dyok dyok dyok

[Chongki]

bwahahahahahaha 

[bugsay]

Bugo nga foreigner

Si Pedro nakasaghid og foreigner....
Pedro: Ay, sorry.
Foreigner: Sorry 2.
Pedro: Sorry 3!
Foreigner: What are you sorry 4?
Pedro: Sorry 5!
Foreigner: I think you are sick!
Pedro: Bwahahaa sick kuno! Bugo ay, six oi!

unsa kaha ang sumpay kon "sex" ang pagdungog ni Pedro?

[fdaray]

Teacher:Translate this in Bisaya.
             Ten dog in town die.
Pupils: Lisod man na mam.
Teacher: Very simple sentence.
Pupil: Lisod man pagtranslate kay Bisaya
         na man nang daan,  mam.
Teacher: Ha..ha..ha.. Very bright gyud mo.

[hubag bohol]

unsa kaha ang sumpay kon "sex" ang pagdungog ni Pedro?

Bwahaha. Mainsulto si Pedro, kay abi lang ang ijang nawong morag bil*t!

[bugsay]

Bwahaha. Mainsulto si Pedro, kay abi lang ang ijang nawong morag bil*t!

bwahahahah

[bugsay]

Inahan (masuk-anon): Hoy hoy hoy, putriska kang bataa ka, niingon imong classmate nga wa na kay sud-sod sa imong math   subject. Ug nga di kuno ka kahibawo moihap hangtod karon.

Anak: Pataka lang na sila Nay.

Inahan: Beh, ihap kuno beh..

Anak : dos-tres-kwatro-Singko,-says-site-otso-nwebe, jes, jack-queen-king-alas.


asa kaha ni ni eskwela bataa?

[vhinz08]

anak:  pa unsay iningles sa papa
papa: ay dali ra na anak ilisan lang nimo ug "der" sa katapusan kintahay  papa mahimo na sijang pa-der,
         ug mama mahimo na sijang ma-der.
anak: ang lolo
papa: lo-der na sija anak. 

[statesville]

Upon arrival at the airport, a passenger couldn't find his luggage at the airport baggage area.
So, he went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags never showed up.
The woman smiled at him and said not to worry because she was a trained professional
   and he was in good hands.
"Now," she asked him,"has your plane arrived yet?" 

[hubag bohol]

Inahan (masuk-anon): Hoy hoy hoy, putriska kang bataa ka, niingon imong classmate nga wa na kay sud-sod sa imong math   subject. Ug nga di kuno ka kahibawo moihap hangtod karon.

Anak: Pataka lang na sila Nay.

Inahan: Beh, ihap kuno beh..

Anak : dos-tres-kwatro-Singko,-says-site-otso-nwebe, jes, jack-queen-king-alas.


asa kaha ni ni eskwela bataa?

Butaw budi ang paingnan aning bataa...

[Chongki]

... doble bajad 

[hubag bohol]

Pakapinan pag pikat...

[Chongki]

.... palukdohon pag sapatos sa ulo 

[hofelina]

What I Want In A Man!   Original List
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises


What  I Want in a Man!   Revised List (age  32)
1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner

4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries


What I Want in a Man!   Revised List (age  42)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture

7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends


What I Want in a Man!   Revised List (age  52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends


What I Want in a Man!   Revised List (age  62)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend


What I Want in a Man!   Revised List (age  72)
1. Breathing.
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

Send this to the women who will enjoy reading it, and to the men who can handle it !


"AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID: DARLING, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL.  NOW I HAVE A $500,000 HOME, A $45,000 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.  IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.


MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN.  SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV."


AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT?  THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISIS.


Life is like a roll of toilet paper ... the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes ... so have fun, think ' good thoughts ' only, learn to laugh at yourself, and count your blessings !!!!!!!

[statesville]

hahahahahaha!   
  kataw-anan pero tinood

[hubag bohol]

Hinay-hinay bitaw ang pagdawat sa kamatuoran as we grow older. Sa gamay pa nangandoy nga mapresidente sa Pilipinas, pero pag-retire na maglisod gani mapili nga presidente sa kapilya!

[bol-anon quo nyur!]

 

Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening,

when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
He began to rub all over of my body.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard!

JOKE, JOKE JOKE.....
     

[hubag bohol]

Moral of the story: "Older Women are Better than Younger Women!" Bwahaha!

[ms da binsi]

 

Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening,

when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
He began to rub all over of my body.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard!

JOKE, JOKE JOKE.....
     

bwahahahahha!

long live older women!

hahahhaha!