dyok dyok dyok

[Barbaro]

Dating Daan â€" Ely Soriano.
Bagong Daan â€" Iglesia ni Kristo.
Dalawang Daan â€" Chairman Abalos.
Di ko Matan Daan â€" Romy Neri.
Walang Matan Daan â€" Mike Arroyo.
Nag ok ako, Nag Daan sa akin â€" GMA.

[hazel]

hahahahah murag si ADtin permi OK!

[ms da binsi]

bwahahahha

mao jud!

[Barbaro]

Son to dying father: Itay, ano po ang gusto
nyo, magpalibing ba o magpa-cremate?
Ama: Ikaw na ang bahala, anak. I-surprise
mo na lang ako.

[stardust]

i surprise? unsa na birthday!? hahaha

[kiamoy]

> anak: ma, busog nako, dili nako mahurot
> mama: hutda dyud na! kabaw baka nga daghan gipang
  gutom sa kalibutan?
> anak: nya kung ako ni hutdon, mabusog sila?!

[Barbaro]

Eat flush to my nose tree time is for the
bay dead by too….
Equals 14. Check mo baka mali.

[Vito Andoline]

hahahahah murag si ADtin permi OK!

naunsa ka  ginger?mas maayo ang ok kaysa dili ok.

[Barbaro]

A girl was rushed to the hospital due to severe stomach
pain.
After the operation the doctor advised, “Its OK to swallow
sperm…but my god! iha, wag mo naman isama pati condom”.

[Barbaro]

duha ka lalaki nangita sa ilang mga asawa nga nawala

bana 1: Unsay nawong atong imong asawa?

bana 2: kuan sya 5'7, 36-24-36, fair, black eyes. ang imong asawa unsa man.

bana 1: kalimti nalang tong ako,pangitaon nato ang imo!!!!

[Happy]

Son to dying father: Itay, ano po ang gusto
nyo, magpalibing ba o magpa-cremate?
Ama: Ikaw na ang bahala, anak. I-surprise
mo na lang ako.

i surprise? unsa na birthday!? hahaha

[Barbaro]

Eye Check:
Usa ka lalaki ang nagpa kunsolta sa
iyang mata:

Lalake: Dok, hanap na akong panan-aw
sa mata.
Doktora: Sulayi kuno ug tan-aw sa
akong paa.
Lalake: Dili makita Doc, hanap!
Doktora: Sulayi kuno ug tan-aw sa
akong panty.
Lalake: Dili gihapon makita Doc, hanap
na gyud!
Doktora: Bakakon! nganong nagburot
manang imong karsones

[ms da binsi]

bakakon!

hahhahahha

[Barbaro]

pare nandiyan kaba, sagot si mare, oy pare tuloy, naliligo lang sandali si pare mo. Nakita ni kumpare ang kute ni mare.
Pare- mare bigyan kita ng 5 libo ipakita mo lang ang breast mo.
Mare - ayaw ko, pero 5 libo ok na rin
Pare- ganda mare TY. Mare bigyan pa kita ng 5 libo, makita ko lang ang hita mo
Mare- ayoko, pero 5 libo sige na nga.
Pare-  mare eto pa ang 10 libo, makita ko lang ang sa'yo.
Mare - 10 ok lang.
Pare - salamat mare uwi muna ko.

After a minute, tapos nang maligo si pare at tinawag si Mare
Hoy inday, dumaan pa si pare
Mare- OO nandito kanina pero umalis agad
Pare- May hiram siyang 20 libo sa akin - iniwan ba,
Mare- Ano? diyos ko

[Barbaro]

Praying for 10 Pesos
Sa loob ng simbahan ng Quiapo, isang batang pulubi ang mataimtim na nanalangin sa Diyos.

Pulubi: "Panginoon kung maaari po sana ay bigyan ninyo ako ng sampung piso dahil gutom na gutom na lang po ako."

