MikeLigalig.com

Quote from: Bambi on May 25, 2009, 11:51:18 PM
mobasa nalang ko sa kang BnC nga daily meals, need not to cook kay makabusog 

today, only turnip cabbage ahong gi-utan giparesan ug meatballs (one day one eat raman ko, no time due to work schedule pero buyag busog ug lawas)

bams, pinobre lang man jud ning amoa kay mao ra among ma afford dire. naanad nasad ta aning pinobre maong akong gianad ang akong mga anak. luoy jud kaayo ang akong duha ka kids kay kung makalugsong mi among ihapit sa jolibee pwerte jud tawong kusoga mangaon. gipul-an na siguro sa pinobre. hehehehe
wala silay mahimo kay ilang mga ginikanan puro pobre.

Quote from: emlegaspo on May 23, 2009, 03:02:48 AM
My big love between your legs. xD
That sounds wrooonnggg.

how about, catch me if you can between your legs?

Quote from: BedoAdoSalada on May 23, 2009, 09:56:58 AM
Haha, murag kini pud:

Wife (of BnC  ) ......:  Please come home asap!  Mag luv luv ta.
BnC..............................:  In 3 hours, i'll be home.  Busy pa sa office.
Wife (of BnC    )......:  Sige, ikaw, with or without you, I can have sex.   

hahaha, ako man jud ang example.

here's another one:

Phone

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club after a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole. Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H - Husband, W - Wife)

H - "Hello?"
W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
H - "Yes."
W - "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
H - "What's the price?"
W - "Only $1,000."
H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
W - "Ahhh, BTW and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2007 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
H - "What price did he quote you?"
W - "Only $60,000..."
H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."
H - "What?"
W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and. I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property."
H - "How much are they asking?"
W - "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"
W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
H - "Bye...I love you too..."

The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.

The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

iyang name mausab na unya ug mahimo nang doc pornstar or hayden pornstar na kho.

pamahaw: inun-onang bilong2x ug piniritong bariles
paniudto: utan bisaya
panihapon: bihon

if nakakita mo sa interview sa mama ni hayden sa abs-cbn ganina, kuyawan lang ta sa iyang mga gipanulti. si katrina man kuno maoy hinungdan nganong nakat-on ug drugs iyang anak. grabe pud no, sige pa gani ug pakita crucifix ug bible. gibirahan pud si lolit solis ug bong revilla. ngano bitaw nag apil apil ang mga karaho.

i don't know if there is a room with own cr for rent in the city that's good for 1 person. most of the rooms for rent are good for 4. you can seldom find good for 2 unless that's a dormitory. the closest thing is lodging house but the charge is per day and that may cost around 350-500 pesos.
refer lang ani nga link. murag naay house si atty. lagunay for rent. basin pwede ka didto for pila ka days lang. magkasinabot siguro mo sa price.

http://tubagbohol.mikeligalig.com/index.php?topic=19886.7

Quote from: hofelina on May 22, 2009, 05:50:08 PM
BNC, unsa kaha ug magtokod ta ug scholarship foundations? But we must see some income earning scheme first, anog say mo?

pwede ra manay tess. ang return investment ana mao nga kita maoy silbing ahente sa tanang scholar nga ni graduate. atong pangitaan ug employer for a fee aron sad makakwarta gamay abag abag sa mga gastuhan. hehehhe

basta makadaug lagi ko sa lotto, mao jud na akong project. agi ug bawos sa swerte ug grasya nga gihatag sa ginoo.

GREEN JOKES

this is green jokes, have fun reading....

Joke # 1
Virgin male on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what to do.
MOM: Put your biggest thing on her hairiest thing.
SON: OK. I got my nose in her armpit. Now what?

Joke # 2
OLD MAN: Can you give me an erection?
FAITH HEALER: I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I
can even cure cancer, but I'm sorry I cannot raise the dead.

Joke # 3
2 employees were caught naked and having sex in the office by the guard.
GUARD: Aha! Violating company rules!
MAN: What rule?
GUARD: Not wearing uniforms.

Joke # 4
Q: What is the difference between Biology and Sociology?
A: If the baby looks like the father, that is biology. If he looks like the neighbour, that's sociology.

Joke # 5
Q: Define Impotence?
A: It's nature's way of saying "NO HARD FEELINGS"

Joke # 6
A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Joke # 7
At the movie house.
GIRL: Honey, the man beside me is masturbating.
BF: just ignore him dear.
GIRL: I can't. He's using my hand!!

Joke # 8
Q: Why was the 2 piece bikini invented?
A: To separate the meat section from the dairy section.

Joke # 9
Boy 1: why did you run away from the naked lady?
Boy 2: because my mom said that if I look at a naked lady I will turn to stone, and a part of me was already getting hard!!

Joke # 10
A camel and an elephant met.
The elephant asked the camel
Why do you have your breasts on your back?
The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies…
What a silly question from someone who has dick on his face!

Bonus:

lovers while having sex...

GF: Ohhh god, you're sooo good...aaahhh more... more...
BF: yeah... ahhh wider...ahhh wider...
GF: oohhh yeaaahhh....moooree....ahhh..ahh..
BF: spread your legs wider... wiiideeer…
GF: ahhhahhhhh....
BF: wider, honey, wider! wiiiideeeer....
GF: (annoyed) f***! are u trying to get your balls in?!
BF: (angry) no, im trying to get my balls out, bitch!

Sperm count

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."  The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:

Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.

We even called up Arlene, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, and no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."

