Author Topic: Pinoy Jokes Humor  (Read 8433 times)

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Pinoy Jokes Humor
« on: January 22, 2010, 07:23:32 PM »
1.    Yaya buys food at McDo. 
 Crew: “Dito niyo na po ba kakainin ?” 
 Yaya: “Puwede sa table?”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
2. Kid: “Yaya look, boats!” 
 Yaya: “Dows are not boats, dey’re yachts.” 
 Kid: “Yaya, spell yachts?” 
 Yaya: “Yor rayt, dey are boats.”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor’s office. 
 Doc: “Bottlefed?” 
 Woman: “ Breastfed po.” 
 (Doctors squeezes woman’s breasts repeatedly) 
 Doc: “Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh.” 
 Woman: “Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten. 
 She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor: 
 â€œManong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star. 
 Our yaya came back and said: “Ma’am, wala pong Inquirer 
 kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
6. Yaya: “Huhuhu…” 
 Ate: “O, bakit ka umiiyak?” 
 Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!” 
 Ate: “Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?” 
 Yaya: “Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi.” 
 Ate: “O, bakit ka di makatulog?” 
 Yaya: “Kasi po may pinoproblema ako…” 
 Ate: “Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?” 
 Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
7. (Earlier) Mom: “Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!” 
 (Later) Son: “Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?” 
 Yaya: “Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
8. Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform. 
 I angrily asked her, “Paano mo naman nasunog to?” 
 She answered: “Secret!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
9. After watch in g a movie, our yaya blurted out : 
 â€œAng pangit naman, happy ending!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
10. Sir: “Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!” 
 Yaya: “Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
11. Mom: “Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!” 
 Yaya: “Ano po lulutuin ko?” 
 Mom: “It’s up to you.” 
 (Dur in g d in ner) Mom: “Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?” 
 Yaya: “Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutu in ko, 
 sabi niyo, ‘kitsup tuyo’!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
12. Our neighbor’s yaya: “Junjun, chew your mouth!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
13. Our yaya sa sari-sari store: “Miss isang Coke in can 
 at isang Sprite na Coke in can…”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
14. SIR: “Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!” 
 INDAY: “Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?” 
 SIR: “Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!” 
 INDAY: “Gago ka rin ! Si sir ang tawag sa  kin …kapkeyk…”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
15. I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located. 
 She answered: “Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
16. “O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?” 
 Yaya: “Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!” 
 Ate: “Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?” 
 Yaya: “Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
17. We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle. 
 Sabi nam in : “Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?” 
 Yaya: “Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, ‘concentrate’…”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
18. Neighbor’s yaya tell in g the dog to climb down the stairs: 
 â€œDown to earth! Down to earth!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
19. My mom was go in g to buy our yaya a transistor radio. 
 Before my mom left the house, our yaya said, 
 â€œMa’am, ang kun in niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
20.. We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya’s son. 
 So one day I was reviewing him: “The Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun. 
 Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?” His mom, our yaya, answered: 
 â€œParang Watson’s yata…”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
21. Sir: “Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?” 
 Yaya: “Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!” 
 Sir: “Good! Anong p in ang-tanggal mo?” 
 Yaya: “Gunting, kuya! Gunting!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
22. Yaya to tricycle driver: “Magkano sa City Hall?” 
 Driver: “Ikaw lang?” Yaya: “Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
23. (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya) 
 Kuya: “Yaya…” 
 Yaya: “Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!” 
 Kuya: “Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!” 
 Yaya: “Si Koya naman…nagsa-suggest lang…”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
24. Kid: “Yaya, spell orange?” 
 Yaya: “Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
25. Midget Yaya who was newly hired: 
 â€œSuwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo. 
 At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
26. Yaya to my brother: “Nag tothbrush kana ng ipin ?” 
 Bro: “Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
27. (after being scolded for breaking her promises): 
 â€œMa’am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit…promise!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
28. We had a yaya who claimed she was being courted by a kapre in her province and wanted to take her to his kingdom. 
 Her reason for turning down the offer to be his queen? 
 â€œKapre yun ma’am, malaki ang kwan nun! Wag na uy!”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
29. AMO: “Bakit namatay ang aso?” 
 MAID: “Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap.” 
 AMO: “Nakamamatay ba yun?” 
 MAID: “Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na.. ”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
30.. Yaya pick in g up the phone saying: “ Hilo ?” 
 We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad. 
 We told her, “Yaya, baliktad!” 
 Then Yaya said: “Lohi?”
 ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------ 
31. Amo: Yaya use COOLING PLACE in a sentence.   
 Yaya: Sir! viry easy! iksample nag ring yung phone, 
 (rin g, rin g, rin g,) Yaya answered, " HILO , WHO'S COOLING PLACE?"