Narinig sya ng isang pulis na kasalukuyan ding nagsisimba at bumilib sya sa katatagan ng bata sa pananampalataya sa Diyos. Sa kanyang habag ay dumukot sya ng limang piso at iniabot sa bata na ang sabi: "Amang, narinig ng Diyos ang panalangin mo at heto tanggapin mo ang perang ito at ibili mo ng pagkain".

Tumingala ang bata sa pulis, kinuha nya ang limang pisong iniabot at muling yumuko para manalangin: "Panginoon, salamat po sa pagdinig ninyo sa aking panalangin, pero sana naman po sa uli-uli wag na ninyong pararaanin pa sa pulis, kasi malaki na ang bawas".   

[grazie7y]

FACELIFT
Pasyente ... magkano ang facelift?
Doktora ... complete treatment ay P145,000
Pasyente ... mahal!!! ano bang pinakamurang treatment para magmukha akong bata?
Doktora ... heto tsupon, P20 lang!!


ORDER
Customer ... waiter! bakit ang tagal ng order ko? ilan ang cook nyo dito?
Waiter ... ay, sir, wala pu kame cuk dito...pipse lang. pipse!!


PROBLEMA NGA
Pasyente ... Doc, may problema ako...tuwing alas otso ng umaga dumudumi ako...
Doktor ... so, anong problema doon?
Pasyente ... Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising.


CUSTOMER
A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
Lady sitting next asked, 'are they your babies?'
Man: 'No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints!'


ACCIDENT
A lawyer driving on a highway notices a crowd in an intersection.
With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action, he shouted,
'I'M THE SON OF THE VICTIM.'
Upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through.
There he saw, bloody and helpless lying in front of the people...a pig bumped by a trailer truck!

[ejdemaulo]

Mama...Kamaayo nimo ug mth nak oi, mangutana ko beh
          Anak.....cgui ma
           Mama....kung tagaan ka sa imong papa ug 563.49,
                        unya tagaan tkag 387.77  unsay tubag?
           Anak.....'SALAMAT"...

         
       Titser: class pag draw mo ug BUS
       Pupils: yes mam
       Titser:  ok class, pass your drawing..
                   o Juan, nganong kalsada man ni?asa na ang bus?
        Juan:   hulat lang mam muagi ra na...toinks!

     

[ejdemaulo]

 boy....can i touch your software?

girl.....show me first your hardware!

boy....can i install it in your system?

girl....ok, if you cover it w/ anti- virus first!!

   ......hehehe...

[ejdemaulo]

 teacher: class, only Juan got 98/100

Juan:    Dah! kabuhat mo ana?panguli mo sa inyong bukid oi...
              tanom kamote!kaun dukot! mga bugok!

teacher: da rest got 100!

  Juan: aw...

[ejdemaulo]

 Nag apply ko ug US VISA ,

Pro na deny ko,

nasangit ko sa interview,

usa ra ka pangutana wala nako matubag...

unsay ENGLISH sa TAGALOG?

ikaw, kabalo ka?   lisod no?

[Barbaro]

Nahipo ng bf ang legs ni gf. GF: ooppss..psalm 129! BF: Sorry! (pag-uwi hinanap ni bf ang PSALM 129) … “Go higher and find glory!” BF: “Sayang!” Hahaha


thanks.. mike.. naunsa manto nga dili naman ko kasulod..
block ba yung lugar ko..

[glacier_71]

one of my favs joke...(pardon if reposted)

What Is Politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep s***." LOL.

[jonathan]

Anak: nay,buntis ko...lipong lipong ko
Inahan: dka buntis anak
Anak: kasukaon ko nay...
Inahan: dili lagi ka buntis!
Anak: buntis lagi ko nay,gusto ko mokaon aslom...
Inahan: ikaw bayota ka pabuyag ka!!kumuton nako na imo itlog ron!!

[janjan]

hahahahaHA

[jonathan]

BUNGI NIULI SA ILA UG GITABUNAN NYA ANG MATA SA IYA ASAWA

BUNGI: Nges hu??
ASAWA:Pa nges hu,nges hu pka diha,ikaw ra bungi sa atong balay

[glacier_71]

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?