Hahahahaha - What were you thinking?

expression sa akong ig-agaw nga taga tubigon:

jawa jawaa ni.
sungsongan ug pakaw.
ijara.

pamahaw: tuna with egg, buwad bodboron and scrambled egg
paniudto: dinuguan ug ginaling
panihapon: lingua stofado

daghana anang 40 ka video. balik balik ra siguro ang mga chix ana. 1 year gud silang uyab ni maricar so murag daghan jud na iyaha nga scenes.

Quote from: lumine on May 22, 2009, 01:52:19 AM
naa diay libre snacks,bnc? kami sauna,kami pa tawn magbitbit sa amo lingkuranan.

diha toy libre snacks sa una.

based on reports, eric johnston chua is a friend and fraternity brod of hayden. they had falling out because of a woman who said to be the wife of chua. hayden allegedly had an affair with this woman and they also have sexual encounters. chua took hayden's laptop and took the videos inside. it was said that chua tried to sell all the videos for a hefty sum of 2 million. maybe because of the personality involve. however, he doesn't know the trade as according to experts. no matter who's in the video and how good the quality of the video, the maximum amount that can be paid is 50,000. the question there, how the video got out. did chua took the bait and sold the videos for 50k instead of the planned amount which is 2M?

nakasuway ko sa una anang preschool or kinder. pero ang akong adtoon kay snacks ra. hehehehe

Quote from: aduy on May 21, 2009, 12:44:02 AM
bnc, dugaya diay mahuman tiaw bay one year pwede man cguro og duha ra kabulan unya iatol og Abril hangtud Mayo arong naay daghang pista

mao nay gitawag ug usa ka season. pareha sa gawas nga liga. magsugod ug enero, mahuman sa december.

kang maricar maoy grabe kay 2 videos jud ang iyaha nya grabe jud nga kombati and ilaha. mas daring ang sound ug mas daring ang mga position kay naa jud and fellatio ug cunnilungus.
matud pa ni maricar sa previous interviews before nigawas ning videos, 1 year silang uyab ni hayden kay classmate sila sa medschool diin sila nakalampos sa kursong medisina.

ang kang katrina, dili man unta maklaro ang iyang nawong so pwede ra unta i-deny. wa nalang unta to niya angkona. grabe sad kaayo si hayden sa ilang video murag irong boang kung makatila. medyo bigaon sad kaayo ang agulo ni katrina atong videoha. makapagana jud kaayo

ang video nila sa brazilian model, dili tantong law-ay kay ang ibabao ra nga part ang makita. dughan lang jud sa model nga maklaro.

swerteha aning hinampak nga hayden oi. mayra pud ug ipa tanggong ni kanahan. mura ni ug si edison chen sa hongkong. tanang uyab ng gi turjak naa jud video.

The Tri Stages of Sex in Marriage"
1. Tri-Weekly
2. Try-Weekly
3. Try-Weakly

"The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life"
1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off her clothes".
2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide".
3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in front or at the back?”
4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?”
5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it’s inside, you'll LOVE it!
6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll loose interest!”
7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep in the bush, always shoots twice eats what
he shoots, but keeps telling her, "keep quiet and lie still!”


"What is the Difference Between Them?"
01. A successful man is one who makes more money, than his wife can spend. A successful woman is the one who can find such a man.
02. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
03. A man will pay 2 pesos for a 1-peso item he wants. A woman will pay 1 peso for a 2
pesos that she doesn't want.
04. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
05. There are times when a man doesn't understand a woman-before and after marriage.
06. To happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
07. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
08. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
09. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
10.Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.


"The Seven Kind of a Passionate Women"
1. The Optimist - "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
2. The Pessimist - "No! No! No!"
3. The Confused - "Yes! No! No!Yes! Yes! Yes! No! No!"
4. The Asthmatic - Written rendition of gasping!
5. The Sprinter - "Faster! Agh! Faster! Faster!"
6. The Religious - "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"
7. The Mathematician - " More! More! More! More!"


I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on Roxas Blvd. I look over to my left and there's this woman in a Honda City doing 80 kph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I look away for a
couple of seconds and when I look back she's halfway over in my lane. Scared me so bad.
That I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee!

pamahaw: humba
paniudto: sardinas
panihapon: sotanghon

canigao islang is good kay walay inhabitants pero walay koryente ug walay tarong garbage dumps. ang langaw pwerteng dagkoa mura nag buyog kadak-a. haskang paita.

just PM me if naay ganahan mouli sa bohol ug magkinahanglan ug kasakyan. sama sa van, passenger bus or jeeps. very reasonable ang price.

Quote from: grazie7y on April 29, 2009, 07:31:35 AM
minyo na na sya, jan?

bag-o lang na annul iyang kasal ni diether. pwede na ni pakaslan nasad.

sex is a good form of exercise. dapat ang kadtong naay mga gipamati sa lawas nga gustong moturjak. slowly but surely lang. dili kanang haras haras nga paagi nga murag wala nay ugma. grabe siguro tong greek nga laki, nagviagra na, nag energo ug nag enduranz pa. karinyo brutal ang resulta maong natigok ang girl.

wa na man gud laing mahunahunaan nga issue si revilla maong nakatiming siya ani. wala gud siyas know how sa big political issues sa nasud. suma gud ug nag apil apil ba na siya anang mga issue nila ni ping ug manny villar. wala jud. parehas lang na sila ni jinggoy, lito lapid ug bong. puro salida ug pelikula ang naa sa utok. dili na unta mobotar ang mga anang mga artista kung molangsad pagka senador or congressman. sure jud nga wala na silay mahimong balaud nga dili connected sa mga artista or sa pelikula.

