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Scarb

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The pain of losing a beloved mom
« on: January 13, 2008, 07:25:34 AM »
 > Pinoy Abroad >
01/11/2008 | 08:17 PM

 Happy New Year to all!

Mine is not an unusual story. Everyone and everybody has one way or another narrated some if not all of what I am going to tell.

My life is a roller coaster of desperation, courage, happiness and a bit of all summed up feelings that an individual feels in his/her lifetime.

I have spent half if not two thirds of my life away from my family, spending Christmases and New Years most of the time away from them. Been there, been here and at the end of the day have temporarily settled in one place - United Arab Emirates.

My 26 years in the UAE have brought me all kinds of challenges, may it be personal or professional and I was able to face and carry them all, except for one - recent lost of a loved one who has been an important part of my life - my beloved MOTHER - though I know that in her lifetime, I have given her everything not to mention heartaches and pains.

It was so painful to know that in a matter of one year I lost her to the big "C." She has been my mother first of all, my friend, my everything...the rock within me and the whole of me. Her lost made a big void in my inner me, as if a part of me have gone with her to eternity - I am confused, in a dilemma as to what will come next, but as everybody's been telling me, I have to move on, which at this very moment is what i am slowly doing.

I tried to forget her loss, and pretend that she is still there for me and for us.

When she was still in this world, I used to call her once or twice a day, to know how is she doing, to listen to some tsismis she will tell me, some developments she has, everything there was and there is and there will be.

We argue a lot because of differences in opinions, reasons, decisions from petty to big things and all yet at the end of the day, we either compromise or just forgive and forget; and still our love for each other stands and prevails.

During her sufferings, for the last few months of her life, I was wishing that I was with her because of the long time I was not with her, but she told me, she still understands me, as I have to continue working for my future and prepare for my old age.

She foresaw that I will be alone for the rest of my life as my two children are already married.

Towards her last months, every time I called her, though she is not a whiner or a person to complain of whatever pain she felt, I can feel through her words that she is silently suffering and in much pain.

Then I talked to her on the phone one time, it was in the morning of the day she was brought to the hospital. She did not tell me that she wanted to go to the hospital, because she was already feeling very weak for the reason and for fear that I might not push through with the plan that I have to send back home her favorite great granddaughter whom she had seen through from a mere six-month old baby until this year.

It pained me to think that from the time I brought my granddaughter to live with her parents abroad, she felt more pain than her sufferings have brought her. When even she was in the hospital, she told my auntie not to tell us.

The last time I talked to her on the phone, was when she was still conscious the following day after her hospitalization and I even told her that I thought you are already okay, which she answered, I AM.

I never knew that, that was also the last time I can talk to her normally, because upon my arrival a week after she was hospitalized, she was already in coma, though she still can hear us talking to her.

I can see the pain in her, her grimaced face when she moved but still I cannot hear my NANAY complain. When she wanted to answer affirmatively, she groans as if she wanted to talk or nods her head in agreement, she still hanged onto her life and be with us for as long as she can, yet GOD has something for her to ease her pain and sufferings. He took her four days after my arrival and when everybody had talked to her either personally or by phone to ask her forgiveness and to tell her that we are letting her go.

We lost her before this Christmas, making my holiday season very sad and bleak, though I've tried. That pain of letting her go, made me feel that I am now alone, at the same time console myself that she is already with HIM, with my grandparents and most of all my father, happy through everlasting life.

This message is my way of temporarily letting go of the pain, that built up inside of me since she passed away. I was just narrating some memories of her last days that have stayed in my heart and mind.

I won't mind if readers won't understand what I have written, enough for me that I found a way out to ease a bit of what I felt.

Thanks for having this space for me.

Best regards,

Marseille - U.A.E.
- GMANews.TV

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“Logical consequences are the scarecrows of fools and the beacons of wise men.”~Thomas Henry Huxley~

B:)

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« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2008, 07:28:08 AM »
It's really hard to lose a mother especially whom you adored!

Scarb

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« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2008, 07:32:38 AM »
thanks B,
i dont know what will i do if i lose my mom
i know time will come but as of now
i cant figure it out  ???

B:)

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« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2008, 08:47:05 AM »
You're welcome BlueAngel. And yes I do, loss my mom when I was 19. I've got lots of regrets but what would it do now that she's gone but to grief for the rest of my life.

jtabaco

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« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2008, 12:31:11 PM »
Marseille...My condolences to you and your family! Tho I recently lost my father, it was the sudden loss of my mom back in 02 that reminded me of your pain. Tho she did not suffer long, having gone in the hospital for an almost routine bypass heart operation, survived and look like she was getting better for a few days and then having a massive heart attack. Needless to say the family was devastated.

We suffered with her the loss of my nanay and tatay who we only saw once every 2 years before they died. She did not know that they died until days after they were buried there in Ubujan, not having any internet like now or even phones back then in the barrios, let alone electricity or running water.

When our father died and we buried him next to my mom, I was more distraught over seeing her grave again than laying him to rest next to her. She was the person who held the few of us here in America together. Tho she had 10 kids, 20 grandkids and 2 great grandkids at the time she died, the rest of her family was back there in Bohol. Thanx to the internet and phones, they knew about it right away.

But like the birth of my 3rd grandchild shortly after she died, my 4th grandchild was born 10 days after my father died, so for me it was an even emotional trade. Christ said to let the dead take care of the dead. I'm too busy taking care of the living now to morn except when reminded in a rare moment when there's nothing to do. Keep busy...joey



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