'About 32,' is the reply.'

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'

The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you !!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. However, when I was younger, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then, can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I ?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell ?'

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad ?'

'I promise I won't' she says.

'I was behind you at McDonalds.

[Ginger]

hahaha na isahan! ka wais ni lolo.

looy laman si lola

[lindy]

hahaha. mao mao diay ni adtong abogado nga taga Bohol ug high class nga prosti sa manila.

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?

'About 32,' is the reply.'

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'

The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you !!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. However, when I was younger, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then, can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay....How old am I ?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell ?'

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad ?'

'I promise I won't' she says.

'I was behind you at McDonalds.

[willmerit]

hahahha

[jonathan]

APO UG LOLO

APO:Lo,ngano nag kaangkaang man kag lakaw?

LOLO:Aw,ayaw na gud ni pansina apo oi

APO:Ngano lagi na Lo?

LOLO:Ingon man gud sa akong doktor na likayan ang itlog kay taas ug kolesterol

[aduy]

pilyong lolo

[glacier_71]

APO UG LOLO

APO:Lo,ngano nag kaangkaang man kag lakaw?

LOLO:Aw,ayaw na gud ni pansina apo oi

APO:Ngano lagi na Lo?

LOLO:Ingon man gud sa akong doktor na likayan ang itlog kay taas ug kolesterol

naa pa diay itlog si lolo...

[janjan]

hahaha dako noon itlog si lolo kay naglisod gud likay

[jonathan]

ANAK: Nay,, nag tambling tambling gud mi sa skul ganina...

NANAY: Di ba ingon man ko ayaw pag tambling tambling kay makita imong panty?

ANAK: Gisulod man nako sa Bag ako panty Nay...

[aduy]

hahahaha........minus gasto kay wa may panty. dali langawon hehehehe...

[fdaray]

Titser: Magbilang ta mga bata.
Bata: Ako mam, isa .dalawa, talto, apat , lima,anim
           pito, walo , siyam ,sampu
Titser: Ano ang sunod sa sampu? Walang nakaalam?
Bata: Labing isa mam.
Titser: Hindi...... Hindi kayo marunong magbilang?
Bata: Hindi ko alam ang sunod sa sampu mam.
Titser: Ang sunod sa sampu ay.... "samput isa, samput dalawa
                samput tatlo.......
Bata: Apil diay ang samput, mam?
          Ha... ha... ha  ha. ha...

[Barbaro]

Boy1: Bakit mo ako sinuntok?
Boy2: Tinawag mo akong hipopotamus!
Boy1: Last year pa yon! Tarantado!
Boy2: Eh kanina ko lang nakita picture ng hippopotamus, bobo!

[janjan]

hahahahha

[Barbaro]

Russian: Sir, we got huge order from USA for 16 inches condoms. I think it is to embarrass us.

Putin: No problem! Complete the order and mark them SMALL SIZE!

[mistyeyed]

Boy1: Bakit mo ako sinuntok?
Boy2: Tinawag mo akong hipopotamus!
Boy1: Last year pa yon! Tarantado!
Boy2: Eh kanina ko lang nakita picture ng hippopotamus, bobo!

Kaingon guro siya ug gwapo si hipo mao wa ni react dayon.whahaha.

[mistyeyed]

ANAK: Nay,, nag tambling tambling gud mi sa skul ganina...

NANAY: Di ba ingon man ko ayaw pag tambling tambling kay makita imong panty?

ANAK: Gisulod man nako sa Bag ako panty Nay...

Whhaha.Naa man koy nahinumdoman ani oi nga way panty.Ni syaget kay gipaak ug amigas.Wa diay ga panty.

[Barbaro]

wen people hurt u, consider dem as a
sandpapr! they may rub & scratch u
painfully but eventually..
kw ang mosinaw ug sila ang maopaw!..hahaha

[mistyeyed]

wen people hurt u, consider dem as a
sandpapr! they may rub & scratch u
painfully but eventually..
kw ang mosinaw ug sila ang maopaw!..hahaha

Nice joke..uplifting nga maka ngisi kag daku..

