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Mahilig sa sex, mahaba ang buhay?
DOC WILLIE Ni Dr. Willie T. Ong (Pilipino Star Ngayon) Updated November 11, 2010 12:00 AM   


ITO ang mga nilalaman ng mga bagong pagsusuri tungkol sa sex:

Ang taong nakikipag-sex ng 3 beses bawat linggo ay mas hindi inaatake sa puso at na-i-stroke. Oo, posibleng makahaba ng buhay ang sex, lalo na kapag nagpa-practice ka ng safe sex.

Kapag itinaas mo ang iyong pagse-sex, mula sa isang beses bawat buwan at ginawa mong isang beses bawat linggo, mas tataas ang kasiyahan mo sa buhay.

Sa kabilang dako, ang unsafe sex, o iyong pagtatalik sa maraming partner ay puwedeng magbawas ng 6 na taon sa iyong buhay. Ito’y dahil sa peligro ng sexually-transmitted diseases.

Ayon sa isang pagsusuri sa Japan, ang mga lalaking nakikipagtalik sa hindi nila asawa ay mas nagkakaroon ng istrok. Ang istrok ay ang pagbabara ng ugat sa utak at napaparalisa ang katawan.

Ang mga babaing nag-e-enjoy sa sex ay mas humahaba ang buhay kumpara sa mga hindi nag-e-enjoy.

Kailangan ng babae nang mas mahabang foreplay o iyong matagal na preparasyon bago mag-sex at orgasm.

Ito ang nangyayari sa katawan habang nagse-sex. Bumibilis ang tibok ng puso. Lumalaki ang pupils (iyong itim sa gitna ng mata). Bumibilis ang paghinga at lumalaki ang butas ng ilong. Bumubuka ang daanan ng pawis (sweat glands). Lumalaki ang suso ng babae ng 25% at ang utong (nipples) ay humahaba ng kalahating pulgada. Dumadami rin ang daloy ng dugo sa labi, ilong at sexual organs.

Ang pagtatalik ng 5 minuto ay nagtatanggal lang ng 20 calories sa ating katawan. Ngunit ang pagtatalik ng 30 minuto ay nag-aalis ng 200 calories. Mas maraming ehersisyo ang makukuha sa matagal na pagtatalik.

Para malaman kung kaya mong mag-sex, subukang umakyat ng 2 floors. Kapag hiningal ka pagdating sa itaas, ibig sabihin ay kulang sa kondisyon ang iyong katawan, at baka mahirapan ka sa sex. Pero kung balewala sa iyo ang 2 floors, puwedeng-puwede ka sa sex.

10. Ang pagmamasahe ng paa ay nakatutulong sa sex. Nakaka-excite ito sa babae. Ang iba pang lugar na nagpapa-excite ay ang batok, ang mga daliri, ang nipples at ang sexual organs.

11. Para ganahan sa sex, kailangan matahimik na lugar at maganda ang paligid. Ayon sa pagsusuri, baka makatulong din ang tsokolate, kape, at amoy ng baby powder sa sex drive. Puwede itong subukan. Good luck.

Happy Fiesta to my fellow Panganganons, August. 10.. How can I forget this memorable date.. it's also a special day for my late Papa, Eusebio "Ebing" Ytac...his date of birth... though he's gone but his memories in Pangangan lives on...his place of birth.

To my relatives in Pangangan particularly in Talisay, the Talatagod Family, Forones.. to my friends in neighboring barrios, kinabag-an, Looc, Magtungtong the mozo family, the Edar family, Dumas Family... to all of you... HAPPY FIESTA..!!! ang torta ug adobo ipa dala na lang diri sa Davao, di pa man siguro na madaut ayaw na lang ng tinaro nga mantika basin mayabo....hehehehe... maayo unta naa pa ko Cebu kay pwede siritan lang ug pumpboat from tangke, Talisay (my 1st cousin) who have that facility...I experienced that aside from the usual passenger ship via tubigon... Enjoy...!!!!

By the way, here’s my lineage/ family tree ( as far as my memory is concern as narrated to us by our parents..) from the beautiful  island of Pangangan, Calape, Bohol..