Funny Grammar Booboos

Boyfriend to Girlfriend, may LQ: What do you take me for?! Granted?

Guard, answering the telephone: Hello?... Ah yes, for a while. Please hang yourself.

Starlet in an interview: If the odds are against me, then I will against them.

Inday Badiday asks a starlet about her mother's burial.
Inday: Kumusta ang libing ng nanay mo?
Starlet: Successful naman po.

Army officer to cadet: "Do you know why I ask you to stand?" "No, sir."
"Ok, why?" (anlabo!)

Teacher to students: Baka gusto nyong ibilad ko kayo sa covered courts?

Teacher: Class, I want you to watch sex scenes (sixth sense).
Class: What?! Teacher!
Teacher: What's wrong? It's a beautiful film starring Bros Welles (Bruce Willis)
Class: Aah, Sixth Sense!

Sa isang examination:
Student: Mam, pwedeng gumamit ng liquid paper?
Teacher: Ang kulit naman! Sinabi nang pad paper lang eh.

After the examination:
Teacher: Okey, time is up. One, two, three. Come your papers to me!

A reporter interviews a politician about the Philippine economy.
Politician says: Talagang mahirap ang buhay natin ngayon. Pero slow by slow, we will success.

Teacher: Sorry, class. I'm late. My mother died three years ago. And now she's dead. (Ano daw?!)

Heard in a fastfood chain:
Yaya: Ma'm, gusto po ni Mark ng KIDNEY MEAL!

Teacher: What is ur name?
Student: Dell.
Teacher: What is ur old? (maybe she meant how old are you?)

In a restaurant:
Waiter: Sir, How do you want your egg?
Customer: Side in, side out.

Mom interviews her daughter's suitor.
Mom: What's your course?
Suitor: Geo po (for geology).
Mom: Ahhh... Geo-rnalism. Ok yan. (ok nga!)

Guy to Girl: I love you. This is not a ball. ("Hindi ito bola" in English)

Teacher to students: Okay, form two straight circles and find your height alphabetically!

Teacher to students: Okay class, it's time to go home. Form a line and pass out slowly.

Angry teacher to student: I want you to bring your father and your mother, especially your parents, understood?! Bring them tomorrow in front of me, right here, right now!

Emcee, in a party: The next song is the favorite song of my best friend, and neither do I!

Posted in an establishment: None ID, nothing entry.

Teacher: Oy, magdala kayo ng chip ahoy a.
Student: Miss may "s" yon...
Teacher: A, sorry. Chip ahoys!

Two lousy-in-english friends talking to each other.
Friend 1: Am I raining outside?
Friend 2: Not yet. Sprinkle only.

In an awards night, presentor goes: And the winner for Best Comedy Show is Okay Ka, Pare Ko! of IBS channel 13. (Ever heard of that?)

Alma Moreno, in her show introduces Nora Aunor who comes in late:
Finally, please welcome, the late Nora Aunor.

sakto ra siguro na kay 1 year man pud ang tournament. dako ug gasto ang mga LGU's sa kaon, fares, allowances ug uniforms sa players.

pamahaw: meat loaf and eggs
paniudto: adobong tangkong
pamahaw: humba ug chicharon

fanatic diay ka sa emo music kiams?

makadaug lagi ko ug lotto, dili lang kay EB akong atimanon. magtukod ko ug foundation nga mohatag ug scholarships sa tanang mga utokang batang bol-anon nga ang mga ginikinan dili maka afford mopatungha nila sa kolehiyo. bisan kanang mga 4 year course lang nga dali katrabaho diri sa pinas.

Quote from: simplylee on May 20, 2009, 12:01:57 AM
binisaya Doy

sakayan ra man siguro gihapon

half rig

maypa magpasiugda ug intertown basketball tournament nga province sa bohol ug abagan sa 3 ka district reps. dako jud siguro kaayong event ni. unya ilang format home and away aron naa pud chance maka visit ang tanan sa ubang kalungsuran nga gustong mosuporta sa ilang team. unya ang premyo 500,000 sa champion.

asa man ni nahimutang dapita sa catigbian ang maong resto? tsk tsk tsk. mokita kaha ning restoha nga murag tagsa ra may masaag nga turista diha sa catigbian. kana ra jud mga pasahero sa mga bus mga mag agian diha ang mopalit siguro. sama sa taga sagbayan, danao or di gani tubigon, san isidro ug batuan.

if ever ma add ang word nga pacquiao as an official word in the english dictionary, unsa kaha ang meaning, synonyms and antonyms niya.

naa man gud gisakay sa mga legal nga swertres lotto ang illegal nga swertres. sama anang nadakpan sa mansasa. kung unsa ang resulta sa bola sa PCSO mao sad na ang mogawas sa illegal nga swertres. ang wala lang maklaro kung asa sa 3 ka draw ang ilang sundon. sigon sa akong nahibaw-an ang last draw for the day sa swertres maoy sundon nila nga result.

ang PCSO swertes nahimo sad na to eliminate masiao maong ang mga kolokoy nga mga financier giusab sad nila. gisakay lang sad dayon sa lotto swertres. walay kapoy pagbola, kobra nalang ilang sagubangon kada adlaw.

mao siguro na nga gusto si mayor nga wagtangon ang lotto sa bohol aron mawala pud kuno ang swertres. wala niya hunahunaa nga nationwide ang lotto ug ang draw sa manila. so bisan wagtangon ang lotto sa bohol, naa lang gihapon resulta. giunsa pag gamit ang utok.

