Yeah I know but is not what I say everybody said that after the second travel to philippines I came back very different. too much changed. lol my mother when I landed in Madrid saw me and in 2 minutes already said "What happened there?" "You won´t go there anymore" XD my friends said I am not the same one, that somebody changed myself for other Ricky lol and my ex gf´s says the same so definitely something changed inside me there for good or for bad and the worst part I found out is that...
Right away I meet a girl here I start to scan her, to listen reaaaally carefully, observe what she does, how she behaves, what she says, trying to find "red flags" Lol I never did that before in my life hahaha I do it not in purpose it´s uncounsciusly XD and the first minimal little detail I do not like I discard her or end the relation before going further. As well as a colateral effect I am less talkative to people I do not know and a girl I am dating since some time ago but not a formal relationship, said I was before very sweet and caring and now I am an Iceman with no emotions at all with a cold heart, just really distant and cold, and maybe she is right
do not know why happened all that but happened.
So it´s difficult for me to get involved in a relationship as before as I always will find something to untrust them, I hope with the time I get back to the old me and can trust the people as easy as before but it´s beeing hard...and well at least I have plenty of funny experiences to tell the people of my travels sa pinas lol, even if I see them funny thinking carefully I was reaaaaaally lucky nothing bad happened to me cause I did plenty of stupid things there but seems I had a hidden angel while I was there
So for the moment I do not have any more GF lol
Ricky, it seems that you were really hurt back in Cebu, and I'm really sorry to hear that this affected you. I can't begin to imagine the experience that you went through, or had felt, because each experience is unique from person to person. One thing is true tho, my friend, is that trust is essential in a relationship. When that essential trust is broken, erroded, it changes everything. It can almost be traumatic especially when we put alot of emotional, physical, and financial investment in a relationship, dreams are created, futures are planned out, and in the end, it comes falling down to pieces. Its effect is absolute.
It is natural if we take it hard, and increase our defenses , its perfectly natural. Ricky, no one wants to be hurt, let alone be abused and used in such a way that would hurt our inner most being. This pain, this feeling of mistrust is a reaction to a hurt we experience.
My only advice to you, while being sensitive to your situation, is to date openly. There is a liberating feeling of seeing women on the side and not witholding any attachments to them, emotionally. I know how it is like to feel betrayed, and dreams falling short. In college, I dated a woman who I had emulsified my whole heart to, and then to find out that I was giving too much. The feelings were not mutual, and the pain of moving on and coming to terms with our phasing out was painful. It affected me in such a way that I became rather serious and closed off to relationships, a sense of mistrust on women in general. Then i started to realize that the reasons for this was because of my innate goodness. One tends to get taken advantage when one is 'Too Nice'. Its just the truth. Being too nice, too helpful, has its bad points; one gets taken advantage of. So I developed a tougher skin, decided to play the 'game' for a while. for once. I dated different women every week, developed physical relationships yet at the same time not developing any emotional attachments. It felt good. Quite liberating.
Thats how i moved on from my past relationship failure. You live and move on. And in time, we can learn to start trusting again. But give it some time. In the mean time. Enjoy yourself, and your single life. Don't be afraid to play around, don't be afraid to live life. You are young, handsome, and free. Take advantage of it.
You're a good guy. You will, in time, find that good girl to compliment you. In time.
Cheers. Regards!
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