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glacier_71

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2010, 09:12:42 AM »
jerjer is dangerous....'ayay! kasakit!

jerjer is religious....'oh, god, kalami'

jerjer is athletic ....'sige, paspasi pa'

jerjer is deadly....'suwayi og ibot, di ba patyon teka'

whehehehhe

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lionshearth

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2010, 04:16:27 PM »

Wife: boknoy tagai ragud ko ug kwarta!

Boknoy Bana: Unsaon mana nimong kwarta nga lisod raba ta karon?

Wife: akong ipalit ug BRA.

Boknoy Bana: Ahhh!!!tugatuga paman kag sul-ot ug BRA nga perting gamaya       manang dede mo.

Wife: ikaw man gani sab, nag tugatuga mansab kag sul-ot ug "BRIEF" nga perting gamaya man gani sab nang imoha.....

AHHHHHH>>>>>>>hahhahahahaa.....

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bugsay

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2010, 04:23:21 PM »
peskot....di na diay ko angayan mag brief?.....bwahahahhahaah

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #4 on: January 27, 2010, 07:00:42 PM »

hubag bohol

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #5 on: January 28, 2010, 07:43:06 PM »
Kinahanglang sul-oban og brief aron dili malugpitan! ;D

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lionshearth

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #6 on: January 28, 2010, 08:11:01 PM »
Manag compare successful sa pagkamananggite ug tuba sa Lubi, usa ka buntag, nag abot sila sa managduol nilang sanggutan, nahisgutan nila ang ilang kahimtang sa kinabuhi ug miabot sila sa ingon ining punto,:

Compare 1:  Matay pre no' wala ra hibal eh nakapahuman ka ug eskwela sa imong mga anak!

Compare 2: O lagi pre, sa akong pagpaningkamot ug pananggot, wa damha?nakahuman ug eskwela ang akong mga anak.

Compare 1: Mao bitaw pre, Duna nagud kay Engineers, tapos Seaman, ug duna pa gyud kay Nursing.

Compare 2: Kaloy-an ra gihapon sa kahitas-an ang akong pagsaka kana-og ning punu-an sa lubi.

Compare 1: Ako pre mao rasab ni akong paglaum, kining akong "Narsing".

Compare 2: Unsa pre, duna sab kay Nursing? Diba gamay paman to imong anak?

Compare 1: Oo, naa nakoy Narsing pre', Kadyot lang kay akong tawagun.......NARSING ali ragud dire......


Bweeeheheheee..... ;D

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #7 on: January 28, 2010, 08:11:40 PM »
"love one another" love another one

statesville

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #8 on: January 30, 2010, 09:20:03 AM »
Every Christian has GPS -God-Provided Salvation!
It may not guide you to everywhere you want to go in this world, but it will ensure  that you arrive safely in heaven.

niloandingdigal

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #9 on: February 04, 2010, 06:47:12 AM »
"ANG BADING NA MA-AGANG MAGISING,KAGABI WALANG BOOKING"

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bol-anon quo nyur!

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #10 on: February 04, 2010, 07:54:54 AM »
 BANA: Inday paremedyuha ko bi.
 ASAWA: Naa koy bisita Dong. Oh, diay 50 pesos aron ka maka remedyo didto syudad.
 BANA: Salamat Inday kay maka remedyo jud ko ani.....

 PAGKA UGMA.....
 ASAWA: Unya Dong, naka remedyo ka?
 BANA: O Inday, ug gani dia pay sukli 25 pesos, kay nagkita man mi ni Mare didto ug 25 pesos ra
 iyang gipaningil...
 ASAWA: Boang! Boang! Gipaninglan ka niya? Nga kon si Pare mo remedyo nako LIBRE man! :D :D

 Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....


