Author Topic: English is a Stupid Language  (Read 2472 times)

Gener

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English is a Stupid Language
« on: July 21, 2009, 05:28:22 PM »

There is no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburger and neither
Pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in
England, French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted.

But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly, boxing rings are
square and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it
a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth,  shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth.

If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what the heck does a humanitarian eat!?

Why do people recite at a play yet play at a recital? Park
on driveways and drive on parkways.

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
where a house can burn up as it burns down and in which
you fill in a form by filling it out. And a bell
is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which of course isn't a race at all).

That is why when the stars are out they are visible, but when
the lights are out they are invisible.

And why is it that when I wind up my watch it starts
but when I wind up this story it ends?

And more......................... Some food for "Thought"

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles, "
why aren't people from Holland called Holes?"


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hofelina

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Re: English is a Stupid Language
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2009, 05:52:11 PM »
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Gener, I love this part! Mabuhay ang ingles! ;D

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Koddi Prudente

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Re: English is a Stupid Language
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2009, 09:44:52 PM »
Ngano man nga kon ang Irish potato pritohon mahimo mang French fries?

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statesville

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Re: English is a Stupid Language
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2009, 11:21:49 AM »
It really amused me, that I printed it for my file.
It's very well organized.
Good job!
 ;D

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Gener

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Re: English is a Stupid Language
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2009, 12:48:16 PM »
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Gener, I love this part! Mabuhay ang ingles! ;D

HAHAHA, kaya ako manay tess, i find it interesting to learn visayan language, hehehe, btw, can a person order a 'HAPPY MEAL' at Mc Donald's even he's sad or lonely?

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benelynne

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Re: English is a Stupid Language
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2009, 03:28:57 PM »
I also wonder where the rules of language are when you say inept to mean not ept--but invaluable is more precious than valuable, and many English speakers use irregardless to mean the same thing as regardless.



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grazie7y

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Re: English is a Stupid Language
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2009, 12:31:11 AM »
I enjoyed reading this thread jud!  Thanks, Gener, for starting this thread!

I also wonder where the rules of language are when you say inept to mean not ept--but invaluable is more precious than valuable, and many English speakers use irregardless to mean the same thing as regardless.



re valuable and invaluable, same thing as "priceless" is more valuable than with price!  or, bakit "awful" is bad but "awesome" is good!  lol nakakaloko!

 kaya nga sabi nang brother natin sa mindanao, confusing daw ang wikang english kasi ang english nang pan, brid, and english din nang tulay eh brid! and english nang isda ay fis and english din nang mukha ang fis!

bitaw, joke lang ha. 

Ngano man nga kon ang Irish potato pritohon mahimo mang French fries?

korek! 

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Koddi Prudente

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Re: English is a Stupid Language
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2009, 12:34:06 AM »
regarding X
in regard to X
as regards X
with regard to X

Daghan maglibog niini.

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benelynne

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Re: English is a Stupid Language
« Reply #8 on: July 23, 2009, 07:39:09 AM »
Hi Ging,

Ubay-ubay na pud nga wa nagtagbuanay atong agi sa pagkukabildo, diri ra man diay ta sa Ininglisanay magkahimamat usab.

Indeed, just as you think you've discovered the rules for intensity in adjectives, you also find out that terrible is really bad and terrific is great, but horrible is unpleasant and even repulsive but horrific is extremely disgusting or frightening.

Busa tingali sa latest interview ni Madame Imelda niingon s'ya why should she object to the newly coined word imeldific? Since it's a new word, you are free to rhyme it with either terrific or horrific, depending on which side of political persuasion you're in.

For us who live mundane lives, the word is devoid of relevance and void of meaning. Have you ever wondered why you use dehydrate to mean the opposite process of hydrate but as an adjective, you use devoid almost in the same sense as void? Come to think of it, can you negate nothing when you say de- , to negate, and void, meaning nothing?



re valuable and invaluable, same thing as "priceless" is more valuable than with price!  or, bakit "awful" is bad but "awesome" is good!  lol nakakaloko!



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benelynne

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Re: English is a Stupid Language
« Reply #9 on: July 23, 2009, 07:48:12 AM »
Bitaw, Bay Koddi, naa man gani edukadong tawo muingon nga "with regards to" or "in regards to." Since English is a living language, I checked the currency of this usage and came upon this informed comment:

Kenneth G. Wilson (1923–).  The Columbia Guide to Standard American English.  1993.
 
regarding, as regards, in regard(s) to, with regard(s) to
 
 
In and with regard to, regarding, and as regards are all Standard, synonymous prepositions, slightly longer and more varied than but meaning much the same as about and concerning: I spoke to him regarding [as regards, in regard to, with regard to] his future. With regards to is Nonstandard and frequently functions as a shibboleth, although it can be Standard and idiomatic in complimentary closes to letters: With [my] regards to your family…. In regards to, however, is both Substandard and Vulgar, although it appears unfortunately often in the spoken language of some people who otherwise use Standard. It never appears in Edited English.

regarding X
in regard to X
as regards X
with regard to X

Daghan maglibog niini.

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Re: English is a Stupid Language
« Reply #10 on: July 23, 2009, 06:21:10 PM »
regarding X
in regard to X
as regards X
with regard to X

Daghan maglibog niini.

A note on effective writing:

"Regarding" or any of its variants should never be used to bridge paragraphs. When you feel the need to use it for this purpose, you have expressed your ideas badly. Rewrite.

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benelynne

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Re: English is a Stupid Language
« Reply #11 on: July 23, 2009, 10:57:50 PM »
Bay Hubs, maayo ni isumpay sa mga lagda bahin sa "How to Write Good" nga gi-post ni webmaster sa laing thread.

32. Regarding the use of "regarding" and its variants to start or bridge paragraphs, you are showing extreme lack of regard for elegance in expressing your ideas if you feel the need for it.

HOW TO WRITE GOOD

Here are several very important but often forgotten rules of English:

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)

4. Employ the vernacular.

5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

8. Contractions aren't necessary.

9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

10. One should never generalize.

11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

13. Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. Profanity sucks.

15. Be more or less specific.

16. Understatement is always best.

17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be avoided.

21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

23. Who needs rhetorical questions?

24. While a transcendent vocabulary is laudable, one must nevertheless keep incessant surveillance against such loquacious, effusive, voluble verbosity that the calculated objective of communication becomes ensconced in obscurity.

25. In a sentence, the nouns has to match the verbs.

26. Don't use no double negatives.

27. In writing, few things are, so to speak, more infuriating, than, say, commas, at least when there are too many of them, or when they should be, say, semicolons.

28. Proofread your work, so you don't leave some out or forget to finish

29. Run-on sentences are really bad because the reader saturates and what you really should be doing is using commas and semicolons and even periods to break the sentence up into more digestible chunks.

30. To have been using excessively complex verb constructions, is to have been bopping the literary baloney.

31. A friend I spoken with recently told me he been forgetting his helper verbs.
(source: monster-island.org)


A note on effective writing:

"Regarding" or any of its variants should never be used to bridge paragraphs. When you feel the need to use it for this purpose, you have expressed your ideas badly. Rewrite.
A note on effective writing:

"Regarding" or any of its variants should never be used to bridge paragraphs. When you feel the need to use it for this purpose, you have expressed your ideas badly. Rewrite.

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