MikeLigalig.com

An LA lawyer parks his brand new Porsche in front of
the office to show it off to his colleagues. As
he?s getting out of the car, a semi-trailer comes
flying along too close to the kerb and takes off
the door before speeding off.


Distraught, the lawyer grabs his mobile and calls
the cops. Five minutes later, the police arrive.
Before the cop has a chance to ask any questions,
the lawyer starts screaming hysterically: ?My Porsche,
My beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how
long it?s at the panel beaters it?ll simply never be
the same again!?


After the lawyer finally finishes his rant, the
policeman shakes his head in disgust. ?I can?t believe
how materialistic you bloody lawyers are,? he says.
?You lot are so focused on your possessions that you
don?t notice anything else in your life.?


?How can you say such a thing at a time like this??
snaps the lawyer.


The policeman replies, ?Didn?t you
realize that your right arm was torn off when
the truck hit you.?


The lawyer looks down in absolute horror.


?OH NO!!!!!? he screams.
?Where?s my Rolex??

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey Boss, I no come
work today, I really  sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I
really need you today.  When I feel like this, I go to my wife and
tell her to give me sex.  That  makes everything better and I go
to work.  You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I
feel great.   I be at work soon......... You got nice house."

lalaki:  dong, mabaw ra ning sapa?
bata: oo nong!
lalaki: (nilikso sa sapa) tabang! sus kalawom ingon ka dong mabaw ra!
bata: mabaw bitaw, katabok gani ang pato ganina

---------------------------------------------------------


iro 1:  pre, ingon sila kaning atong laway kay naay rabies. ang rabies kay makamatay!
iro 2:  unya unsay problema pre?
iro 1: gitulon nako akong laway, kulbaan ko!

---------------------------------------------------------

Pari ug Muslim:
Pari: igso, yaw pamakak, naka tilaw nakag baboy?
Muslim: ah Oo.. kaisa ra.. lami kaau.. Kaw Padre naka tilaw nakag babaye?
Pari: sus igso! Lami pa sa baboy!!!

--------------------------------------------------------

GIRL: Lab, ehatud ko beh...
BOY: Di pwede babes, wala koy sapi. Gi-operahan akong lola, naay sakit ako igso. Wala pa nagpadalas momma gikan JAPAN...
GIRL: Di ka? sige di na maka-score nako hangtod sa hangtod! as in forever! timan-e na ha!
BOY: ahahaha! hastang lawgawa. tan-awa ra gud ni kung swertehon ta! naa diay napi-it nga Php500 sa akong bulsa...Tara babes mag-taxi na ta...

------------------------------------------------------

Human masud sa mental hospital ang bu**** bali'g 5 ka tuig, naghinam-hinam na kining mogawas.
DOKTOR: Sigurado ka ba nga naayo na ka?
PASYENTE: Sure gyud ko, Dok?
DOKTOR: Mao ba? Sultii kuno ko kon ngano nga na-admit ka diri?
PASYENTE: Koan man gud Dok, nagtuo man gud ko nga ilaga ko. Pero sa una ra to. Karon sure na ko nga tawo ko Dok ug di ko ilaga.
DOKTOR: (Miyangu-yango sa ulo). OK, pwede na ka makagawas.
Daling mibiya ang bu**** da ang iyang bag nga gisudlan sa sinina. Pagka taud-taod mibalik kini nga naghangos.
PASYENTE: Dok, Dok!(Hingal)
DOKTOR: O nganong nibalik man ka?
PASYENTE: Dok, hastang buanga Dok! Naa may iring didto sa pultahan!
DOKTOR: O, nganong hadlok man ka sa iring nga kahibawo man ka nga di ka ilaga?
PASYENTE: O, kahibawo na ko Dok. Pero wa pa man kahibawo ang iring Dok!

----------------------------------------------------

Teacher: Ok, class, kinsa man ang naka ila ninyo ni Jose Rizal? Ikaw Juan, naka ila ka ni Jose Rizal?
Juan: Wala ma'am..
Teacher: Ikaw Pedro, naka ila ka ni Jose Rizal?
Pedro: Wala pud ma'am..
Teacher: Ikaw pablo?
Pablo: Wala sad ko kaila niya ma'am..
Teacher: Ha? Wla jud bisan usa ninyo nga naka ila ni Jose Rizal?
Pedro: Ma'am! Basin naa na siya sa pikas section!

Rica is now playing the original role of Gelie de Belen in Tiyanak the movie..

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 13, 2007, 01:29:11 AM
Call Center scenario: 100 applicants
Accepted: 1 or 2
Reason: Hello, may I know kung sino ni?

funny.......lolz!

afraid jud ko kay silingan lang r ba mi..hehehe!
mabasahan unya...