Quote from: grazie7y on May 19, 2009, 02:25:08 AM
hahahaha Ray, naa jud diay kay collection sa pangpakatawa ha! 

grazie, puro ra ni recollection. hehehehe

THE PINOYS DID IT AGAIN!      

Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan
Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol
Ice buko - ayos buhok ko?
Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis
Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya
Devastation - sakayan ng bus
Protestant - tindahan ng prutas
Statue - ikaw ba yan?
Tissue - ikaw nga!
Predicate - pakawalan mo ang pusa
Dedicated - pinatay ang pusa
Aspect - pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
Deduct - ang pato
Defeat - ang paa (ng pato?)
Detail - ang buntot (ng pato?)
Deposit - Gripo (call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
City - bago  mag- utso!
Cattle - doon nakatila ang hali at leyna
Persuading - unang kasal
Depress - ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
Defense - ginagamit na mga pangsulat sa kontrata  sa PERSUADING
It depends - kainin mo ang bakod
Shampoo - bago mag labing-isha (11)
Delusion - maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)
Delivery - walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian.
Profit - patunayan mo
Balance sheet - what comes out after eating a balance diet
Backlog - bacon saka egg
Beehive - magpakatino ka
CD-ROM -  tingnan mo ang kwarto
Debug - ang ipis
Defrag - ang palaka
Defense - ang bakod
Defer â€" ang balahibo
Deflate - ang plato
Detest - ang eksamin
Devalue - yon ang  susunod sa letrang V
Devote - ang boto
Dilemma - brownout!..a!!!(dilim a!)
Effort - dun nagla-land ang efflane
July - nagsisinungaling ka ba?
Thesis - ito ay…

makadaug gani ko sa lotto. ako jud ang mogasto sa grand EB sa TB. magpamisa pasalamat ko ug pamisa sa tanang kalag nga wala nay naghandum ug tanang kalag sa purgatoryo.
suroyon pa jud nako ang tanang lugar nga naay member sa TB arong ihimamat.

pamahaw: fried isda with misua
paniudto: inun-onan
panihapon: fried fish with petchay and egg

at this point, federer is projected to surpass pete sampras' record of 14 grand slams. he's still 26 years old and has 12 grandslams tucked under his belt. if he can win the french open, he will tie andre agassi for having won a personal record for having won all 4 grand slam titles. the australian open, wimbledon, french open and the US open. although agassi won each title not in the same calendar year. the only player to have won the 4 major trophies in the same year was the legendary rocket rod laver of australia.

however, his archnemesis from spain rafael nadal is always there to spoil whatever roger brings on the table. so expect more hard court, clay court, rubber court and grass court action between these 2 tennis icons in the 21st century.

is there really a sound of silence?

dapit sa amoa, nag inquire sad ko kay akong eldest sige ug sulti nga mo school na siya. sus ang entrance nag average ug 2500 plus monthly of 1,000. ang pinakabarato kay 750 pero murag house lang siya. ok ra unta to kung wala lang entrance kay anyway, unsa pa may buhaton sa 3 year old kid sa sulod sa room? magplay ra gihapon. amo nalang gipalitan ug mga books ug other learning materials ug ako nalang ang nagsige ug tudlo. nag start mi 2 weeks ago ug karon akong anak pwera buyag makapick-up na sa among lesson. maayo na kaayo mo-identidy ug mga objects, figures and pictures. ako na gipasuway ug gunit ug pencil ug kahibaw na gani. there is no place like homestudy.

does joanna legacy also part of the legacy group of companies?

nadal is nursing an injury. i think that's the reason why federer beat him.

really? i thought melligen just worked out at roger mayweather's gym where floyd saw him and made some comments.

that was the reminiscent of pacquiao-hatton fight. less than 10 secs into the 2nd round and boom there goes matumla to the canvas. courtesy of the left hook from AJ. sounds like a dejavu?

balilihan learning center, barato ra kaayo ang tuition. kung walay balon, naay sr. pedro roasted chicken nga tindahan sa duol.

arahan between your legs

went to the LTO for the renewal of my motorcyle's registration. slept for 4 hours then played basketball later in the afternoon.

bahug bahug is another type of pie. the only difference is the flavor where it relies mostly on the ingredients being used which is several crunched bread. let's not used the word recycle but close to that. food coloring adds dignity and beauty to the end product. hehehehe

dako jud ni nga kwarta. tiaw bay tibuok bohol ni nga operasyon.

pamahaw: sweet ham and chicken
paniudto: tinolang manok
panihapon: pinirito ug inun-onang isdang carballas

Naming names

Anak:: Nay? bakit po VICTORIA ang name ni ate?
Nanay: Kasi anak dun namin siya ginawa ng itay mo....
Anak: Eh bakit si bunso, ANITO?
Nanay: Ay, tumigil ka na nga LUNETA at baka mapalo kita! tawagin mo na si kuya FX mo!

Anniversary Gift

Wife: Dear, ano regalo mo sa 25th Anniversary natin?
Husband: Dalhin kita sa Africa...
Wife: Wow! How sweet naman... eh! sa 50th Anniversary natin?
Husband: Susunduin na kita!

Physically Stronger

Women are physically stronger than men... Why?
Because women can carry two mountains at the same time! while men can carry only two eggs...
Take Note! ..... with the help of a bird pa!

Magsasaka

Farmer: lalaki talaga ang aking anak kasi nagsasaka na, "ano ang plano mong itanim sa sakahan mo anak?"
Anak: flowers Papa! lots of Bongacious Flowers!!