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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #11 on: February 04, 2010, 10:44:04 AM »
BANA: Inday paremedyuha ko bi.
 ASAWA: Naa koy bisita Dong. Oh, diay 50 pesos aron ka maka remedyo didto syudad.
 BANA: Salamat Inday kay maka remedyo jud ko ani.....

 PAGKA UGMA.....
 ASAWA: Unya Dong, naka remedyo ka?
 BANA: O Inday, ug gani dia pay sukli 25 pesos, kay nagkita man mi ni Mare didto ug 25 pesos ra
 iyang gipaningil...
 ASAWA: Boang! Boang! Gipaninglan ka niya? Nga kon si Pare mo remedyo nako LIBRE man! :D :D

 Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....




shalan ba oi! mga swingers? hahahahha!

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #12 on: February 04, 2010, 10:55:10 AM »
gitika ko goliat! hahahahhaha

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #13 on: February 04, 2010, 11:06:18 AM »
Usa ka politico ang nitungas sa bukid kay nidiskurso ug nihatag ug pagpasabot sa plataporma
sa iyang pagpapili isip bise mayor sa lungsod.
Ug tungod kay na gabi-han na siya wa nalang nibalik sa lungsod anang gabiiha ug didto nalang natulog sa balay sa iyang
sister in law nga si Milagros...asawa sa iyang manghod nga nagtrabaho sa gawas isip marinero.

nianang pagkagabii...nabag-ohan sa balay,wa siya nakatulog ug nag alindasay nga gibanigan sa sala.

ang babaye sab diay nag alindasay sab.

nag knitty lang ug mipis kaayo ug wa na nag panty nya wa gisira ang pultahan aron dali ma-alinggatan....
apan way malisya na nasulod sa hunahuna sa politico

abtan ug pila ka gutlo gigawas ang babaye ug gipasiga ang suga ug niingon "excuse me kay moadto ko sa CR"...dang lakang tungod sa nawong sa lalaki...

Apan wa gyud nanumbaling ang lalaki....ug wa gihapoy malisya nga nisulod sa iyang hunahuna.


hangtod nituktugaok ang manok...ug nibidlisiw ang haring adlaw sa sayong kabuntagon....

dihay guwangon nang babaye nga silingan ni Milagros ang nanawag didto sa luyo sa balay..


Silingang Babaye: "Milagros, di man mohabal ang imong botakal sa akong anay, dai"

Milagros : "Aw, basin molansar pagka bise mayor!!"....


nyahahahhahah





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ms da binsi

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #14 on: February 04, 2010, 12:33:52 PM »

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Chongki

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #15 on: February 04, 2010, 12:38:38 PM »
bai bugz mao bitaw na dili ko mo entra og politika  ;D bwahahahahaha ...... nice one bai.

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #16 on: February 04, 2010, 01:26:57 PM »
hahaha di ba kasagaran sa mga politico daghan ug anay.

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #17 on: February 08, 2010, 03:17:32 AM »
A good secretary will greet her boss in the morning, Good morning Sir!
A bad secretary will say, morning na sir....

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #18 on: February 08, 2010, 05:58:41 AM »
A good secretary will greet her boss in the morning, Good morning Sir!
A bad secretary will say, morning na sir....

Wa kaha ni mabali, Bay Lion? ;D

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #19 on: February 08, 2010, 08:28:46 AM »
Usa ka politico ang nitungas sa bukid kay nidiskurso ug nihatag ug pagpasabot sa plataporma
sa iyang pagpapili isip bise mayor sa lungsod.
Ug tungod kay na gabi-han na siya wa nalang nibalik sa lungsod anang gabiiha ug didto nalang natulog sa balay sa iyang
sister in law nga si Milagros...asawa sa iyang manghod nga nagtrabaho sa gawas isip marinero.

nianang pagkagabii...nabag-ohan sa balay,wa siya nakatulog ug nag alindasay nga gibanigan sa sala.

ang babaye sab diay nag alindasay sab.

nag knitty lang ug mipis kaayo ug wa na nag panty nya wa gisira ang pultahan aron dali ma-alinggatan....
apan way malisya na nasulod sa hunahuna sa politico

abtan ug pila ka gutlo gigawas ang babaye ug gipasiga ang suga ug niingon "excuse me kay moadto ko sa CR"...dang lakang tungod sa nawong sa lalaki...