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 12, 2007, 12:09:06 PM
Re: How to Declare War against an Arrogant Filipino

Originally sent through the Bohol Standard website: www.theboholstandard.com in reaction to my column.

hi ,,, kumusta nimo dinhi sano,,unsa real name anang tawhana kay ug makit-an nako na dire sa new york ako jod kulatahon kay hambog ra kana siya kaayo...ayaw kalimot sano real name lang akong toyo,,naa may boang ga lakaw2x dire mao ba ni siya,,wala ko kahibawo unsa iyang tinood nga pangan..

taga maribojoc ko,
James

if u dont mind..u really sound arrogant and hambog sad. bisan pa ang person nga imo gi mean dako ug kalagot sa pilipinas it's entirely his own notion. and we, do not have the right to judge him, how much more kon kulatahon. asa n man ang atong humility?? on the other hand, we should feel sorry for him for hating pinas that much! and if u happen to see the person, try to give him advice, that instead of singing out to the whole world how he hates pinas he should just keep it to himself rather than atangan and kulatahon coz that's not a good thing to do..and surely BOHOLANOS don't do that...

Quote from: buenavista on June 12, 2007, 03:37:12 PM
how about white lies?

white lies are believed to be harmless but just be careful in using them!

It is not titles that honor men, but men that honor titles.

Niccolo Machiavelli

the best things in life are free..apil na ang dreaming!

spending the whole day here, will make you a hero by tomorrow!

Quote from: thisgirlvader on June 13, 2007, 07:37:41 AM
Hahaha. It's no use, Mike. You can't get me riled up. If there's anything at all those lovely, free-thinking nuns from HSS have taught me, it is the good grace to value people's opinion and remember that the world is so much larger than myself.

I shall take this as a compliment. Rough edges are interesting edges.

Still, if it would make prinsesasadagat feel a little better, I shall try to work on sandpapering these rough edges so that in time, I may be as smoothly rounded and as inoffensive as the piso.

For the time being, however, I remain myself: as rough and bumpy as any of the roads that lead to Ubay.   

ouch!

bu**** na, arrogant pa jud!
kalooy pud..

who is jonex anyway??
curious lang..

south beach diet and fasting?
the same ra but different lang ang purpose!
fasting is for religious reasons while dieting is for health and personality development!

buy nlang  ka bisayan album para dli ka mingawon!

Quote from: mfrandsen on June 13, 2007, 07:10:46 PM
mao diay ang mananggot daghan ug anak kay sige ra paduga haha

mao diay! lolz!

wala pa ko kaadto batuan..

plastic na kaayo showbiz diri oiz...

ig uli nimo pahimo dayon daghan kinilaw pra mgtagbaw jud ka...lolz!

ug naa kalutsan., molusot jud ko kay bsan unsaon sanghid dili man tugtan..lolz!

dili d i ka moinon bsan unsa nga wine?

naa pa ba na karon?

lolz..ur right!

uso kaayo na sa ubay ang kit-kit before..
ako friend naminyo gud tungon ana...lolz..

ana jud na taga bohol, mangumbira jud!

post the recipe nalang here., or how to prepare!

mao jud..wala na koy dag-anan!

yeah, what else??

someone's angry in here!

y man pud wla ka naligo? naa nimo sah? lolz...

sabagay mas nindot ang fresh air kaysa aircon jud!

dili uso ang silencer!

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 14, 2007, 11:49:26 AM
The other half would be spent in Tubag Bohol.  Panglaba ug pamalansa na... 

ana jud  diay ka importante ang tubag bohol!

mao jud..just like last week pg shopping namo sa school supplies., as in, cge mi lalis kay sya r jud mo pili tanan..lolz..abtan siyam-siyam ang shopping..labaw pa nako kadugayan! walay pakialam sa presyo kay gnahan jud sya..!

bawal jud bya but if dili lang grabe ang hapak, for me its ok r man...

Quote from: rose on June 14, 2007, 11:42:17 AM
I mean, the naked face, Mike. Haler, I don't do girls!

ooops., my reply is late!
lolz...

Quote from: rose on June 14, 2007, 11:38:09 AM
Yadz, we've been exchanging silly messages here for 48 hours or so now, I guess it's time for me to see the face behind the shawl. Go bare naked!

ok, i will do that if mike will not restrict me...
am searching for my nude pics hidden somewhere..
see, i have 2 hard drives, will take time to find it...
am sure my husband saved it somewhere!

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 14, 2007, 11:38:45 AM
Yadz, I won't try it. I don't want to suffer for the rest of my life.
FYI: How come you know it? 

tinood ba jud diay??hahaha!
peace!

