Author Topic: 9 Marriage Rules You Should Break  (Read 1702 times)

jorgeanna

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9 Marriage Rules You Should Break
« on: May 13, 2010, 02:22:11 PM »
By Denise Schipani

1. Never go to bed angry.
Where did this one come from? Turns out, it may go as far back as the Bible, which advises not letting the sun go down on your anger. But trying to work through a problem when you’re tired and stressed won’t get you anywhere, says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, psychologist and author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “Agree to disagree for now, and to revisit the issue when you’re rested.”

2. Always be 100% honest.
In marriage, no-holds-barred honesty is not always the best policy. For example, “you don’t need to share details of past relationships,” says Bartlein. “That invites comparisons, and when you compare, someone comes up short.” The bottom line: You need to be polite and caring when it comes to your partner’s feelings.

3. Never vacation without each other.
The received wisdom here is that if you have time off from your jobs and lives, you should naturally prefer to spend it together. One problem with this rule is that you and your spouse may not have the same definition of a great getaway (you like to ski, he’s a beach bum). The other danger, says Dr. Lombardo, is the belief “that you have to be each other’s everything, and that’s just not realistic.” Sometimes, you need a spa weekend, and he may want to go camping (or vice versa). Just be sure that you don’t always take off without each other.

4. If you fight, you’re headed for divorce.
Actually, says Bartlein, research shows that couples who never fight—assuming that means they’re holding back to avoid conflict—are more likely to split. You need to find ways to fight healthily and productively (without blaming, name-calling and the like), but that said, being committed to respectfully airing out conflicts is a far better rule than “keep your mouth shut.”

5. Once you have children, they come first.
“So often, I see couples who have put their relationship on hold in order to be good parents,” says Dr. Lombardo. But those couples, she says, have it exactly backward. Making your relationship top priority is better not just for you, but for your children, who need to see you in charge and who feel safer and more secure with parents who have a loving relationship. “Create couple-only time during which you do not discuss bills or children, where you do fun activities and enjoy each other's company.” The kids’ll be all right.

6. You should never sleep in separate beds.
Um, snore much? It’s a myth that couples always sleep better and more cozily together than apart. One partner may be a toss-and-turner, or one may hit the hay early while the other keeps a reading light burning till the wee hours. So if one of you occasionally decamps to the guest room, don’t sweat it. “Getting a good night’s sleep is crucial to the health of your mind, body and marriage,” says Dr. Lombardo. Just be sure a separate-bed habit isn’t about avoiding  intimacy.

7. Partners should sync up their hobbies.
Though spending every free moment you have training for a marathon while your spouse works on his classic car isn’t good for your marriage, neither is subscribing to the notion you should quit doing what you love just because your husband doesn’t love the same things. Giving up your passions is akin to forgoing your independence, and “without independence in a marriage people feel trapped,” says Bartlein. Pursue your separate interests and find activities you both enjoy.

8. If there’s no spark, you’re doomed.
Many married couples understand intellectually that they won’t always experience that I’ve-been-drugged-by-love feeling in a long-term relationship. “But many still believe that when the spark dies out, it means they’re in the wrong relationship, and seek something new,” says Bartlein. Long-term relationships survive on commitment and trust, out of which grows love. The mistake here is to believe that you can live forever on fireworks, or even just love, alone.

9. Boring is bad.
The problem with this so-called rule, says Bartlein, is when couples confuse a calm, predictable union with a bad one. A drama-filled relationship may feel exciting, but in the long run it’s not likely to be healthy. Isn’t it better, she says, to “boringly” know where your spouse is every night than to be “excited” by constant ups and downs? “Better to have a safe, relaxed, ‘boring’ life together in the everyday. You can always inject excitement with vacations and activities.”



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hubag bohol

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Re: 9 Marriage Rules You Should Break
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2010, 10:51:31 AM »
9. Boring is bad.
The problem with this so-called rule, says Bartlein, is when couples confuse a calm, predictable union with a bad one. A drama-filled relationship may feel exciting, but in the long run it’s not likely to be healthy. Isn’t it better, she says, to “boringly” know where your spouse is every night than to be “excited” by constant ups and downs? “Better to have a safe, relaxed, ‘boring’ life together in the everyday. You can always inject excitement with vacations and activities.”

Lisod pud bitaw kon sigi lang full of drama and action kay madugay wa na hinuoy lami bisan unsa ka-exciting...  :P

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Re: 9 Marriage Rules You Should Break
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2010, 11:29:39 AM »

hangak bitaw pod ning puro ra exciting.  sa tantong excitement sa sigeg sinumbagay, naa man gyoy mapukan kadugayan.  yes, boring is good. 

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mistyeyed

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Re: 9 Marriage Rules You Should Break
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2010, 04:19:37 PM »
1. Never go to bed angry.
Where did this one come from? Turns out, it may go as far back as the Bible, which advises not letting the sun go down on your anger. But trying to work through a problem when you’re tired and stressed won’t get you anywhere, says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, psychologist and author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “Agree to disagree for now, and to revisit the issue when you’re rested.”


3. Never vacation without each other.
The received wisdom here is that if you have time off from your jobs and lives, you should naturally prefer to spend it together. One problem with this rule is that you and your spouse may not have the same definition of a great getaway (you like to ski, he’s a beach bum). The other danger, says Dr. Lombardo, is the belief “that you have to be each other’s everything, and that’s just not realistic.” Sometimes, you need a spa weekend, and he may want to go camping (or vice versa). Just be sure that you don’t always take off without each other.

