Riding horses is fun if you enjoy getting owned by PorkBag
The last time I rode a horse I was 11 years old. I can't remember the name of this particular horse so I'll just refer to it as "PorkBag." I was on top of PorkBag sitting in the saddle, lightly "encouraging" the horse to move by prodding, pulling, screaming, and flailing the reins. We didn't ride the horses often so they were overweight, not to mention being arrogant little assholes who didn't respond to direction. After a few minutes of me barking orders, PorkBag lurched forward. Approximately ten feet later, PorkBag stopped, leaned against the trunk of a large tree, and stood motionless. Crushing my leg between her fat thighs and the tree, this was how she planned to get me off her back.
We sat there together, me in terrible pain and PorkBag quite content with not having to move. Eventually someone noticed, took the reins, and pulled us away from the tree. I dismounted that concluded my days of riding horses.
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