Apan wa gyud nanumbaling ang lalaki....ug wa gihapoy malisya nga nisulod sa iyang hunahuna.


hangtod nituktugaok ang manok...ug nibidlisiw ang haring adlaw sa sayong kabuntagon....

dihay guwangon nang babaye nga silingan ni Milagros ang nanawag didto sa luyo sa balay..


Silingang Babaye: "Milagros, di man mohabal ang imong botakal sa akong anay, dai"

Milagros : "Aw, basin molansar pagka bise mayor!!"....


nyahahahhahah



hahahahaha.

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #20 on: February 08, 2010, 08:35:31 AM »
sa lasang, nangihi si Juan.

Juan: 'Pre Pedro, gipaak og Cobra akong oten, tabang!

Pedro: Tawag sa ko og doctor (pinakuha og cell). Doc, gipaak og cobra akong amigo, unsay buhaton nako?

Doctor: Supsupon nimo ang dugo kung asa gipaak imong amigo.

Juan: unsay giingon sa doctor?

Pedro: Mamatay na daw ka?

whahahahaha

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #21 on: February 08, 2010, 08:57:39 AM »

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #22 on: February 08, 2010, 09:35:22 AM »
A Champion is a dreamer that refused to give up!

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #23 on: February 08, 2010, 09:44:41 AM »
dili diay mosupsop hahaha.

hahaha. kay og hilig pa to mosopsop..moingon man tong Juan...matud sa doc, ako kono nang sopsopon imoha kada 30 mins. hahahahahhaa

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #24 on: February 08, 2010, 10:16:24 AM »
sa lasang, nangihi si Juan.

Juan: 'Pre Pedro, gipaak og Cobra akong oten, tabang!

Pedro: Tawag sa ko og doctor (pinakuha og cell). Doc, gipaak og cobra akong amigo, unsay buhaton nako?

Doctor: Supsupon nimo ang dugo kung asa gipaak imong amigo.

Juan: unsay giingon sa doctor?

Pedro: Mamatay na daw ka?

whahahahaha

Bwahaha. Naa diay mga sitwasyon nga mapakinabangan ang bajot! ;D

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #25 on: February 08, 2010, 10:17:31 AM »
Kalainan sa paghalok sa gwapa ug sa batig nawong

Anak: Tay, parehas ra ba ang paghalok sa gwapa ug sa batig nawong?

Tatay: Dili, Nak. Gwapa gani, hagki ang nawong ug kumota ang tutoy. Pero kon batig nawong, hagki ang tutoy ug kumota ang nawong!

;D


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glacier_71

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #26 on: February 08, 2010, 10:23:31 AM »
Bwahaha. Naa diay mga sitwasyon nga mapakinabangan ang bajot! ;D

pasalamat sila naay kobra...hahahahaha

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Chongki

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #27 on: February 08, 2010, 03:33:07 PM »
Kalainan sa paghalok sa gwapa ug sa batig nawong

Anak: Tay, parehas ra ba ang paghalok sa gwapa ug sa batig nawong?

Tatay: Dili, Nak. Gwapa gani, hagki ang nawong ug kumota ang tutoy. Pero kon batig nawong, hagki ang tutoy ug kumota ang nawong!

;D


bwahahahaha  ;D ..... mao gyud

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bugsay

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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #28 on: February 19, 2010, 09:02:18 AM »
Amo nga Lalake: hoy, hoy hoy naunsa mo nga buntag sayo saba man kaayo mo?

Maid: ayy..si maam sir ayyy...gipasuminglan ko nga nagkuha sa iyang panty....ikaw sir kahibawo gyud ka nga di ko mag panty..

nyahahahah


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Re: Pinoy Jokes Humor
« Reply #29 on: February 19, 2010, 10:08:41 AM »
Amo nga Lalake: hoy, hoy hoy naunsa mo nga buntag sayo saba man kaayo mo?

Maid: ayy..si maam sir ayyy...gipasuminglan ko nga nagkuha sa iyang panty....ikaw sir kahibawo gyud ka nga di ko mag panty..

nyahahahah


Kanay supermaid... ;D

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