[Barbaro]

Girlfriend: Ihi sa ko
Boyfriend: Diha na lang sa daplin. Ngitngit bitaw
Samtang nangihi, gihikap sa BF ang legs sa GF ug naay nagunitan
Boyfriend: Hala, nagpasex change ka?
Girlfriend: Amaw! Nagchange na akong mind! Nalibang na lang ko imbis nga mangihi lang

[Candijaynon]

Girlfriend: Ihi sa ko
Boyfriend: Diha na lang sa daplin. Ngitngit bitaw
Samtang nangihi, gihikap sa BF ang legs sa GF ug naay nagunitan
Boyfriend: Hala, nagpasex change ka?
Girlfriend: Amaw! Nagchange na akong mind! Nalibang na lang ko imbis nga mangihi lang

Waaaahhhhhh......kabaho ba adto.

[mistyeyed]

Basin nakahikam sa etats noh..ehh,,

[glacier_71]

Girlfriend: Ihi sa ko
Boyfriend: Diha na lang sa daplin. Ngitngit bitaw
Samtang nangihi, gihikap sa BF ang legs sa GF ug naay nagunitan
Boyfriend: Hala, nagpasex change ka?
Girlfriend: Amaw! Nagchange na akong mind! Nalibang na lang ko imbis nga mangihi lang

patay! TUBOL. nakakaon tingalig bayabas si GF. hehe

[statesville]

Uy! kabaho  ba ana noon..

[fdaray]

          ho....      ho.... ho..... one ...two   ...three....


       

                    he....he    ...he .... hi.....hi.....hi......hi...

[fdaray]

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/SQghI7NOb9c&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param>

mangatawa ta........ ha...ha....ha...

[mike]

Agay ajo kay wala gi pislit kay ug gipislilt pa haskang kahumot...lami to kay init-init pa.

[hofelina]

 

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

 

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

 

DESPERATION:   
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

 

THE EYES: 
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

 

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

 

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

 
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

 

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

 

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

 

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

 

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE

 

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

 

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

 


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:


MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER


   













 












--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Share your memories online with anyone you want anyone you want. =

[glacier_71]

 

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

 

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

 

DESPERATION:   
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

 

THE EYES: 
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

 

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

 

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

 
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

 

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

 

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

 

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

 

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE

 

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

 

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

 


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:


MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER


   













 












--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Share your memories online with anyone you want anyone you want. =

the bEST, manay. hahahahah

[janjan]

 

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

 

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

 

DESPERATION:   
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

 

THE EYES: 
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

 

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

 

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

 
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

 

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

 

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

 

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

 

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE

 

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

 

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

 


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:


MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER


   













 












--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Share your memories online with anyone you want anyone you want. =

love it

[glacier_71]

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.

Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"

To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants".

[hofelina]

Pinoy Bersyon

Here's for you....

This is for all the Filipinos out there, and those who are lucky enough to have Filipino friends, those who have Filipino spouses and those who have Filipino next door neighbors.

The story goes like this:

An elderly Foreigner lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite food, Filipino Lumpia.   

Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, grippin g the railing with both hands he crawled to the kitchen.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. For there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite food, LUMPIA!!

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Filipino wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture&his parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the lumpia was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on to a lumpia, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Git out op here!" she shouted. "dis are por your puneral!!!"

[statesville]

 
Nah, wala pa gani namatay, gaandam nag
       mga pagkaon sa mobilar..hahahaha!

[fdaray]

Ha................ha......................ha....ha...

[lindy]

dako siguro ug inssurance tong tawhana kay giandaman man gyud sa asawa. at mga tawo dili moingon ug palomaloma ug kamatay wala man lang bisa biscuits ug tubig. haayyy life murag kinabuhi.

[Barbaro]

Isang araw, nag-uusap yung dalawang mag-kaibigan, si Joey at si Mark.

