Author Topic: Falling out of love  (Read 3125 times)

lumine

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Falling out of love
« on: July 01, 2007, 09:40:17 PM »


POR VIDA By Archie Modequillo
Sunday, July 1, 2007


There is in our world a certain illness, so widespread yet has no name of its own. It afflicts so many, perhaps even all of us, only at varying gravity. Its general symptom is an insatiable yearning for anything unavailable, leaving its victims unhappy with what’s in their possession or what they can acquire easily.

Some romantic philosophers say that it is human nature to value only what one cannot fully possess. Pure love, according to them, is kept alive by chasing a loved one who is not fully accessible or impossible for conquest. An interesting observation, indeed.

There seems to be some truth to it. Consider how many of us so intensely crave for things that are beyond our reach. We want to have the best home, the best car, the best job, fantasize over the faces and bodies we see in fashion magazines, pursue people who reject us.

Yet whatever we highly value and try so hard to acquire or attain tends to lose much of its appeal the moment we have it. In our love relationships, particularly in marriage, many look back to the courtship as the more satisfying phase. Once they’ve settled down and made the relationship secure, the love flame begins to fade.

For instance, it is common to find a man who, as soon as he becomes assured that he is wanted and needed, ceases to court his woman and, instead, wants to be courted by her. This changed attitude can boggle the mind, because the more he is assured of her devotion, the faster he falls out of love.

It’s utterly unfair, of course. But it is unfair, as well, to quickly condemn such a man. He may just be behaving according to his own uncontrollable emotional tides. Perhaps he is equally in great misery over his ebbing affection for his spouse.

On the other hand, the woman cannot be blamed for being sore over her man’s emergent disinterest in her. She may contain her grievance for a while, trying to understand if it’s she who is causing his coldness. Then, eventually, she absolves herself and the man she loves of the fault and points her anger elsewhere—usually at another woman.

Even the most rational and composed woman will break down at the thought of being shunned by her man for another woman. As she thinks that he is no longer fully hers and fearing that she will eventually lose him completely, her yearning for him can grow into near mad obsession.

Some people intentionally make themselves “scarce” to their spouses, as a tactic for raising their perceived value by their mates. “She craves for me more when I’m not always available,” one man says. It might be true. But the efficacy of such a trick is often short-lived. Also, it is bound to have harmful repercussions.

Any scheme designed to create a false perception, for the sake of heightening one’s value to the other party in the relationship, may work somehow. But a sham will not hold for long. And no real intimacy will develop between the partners if the relationship is laced with a lie.

It is said that familiarity breeds contempt. And so probably does security. During courtship, our affection combines with our fear of losing the other person so that we always try to please our beloved, to increase our value to him or her. But once the challenge is gone, the attraction begins to decline.

The very things we do in courtship may have much to do with our feeling of being in love. Our good regard for the other person is sustained by our own efforts in always trying to charm him or her. The sweet nothings, the simple hellos, the dinners together, the intimate trysts, everything helps turn the initial attraction into deep affection.

While a loving hug or approving smile is a dear prize that keeps us doing what we do for our sweetheart, it is also a motivation for us to do more. When we see that our actions are drawing us closer to the one we love, we keep at it. We don’t want the gained intimacy to decline.

But when one or both parties come to feel that the relationship is secure, they will no longer see any reason to continue trying to please each other.

Experts on human behavior say that the tendency to fall out of love is a universal human trait. Precisely why society devised the marriage contract. Wedded couples commit to love each other and stay together in marriage, “for better or for worse.” Yet with today’s rising number of broken marriages, it’s obvious that the marital promise is getting hard to keep.

There is, as we can see, a need for spouses to commit themselves to the relationship way prior to and beyond the exchanging of vows at the wedding rites. There has to be, in themselves individually and together, a clear and solid reason for the marriage decision. There has to be, also, a profound understanding between the partners of their obligations to each other and to the union.

Perhaps more than the need to know the other person, knowing oneself is an important requirement in a love relationship. As we know, it’s not going to be fair weather every day. Yet we pay little attention to our own tendencies of behaving under stress. Even when things are going all right, we may not feel okay, and look out for someone to blame for our distress. Often the one closest to us unjustly gets the blows.

Couples must continually find new expressions of love and concern for each other, similar to what they do during courtship. Otherwise, they will risk diminishing their feelings, even their respect, for each other. And when the love is all gone, they’ll end up hating each other like mortal enemies where they started out loving each other infinitely.

If we are to continue loving our mates, we must go on courting them, even after feeling assured of their devotion. We must enjoy making the other person happy. It is the foundation of a healthy union, when what one does to another gratifies both of them.

“But,” someone may object, “if being in a relationship is to be such an unremitting, painstaking endeavor, we’d rather stay out of it.” Then better stay out of it. If you find it a hassle to be mindful of another person’s feelings and wellbeing, to be always checking your own conduct towards him or her, you’re not ready.

If you feel that you have the “illness” in you and can’t seem to contain it, stay clear of a relationship. Work hard on your own maturity; until you gain the capacity to share yourself and your life with another. In the meantime, go hug yourself in the corner, have a beer—and spare the world of any more possible heartbreaks.



source: The Freeman

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hazel

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2007, 04:14:19 AM »
If love is weathering the test of time and changes and sticking by your side, the fact that someone can leave, to me, feels like it wasn't quite love, however it might have seemed at the time. Chances are one or both people were going on emotions alone.