Lamok

Anak: tay, hindi ako makatulog kasi maraming lamok.
tatay: i-off natin ilaw para hindi tayo makita
(pagpatay sa ilaw dumating mga alitaptap)
anak: hala ka tay, nagdala sila ng flashlight

Art
Lalake: Ito bang pangit na ito ang tinatawag ninyong "art?" Ang pangit! Nakakasuka! Painting ba ito?
Guide: Hindi po sir. Salamin yan!

Malaking Krus
Naglalakad ang mag-ama sa siyudad at nakakita ng eroplano.
Anak: Tay! Krus! Ang laking krus!
Tatay: (binatukan ang anak) Nakita mo nang krus eh! Lumuhod tayo!

Weakness
Sa loob ng mall nakita nang asawang lalaki ang dati niyang girlfriend at ipinaalam sa kanyang asawa.
Husband: Love, yan ang dati kong girlfriend!
Wife: Ang pangit pangit naman!
Husband: Wala akong magagawa eh, yan talaga ang weakness ko

Padala
Boss: Ipadala mo nga itong sulat kay Mr. Saycon.
Secretary: (bisaya) Sir, iTITI-legram ko ba or iKIKI-ble?
Boss: Tanga! i-FUCKS mo!

ANG NURSE UG ANG MEKANIKO

Sa fiesta sa usa ka lungsod, nakigsayaw ug "sweet music" ang usa ka ulitawo sa usa ka dalaga sa disco nianang gabhiona:
Ulitaw: Nurse ka day, no?
Daga: O, nganong kahibalo ka man?
Ulitaw: Nanimaho ka man gong hospital.
Daga: Mekaniko ka dong sa?
Ulitaw: O, nganong katag-an ka mang mekaniko ko?
Daga: Ganiha ra man gud ko nimo gi-jackan!

Ito ang mga Pinoy Headlines bukas:
·   Tahanang Walang Hagdan, inakyat!!!
·   Capt. Hook dumaan sa Quiapo, pinirata!!!
·   Bakla sumali sa away, napasubo!!!
·   Unanong madre, napagkamalang penguin!!!
·   Bulag, nagdilim ang paningin, nanaksak!!!
·   Tindera ng suka, tinoyo!!!
·   Bastos na teacher, tinuruan ng leksyon!!!
·   Eroplano nag-crash, lahat ng pasahero namatay sabi ng mga survivor!!!
·   Basurero nagsampa ng kaso, binasura!!!
·   Dahil sa taas ng tuition, eskwelahan ng mga bingi, nagnoise barage!!!
·   Lalaki natagpuang pugot ang ulo, inaalam pa kung buhay!!!
·   Barbero tumestigo sa krimen, ayaw paniwalaan!!!
·   Misis ng photographer, nakunan!!!
·   Tindera ng tubig, namatay sa uhaw!!!
·   Kaso ng pilay, nilalakad!!!
·   Invisible man, nakita na!!!
·   Labandera nagkamali, sinabon!!!
·   Lalaki kumain ng boneless bangus, natinik!!!
·   Janitor sumali sa basketball, nilampaso!!!
·   Paco binaha, kinalawang!!!
·   Dahil lagi raw tulog, guwardiya binantayan!!!
·   Plantsadora, nadawit sa gusot!!!!!
·   Runner na inutangan, tinakbuhan!!!!
·   Tindera ng karne, nasagasaan... naging gulay!!!!
·   Tindera ng mais, nagpatawa... corny!
·   Nandaya sa baraha, binalasa!!!!
·   Coconut vendor, naBUKO ng asawa na may kabit!!!!
·   Buntis, nasagasaan........ anak nakailag!

Quote from: BedoAdoSalada on May 18, 2009, 01:51:34 PM
Kuha na kay manan-aw ta ug sunod nga away ni Manny bay BnC.  hehe

di ko afford sa tickets if ever makabaton kog US VISA. hehehe

murag anha man siguro mag tapok ang mga crips ug bloods. anha jud sa ubos sa cathedral dayon nang adto sa dagat.

Quote from: bol-anon nga cebuano on May 16, 2009, 02:04:03 AM
di ba ang abatan bridge sakop pa man na sa cortes? murag utlanan na sa maribojoc ug cortes.

Quote from: Koddi Prudente on May 16, 2009, 02:04:03 AM
Both towns share the same boundary, the river. So ang Abatan Bridge morag dili nato ma classify nga sakop sa usa ka lungsod ra gyud. But anyway, naapil man na siya sa national highway.

nakahinumdum lang gud ko kay diha koy nauyab sa una nga ilang balay unahan sa abatan bridge mao ang ilang address maribojoc na pero diha to magskwela sa IKA sa cortes.

mao kay ang mga tindahan, repair shop ug carenderia mao ni:

just like our dear misty, she's a secret.

di ba ang abatan bridge sakop pa man na sa cortes? murag utlanan na sa maribojoc ug cortes.