Joey: Alam mo, Mark, talagang napaka-bobo ng boy naming si Pedro.
Mark: Wala iyan! Sinisiguro ko sa iyo, mas bobo yung boy naming si Jose.

Nag-talo silang dalawa....
Joey: O sige, patutunayan ko sa iyo a. Watch this! PEDRO, 'ALIKA RITO!
Pedro: Yes sir! What can I do to you?
Joey: Eto piso, bumili ka ng apat na case ng beer.
Pedro: Yes boss! Coming up!
Joey: O Mark, bilib ka na ba sa kabobohan niyan, piso--bibila siya ng apat na case ng beer.
Mark: Wala pa rin iyan kay Jose, ikaw naman ang manood....JOSE, 'ALIKA RITO SANDALI!
Jose: Yes Sir! Ano po iyon!?
Mark: Pumunta ka sa opisina ko, tignan mo kung nandoon ako....
Jose: Yes Sir! Pupunta na po ako!
Mark: O Joey, kita mo naman na mas bobo pa iyan kaysa kay Pedro....

Later, nag salubong yung dalawang boy.....
Pedro: Jose, alam mo ang bobo talaga ng amo kong si Sir Joey....
Jose: Wala iyan....mas bobo si Boss Mark ko.
Pedro: Hinde! Mas bobo si Sir Joey, isipin mo, binigyan ako ng piso para bumili ako ng APAT na case ng beer......e, alam naman niyang HINDI KO KAYA BUHATIN IYON NANG MAG-ISA!!!!!!!
Jose: Mas bobo naman si Boss Mark noh! Pinapupunta pa ako sa opisina niya para tignan kung nadoon siye....e, MAY TELEPONO NAMAN!  

[glacier_71]

hahahaha

[janjan]

hahahaha

[statesville]

mao nay gitawag ug "teamwork" ug pangutok, ahahahaha

[bugsay]

Anak:  (Misinggit) "Mahhhhhhhhh, gi dugo na ko!!!!!!!!!
Mama: Basin nasamad lang ka?...
Anak : Gi dugo na lagi ko Ma, murag brown.
Mama : Aber tan-awon nato.....ahhhhh che..che..che......hala hugasi na didto...naka-igit kang bayota ka....

Nyahahah...

[mistyeyed]

Whahahaha.Ambot jud nimo b***t pagka OE.

[taga tigbao]

KANO: (gisumbag ang pinoy ug nahayang) Take it easy men, take it easy!

PINOY: (mibakod ug mibalos. Nahayang ang kano) Kisikisi men! Kisikisi!

[taga tigbao]

Lola: Honey, nabantayan jud nako bah nga kung mangape ta, mag-init dayon akong lawas.

Lolo: Nganong dili manginit, tan-awa ra gud na imong totoy, natuslob na sa kape!

[taga tigbao]

Titser: Class, what are the different colors of bananas?

Juan: Mam, green, yellow, red, and brown.

Titser: Juan, naa bay brown nga saging?

Juan: Ang linung-ag diay maam piki na!?

Ambot...

[taga tigbao]

GOOD EVENING LADIES
Buta nisakay ug taxi

Driver:  Kahibalo ka sa direction nga buta ka man?

Buta:  Ayawg kabalaka katoltol ko.  Nakahibalo ko nga naa na ta sa Guadalupe kay naninimaho nang mangga.

Driver:  Sakto ka.  Katoltol gyud diay ka.

Buta:  Karon naa na ta sa may simbahan kay nanimaho nang kandila.

Driver:  Sakto gihapon ka.

(Paglabay nila sa tindahan ug bulad.)

Buta:  Good evening! ladies.

[taga tigbao]

TAGALOG I

Maestra: Class, our lesson for today is Tagalog. Juan, use "ng" in a sentence. Gamitin ang salitang "ng" sa wastong pangungusap.

Juan: Maayong gabii, Nang.