Father  : Eusebio Matutis Ytac
Mother : Geronima Edar Jusayan â€" Ytac

*****

Grandparents â€" Father side :

Grandpa â€" Martin Ytac (not sure sa middle name sa akong lolo, ambot lang sa akong mga 1st degree diha sa Talisay kung kahibalo..)

Grandma â€" Gregoria “Goyang” Matutis â€" Ytac (according to my late father- from Loon of origin..)

*****

Grandparents â€" Mother side :

Grandma : Matilde Dumaran Edar â€" Jusayan

Grandpa : Fausto Jusayan (  of Leyte Origin according to Mama..not sure..)

****

Further my grandparents on my father side married twice as they were both widow and widower whose first marriage bore several siblings and my papa was then a product of 2nd marriage…hence, he had several half brothers and sisters on both sides. According to Papa, his nanay, our lola first husband’s family name was “TABAT” who’s children manned/ owned a  trucking business before in Mangagoy, Bislig Surigao del Sur…On the other-hand, my grandpa, tatay Malting who’s eldest son on his first marriage was then the Elementary  Public School Principal in Calape after  WW II, in the person of FELIPE  YTAC… I met my cousins in Pangangan when I was then a College student before in Cebu City, that was the first time that I stepped the place of my Origin… Since then I always visited Pangangan during some vacations.. (sem-break, summer even Christmas).. We are so closed with my cousins, and my late uncle Pelagio & my auntie Celing… a virtue of a true Filipino, “close family ties” and hospitality…. na miss gyod nako ang saliot, kasag, dawdaw nga gataan unya supsupon, saypo ug swaki daghan pa ...hehehehe... grabe..! bahaw lang ang katapat...

I remember we visited the residence in Pangangan of then, the lone survivor sibling of my grandmother (mother side), youngest brother of my lola Matilde, Tay Oding Edar, he looked like my lola too… no updates from them since then…  but I met thru FS & FB  one of 'tay oding's grandchiidren,  in the person of Ms. Nessie Ytac - Seals (US) hehehe.. nag back to back nami ani ron both from Edar (Mother side) and my family name too...  

Whenever I met someone  here in Mindanao particularly in Davao City, where I permanently resided and asked , “Is your family name from Calape, Bohol?”… I just smiled and said, YES..!

Frankly  speaking.. lisod manguyab sa Pangangan nga mora kag moagi sa lungag sa dagom..hehehehe… con todo investigar.. family background/ check,  affinities & consagunities.. grabe..! hehehehe…  adto na lang ko sa layong dapit mangita..hahahaha.. nakakita man pod…


kana lang akong madumduman so far, especially sa Mindanao ko gibuhat ug gipakatawo yet some of my siblings were born in Pangangan before my parents migrated to the "Land of Promise" to seek for a greener pasture where I was one of the products of their "immesureable love".... a fruit of their labor in Mindanao too ...

The perfect president must have...


VILLAR's   - Money



AQUINO's   - Heart



TEODORO's   - Brain



ESTRADA's     - Appeal



VILLANUEVA's   - Spirituality





and.............




GORDON's  Dick..!!!!

morag nag aso-aso ang atong threads sa politika ato usang pabugnawon.... about politics guihapon..  here it is...

Noynoy Aquino
February 8, 1960
Aquarius
Iwasang magtungo sa Quiapo. Baka mapagbintangan kang bumibili ng survey.
Sa pag-ibig, magpapasya ka this week sa regalong ibibigay mo kay Valenzuela City Councilor Shalani Soledad sa Valentine’s Day. Huwag mo itong ipaalam kay Kris. Pagtatawanan ka lang niya at sasabihang “Gosh, how cheap!”
Hahabol sa kasikatan ng “Nakaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng basura” jingle ni Manny Villar ang NOY|NOY! jingle kung saan tinangka mong mag-rap katulad ng idolo mong si Vanilla Ice. Ngunit makabubuting panoorin ang ginawa mong pagsayaw sa naturang patalastas. Ginawa na ni Villar ang ganyang gimmick noong 2007. Utang na loob, huwag mo nang ulitin. Mukha kang tanga!
Syanga pala, may nag-text.
“Patahimikin mo na kami. Huwag mo na kaming isali d’yan. Matanda ka na. Alam mo na ang dapat mong gawin. Good luck. All the best, Daddy Ninoy & Mommy Cory"

JC De Los Reyes
February 14, 1970
Aquarius:
Saludo ang mga bituin sa iyong tapang at determinasyong tumakbo sa pagkapangulo ng ating bansa. Ngunit mas sasaludo sila sa ‘yo kung ikaw ay uurong.

