MikeLigalig.com

Funny stuff only found in the good old Philippines. ..

* Nakasulat sa pader:
"MARUNONG KA BANG TUMAHOL? ASO LANG ANG UMIIHI DITO!"

* along a highway in Pampanga:
"WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"

* in a Baguio grocery:
"FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE"

* in Cubao:
"NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"

* on a parking lot:
"TAXI AND OUTSIDE CAR NOT ALLOWED"

* along Luneta Boulevard:
"BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD"

* on Jeepney and Bus signs:
"BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON BEFORE GET THE OFF"

* on a Flower shop in Rizal Avenue:
"WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS"

* on a delivery truck:
"NOT FOR HERE"

* on window of a restaurant in Baguio:
"WANTED: BOY WAITRESS"

* A grafitti inside the cubicle of a ladies' C.R. in a
university:
"PLEASE DON'T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE A QUEEN."

* At a men's comfort room, above a urinal:
"HAWAK MO ANG KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN"

* at a construction site in Mandaluyong:
"BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG"

* somewhere along San Andres:
"NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS"

* vacant lot near makati ave.:
"DON'T PARKING"

* at an eatery in Cebu:
"WE HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!

and this is the best of them all!!
* on a building somewhere in the Philippines. ..
"NOTARY PUBLIC TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA KUNG LINGGO"



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NOTARY PUBLIC TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA KUNG LINGGO"

mao ni akong gikamot-an bah hehehe

daghan jud karatola sa atoa nga kamot-anan bitaw-tinoud baya na

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wahahahahaha tabang!!!!!!!!! 

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Got this in my email.  (I just wish I could include the graphics.) 

There were two nuns.. 

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), 

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). 

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. 

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for 
The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. 

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. 

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes 
at the most! What can we do? 

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. 

SM: It's not working. 

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only 
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. 

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. 

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and 
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. 

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is 
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. 

Then Sister Logical arrives. 

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! 
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. 
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me 

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? 

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run 
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. 

SM: And? 

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. 

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? 

SL: The only logical thing to do. 
I lifted my dress up. 

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? 

SL: The only logical thing to do 
He pulled down his pants. 

SM: Oh, no! What happened then? 

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? 
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man 
with his pants down. 

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, 

Say two Hail Marys!

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Have mercy with you Sigbin 

Dedicated to all Bayots that I love on Easter Days:

MGA BUGOY: (lingkod2x sa tindahan inoman ug Tuba, tulo ka Bayots nanglabay paki-ay-ki-ay)

"         "     :  Kining mga arte nga BAYOTS, mga makasa-sala angay gyod ilangsang sa Kruz!

MGA BAYOTS: Hoy.....dali managan ta!

MGA BUGOY:  Ug paga-purong-purongan sa ma-idlot nga Ulok!

MGA b***t:   Hoyyy..... mamalik ta!

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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

 

 

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

 

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

 

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

 

WITNESS: Yes.

 

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

 

WITNESS: I forget.

 

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
 


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?

 

WITNESS: He s aid, "Where am I, Cathy?"

 

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

 

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

 

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

 

WITNESS: We both do.

 

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

 

WITNESS: We do.

 

ATTORNEY: You do?

 

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

 
 

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year- old, how old is he?

 

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.



ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

 

WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?

 


ATTORNEY: She had three children, is that correct?

 

WITNESS: Yes.

 

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

 

WITNESS: None.

 

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

 

WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

 


ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

 

WITNESS: By death.

 

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

 

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

 
 

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

 

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

 

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

 

WITNESS: Guess.

 


ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice, which I sent to your attorney?

 

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

 
 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?

 

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like
to rephrase that?

 

 

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

 

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

 
 

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?

 

WITNESS: Oral.

 


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

 

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

 

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

 

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!

 

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

 

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?



 
 

--- And the best for last: ---

 

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?

 

WITNESS: No.

 

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

 

WITNESS: No.

 

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

 

WITNESS: No.

 

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?

 

WITNESS: No.

 

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

 

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

 

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?

 

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.



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