Part 2: Honor and VirginityFor the girls, the worst thing is to be stigmatized as prostitutes, says Leila. "The entire family's honor is dependent on the virginity of the daughters." Sometimes girls call their fathers from her office at Papatya, only to hear shouted responses like: "Now you're a whore."
In many cases, the only solution for girls who have lost their virginity is reconstruction of the hymen. Although German health insurance agencies do not pay for the procedure, counseling centers offer discounted rates as low as €130 ($171), which is one-tenth the usual fee. The demand is apparently as great as the hope that a small piece of skin can save everything for the girls: honor, love and family harmony.
The counselors at Papatya are also aware of the drawbacks of hymen reconstruction, which they say only reinforces the girls' sense of guilt. "They are living a constant lie," says Leila.
Fear and shame also cause many young women to suppress their pregnancies and, when they have no other options, to obtain illegal late-term abortions. In theory, such abortions should not be necessary, because an exception is often made in Germany for underage Muslim girls. If a girl can prove that her life would be in danger if her family discovered her pregnancy, the parental consent requirement is waived for an early abortion.
A Matter of Life and Death
Nevertheless, it is too late by the time many of them arrive at the practice of Dr. Petra Schneider. She seems nervous as she closes the door of her stark examination room. She is afraid of being prosecuted, because the help she offers her female patients is illegal. "The girls usually don't come here alone. Sometimes the mother or the boyfriend comes along. All of them want the same thing: They want it to happen quickly, and to prevent anyone in the family from finding out," she says quietly. A recent patient was a 16-year-old Turkish girl who arrived with her German boyfriend and his mother. The young woman had concealed her pregnancy for six months, wearing baggy clothing and saying that she had gained weight. The family, says Schneider, was only too pleased to believe her.
"End Your Silence, Not Your Life"
At the end of the conversation, Schneider shows this reporter the text of the law that defines advertising for abortion services as a crime -- yet another reason why people are unwilling to reveal their real names when discussing the issue.
"End your silence, not your life," reads a slogan on posters the Charité Hospital puts up in neighborhoods with large Turkish and Arab populations. The posters include the number of a crisis hotline.
Meryam Schouler-Ocak, a senior physician in psychiatry at Charité who runs the Suicide Prevention Initiative for Women With Turkish Immigrant Backgrounds, is behind the campaign. Schouler-Ocak, a petite woman with alert eyes, came to Germany from a Turkish village as a young girl. Before discussing her patients, she says, she feels that it is important to emphasize that honor killings and late-term abortions are not the only realities in the Turkish immigrant community, and that some women in the community live emancipated lives. "The people in my circle of friends and acquaintances all allow their daughters every freedom. Of course, they're all academics," she says.
Nevertheless, Schouler-Ocak is convinced that a liberal worldview and, most of all, equality of the sexes are not widespread among people of Turkish origin in Germany.
Control and Suspicion
Gülay, the young woman from Neukölln, thought long and hard about saving up the money for a hymen reconstruction. Five years ago, her first boyfriend broke up with her after having promised to marry her. After that, other men behaved in the same way, because, as Gülay believes, she was already "dirty."
She and her first boyfriend reconciled a year ago. They were married in March, but only after Gülay had promised him that there had been no one else in her life.
Six weeks later, she left her husband because she couldn't endure his need for control and his suspicions. Now she is living at home with her religious mother once again.
Today, she says, she is only interested in marrying a man who doesn't care about virginity. "You just have to find the right one," she says.
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