Asa man ka diri sa klase sa mga palainom?


o THE PASSENGER - hilig magpasa sa tagay. Sakay-sakay lang. Virgin pa ug mga atay.
o THE HIKER - balhin2x ug pwesto. Likay tagay. Pwede sad likay sa chip-in.
o THE FUGITIVE - pwede sad "THE BATMAN". Kalit lng mawala na walay pananghid. Kuyaw sad ug talent.
o KUNG-FU- KUNG-FUlutan grabe mutira. Kani ang muhurot sa pulutan kai abi cguro nya merienda iyang giadto.
o THE CHOSEN ONE - official runner sa tindahan. Palit ice, yosi ug additional shat.
o THE PHOENIX- Gahi pero tighipos na lang sa kalat kai tumba na tanan.
o THE DRAGON - mubuga na ug kalayo, pero sa yuta, canal or inidoro lng. Pwede sad sa katre na gitulugan. Usually naay countdown to dragon time.
o THE MEDIC - usually mga PASSENGERS. Tig-asikaso sa mga dragon ug sa mga naa sa pinakaubos aning listahan.
o THE CELEBRANT- araw araw birthday. Bangka japon ug storya maski wala nai ganahan maminaw.
o THE SPOTCHAIR - Kini ang target sa tanan tira na seryoso or yaga yaga lng. Tao version of a pulutan.
o THE SLEEPING BEAUTY - ang magduka duka sa session bisan sau pa. kung patulugon dili matulog kai kaya pa daw lagi.
o THE GUNNER - kailangan pa ba ug definition? Kuyaw ni ug privilege kai pwede manikas sa shat. bisaya jokes, binisaya nga jokes, bisdak,
o THE INDIAN - katong gina-text na ug grabe, pero di japon muabot. walay klaro kasabot.
o THE POLICE - ang pinaka late sa tanan. pag-abot nya, hubog na tanan.

And the last but not the least……

o THE TRANSFORMERs - ang pinaka-daghan ug fans pagka-ugma. Daghan nig bersyon. Naay mag-english English, naay mangita ug away, naay mubangka ug pagka daghang storya ug saba kaayo, naa say mag-ala bruce lee, naay maghukas-hukas ug magkanta-kanta, basta daghan. Basta kai ng-transform mao na na.

Horoscope for today!
bisdak, bisaya jokes, bisaya joke, binisaya, binisaya jokes,
Mukatol imong lubot murag may mogimuk
daw gi-kagid nga di ka kasabot ayaw
pangutot kay musamot
likayi nag pagkalot kay ang KIGWA
mosulpot! Hehehe
=================================================
Unang adlaw…
Pedro: Ayo, naa mo babol gam?
Tindero: Wa mi babol gam.
bisdak, bisaya jokes, bisaya joke, binisaya, binisaya jokes,
Ikaduhang adlaw…
Pedro: Ayo, naa mo babol gam?
Tindero: Wa lagi mi babol gam. Sigeg samok uy.

Ikatulong adlaw…
Pedro: Ayo, naa mo babol gam?
Tindero: Giingnan na ta ka gahapong wa mi babol gam. Mobalik pa gani ka diri ugma pusilan tika.

Pagkaugma…
Pedro: Ayo, naa mo pusil?
Tindero: Wala.
Pedro: Aw, naa mo babol gam?
=================================================
Isko: Gubot gyod ang kinabuhi.
Paeng: Mao, kinagubotan. Tan-awa naminyo kos biyuda nga may anak dalaga. Gipakaslan pod ni Tatay ang anak. Nanay na hinuon nako ang dalaga, ug si Tatay akong anak. Ang asawa nako, ugangan ni Tatay. Kon manganak sila, lolo ko sa akong igsoon. Kagubot gyod!
=================================================

Konduktor: Kinsa ning kanding dinhi?
Pedro: Ako na!
Konduktor: Plitihan tani ha?
Pedro: O’ pangutan-a lang kung naa ba na sya’y kwarta!
=================================================
k******n nasakpan

Ako: Sakpan! Ikaw diay k******n diri ug lubi hah,.!
Ikaw: Sakpan gani,sakpan gud! Di lang magpakurat! mahart atak man pud ta nimo. Relax lang gud,..!
================================================
Boy: Di na madayon atong kasal
Girl: Ngano man?
Boy: Imong kuya man gud.
Girl: Di wui! Nagustohan gani ka niya.
Boy: Mao gani,.naka-like sad ko niya!
================================================
Manny Pacquiao namadlong.

Dear te
Dear te
Dear te
Many Pacquiao namadlong sa iya anak ngdula sa knal
Psst! Dear te lage!

pista tuod karon diay sa tubigon. hapit napud ang pista sa san isidro.

basin sa ubang parte lang sa abatan. dako ug taas baya ang abtan aning abatan river.

mao jud na kasagaran question kung wala pa kay trips outside of the country. not only by US embassy but other embassies as well that requires visa. my friends advised me to travel to other countries that doesn't require visa as a tourist. i think singapore, thailand, hongkong, macau, malaysia and indonesia.

Quote from: Happy on August 11, 2007, 08:48:51 PM
naa diay bahog bahog nga pan?

wa diay ka katilaw ug bahug bahug nga pan sukad? kalami anang bahug labina kung bag-ong luto. ang bahug bahug nga pan, gisagol sagol nga mga bahaw nga pan.

naghuna huna pa na siya kung basted ba ka or hatagan ka ug chance by saying hunahunaon sa nako ha.

hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo tao. bagay tayo bagay...

the only secret of falling in love is by keeping it yourself and not telling the person that you love him/her.

mao pa jud pagkabasa nako aning story sa inquirer ganinang buntag.

boogieman between your legs

CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Man . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order?.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold.......... on......8898 6135 6102 0499"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr. Cruz and you're calling from 17 Bakunawa St. Your home number is 4092366, your office 6452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."

Customer: " What?"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."