5. Once you have children, they come first.
“So often, I see couples who have put their relationship on hold in order to be good parents,” says Dr. Lombardo. But those couples, she says, have it exactly backward. Making your relationship top priority is better not just for you, but for your children, who need to see you in charge and who feel safer and more secure with parents who have a loving relationship. “Create couple-only time during which you do not discuss bills or children, where you do fun activities and enjoy each other's company.” The kids’ll be all right.

6. You should never sleep in separate beds.
Um, snore much? It’s a myth that couples always sleep better and more cozily together than apart. One partner may be a toss-and-turner, or one may hit the hay early while the other keeps a reading light burning till the wee hours. So if one of you occasionally decamps to the guest room, don’t sweat it. “Getting a good night’s sleep is crucial to the health of your mind, body
and marriage,” says Dr. Lombardo. Just be sure a separate-bed habit isn’t about avoiding  intimacy.







Mao ni amonmg gi praktis karon,kanang 1,3,5 6.Sa number one among na subukan, ga away me gusto makigbati si hubby but ako tigas kay suko lagi ko,pag abot kadlawon,nahinumdom ko na i have to have  peace with him before the sun rise up, so hug nalang naku siya..nahuman nag bati na me at na apply namo ang number 6 na never sleep in a separate bed kay ug mo sleep ka sa other room,instead na magkabati mo mo samot ug ka naay gap kay tua naman kas laing room,while ug naa ra sa isa ka room,usahay makalimot ka nga ga away diay mo makatanday kag kalit diba. ;D.Kanang number 5,ang gi tudlo sa amoa-a is ug naa name anak pohon,husband or wife first before children kay ug maayong inyong relasyon duha it will automatically goes to children.But ug sobrahan kag aroga sa imong anak unya nakalimtan ang asawa or baba,way japon.

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Re: 9 Marriage Rules You Should Break
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2010, 04:55:55 AM »
With me and my husband we have only one rule we don't break since we got married.We never leave home without a kiss goodbye for fear one might not come back because of an accident.Before he goes to work or me we always kiss and say "bye Darling".Maski pwerteng laguta nga lami na ilaparo ug tawo..Unya ug inig-uli sa balay or padulong matulog walay ting-ganay.We keep doing the ritual for 2 or 3 days and after that we forgot what the disagreement about.It works all the time...

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hofelina

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Re: 9 Marriage Rules You Should Break
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2010, 05:54:18 AM »
aduna niani akong na-agi-an and some are baloney.

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Re: 9 Marriage Rules You Should Break
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2010, 07:02:45 AM »
Some marriage rules are meant to be broken

Ever wondered what the person who coined some marriage rules was thinking or maybe not thinking at the time? “Couples should work out every disagreement calmly; couples should do stuff together”. Say that again?!! If you think about it, some of these rules can literally massacre your marriage.

Psychotherapist and author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway feels that breaking some of these rules may be the best thing you can do for a happier and healthier relationship. Lets see some of these marriage rules that need debunking:

- Where did “Never go to bed angry” come from? Apparently, the Bible. However, trying to work through an issue when both of you are tired, stressed and very angry in actual sense is more damaging than facing opposite sides of the bed and talking about it when both of you are more rested and relaxed.

- Be 100% honest with your spouse? Do I really need to share the gory details of my past relationship? This rule, even without being told, is dying to be broken. Don’t go yapping all you want just because you don’t want to be dishonest. Think about your partner’s feelings. Those count too you know.

- Fighting is the first class flight to divorce?! I believe holding back to avoid conflict actually is. Best advice is to fight in a healthy manner – avoid name-calling and screaming at each other for instance. All I know is; airing out conflicts respectfully is better than sweeping things under the carpet.

- Then there is “Your children must come first”. Should you put your marriage on hold just for the kids? What happens once they get all grown and leave the house? Every couple should make their relationship their priority because a good marriage is better for the kids too because it makes them feel safer and more secure with parents that have a loving relationship. Make time for each other. The kids will be fine.
   
- If you don’t maintain the I-have-been-drugged feeling your marriage will be doomed? Is it even possible to always have that spark in a long term relationship? The end of that spark doesn’t mean the end of your relationship as most people think. Long term relationships are based on commitment and trust and these two are the basis for true love to blossom. So don’t dump your spouse just for sparks. Thou shall not live on fireworks alone.

- And who came up with “a boring marriage is a bad marriage”? Yes, most people enjoy the thrill of drama-filled relationships. Question is: Are such relationships healthy in the long run? There is nothing wrong with being predictable… predictability = reliability. I think your spouse will be better off when he or she “boringly” knows where you are every night, than being excited by your impromptu escapades and all the worrying that comes along with them. After all you can always inject some excitement into your marriage once in a while.

- You must have sex with your spouse to make him/her happy? How is a new mother expected to achieve this? Sex isn’t a to-do list in marriage. Sex isn’t the key to your spouse’s happiness. Sex IS for BOTH OF YOU!


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Re: 9 Marriage Rules You Should Break
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2010, 08:12:03 AM »
hahahahahaha............kami very peaceful................walay away............NEVER TALAGA............ not even once.... wanna know the secret?

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;)

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Re: 9 Marriage Rules You Should Break
« Reply #8 on: November 20, 2010, 01:32:55 PM »
hahahahahaha............kami very peaceful................walay away............NEVER TALAGA............ not even once.... wanna know the secret?

He he...  8)

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