jokes jokes jokes

[jorgeanna]

GIRL: Judge ni rape po ako don sa library.
JUDGE:Aba! daming tao sa library, di ka man lang sumigaw..
GIRL: Haller! May nakasulat po kaya, “SILENCE PLEASE”….

[statesville]

Hahahaha, good student obey the rules

here's more

<img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MGi6cZq6p1E/S86YQhfgmbI/AAAAAAAAAE8/tZjTCOIZYVE/s320/male+boarder.jpg">

[hubag bohol]

Hahahaha, good student obey the rules

here's more

<img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MGi6cZq6p1E/S86YQhfgmbI/AAAAAAAAAE8/tZjTCOIZYVE/s320/male+boarder.jpg">

Bwahaha. Di tingali kabayad sa iyang board and lodging, mao nga paabangan na lang. Kinsa kahay mo-rent ni Ondoy...

[fdaray]

Judges: Ngano nga wa man gyud ka mosiaggit
           sa dihang ge rape na ka.?
Girl: Wa jud ko ka  siagit Sir...., kay ..., kay lami man pud.

Judge: Ha...., ha...., ha. mitug-an gyud ka sa tinood.
           

[hubag bohol]

Girl: Hu hu hu. Isumbong tika! Gi-rape ko nimo kaduha!
Boy: Saba diha! Kausa ra gani!
Girl: Dili diay ko nimo usban?

[statesville]

Hahahahaha....

Duha ka mg amiga nagpasikatay..

GiRL1: Our family spent the whole summer in Europe,
         it was great!
         How about you?
         Where did you spend your summer vacation?
GiRL2: I just spent it here in the Philippines..
GiRL1: Really? uggghh!  How poor!
GiRL2: At your boyfriend's house..he was great! 

[jorgeanna]

just received a txt advisory saying "PLS REMOVE THE STAPLE WIRES ON YOUR BILLS WHEN PAYING TO THE CASHIER AT ANY ESTABLISHMENT" *_*... hahaha

[hubag bohol]

just received a txt advisory saying "PLS REMOVE THE STAPLE WIRES ON YOUR BILLS WHEN PAYING TO THE CASHIER AT ANY ESTABLISHMENT" *_*... hahaha

Bwahaha! Very timely joke!

[windgate]

Bf: Taksil ka! Bakit lasang sperm yung vagina mo e hindi pa kita pinapasok? Magpaliwanag ka!
Gf: Gago! Ikaw ang magpaliwanag kung bakit mo alam ang lasa ng sperm!!! ....      

[hubag bohol]

Bf: Taksil ka! Bakit lasang sperm yung vagina mo e hindi pa kita pinapasok? Magpaliwanag ka!
Gf: Gago! Ikaw ang magpaliwanag kung bakit mo alam ang lasa ng sperm!!! ....      

Bwahaha! Patay si Ondoy!

Atong segundahan:

Anak: Dad! Nakasuway na jud kog sex!
Amahan: Kanay bata, liwat sa amahan. Dali, mag-inom ta. Pwede na gani kas sex, pwede na pud kas inom.
Anak: Sunod na lang, Dad, kay hapdos pa akong lubot!

Bwahaha!

[rogamz]

sa kwarto na-abtan sa anak..

Anak: nay! unsa gibuhat nimo ni tatay?
Inahan: 'nakurat' (dayon pasalipod sa habol) aw wa anak ako lang gipagamay tijan imong tatay..
anak: wala gihapon silbi nay! kay basin unya napod..BOHOTAN ra ni Inday sa ato helper tiyan ni tatay modako gihapon na oy !!! 

[rogamz]

Hahahahaha....

Duha ka mg amiga nagpasikatay..

GiRL1: Our family spent the whole summer in Europe,
         it was great!
         How about you?
         Where did you spend your summer vacation?
GiRL2: I just spent it here in the Philippines..
GiRL1: Really? uggghh!  How poor!
GiRL2: At your boyfriend's house..he was great! 

Segunda lang ko ha..bisaya version..

3 ka amiga nagpahambogay sa ilang "date"

G1: wow lami buntag nko 'ron oy nindot sa akong date gabii oizz..tanawa gubot jud ako buhok gihapon karon!...
G2: ay na wla ra na sa akoa gabii,,pastilan agresibo ako hubby kampat akong make-up wa gyod maitsura dagway nko...lupig ka!
G3: hilom ra jamo gihubo iya pa**te og iya gilabay sa pader og nidikit..tanawa ninyo mas nindot jud ako date gabii...

[fdaray]

Ha....., ha...,ha.., na lang sa injong mga jokes.

[wolfpack823]

Nag-away ning mag-asawa kay kine si Maria dili pahilabot ni Juan. Pagkabuntang si Juan, gisapot.

