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chicogon

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Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« on: September 08, 2009, 12:23:03 AM »
Magsugod kog laing thread on comical stories kay kinahanglan kaayo nis trabaho (ministry) para molingaw pod sa mga tig paminaw.. If you have any, please share pod beh. Some you receive from the emails or what have you. I'll throw the first dice...

The Nun & the Steelworkers

A nun living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.  She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them.  She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked
over to the spot where the men were eating.

She walked up to the group and with a big smile asked, "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"

They shook their heads and looked at each other.  One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

One of the steelworkers asked why.

The worker yelled, "His wife is here with his lunch."

Linkback: https://tubagbohol.mikeligalig.com/index.php?topic=22284.0
Wine does not make you FAT... it makes you LEAN.

(LEAN gainst tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.)


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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #1 on: September 08, 2009, 11:13:16 AM »
       What an Exam

   A certain college philosophy professor asked one question
on his final exam.
   He picked up a chair, put it on his desk and wrote on
the board, "Using everything we have learned this
                semester, prove that this chair does not exist!"

The students dug deep and wrote like crazy for the whole
  exam period, some of them churning out thirty pages of
  heady philosophical debate and logic.

But only one student earned an A, and he wrote for only
  a few seconds. His paper read in full, "What Chair?"
 :D
Every Christian has GPS -God-Provided Salvation!
It may not guide you to everywhere you want to go in this world, but it will ensure  that you arrive safely in heaven.


tohnichi007

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2009, 11:32:14 AM »
Two Nuns

There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man
has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?
I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most?
What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried
about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened.
I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.  ;D ;D ;D
Ilha Formosa.  Taiwan Will Touch Your Heart!

hubag bohol

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2009, 11:35:19 AM »
The Question of Hell

The following is an actual question given as part of a university chemistry exam. The answer given by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with us.

Exam Bonus Question:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

In answer, one student wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?  If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you'   Then we take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, therefore number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct.  Logically, this leaves only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, 'Oh my God!'

This student received the only 'A' for this question.

;D

 
...than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2009, 11:44:20 AM »
Driver: Palihog  lang beh, kadtong mga bati og nawong kanaugi sa kay naay checkpoint sa unahan, palihog lang.

Pasahero: (misagbat, pinasuko) unya BOSS! kinsa namay mo-drive?  ;D ;D ;D
Artificial Intelligence is nothing in comparison to Natural Stupidity.


chicogon

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2009, 12:24:36 PM »
Here's one I receive today in the email from another Bol-anon in Florida:

Bible Salesmen

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louis stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, 'Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?'

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, 'Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church.'

'Fine job, Jack!' The minister said, vigorously shaking h is hand. 'You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you.'

Turning to Paul, 'And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the Church last week?

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, 'I am a professional salesman. I sold 28
bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected.'

The minister responded, 'That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you.'

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, 'And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?' Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope.

The minister opened it and counted the contents. 'What is this?' the minister exclaimed. 'Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?'

Louie just nodded. That's impossible!' both Jack and Paul said in unison. 'We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could.'

'Yes, this does seem unlikely,' the minister! agreed. 'I think you'd better explain how you
managed to accomplish this, Louie.'

Louie shrugged. 'I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure, ' he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. 'For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!'

'A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,' Louis replied,

'W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to  b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible F-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks  o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to  st-st-stand h-h-he re and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??'

Raquelproud boholana

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #6 on: September 08, 2009, 12:52:16 PM »
Kamuot ba sa mga jokes nimo Father hehehe.Dia poy akong ikatampo mamuot jud ko ani ba.A priest, a preacher and a Rabbi walked into their favorite bar, where they would get together two or three times a week for drinks and to talk shop.

On this particular afternoon, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start".
"We may be surprised at the people we find in heaven. God has a soft spot for sinners. His standards are quite low"---Bishop Desmond Tutu

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Raquelproud boholana

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #7 on: September 08, 2009, 12:56:36 PM »
Three priests were sitting around discussing how things were going at their respective parishes.

The first priest complains of a terrible bat infestation at his church, and it is soon apparent that this is something of an epidemic at all three parishes. After much discussion of all matters clerical, they go home for the night.

After a week or so, they meet again and discuss the bat problem.

Priest 1: I tried to get rid of my bats this week. I shot at them with my shotgun, but I think I damaged the belfry more than the bats! I still have no way of getting rid of them!