If love is entirely emotionally based for one or both people, those feelings easily wax and wane. If both people have made a commitment on behalf of another person to make it work, it's more likely to last and that is the selflessness that embodies love, vs I just don't feel it anymore.



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Happy

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2007, 05:16:39 AM »
Love and commitments.

IMO...Thats why courtship never ends, its stays through the whole life of a couple.


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C2H4

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2007, 01:48:00 PM »
Men are so competitive. They love the chase.

Mao na mga girls, ayaw na pagpa kipot. Sugta dayon, that way you won't give them the satisfaction of going through the whole exciting process of the chase, and it saves you time. You don't want to make pakipot for six months only to realize after you've given him your sweet yes, that the only reason he stuck around that long was not his undying love for you but the adrenaline rush from the chase.

You'd have wasted six months of your life then, over the wrong guy.

So girls, no pakipot please.

PS. I'm just kidding.  ;D

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Happy

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2007, 09:39:57 PM »
C2 kung sugton dayon kay hadlok man kung dili na mobalik, maayo nang pakipot kipot sa para mobalik pa ;D

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2007, 10:39:11 PM »
Men are so competitive. They love the chase.

Mao na mga girls, ayaw na pagpa kipot. Sugta dayon, that way you won't give them the satisfaction of going through the whole exciting process of the chase, and it saves you time. You don't want to make pakipot for six months only to realize after you've given him your sweet yes, that the only reason he stuck around that long was not his undying love for you but the adrenaline rush from the chase.

You'd have wasted six months of your life then, over the wrong guy.

So girls, no pakipot please.

PS. I'm just kidding.  ;D








mao na!!! pero di ka pa hold sa imong hands!!!!!! wahahahahahahah

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C2H4

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2007, 12:07:56 AM »







mao na!!! pero di ka pa hold sa imong hands!!!!!! wahahahahahahah


Ms belle, virgin pa man gud ko adto nga time. Karon, ako na'y mag una2x ug hold hands oi!

Bwahahaha!

Joke!




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Ginger

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2008, 03:25:20 AM »
Men are so competitive. They love the chase.

Mao na mga girls, ayaw na pagpa kipot. Sugta dayon, that way you won't give them the satisfaction of going through the whole exciting process of the chase, and it saves you time. You don't want to make pakipot for six months only to realize after you've given him your sweet yes, that the only reason he stuck around that long was not his undying love for you but the adrenaline rush from the chase.

You'd have wasted six months of your life then, over the wrong guy.

So girls, no pakipot please.

PS. I'm just kidding.  ;D

I'm digging old threads coz I missed a lot of the pioneers in TB. Usa na si Ms Ethyl...

Ms Ethyl, i'm not falling out of love with you yet...;D

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #8 on: December 13, 2008, 03:32:42 AM »
Wala pa ko sukad na fall out of love. :D

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #9 on: December 13, 2008, 03:35:19 AM »

As I read the earlier posts, I noticed I said something in there...

hahaha wa naku kasabot karon ug unsa. ;D

wa man pud noon ko ma fall out of love...

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #10 on: December 13, 2008, 03:36:35 AM »
Either you love a person or you don't. 

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #11 on: December 13, 2008, 03:41:10 AM »

But what if you love and he don't or confused? hmmmp!

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #12 on: December 13, 2008, 03:43:21 AM »
Love him nonetheless.  You don't have to be reciprocated to love somebody. Oh diva, martir epek!

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #13 on: December 13, 2008, 04:47:39 AM »
A Champion is a dreamer that refused to give up!

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #14 on: December 13, 2008, 04:49:28 AM »
Love him nonetheless.  You don't have to be reciprocated to love somebody. Oh diva, martir epek!

mo apply pa ba ni ang love yourself above all ???

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #15 on: December 13, 2008, 12:21:51 PM »
mo apply pa ba ni ang love yourself above all ???

That's the only kind of love Haze that you can't afford to fall out of love.

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #16 on: January 12, 2009, 11:40:20 PM »
dapat kung ang babae wala pa gi kissan after one week nga nag uyab sila buwagan na niya dapat.. kay unyag pareha silag type

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #17 on: January 13, 2009, 02:26:55 AM »
Love him nonetheless.  You don't have to be reciprocated to love somebody. Oh diva, martir epek!

ate, imo, it's always better if mas labaw ang love sa guy for you. cause dali rajud bya ta ma inlove.

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #18 on: January 13, 2009, 02:33:34 AM »
dapat kung ang babae wala pa gi kissan after one week nga nag uyab sila buwagan na niya dapat.. kay unyag pareha silag type
sa una rang panahon nang kiss pag nagkauyab na mo

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hmmmmm

ayessa

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #19 on: January 13, 2009, 02:35:12 AM »
bitaw dali ra ang mga babae ma in love pero mas dali ang mga lalaki magpuli.. makakita lang nag lain..

pasaput saput dayun.. kabuwagun na diay..

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david

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #20 on: January 13, 2009, 02:38:41 AM »
parihas ra oy kamong mga baje kita lang og gwapo moka ringking pod dayon

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hmmmmm

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Re: Falling out of love
« Reply #21 on: January 13, 2009, 02:39:00 AM »
hmmmmm

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