Customer: " ?"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : According to our records here, you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^

Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints]     

pamahaw: sweet ham and longganiza hamonada
paniudto: breaded porkchop with lumpiang shanghai
panihapon: spanish sardines in vegetable oil cooked with garlic and onions

bought groceries, sleep then play basketball

Quote from: grazie7y on May 12, 2009, 02:03:25 AM
hahahah ang akong gikuptan karon kay keyboard.  dimalas diay ang TB! Kinsa man mo libre nko oi wa man koy tupad ron!  Mag laag-laag kaha ko ron sa downtown LA!

basin naay ghost diha grazie manglibre nimo. hehehe

pamahaw: menudo
paniudto: bolabola
panihapon: misua and sardines

this is one of the amazing stories i've ever heard.

aries
delikadong maglakawlakaw karun kay slide ang dalan ug daghang makakita. patuo jud sa tambag
ayaw agi sa dalan.adto agi sa dagat kay pulos tubig to ddto dli maklaro kong ma slide ka. swerteng numero: 138, pwede sad rambolon!

taurus
bation nimo ang tumang kalaay, busa likaye angpagtan aw sa imong dagway.
lugar debwenas: obyos bah?! kanang lugar nga walay samin aron dli nimo makita imong dagway!

gemini
naglibog ka karun kung kinsa ang imohang pilion, ang imong uyab nga adunahan apan maut (batig nawng bah!) o ang usa nga ambungan pero wlay nahut. opsss! nganung maglibog mn ka nga nga libog naman kang daan, di ba?!swertehun ka sa pagsige'g chat sa internet, kay mag brown out kini ug dili ka makabayad sa imong nagamit nga oras.

cancer
ayaw pgpaduol sa classmate nimo (kana kon estudyante ka ha!) imong ka opismit (kung opisgirl
ka!) nga nagsige'g panghingugmo (kalood!) kay delikado nga malagputan ka!
swerteng butang: panyo, in case nga dili malikayan aduna kay mapahidan sa kugmo.

leo
palig-uni ug maau ang imohang bra kay makasugat kag gwapo. daku ang posibilidad nga mabugto ni. kun ikaw lalaki, seguradoang lig-on ang imong siper kay daghang tentasyon sa mata
ang masugatan nimo ron.
lugar debwenas : sementeryo

virgo
intriga sa kinabuhi ang buot mopaluya nimo, magcge daw ka ug papansin aron maka gain ug lots of friends. apan ayaw kana pansina instead shout it to the max "walay bot-anay".
butang dimalas: cellphone, ma check operator ka!

libra
kalipay ang magpaabot nimo karung semanaha kay daghan ka ug mauyab. likayi ang mga tapulan og dili kahibaw mubuhat ug love letters kay sure ko ikaw jud ang pahimuon, hahaha.
swerteng butang: chalk, kon estudyante ka suwati ang inyong blackboard ug wanted uyab!

scorpio
ugma kong molakaw ka kuyog imong mga friends ibilin jud ang imohang cellphone kay daghang mga friends nimo ang walay load unya magpapasa load sila nimo. dal-a lang ni kung wala sad kay load ok?!
swerteng lugar: colon, makakita ka ug casing sa imohang cellphone.

sagittarius
hilabihan nimo ka swerte karung adlawa kay makadawat ka ug pahalipay bisan layo pa ang
pasko, lifetime supply sa tawas.
tawo nga dimalas: imohang tupad.

capricorn
madakpan ka karong adlawa kuyog ang imohang uyab sa usa ka mall! ang rason nila "no pets
allowed".
butang debwenas : tangkal. adto na ibutang ang imohang uyab!

aquarius
pag andam pirme ug rugby kay malangkat ang lapa2x sa imohang sapatos. kung wala kay rugby
pag bawon pirme ug sinelas, isud sa bag.
tawong demalas: may lain pa, di IKAW!!!!

pisces
maayong ilabay ang butang nga imohang gikuptan kay mao kana ang nagdala ug demalas
nimo. opppss! time pa! joke lang!!! ang tinuod swerte ka karun kay librehon ka sa imong tupad.
adlawang debwenas: KARON lagi.. 

pamahaw: tuna and luncheon meat
paniudto: utan tinunoan ug sinuglaw
panihapon: tuna and canton

harry potter and the sorcerer's stone

it only shows that God is there and sent his guardian angels to protect the kid. until now, I still believe in guardian angels.
this is truly amazing and it's really a miracle.

pamahaw: paliya with egg
paniudto: sardines with egg
panihapon: inun-onang bilong bilong

hahahahaha. abi nako nagbahag.

Goldfinger between your legs

cook food for breakfast
cook food for lunch
took a nap
played basketball
cook food for dinner

gwapa jud kay kaslonon na ra ba ni.

pamahaw: chicken pork adobo
paniudto: bas-oy
panihapon: sotanghon and sauted chayote with chick strips and cabbage

mayta ug di modagko ang mga baby aron pirme lang cute. unsaon inig dako na dili na ma cute. cute toon na noon.

ARCADIA, Mo. â€" Thirsty, dirty and tired after spending two days and nights barely clothed in the wet, chilly woods of Mark Twain National Forest, 3-year-old Joshua Childers was ready to go home.

The boy was lying on the ground of a hollow near a creek bottom Wednesday afternoon when a volunteer searcher spied his bare bottom.

"Hey, bud!" called out Donnie Halpin, a 57-year-old construction worker from nearby Fredericktown, who wasn't sure whether the grimy figure was even alive.

But Joshua sat right up and grinned at his rescuer.

"You ready to go home?" Halpin asked.

"Yeah," said Joshua.

