“Transition your communication to acknowledge the adult to adult relationship,†says Christensen. “Relate to them on more of an adult level and balance advice and words of encouragement versus support versus independence.â€Resist the urge to overprotect children and bail them out of every problem. “Let them go and take responsibility for themselves. Release them and let them launch,†says Steve Lownes, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Behavioral Healthcare Agency, County of Orange, California. “They can get pretty dependent on parents, and that’s not healthy either. Give yourself a lot of grace, and your kid too, to make mistakes. Each circumstance is going to be different. You’re going to make mistakes as a parent by either holding on too tight or not tight enough, and the kid is going to make mistakes too.â€
Particularly if your child is still living at home, keep a close eye on behavior and habits. “If the child’s habits have gone to pot and the child is still at home, the parent still has some power that can be exercised on behalf of the child’s best interests,†says Lisa Aronson, MSW, PhD, a clinical child psychologist and adjunct faculty at Antioch University in Santa Barbara, California. “The parent can still have rules and bed times and have the child help prepare meals or walk the dog or other things that help her become independent while in the family context.â€
Encourage your child to make small changes, one step at a time, Christensen says. “Becoming independent is a big transition. Break large things up into smaller tasks. For college kids, help them see that they don’t have to make any major life decisions yet and urge them to get involved in activities or join clubs outside their dorms. They need to get comfortable in their environment.â€
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