Author Topic: Identifying Domestic Violence  (Read 3436 times)

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Identifying Domestic Violence
« on: October 04, 2009, 03:40:34 AM »
Call or text me frequently to find out where I am, who I’m with or what I’m doing?

Call me names, insult me or criticize me?

Act jealous, possessive, controlling or bossy?

Take my money against my wishes or control all the finances?

Threaten to hurt me or someone in my family if I don’t di what they want?

Threaten to hurt themselves if I don’t do what they want?

Follow me or tract me  where I go?

Refuse to allow me normal contact with my family and friends?

Touch or kiss me when I don’t want to? Force me ti have sex? Not let me use birth control?

Use alcohol or drugs and pressure me to do it too?

Destroys your personal property especially items that have special meaning to you?

Keeps you from taking medication you needed or from seeking medical help?

Refuse to let you sleep at night?

If you answer yes to any of these examples, you are in an abusive relationship. Abuse does not have to be physical to be damaging. Yet, I would argue that black eyes and broken noses heat but having someone you love call you “ugly, stupid fat” is far more damaging. It’s these kind of personal attacks to one’s spirit that leave the permanent scars.
 


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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #1 on: October 04, 2009, 04:49:57 AM »
This is truly sad but this happens, thanks for posting Belle!

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #2 on: October 04, 2009, 06:40:38 AM »
Why some women go back to their abusers
By Elizabeth Landau
CNN
    
(CNN) -- A middle-of-the-night fight, a surprise pullout from the Grammy Awards, leaked photos, a police investigation -- new pieces of the puzzle of the alleged assault of pop singer Rihanna by her boyfriend Chris Brown have been emerging since early February.

Singers Rihanna and Chris Brown, shown performing in December, are rumored to be back together.

Then, nearly three weeks after the alleged battery, the couple was reportedly together again. The reconciliation was reported just days before Brown's arraignment, which is expected Thursday in Los Angeles, California.

Brown, 19, has issued an apology for "what transpired" but neither he nor Rihanna, who just turned 21, has directly addressed the allegations.

Many would ask why anyone would return to an abusive partner after leaving, but therapists who treat both abusers and victims say it's common.

The effect is like a "pendulum of pain," said Steven Stosny, counselor and founder of the anger and violence management program CompassionPower, which treats people convicted of abuse in the home.

Abuse victims will "leave out of either fear, anger or resentment," he said. "But then, after the fear, anger or resentment begins to subside, they feel guilt, shame, anxiety, and that takes them back."

After a violent incident, there is often a "honeymoon period" during which the abuser may apologize profusely, give the victim gifts and persuade the victim to stay, experts say. But when that period is over, the abuser may once again become violent.

The reasons for returning to an abusive partner may relate to the days of early humans, who had to fend for themselves in the wild. The powerful psychological mechanisms that lead people to stay in abusive relationships may have developed for survival reasons, Stosny said.

"To leave an attachment relationship -- a relationship where there's an emotional bond -- meant certain death by starvation or saber-tooth tiger," he said.

Abuse happens in both low-income and high-income couples, said Joanna Snawder, who counsels students and community members at the Metropolitan State College of Denver in Colorado. A wealthy woman who has never worked may not want to change her lifestyle, while a poor woman may be financially dependent on her boyfriend or husband.

Regardless, women may not want to break off an abusive relationship because they are afraid to be independent, don't know how to take care of themselves or don't want to face shame from friends and family, she said.

Sometimes the abuser can get his partner to stay with him through manipulation, for instance, telling a woman that he will kill himself if she leaves him, said Mark Crawford, a clinical psychologist based in Roswell, Georgia. Crawford has seen many women stay in relationships because they couldn't bear the guilt of an outcome such as this.

"There are some women who need to be needed so badly they'll put up with anything," Crawford said. "Even if the guy beats the crap out of them, they just feel that responsible for the other person."

The term "the cycle of abuse" is often used to describe how coming from an abusive family is believed to make an individual more likely to be an abuser or to stay in an abusive relationship. "Unless we do a lot of psychological work, we often repeat family structures and dynamics that seem normal to us," Snawder said.

On the other hand, some people who grow up in abusive households do not repeat the behavior they saw at home, she said.

One student Snawder advises voluntarily went back to her abusive boyfriend after having a restraining order placed against him. They are together, but the man is assaulting the young woman again.

"It's really important that a woman reach out and get support from friends, family or a counselor who can help her see that she doesn't have to go back to that relationship," she said.

Men aren't always the abusers. There are relationships in which the woman is the abuser and the man is the victim, and all of the behavioral patterns happen in reverse. For instance, the woman makes the man feel like it's his fault for being beaten, Crawford said.

"Those men just don't have the sense of self to say 'This is not acceptable,'" he said.

Stosny's celebrity clients who have been abusive to their romantic partners may have been negatively affected by their rise to fame early in life, he said. They see themselves as above others, and feel they are entitled to punch someone whenever they feel like it.

