Author Topic: IF NOAH WAS A FILIPINO....  (Read 925 times)

aquarius

  • STUDENT
  • *
  • Posts: 409
  • bol-anon ang punoan..
    • View Profile
IF NOAH WAS A FILIPINO....
« on: March 15, 2010, 09:50:30 AM »
It is the year 2006 and Noah lives in the
> PHILIPPINES.
> The Lord speaks to Noah and says:
> "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover
> the whole Earth with
> water until all is destroyed.
>
> But I want you to save the righteous people and two
> of every kind of living
> thing on the earth.
>
> Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
>
> In a flash of lightning,
>
> God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
>
> Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and
> agreed to build the Ark.
>
> "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the
> Ark and bring everything

> aboard in one year."
>
> Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered
> the earth and all the
> seas of the earth went into tumult.
>
> The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.
>
>
> "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
>
> "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best
> but there were big
> problems.
>
> First, I had to get a Mayor's permit for
> construction and your plans "did
> not comply with the codes".
>
> I had to hire their "engineering firm" and "redraw"
> the plans.
> Then I got into a fight with Municipal Fire Safety
> Inspector over whether
> or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and
> extinguishers.
> Then my neighbors objected, claiming I
was
> violating zoning ordinances by
> building the Ark in my front yard,so I had to get a
> permit from the municipal planning office.
>
> The Municipal Planning office told me to get a
> barangay clearance.
>
> But when I went to the Barangay Captain,
>
> he said I should first get a permit from the
> municipal planning office.
>
> I got confused.
>
> I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
>
> because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect
> the Monkey-Eating
> Eagle.
>
> I finally convinced the DENR that I needed the wood
> to save the eagles.
> However,
>
> the DENR won't let me catch any eagles.
>
> So, no eagles.
>
> The carpenters formed a union and went out on
> strike.
>
> I had to negotiate a settlement with the KMU.
>
> Now I have
16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no
> eagles.
>
> When I started rounding up the other animals,
>
> I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected
> to me only taking two
> of each kind aboard.
>
> Just when I got the suit dismissed, the DENR again
> notified me that I could
> not complete the Ark without filing an environmental
> impact assessment on
> your proposed flood.
>
> They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they
> had no jurisdiction over
> the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
>
> Then the DPWH demanded a map of the proposed new
> flood plan. I sent them a
> globe.
>
> Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed
> with the DOLE that I am
> practicing discrimination by not taking godless,
> unbelieving people aboard!
>
> The BIR has seized all my assets,
claiming that I'm
> building the Ark in
> preparation to flee the country to avoid paying
> taxes.
>
> I just got a notice from the BIR that I owe some
> kind of user tax and
> failed to register the Ark as a recreational
> watercraft.
>
> The NBI and ISAFP each wanted a piece of the action
> alleging that the Ark
> would be used by Garcillano to escape.
>
> The PNP on the other hand insists that Mr. Arroyo
> might use the Ark to flee
> to the USA.
>
> Malacanang sees the opportunity to use the Ark for
>
> GMA's Strong Republic Nautical Highway presidential
> campaign sorties.
>
> Upon hearing my building the Ark, Congress did what
> they always do
>
> ---
>
> formed a fact-finding committee.
>
> I'm not worried about that though because they've
> never had anything done

> anyway.
>
> Finally the Senate got the courts to issue a TRO
> against further
> construction of the Ark,
>
> saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a
> religious event and
> therefore unconstitutional.
>
> I really don't think I can finish the Ark for
> another 10 or 16 years!"
>
> Noah wailed.
>
> The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and
> the seas began to calm.
> A rainbow arched across the sky.
>
> Noah looked up hopefully.
>
> "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth,
> Lord?"
>
> "No!," said the Lord sadly...."The government is
> already doing that."
 :D :D

Linkback: https://tubagbohol.mikeligalig.com/index.php?topic=26137.0
listen to others even the dull and ignorant , they too have their story... desiderata

unionbank online loan application low interest, credit card, easy and fast approval

Tags: