember that "Romance is a process - it's not an event. It's not a one-time thing. It's not something that's 'accomplished' and then forgotten. In order to work, it's got to be an ongoing thing - a part of the very fabric of your daily life."

The feelings you are experiencing at some point in your life, though you are considering it negative; please remember that it is a normal and common to have that thing, at least, I can say that you are a human and not an android.

"Feeling is neither right or wrong." It is simply as it is...a feeling that normal people like you and me experience. What you feel at times, though negative as you look at it, may not necessarily be as it is as the way you feel it. it could be the other way around, at least to the point of view of others, and this could be your GF, who knows, diba? Sometimes, our significant other feels the need to create something that can make his/her partner to drop dead out of jealousy, at least to some extent in order to feel loved and wanted. Pathetic it may be, but that's how it is for others, and we can't change their ways. But anything in excess of the normal thing is not good and the problem that goes with that is that all of us has different yardstick in measuring the level of normality. However, just make sure that you always open your line of communication and find a subtle but unique ways of having topics for discussion. That's your homework, my friend.

Your beau must be lucky to have you as her S.O. for even though youre not yet into marriage but you are taking steps ahead in your future marriage life. That goes to show how responsible you are in keeping your relationship. That's good for a start.

Good luck Bro :)

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mike

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Re: Making Marriage Work Even In the Time of Migration
« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2009, 02:49:19 PM »
WOW...i was overwhelmed reading those bunch of beautiful thoughts and some sort of enlightenment.

Right now, we keep on chatting in the internet...well of course just be honest we are also imagining the times we had, its quite funny and it makes us feel wow...that was a nice experience to remember. Sometimes, i would rather be spending my time expressing my feelings to her than going out with friends because i want to update her and making sure that she dont misses something about me. And of course i keep on asking about how things are going with her there, good thing she also has an internet connection at home so she can just sign online if she's lonely...

im searching over and over in the internet on how to make the conversation lively an interesting in our part, of course in my part i have to be aggressive enough, resourceful and will show interests on the topic we are going to discuss or to talk about, i want her to be excited and be interested to share also her own opinions or some sort just you know to make and make her feel that were just relaxing together in one bed....

some tips or some sort of advice on how to make the conversation lively and well interesting in our part...a simple hi and hello is like...owwsss...doesnt make sense at all..because you know what everyday i keep on telling that word..hehe...i hope you get my point, Sir...

do you have websites sir that i can read of..to gain more insights..

thank you.

miko

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mike

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Re: Making Marriage Work Even In the Time of Migration
« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2009, 02:56:07 PM »
Pardon me if do offend those who read this..."is there such an online romance?is it appropriate to tackle that over in the internet between your gf?

im just trying to source out those dos' and donts'......

miko

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Gener

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Re: Making Marriage Work Even In the Time of Migration
« Reply #5 on: June 01, 2009, 08:16:18 PM »
Try this site, though youre not yet married but im sure you will gain lots of insights from this link. happy reading...

http://www.foryourmarriage.org/marriage_tips_archive.asp?page=5

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