Quote from: mfrandsen on June 13, 2007, 08:04:26 PM
hahaha kay wala paman ko baby nya wala paman pud ko milk lol, nagresearch nalang daan..

wapay nadala si daddy 

pahimos sa lang si daddy bsan wla pa milk gud!
para ug naa na baby, anad na ka pa breastfeed....hahaha!

Quote from: mfrandsen on June 14, 2007, 02:42:53 AM
Dili lagi ko familiar sa Tagbilaran, didto man gud ko nagpermi sa Cebu, nya karon ako parents naana sa Lapu-lapu. Ang ako ganahan diha nga lechon manok kay Andoks, ang paborito sab nako nga BBQ kay sa Cormes 

yup, andoks sa cebu..superb jud!
katilaw pud ko manok ni san pedro sa tabunok, talisay and yummy sad..
bsta manok lami jud!

Quote from: rose on June 14, 2007, 11:34:11 AM
Yadz, there's no such thing as a forbidden question. Mike has been all the time enjoying the freedom of the press.

yeah... i forgot!

or guest will do!

Quote from: rose on June 14, 2007, 11:29:33 AM
What a pity! Sleep has been eluding me these days and yet, I don't need energy drinks or any of that sort. Try the trio's secret.

i bet mike won't try that..
FYI: he is still a virgin!

Quote from: lumine on June 13, 2007, 05:35:09 PM
dili ako keyboard mabasa, yadz, ako anak kay gikogos man nako. 

cge lang mabasa sya, mohilak r bitaw na dili pa kabalo mangasaba sa mama...lolz!

pro's and con's jud diay!

Quote from: lumine on June 13, 2007, 07:14:33 PM
usa ra ka plato yadz oy, grabe sad ka!

ah, abi nako makahurot ka usa ka taro....lolz...

Quote from: mfrandsen on June 13, 2007, 07:20:14 PM
pagkaluoy sa silingan maangin 

cge lang paryente man ang silingan...lolz..

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 13, 2007, 05:49:21 PM
Wanted: Who will throw the first question?

since you're the moderator and admin., i think ur the perfect person to ask the forbidden question first!

It hurts that, you know, the media's made me into sort of this like punching bag or cartoon character--they think that I don't have any feelings, and, you know, it hurts like anyone else.

PARIS HILTON, TMZ interview, Jul. 19, 2006

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 14, 2007, 11:18:33 AM
I think I was half-asleep, half-awake at that time. Tubag Bohol has been depriving me of sweet, uninterrupted sleep. 

ay, palusot diay! lolz..
don't worry, your site is becoming one of the hottest and most talked about site here so, rewarding imo pgka walay tulog just to reply sa amo mga post...
more and more are coming., so pg andam nalang daghan enegry drink...lolz!

this is true!

well, syempre ang mga laki mogawas man ang pgka hambog when it comes to their p***s sizes jud..

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 10, 2007, 10:53:03 PM
yadz, you have not asked me. 

see, ng dare-dare man gud ka...nitaas hnoon discussion..ur on the hot seat...hahaha!

girls, hinay-hinay lang kaon sa egg kay taas kaayo na ug calories pati cholesterol...

yup, kita pud ko sa news ani diri..
last week man tingali to!

Quote from: mfrandsen on June 14, 2007, 03:49:33 AM
imported pa jud diay hahaha

mao jud, imported nga pirated...lolz
asa ka ana..diri lang sa pinas!

Quote from: mfrandsen on June 14, 2007, 04:53:23 AM
thank you for your guess Mike, but unfortunately, it wasn't me 

I didn't get to know about Luke until yadz posted it.

papalit sa iya album para makadunggog ka sa iya very nice voice!

Quote from: mfrandsen on June 14, 2007, 05:05:31 AM
just like shakehands 

Wala na gyud pud oroy ko kauyon anang mga artista sa ato oi, mura naman ana nila, perti pangupya sa hollywood nga magpakasal nya magbuwag.. hahayy

mao jud.., copycat sa hollywood lifestyle!

Quote from: lumine on June 13, 2007, 05:41:14 PM
mouli na imo beloved no? hapit na oy!

yeah...katag-an jud ka!

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 13, 2007, 05:10:31 PM
45. Manuba ug saging kadlawon dako kay wa ka tanday pagkagabii... 

hala ka, imo jud gisugdan! masumpayan gani ni..

yeah., mao nalang jud na!

Quote from: rose on June 13, 2007, 01:48:28 PM
I so love the word 'vibrate' I could imagine how it works.

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 13, 2007, 01:45:13 PM
Wait, I will delete this topic now. 

deleting is not an option... 

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 13, 2007, 01:45:13 PM
Wait, I will delete this topic now. 

aawwwwwwwwww., ur so mean!

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 10, 2007, 10:53:03 PM
yadz, you have not asked me. 

mike dares me to ask him if he's still virgin or not..but when i did, he seems to avoid it...hahaha!
so, what shall we do rose??

popularity doesn't count anymore...