Priest 2: I tried another way. I couldn't bring myself to shoot them, after all they are God's creatures, so I went up with a big box. I knocked all the bats into the box with a stick and drove out to the forest where I released them. But they were back at the church before I was!

Priest 3: I've solved the problem. I did much the same thing. I had all the bats in the box, but before I released them, I baptized and confirmed every one of them, and they haven't been back since.


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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #8 on: September 08, 2009, 07:44:16 PM »
Ang sekreto sa tulo ka pari

Samtang nanggi-inom ang tulo ka pari, nagtinug-anay sila sa ilang mga sekreto ug ning promised sila sa usag-usa nga dili ibutyag kining mga sekreto nga ilang ishare sa usag-usa.

Fr. #1: Naa koy uyab usa ka estudyante. Sa sinehan mi mag date para way makakita

Fr. #2: Ako kay b***t ra ba ko. Akong bata ang ahong sakristan. Sa kampanaryo mi mag date para
          walay makakita

Fr. #3: Hala! Ako ra ba kay tabian kaayo.
         
          Patay... mabutyag jud ang sekreto sa duha ka pari.

Peace Fr. Chicogon ug sa tanang pari....this is just a forwarded text message from a friend.

hubag bohol

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #9 on: September 08, 2009, 08:19:32 PM »
Chick (thinking): Hay, kagwapo sa pari, unsa kahay ahong buhaton para mapansin ko nija, no? Ahhh, ahong huboon ahong panty unja ipatong naho sa lamesa.
[Nakit-an sa pari ang panty.]
Pari: Oi, kinsa ning panty diri sa lamesa?
Chick (smiling): Aho na, Pads.
Pari: Naa lagi tai gamay.

statesville

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #10 on: September 09, 2009, 12:27:58 AM »
Hahahahahah!!! ;D
Kauwaw nakaigit diay

 Here's another input;
  A Christian lady from a church called a pastor from
a church  in the next town.
  She asked  the pastor if he would please visit her
husband who was ill  with some  mysterious sickness.
  The pastor wanted to know why she was calling him.
  Her reply was sincere and to the point,
  she said, "My husband has a deadly disease and
                    we love our preacher"

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #11 on: September 09, 2009, 04:04:36 AM »
Pari: Oi, kinsa ning panty diri sa lamesa?
Chick (smiling): Aho na, Pads.
Pari: Naa lagi tai gamay.


whahaha buanga gjod ka hubs oi!  ;D ;D ;D
Best regards
Bambi

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« Reply #12 on: September 09, 2009, 04:11:22 AM »

Mao ra ba pod na ako sekreto... tabian ko. Bwahahaha!

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« Reply #13 on: September 09, 2009, 08:55:19 AM »

He he, pero bilib ko sa strategy sa pari. Effective kaajo nga pang-discourage sa bigatlon. ;D

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #14 on: September 09, 2009, 10:36:08 AM »
Pari nakakita og panty sa iyang tugkaran. Gusto niya masayod og kinsay tag-iya.

sa didto na sa misa, iyang gibutyag ang iyang nakit-an pinaagi og pag-ampo.

Pads: Kinsa rim panterum luparem kumbentum? (pinakanta mura og Gregorian chant)

Mga Madre (nakasabot) nitubag: Amen.

 ;D ;D ;D ;D


chicogon

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #15 on: September 09, 2009, 10:47:22 AM »

Bwahahaha. Amen man gyod. Basin tong chick istorya ni Hubag Bohol madre sad to? Kay mi "amen" man sad.

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #16 on: September 09, 2009, 07:34:56 PM »

Hahahaha......

chicogon

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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2009, 10:20:36 PM »
Nahugtan nag pakatawa TB? Ani raba ko mamunit ug magamit sa work huhuhu...


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Re: Hilarious Stories (Jokes, Comical Stuff) Out Of The Blue
« Reply #18 on: September 24, 2009, 10:32:29 PM »
naa may daghan diri pads, pero tuas laing thread hehehe.




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Bisaya Jokes: Hilarious

Started by Lorenzo on Jokes and Humor

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698 Views
Last post October 30, 2010, 01:51:58 PM
by Lorenzo
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Opinion Editorial: State Of The Union Shtick: Obama's 5 Unintentionally Comical Lines

Started by MIKELIGALIG.com on World Daily News

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151 Views
Last post February 18, 2013, 01:36:30 PM
by MIKELIGALIG.com
 

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