"I had one professional basketball player who sexually assaulted a girl. He really in his heart didn't believe that she didn't want to have sex with him," Stosny said.

Can there ever be a happy ending for an abusive relationship? Experts agree that it's unusual, but a relationship in which a partner has been violent can become healthy again if, and only if, the abusive person seeks counseling to change his or her mindset.

"If you don't believe that you have a problem, and you believe the person drove you to it, you're going to have a really hard time seeing that you have a problem," Snawder said.

In practice, however, the victim usually just needs to move on to someone else, she said.


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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2009, 02:35:10 PM »
I do not care what the circumstance is.... violence is NEVER justified especially towards helpless females.  Unfortunately, many women stay in an abusive relationship because of economic reasons and emotional attachment to the abuser.  Nevertheless, the abuse is never justified and it is punishable by law.

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2009, 03:28:03 PM »
Rihanna was interviewed and willingly admitted the mistakes she made. She went public to warn women to learn from her mistakes. Chris was the love of her life, but she was often beaten 8-9x.  She had had enough and although it was hard to separate from him, she did it.

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #5 on: November 07, 2009, 03:40:50 PM »
These sickos, instead of beating their wives, should be made to beat their meat instead. ;D

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #6 on: November 07, 2009, 04:44:48 PM »
Kanang e abuse ang baje,naa ra jud na sa ilaha ug magpa abuse ba. Ang problema diha ug ang imong personality low kaayo mao nang magpadala ra jud sa abuser. Luoy ba pod sila hunahuna-on,daghan nila nga dili ganahan ug e abuse but kulang ilang knowledge about ani.Ang uban kaingon ok ra kay family matters man,ang uban tungod kay helpless sila.It will go back again ug unsay pondo nimo nga personality inside ug gi unsa ka pag padaku ug unsang environment imong gigikanan.Ug ako siguro,dapati kog bisan kausa lang,patay kang lakiha ka. ;D

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #7 on: November 07, 2009, 04:45:02 PM »
These sickos, instead of beating their wives, should be made to beat their meat instead. ;D
yup...agree....palugpitan sa tugas nga pultahan...i wilik pag sira....kutsara gyud ang resulta. ;D ;D ;D

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #8 on: November 07, 2009, 05:19:49 PM »
Hahaha,perting luoya,mag hilak si Inday kay wa nay mo kutsara sa iyaha.

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #9 on: November 08, 2009, 12:24:31 AM »
Better for a man to jump off a cliff or drown himself in the sea than to hurt his own beloved, whom loves him with an enduring heart.

Cherish your love and shower her with all that you can give...so that you are even worthy of her time and presence.

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #10 on: November 14, 2009, 10:22:12 PM »
Hahaha,perting luoya,mag hilak si Inday kay wa nay mo kutsara sa iyaha.

Aw, magkinamot na lamang. ;D

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #11 on: November 14, 2009, 10:59:21 PM »
Aw, magkinamot na lamang. ;D

gamit na gyud ang kitoy ani?

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #12 on: November 14, 2009, 11:06:57 PM »
gamit na gyud ang kitoy ani?

Naa nay napul-ag gamit, Bay Bugs, mao nga nakahukom nang magminjo, bwahaha! ;D

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #13 on: November 14, 2009, 11:13:15 PM »
Naa nay napul-ag gamit, Bay Bugs, mao nga nakahukom nang magminjo, bwahaha! ;D

kalooy tawon sa di makapanagang....kay mabulit sa libak...nyahahaha

paapilon ra ba daw niya ang iyang bana inig ka minyo na nila... ???

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #14 on: November 14, 2009, 11:18:15 PM »
kalooy tawon sa di makapanagang....kay mabulit sa libak...nyahahaha

paapilon ra ba daw niya ang iyang bana inig ka minyo na nila... ???

Bitaw kuno. Bisdak ba kaha pud ang mohon adto... ;D

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #15 on: November 14, 2009, 11:26:34 PM »
Bitaw kuno. Bisdak ba kaha pud ang mohon adto... ;D

ang panultihon nga "opposite attract" basin di ni sila parehas.....

pero makasakay sab seguro kon cowboy lang sab.

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #16 on: November 15, 2009, 10:27:15 AM »
Thanks God my answers were all NO.. goodness, unsa kaha bation nako if i can experience these things

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #17 on: November 15, 2009, 03:03:44 PM »
ang panultihon nga "opposite attract" basin di ni sila parehas.....

pero makasakay sab seguro kon cowboy lang sab.

Kon sakay-sakay kang ang hisgotan, morag bakyano na ning tawhana. ;D

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #18 on: November 15, 2009, 03:06:20 PM »
Naa nay napul-ag gamit, Bay Bugs, mao nga nakahukom nang magminjo, bwahaha! ;D


kalooy tawon sa di makapanagang....kay mabulit sa libak...nyahahaha

paapilon ra ba daw niya ang iyang bana inig ka minyo na nila... ???