[taga tigbao]

Mga Pinoy, Intsek ug Hapon sa Saudi nag pustahay kon kinsa ang maka pronawns sa pulong nga "Bulaklak at Paroparo".

Ang mga Pinoy mipusta ug dako Sa ilang paisano.

Intsek: "Bulaklak at Palopalo", ang intsek pildi kay dili maka pronawns ug litra nga "R".

Hapon: "Burakrak at Paruparu", ang hapon pildi kay dili makalitok ug litra nga "L".

Pinoy: "Buyakyak at Payopayo", labaw pang napildi, kay taga Surigao man diay ang kontestant.

[taga tigbao]

Gputlan ni Juan ug usa ka tiil ang langaw.....

Juan: Lupad! ....Nilupad ang langaw....
Giputol niya tanan tiil....
Juan: Lupad!! ....Nilupad ang langaw....
Giputol nya ang Pako...
Juan: Lupad! Lupad!!! Lupaaaaad!!! ....Wala nakalupad ang langaw.....
Juan: I, therefore conclude, nga ang langaw basta putlan og Pako.. MABUNGOL...

[taga tigbao]

Usa ka adlaw naay bus driver nga gi pakyaw sa mga tiguwang. Sa biyahe gi kuhit siya sa tiguwang nga ga lingkod sa iyang likod ug gi tunolan ug usa ka kum-kum nga mani.Nag pasalamat ang driver kay gi gutom napud intawon ug gi kaun ang mani


Pag labay sa 15 minutos gi kuhit napud siya sa tiguwang ug gitunol ang ug usa ka kum-kum nga mani.... taga 15 minutos tunolan gyud siya ug mani ug iya pung gi kaun. Tunolan napud unta siya sa tiguwang ug siya miingon,

Driver: nang kamo nlay kaun anang inyong mani sagdi nalang ko...

Tiguwang: di na man gud mi ka usap kay wa na mi ngipon

Driver: unya nganong namalit man mo ana?

Tiguwang: Ay sus hinatag man na sa akong anak nga M&Ms, ang chocolate ray amo makaon .... [ Nakaluwa sa windshield ang driver ]

[mistyeyed]

Gputlan ni Juan ug usa ka tiil ang langaw.....

Juan: Lupad! ....Nilupad ang langaw....
Giputol niya tanan tiil....
Juan: Lupad!! ....Nilupad ang langaw....
Giputol nya ang Pako...
Juan: Lupad! Lupad!!! Lupaaaaad!!! ....Wala nakalupad ang langaw.....
Juan: I, therefore conclude, nga ang langaw basta putlan og Pako.. MABUNGOL...

Wha wha wha wha...

[statesville]

  na gitamuyan diay sa tiguwang ang  mani kay
     chocolate ray ila gusto, uy ang laway maoy
     nahabilin ato diay, hahahahah

[bugsay]

Gputlan ni Juan ug usa ka tiil ang langaw.....

Juan: Lupad! ....Nilupad ang langaw....
Giputol niya tanan tiil....
Juan: Lupad!! ....Nilupad ang langaw....
Giputol nya ang Pako...
Juan: Lupad! Lupad!!! Lupaaaaad!!! ....Wala nakalupad ang langaw.....
Juan: I, therefore conclude, nga ang langaw basta putlan og Pako.. MABUNGOL...

[taga tigbao]

Teacher: Juan I translate ni sa Inglis akong tanang isulti.

Juan: Sigurado maam, ako pa si Juan.

Teacher: Sa dihang ninglabay ko ako kang gikamay pero niukuk ka kay ang adlaw diay hapon na.

Juan: When I pass by I sugar you but you cockroach me because the sun is already Japanese....

[taga tigbao]

LABA

teacher: unsay past tense sa laba?

berto: naglaba m'am!

teacher: ang present tense?

pedro: naglalaba maam!

teacher: korek! ang future tense?

juan: MANGHAYHAY!

Dagan na Juan...