Quote from: GEC348 on June 09, 2007, 08:07:11 AM
Funny...
I'm reminded of the song "people are strange"
one of the soundtrack of the movie "The Lost Boys" (mid to late 1980s)
The movies tagline: Sleep all day, party all night, never grow old, never die. It's fun to be a vampire.

80's baby huh??

miracle indeed!

nah, im sure mike won't do that!
duol r gud mo...lolz!

you have to use non-stick pan.., pra ma perfect imo sunny side up egg!

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 12, 2007, 03:15:29 PM
43. kung naay kasal, magtumba ug baka, inig kaugma bangonon ra pud... 
44. kung naay kumbera, unya wala ka, ipakuha gyud ka, apason kag sakyanan kay di magsugod ug wa ka...

lolz...VIP jud d i..

mao jud..nabawi sa sumpay!

wais jud ang pinoy...lolz!

bisan diri pinas daghan pirated dvd's...
gikan pa sa china..

naa pay virgin, pero pangitaon kau!
lolz...........

excited jud ang stage nga mg school na pero kunsomisyon pud kay mao na man mgbuot...hehehe!
pati gamit sa school tanan, sya na pili!

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 13, 2007, 12:20:29 PM
Tubag Bohol is tambal sa panuhot, they say.  When you are smiling and laughing, you are releasing a bottle of unwanted air from your body. 

diay., karon pa ko kabalo ani dah!
cge nalang ko online pra wla panuhot...lolz..

ana jud na mga bata!
sunod lang jud ta..

Quote from: lumine on June 12, 2007, 06:38:34 PM
speaking about otot, lami na unta tulog sa ako anak, sus kay kusog man ako otot, kamata noon,hahaha!

ngeeh, mura d i bomba, lanog kau!

mao diay!

Quote from: lumine on June 12, 2007, 08:54:59 PM
pwede morequest yadz?

pwede mag-andam ka inon-ong tulingan?

ah, wala problema naa daghan sa ubay ani..
pila ka taro imo gusto...lolz...

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 12, 2007, 03:17:05 PM
ang linaming nga manok, Yadz, ayaw kalimti apil ug ihaw.

ipahinay-hinay na to nako dakop ang mga manok nga bisaya sa amo silingan...lolz...

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 12, 2007, 11:25:48 PM
kabalo mo tanan...

except buenavista oiz...

Quote from: lumine on June 13, 2007, 12:53:05 AM
nagcgesmile ako anak while i was singing the song.

mg singer tingali nah!...

Quote from: lumine on June 13, 2007, 01:53:41 AM
because these arrogant filipinos are VERY IRRITATING.

tinood jud ka!

 

mao jud!

 

murag ako anak, mg chat gani ko mobasa jud daun sulti, sumbong ka papa ha!......lolz...
ako ra bantayan...

murag, wla sad ko katilaw ana dah!
kinilaw na puso sa saging hnoon kana butangan ug coconut milk bah!

Quote from: buenavista on June 12, 2007, 03:29:11 PM
no comment sa ko

bitaw..ayaw sa comment...lolz!

lumine..ayaw hilak kay mabasa imo keyboard...lolz...

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 12, 2007, 04:00:42 PM
yadz, touching kaayo. and one more thing, yadz, ask Jesus, in prayer, to be your Lord and Savior of your life. That's a requirement in heaven.

yeah..mao jud na ang pinaka importante!

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 12, 2007, 02:13:36 PM
godzilla says: "size does matter."

ay, ganun!
............lolz!
mo matter ba jud d i?? if women ang mo answer ani nga  question, syempre ang tubag, doesnt matter jud..i dont know sa guys..so, unsa jud inyong stand ani??

 

thank you all!

it was aired last sunday and Boy Abunda the manager of Gretchen did tell the truth..
it was really them on the picture and it was a real kiss..
but then boy abunda said, walang love affair...
so, unsa man to?? hinubog lang??
lolz....

intriga...

No one is above the law!
in fairness to her, she has the prettiest mugshot ever!

well, she's rich, famous..an heiress..so, dili na ikatingala kon wild sya...
syempre nagsalig kay naa na tanan, fame and power!
nevertheless, she's a very pretty inmate...

actually, i was the one who posted about Luke M.
i posted it in remembering bohol...
i saw his interview in 'Balikbayan' the other week thats why i decided to post something about him here..

 

cant forget voltes V..
my brother is waiting for this one too...

 


nah, mgpahikay jud ko ani!
lolz...

Quote from: Bohol Philippines on June 12, 2007, 07:24:46 AM
Ako, kung mahubog na akong papa, mangita na ko ug lugar asa ko motago. 

lolz...y man?
hadlok masuguan or hadlok mabunalan??