Maria: Juan kaon na
Juan: Di ko, wa koy gana (mitaas ang simod)
Maria: Juan, Tabuga ang bata
Juan: Di ko, Ngano man bahala kang bataa ka (di man ta ka gunit sa agianan)
Maria: Juan, pagbugha og kahoy
Juan: Di ko, bahalag way isugnod
Maria: Juan, kawos og tubig
Juan: Di ko, bahalag walay imnon
Maria: (misinggit) Juan...unyang gabii
Juan: Giingnan og ambi ng balde....

[hubag bohol]

Bana: Sigi na lagi, day, kadali ra lagi, promise...
Asawa: Saba diha, giingan tika nga fertile ko ron!
Bana: Ako laging widrohon...
Asawa: Hoy, unsay imong pagtuo sa akong bil*t, ATM?

Bwahaha!

[Chongki]

 

Bisdak Jokes

[hubag bohol]

Sa airport canteen, nag-order ang usa ka Merikano:

Kano: Miss, will you please give me one few two.
Tindera: What sir?
Kano: I said one few two.
Tindera: Ah, you want puto!
Kano: Yeah, that's right. Is that how you pronounce it ?
Tindera: (Nagbagutbot: Boang man ning Amerkanoha. Puto lang, gi-few two, few two pa. Akong  baslan...) Okey, sir, what color do you want? Few la or few ti?

[HAPON]

The # you dial is under atest... please try your call next year.....

[luckybelle]

 A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his
mother
in the doctors office.
He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,
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"Then why did you eat him?"

[Vito Andoline]

Bisdak Jokes

hahaha,

[statesville]

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man,
    "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear!"

[hubag bohol]

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man,
    "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear!"

Bwahaha! At least naa pay sperm sample! 

[vhinz08]

MARE1: Ka`swerte nimo mare uy kay mga gwapo
ug gwapa imong mga anak..

MARE2: NAh! mare, naningkamot gyud ko
kay kung mosalig ra ko sko bana ambot lng
UNSAY hitsura!!

[vhinz08]

(JOKE 1)
Junior: Tay, ngano ang tintin sa akong kalsmeyt murag sampalok?
Tatay: Hahaha! Ngano diay nak? gamay? hehehe..
Junior: Dili man tay, ASLUM!

(JOKE 2)
Lola Gihold up..
Lola: wa ko'y kwarta!
Holdaper: Naa! kahibalo ko asa nimo gbutang!
(Gikuot sa holdaper ang iyang bra)
Lola: Doy padayon, naa pa cheke sa ubos!

(JOKE 3)
BANA:
day kon unsay mahitabo ning operasyun ayaw psagdi ang atong mga anak HA!!!! I Luv U day.....

WiFE:
Hilom diha, ka OA ba nimu!!!!!
way namatay anang patuLi uy!!!Pisot...

(JOKE 4)
SOPAS
Maestra: The next part of our program is a song by Juan. What are you going to sing, Juan?
Juan: Sopas, maam.
Maestra: Unsay Sopas?
Contestant: Kadtong Sopas the voice of an Angel

[hubag bohol]

BANA:
day kon unsay mahitabo ning operasyun ayaw psagdi ang atong mga anak HA!!!! I Luv U day.....

WiFE:
Hilom diha, ka OA ba nimu!!!!!
way namatay anang patuLi uy!!!Pisot...

May pinapatamaan ka gid Bay Vhinz... 

[luckybelle]

 

[vhinz08]

May pinapatamaan ka gid Bay Vhinz... 

Wala Bay Hubs juk juk juk lang man ni ako a gid.

[luckybelle]

Wala Bay Hubs juk juk juk lang man ni ako a gid.

[hubag bohol]

Wala Bay Hubs juk juk juk lang man ni ako a gid.

Aw kon magkinaunsa atikon lang gud... 

[vhinz08]

Aw kon magkinaunsa atikon lang gud... 

Ga praktis ra ba siguro to.

[hubag bohol]

Ga praktis ra ba siguro to.

Sa iyang instrumento de daygon? 

[bugsay]

Sa iyang instrumento de daygon? 

labtik labtik sang lata sang nido, gid...

[wolfpack823]

What is intelligence?

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, ‘intelligence'?"

The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."

[vhinz08]

What is intelligence?

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, ‘intelligence'?"

The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."

moron   

[hubag bohol]

labtik labtik sang lata sang nido, gid...

Maski bungol ang gahud man, basta tama ang tono, makiglipay gid! 

[jorgeanna]

'Mum,' yelled Johnny from the kitchen,
'you know that dish you were always worried that I would break?'
'Yes dear, what about it?'
'Well your worries are over.'