According to the American Heritage Book of English Usage, "
Who is used for a grammatical subject, where a nominative pronoun such as I or he would be appropriate, and
whom is used as the object of a verb or preposition."
The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation offers this helpful tip: if you can replace a word with "he" or "she," then it is the subject of the sentence and you should use "who." If you can replace the word with "him" or "her," it is the object and you should use "whom." You might need to rephrase the sentence to make this work.
This technique of substituting a personal pronoun for the relative pronoun works nicely whenever you have difficulty deciding whether to use “who†or “whom,†assuming that you have no difficulty using the proper form of personal pronouns.
Even when the word order must be altered slightly, you can use the technique:
Mrs. Dimwit consulted an astrologer
whom she met in Seattle. (She met him in Seattle.)
Jones is the man
whom I went fishing with last spring. (I went fishing with him.)
Joyce is the girl
who got the job. (She got the job.)
Whom can we turn to in a time of crisis? (Can we turn to her?)
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