[taga tigbao]

sulat nga pobrehanon:


dear tay,

padad-i ko ug brief kay akong mga brief mag buho na.


ang 2bag:

anak,

agwantahi lang usa kay ako gani, garter nlang!

[glacier_71]

sulat nga pobrehanon:


dear tay,

padad-i ko ug brief kay akong mga brief mag buho na.


ang 2bag:

anak,

agwantahi lang usa kay ako gani, garter nlang!

hahahahah, lupig pa ang T-bak, anak, niining akong gisoot karon.

[taga tigbao]

b***t

Amahan: Wala ka’y uwaw nga pagka-anak. Nakit-an ka sa atong silingan nga nisulod ug gay bar. b***t ka! b***t ka! Imong gipakaulawan ang atong pamilya. Maayo pa’y molayas ka aron dili ako makonsomisyon nga ako duna’y anak nga b***t!

Anak: Saba diha, Tay, uy. Mora sag dili ka b***t!!!

[taga tigbao]

Barberong Pinoy

Usa ka barberong Pinoy nga bag-ong salta sa Amireyka dili pa kaayo maka mao nga mo-iningles. Human niyag alot sa kustomer nga nakatulog, nakalimot siya unsa-on sa pagingon ang nahuman na. Sa kalit nakahinumdom siya nga kon mahuman ang sine, sa katapusan sa pelilkula duna’y “The End”. Samtang nagba-id siya sa labaha iyang gipukaw ang Kanu ug miingon, “Joe, this is your the end.”

[taga tigbao]

Kinsay Da Bes Nga Mabana!

Upat ka dalagang Pinay nurses naghinambugay kon kinsay ilang pamanhon.
Nurse 1: Ako ang akong gustong mabana ENGINEER.
Nurse 2: Nganong ENGINEER man?
Nurse 1: Tungod kay ang ENGINEER, sige lang erect ug erect!
Nurse 2: Bitaw no!…. Ako ang akong gusto ACCOUNTANT.
Nurse 3: Nganong ACCOUNTANT man?
Nurse 2: Tungod kay ang ACCOUNTANT, sige lang enter ug enter!
Nurse 3: Mau ba?… Ako ang akong gusto nga mabana DOKTOR gyod.
Nurse 4: Ngano man bi, nga DOKTOR man gyod?
Nurse 3: Tungod kay ang DOKTOR, sige lang inject ug inject!
Nurse 4: Wow, puro man big shot ang inyong gusto. Ako, simple lang.
Nurse 1: Oh kinsa may imong pamanahon bi?
Nurse 4: Gusto kog kanang pure nga BISAYA.
Nurse 2: Ngano man?
Nurse 4: Tungod kay ang BISAYA, gahi ug DILA!

[taga tigbao]

Panohot

Pare: Sister mora lagi ug indako imong tiyan?

Madre: Ah panohot lang na Padre.

(human sa unom ka buwan nakita ang Madre sa Pare nga nagkugus ug bata).

Pare: Wow sister cute man lagi ang imong utot

[taga tigbao]

ESTUDYANTE NAG-AWAY

Maestra:  Nganong nag-away man mo?

Pedro:  Si Juan man gud Maam, iya kong gihapak sa Scrub The Floor.

Juan:  Si Pedro biyay nanguna ha. Iya kong gilabayan sa Erase The Board.

Maestra:  Kung dili gani mo mopoyong duha, bitayon ta mong duha  sa Bayang Magiliw!

[hofelina]

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...
       
       'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional.
       In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
       
       'Okay then, he said, and proceeded to drop his trousers,
       revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen.
       Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than
       a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started
       giggling, and then fell to the floor laughing.
       
       Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and
       regain her composure.
       
       'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me.
       On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't
       happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
       
       ...'It's swollen,' he replied.
       
       She ran out of the room.
       

[taga tigbao]

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...
       
       'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional.
       In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
       
       'Okay then, he said, and proceeded to drop his trousers,
       revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen.
       Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than
       a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started
       giggling, and then fell to the floor laughing.
       
       Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and
       regain her composure.
       
       'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me.
       On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't
       happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
       
       ...'It's swollen,' he replied.
       
       She ran out of the room.
       

Sus, unsa naman diay to ug wa pa mihubag? hahahaha

[hofelina]

morag wati!

[Lollapalooza]

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...
       
       'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional.
       In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
       
       'Okay then, he said, and proceeded to drop his trousers,
       revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen.
       Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than
       a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started
       giggling, and then fell to the floor laughing.
       
       Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and
       regain her composure.
       
       'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me.
       On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't
       happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
       
       ...'It's swollen,' he replied.
       
       She ran out of the room.
       

sus kung wala pa nihubag unsa kaha size ani hehehehehehe

[Mulligan]

I was not able to post in TB yesterday because it was already japanese.  Hehe.  Ato ne e introduce sa DepEd.   

Teacher: Juan I translate ni sa Inglis akong tanang isulti.

Juan: Sigurado maam, ako pa si Juan.

Teacher: Sa dihang ninglabay ko ako kang gikamay pero niukuk ka kay ang adlaw diay hapon na.

Juan: When I pass by I sugar you but you cockroach me because the sun is already Japanese....

[taga tigbao]

KANGGUDS

ANAK: Tay, palit ta ug delata.

TATAY: Ayaw ingon ug delata anak kay mura kag taga bukid ana.

ANAK unsa diay akon itawag sa delata, tay?

TATAY: Kangguds!

[taga tigbao]

Buta ug Libat nagsinumbagay…

Buta: Hoy Libat! Gawas diha! Ayaw pag tago-tago sa ngit-ngit!

Libat: In your dreams! Ngano gud tawng mugawas ko nga duha man mo kabuok! Alkansi ko no!

[taga tigbao]

LINOG

Teacher: Unsay dapat buhaton kung maglinog?

Juan: Magsuga, mam!

Teacher: Ha? Ngano man?

Juan: Maglinog man sa among payag kada gabii man. Inig pasiga nako sa suga, muundang dayon ang linog!

[taga tigbao]

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

“Bahalag walay kaugmaon basta maugma-an. Unsaon man ang kaugmaon kung dili ka maugma-an? Kaw, gusto ka nga di na ka maugmaan pero naa kay kaugmaon?”

[taga tigbao]

Unsaon nimo pagsulti nga naay kugmo ang imong tapad nga dili siya ma-hurt?

Ingon ani:

“Excuse me.  Awom na?”

Kung gunitan niya ug matangtang, ingna dayun…

“Hala! Adjustable? Ka-nice!”

[taga tigbao]

Son: Tay kasab-an ko ako maestro ganina!

Tatay: Ha! Ngano man?

Son: Ako gi kiss-san ako seatmate ganina!

Tatay: Anak gyud taka, liwat jud ka nako dah! He,he,he nya lami bah?

Son: pirteng lamea tay uy, gwapo kayo siya uy as in to the max!

[fdaray]

Nagpakonsulta ko sa doctor.
"Taas man kaayo ang imong sugar,
Ayaw nag kaon sa cake,"
"Unsaon na man ni doc. nga lami nam na doc"
"ayaw ug kaon, tilaw na lang ug duha ka slice"
Ha.... ha....ha....ha...

[Mulligan]

Hahaha.  Ayos bai Tigs.  Hehehe.  Lingaw ko ani da.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

“Bahalag walay kaugmaon basta maugma-an. Unsaon man ang kaugmaon kung dili ka maugma-an? Kaw, gusto ka nga di na ka maugmaan pero naa kay kaugmaon?”

[taga tigbao]

Hahaha.  Ayos bai Tigs.  Hehehe.  Lingaw ko ani da.

Hehehe. Kana lang sa karong adlawa kay mahutdan unja ko. Ugma na pud bay.

[taga tigbao]

“Quotes!..
.
Quotes!…
.
Quotes?….
.
Quotes?!…..”
.
.
.
- Manny Pacquiao calling the attention of his coach Freddie Roach.