Hahahahha.murag mao mao man ni. ;D

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #19 on: November 15, 2009, 03:07:14 PM »
Kon sakay-sakay kang ang hisgotan, morag bakyano na ning tawhana. ;D

kon sakay ang hisgutan, nag sinakayay na gyud ni sila... ;D

unsa nang "bakyano" bai Hubs?

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #20 on: November 15, 2009, 03:08:14 PM »
Hahahaha.Naghuman na diay ug pa hanoy hanoy...

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #21 on: November 15, 2009, 03:12:31 PM »
kon sakay ang hisgutan, nag sinakayay na gyud ni sila... ;D

unsa nang "bakyano" bai Hubs?

He he, kana bitawng hanas o haniti... ;D

Tungod sa long experience, pwede na pijongan, bwahaha. ;D

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #22 on: November 15, 2009, 03:12:58 PM »
Hahahaha.Naghuman na diay ug pa hanoy hanoy...

kon mag kuan o day misty, ayaw lang sab nang bayolinte kaayo....ok ra nang mag syaget-syaget, basta'g layo ug silingan.

hehehe ...aron di ma OT.

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #23 on: November 15, 2009, 03:14:15 PM »
Hala, nganong naghisgot man ta sa giplanong kaminjoon ni Inday Misty under this topic?. Matod pas ahong amiga kaniadto, Ka-bad, oi! ;D

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #24 on: November 15, 2009, 03:14:34 PM »
He he, kana bitawng hanas o haniti... ;D

Tungod sa long experience, pwede na pijongan, bwahaha. ;D

bwahahahah...

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #25 on: November 15, 2009, 03:15:21 PM »
Hala, nganong naghisgot man ta sa giplanong kaminjoon ni Inday Misty under this topic?. Matod pas ahong amiga kaniadto, Ka-bad, oi! ;D

taghuwat ra ni, kay mag himo daw siya ug lain...heheeh

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #26 on: November 15, 2009, 03:18:39 PM »
"You will be happy if you're living the truth...as the truth will set you free"

Keep Smiling :)

  Misty LOVE   :)

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #27 on: November 15, 2009, 03:19:25 PM »
Hadlok ra ni kay ang topic diria kay domestic violence man.basin mahimo unya kong usa niini simbako.

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #28 on: November 15, 2009, 03:20:08 PM »
At least, si Inday Misty, dili na ni sija mag-skandalosa sama niadtong bajeng tiguls na naminjo.

As the story goes, sa ilang first night, nangabri kuno ang bride sa bintana ug nagsyagit-syagit. Nija pa, "Pesteng jawa mong mga silingana mo! Bikog! Nganong wa man mo mangatodas sa el tor! Wa jud mo magsaba mga inatay! Kon kahibawo pa ko nga ingon diay ni ani kalami, dugay ra kong gaminjo!"

Bwahaha. ;D

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #29 on: November 15, 2009, 03:21:44 PM »
At least, si Inday Misty, dili na ni sija mag-skandalosa sama niadtong bajeng tiguls na naminjo.

As the story goes, sa ilang first night, nangabri kuno ang bride sa bintana ug nagsyagit-syagit. Nija pa, "Pesteng jawa mong mga silingana mo! Bikog! Nganong wa man mo mangatodas sa el tor! Wa jud mo magsaba mga inatay! Kon kahibawo pa ko nga ingon diay ni ani kalami, dugay ra kong gaminjo!"

Bwahaha. ;D


kalooy pod...bwahahahah.....

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #30 on: November 15, 2009, 03:23:09 PM »
At least, si Inday Misty, dili na ni sija mag-skandalosa sama niadtong bajeng tiguls na naminjo.

As the story goes, sa ilang first night, nangabri kuno ang bride sa bintana ug nagsyagit-syagit. Nija pa, "Pesteng jawa mong mga silingana mo! Bikog! Nganong wa man mo mangatodas sa el tor! Wa jud mo magsaba mga inatay! Kon kahibawo pa ko nga ingon diay ni ani kalami, dugay ra kong gaminjo!"

Bwahaha. ;D




Hahahaha. Nagwala diay si manang.tawon pod. ;D

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #31 on: November 15, 2009, 03:57:34 PM »
He, he. Oops, sibat sa ko, Day Mist ug Bay Bugs. Naay daghang tubow, basin makatamak pa ko... ;D

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AsPo

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #32 on: November 16, 2009, 07:08:30 PM »
Hadlok ra ni kay ang topic diria kay domestic violence man.basin mahimo unya kong usa niini simbako.

ajaw padaog mist,ikaw una mosumbag
ako lagot ko ako bana ako paakon da.tagbaw ako kalagot

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hubag bohol

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Re: Identifying Domestic Violence
« Reply #33 on: November 17, 2009, 04:57:22 AM »
ajaw padaog mist,ikaw una mosumbag
ako lagot ko ako bana ako paakon da.tagbaw ako kalagot

Tagbaw jud hinuon, labi nag paksit jud, he he. ;D

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