The boy was wet and only wearing a T-shirt and one tennis shoe. Halpin called 911, then wrapped the child in his shirt, scooped him up and carried him about a half-mile to a house.

"He hung on to me pretty tight," said Halpin, who didn't have any water for the child but gave him some candy. "Outside of a few scratches, he was in really good shape."

Joshua had slipped out of his family's mobile home near Arcadia in rural southeast Missouri around 11:30 a.m. Monday, while his father slept and his mother talked on the phone.

Terry Schulte, the boy's grandmother, told KSDK-TV that Joshua told her he was on his way to visit her. She lives about five miles from his home, and he was found covered in ticks about a half-mile away. Somewhere along the way he lost his pull-up diaper and one of his sneakers, which searchers found near a pond Monday.

Halpin discovered Joshua around 4 p.m. Wednesday while walking along an all-terrain vehicle trail about three miles from the boy's home, after first spotting some stray dogs sniffing at something.

"I'm going to put him up for the Grizzy Adams Award, send him bear-hunting with a stick," his overjoyed father, Adam Childers, told reporters, marveling at his son's survival skills.

"It's undescribable how grateful we are," Childers said. "I mean, you doubt if God's actually with you for awhile, and then something like this happens, and you know he's there."

Madison County Sheriff David Lewis said searchers had been growing increasingly pessimistic about their chances of finding Joshua alive. He figured three days was about the limit for the boy's survival in the wild without food and water.

"It's a miracle," Lewis said. "I'm so happy, you can't believe it."

Hundreds of volunteers from as far away as St. Louis, 100 miles to the northeast, came to help in the search. So did professional search and rescue crews from dozens of agencies. The Missouri State Highway Patrol brought in planes. The state Water Patrol brought in divers and sonar. Dozens of dogs, horses, ATVs and even donkeys scattered in the miles around the tiny home that sits along the wild, rocky terrain of the Mark Twain National Forest.

The area is home to bears, mountain lions and snakes. Heavy rain Tuesday night and Wednesday morning swelled creeks in the area.

"I don't know how he did it," Adam Childers said. "I don't know grown men that could do it. But all I can say is he's a tough little bugger."

Doctors have told him that his son is a little dehydrated but otherwise fine, Childers said. The child was evaluated and listed in fair condition, first at Iron County Hospital and later at Jefferson Regional Medical Center in Crystal City, where he was transferred because it has a larger pediatric unit.

The boy has been asking for milk and hot dogs since his rescue, Childers said.

i-post balik ang pic aron dili makatag.

Blessed Rose
Feastday: May 7
1728


Blessed Rose was born at Viterbo in 1656, the daughter of Godfrey Venerini, a physician. Upon the death of a young man who had been paying court to her, she entered a convent, but after a few months had to return home to look after her widowed mother. Rose use to gather the women and girls of the neighborhood to say the rosary together in the evenings, and when she found how ignorant many of them were of their religion, she began to instruct them. She was directed by Father Ignatius Martinelli, a Jesuit, who convinced her that her vocation was as a teacher "in the world" rather than as a contemplative in a convent; whereupon in 1685, with two helpers, Rose opened a preschool for girls in Viterbo: it soon became a success. Blessed Rose had the gift of ready and persuasive speech, and a real ability to teach and to teach others to teach, and was not daunted by any difficulty when the service of God was in question. Her reputation spread, and in 1692, she was invited by Cardinal Barbarigo to advise and help in the training of teachers and organizing of schools in his diocese of Montefiascone. Here she was the mentor and friend of Lucy Filippini, who became foundress of an institute of maestre pie and was canonized in 1930. Rose organized a number of schools in various places, sometimes in the face of opposition that resorted to force in unbelievable fashion - the teachers were shot at with bows and their house fired. Her patience and trust overcame all obstacles, and in 1713 she made a foundation in Rome that received the praise of Pope Clement XI himself. It was in Rome that she died, on May 7, 1728; her reputation of holiness was confirmed by miracles and in 1952, she was beatified. It was not until sometime after her death that Blessed Rose's lay school teachers were organized as a religious congregation: they are found in America as well as in Italy, for the Venerini Sisters have worked among Italian immigrants since early in the twentieth century. Her feast day is May 7.

Bl. Edward Jones
Feastday: May 6


Blessed Edward Jones and Anthony Middleton, Martyrs Edward Jones from Wales and Anthony Middleton from Yorkshire were both educated at the Douai College in Rheims. They became priests and were sent to the English mission in the time of Elizabeth II. Middleton was the first to arrive in England, in 1586, and pursued the ministry for some time without being discovered, helped considerably by his youthful appearance and slight stature. Jones followed, in 1588, and quickly became known by the English Catholics as a devout and eloquent preacher. The two men of God were hunted down and captured with the aid of spies posing as Catholics, and they were hanged before the very doors of the houses in Fleet Street and Clerkenwell where they were arrested. Their trial is regarded as full of irregularities; the reason for the summary justice dispensed to them was spelled out in large letters: "For treason and foreign invasion." After offering their death for the forgiveness of their sins, the spread of the true Faith, and the conversion of heretics, they died on May 6, 1590. Their feast day is May 6th.

angels and demons between my and your legs

pamahaw: piniritong isda
paniudto: inu-onang isda
panihapon: canton

nindot jud ug breeding ning mga boholana mixed with a foreign blood.

gitangtang man dayon. kay ngano kaha?

pamahaw: pinakbet and monggos
paniudto: piniritong budburon
panihapon: tangkong

adtos balilihan kay naay mga falls didto nga ang mismo nga taga didto ray nakahibaw.