Joseph Estrada
April 19, 1937
Aries:
Hindi ka si Harry Houdini. Hindi ka rin si David Copperfield. At lalong hindi ka si David Blaine. Pero ang tanong ng mga bituin: bakit hanggang ngayon ay nabubuhay ka pa rin sa illusion?
Patuloy na bebenta ang iyong mga jokes sa mga presidential forum. Ikaw ang aani ng pinakamalakas na tawanan at palakpak mula sa crowd. Subalit ipinapayo ng mga bituin na limitahan ang dami ng binibitawan mong jokes. Baka mapagkamalan kang si Dolphy at kunin kang endorser ni Villar.

Richard Gordon
August 5, 1945
Leo:
Bilib ang mga bituin sa talas at husay ng iyong utak lalo na sa mga debate at presidential forum. Ngunit mag-ingat sa napakabilis na pagsasalita. Baka malunok mo ang iyong maigsing dila. Iisa pa lamang ang successful tongue transplant sa mundo.
Limitahan din ang paggamit sa Subic at Olongapo sa mga debate. Given na ‘yon. Sinuwerte ka lang dahil doon ka nahalal na alkalde. Kung ikaw ang naging mayor ng Siayan town sa Zamboanga del Norte na may poverty incidence na 97.46 percent, baka wala ring gaanong nagawa ang matabil mong dila.
Isang unsolicited advice lang po mula sa mga bituin: palitan n’yo na ang iyong TV ad na ang musikang gamit ay “Silent Night.’ Pebrero na ngayon.

Nicanor Perlas
January 10, 1950
Capricorn:
May walong araw pa bago opisyal na magsimula ang campaign period kung saan inaasahang gagastos nang todo-todo ang mga kandidato. Dahil sa mababang rating sa survey, mahihirapan kang kumalap ng campaign contributions.
Habang abala sa paghahanap ng financial support, makakatanggap ka ng ‘good news’ at ‘not so good news’ bago matapos ang linggong ito. Ang good news: susuportahan ka ng pamilya Ayala. Ang ‘not so good news’ â€" ng pamilya ni Joey Ayala: karaniwang tao.
Pinupuri ng mga bituin ang iyong mga nagawa bilang advocate ng malinis at maayos na kapaligiran at kalikasan. Dahil diyan, mananalo ka! Mananalo ka sa May 10… kung papayagang bumoto ang mga puno.

Gilbert Teodoro
June 14, 1964
Gemini:
Iwasang makunan ng larawan kasama ang isang babaeng may nunal sa kaliwang pisngi. May dalang kamalasan ‘yan. Mas lalong iwasang makunan ng larawan kasama ang isang ginoong napakalaki ng katawan ngunit napakaliit ng boses. Doble ang kamalasang dala niyan.
Mauungusan mo sa susunod na survey sina Noynoy at Villar… kung sa La Salle campus gagawin ang survey.
Posibleng umagaw ng boto sa ‘yo ang isang female presidential candidate na berde rin ang campaign color. Malas mo lang dahil pareho pa kayo ng gupit. Remedyuhan habang maaga.

Manny Villar
December 13, 1949
Sagittarius:
Sa pananalapi: napakasuwerte mo. Ni singko ay wala kang utang. Umuulan ang iyong pera kaya naman bumabaha ang iyong political ads.
Dahil sa ‘yo, muling mag-iinit ang Senado sa linggong ito. Consistent kang tao. May isang salita. Hindi ka sisipot sa pagdinig ng plenaryo. Kaya’t patuloy na magtatanong ang taong-bayan: guilty or not guilty? Dahil sa patuloy na pag-iwas mo sa iyong mga accusers, malamang na iwasan ka na rin ng mga botante. Ang payo ng mga bituin: simulan mo na ang paghahanap ng tindahang nagbebenta ng suwerte. Kakailanganin mo ‘yan ngayong Mayo.
Babala: kung ayaw mong umuwing may black eye, iwasan ang isang babaeng may initials na JM. May maitim siyang balak sa ‘yo. Matagal ka na niyang hina-hunting. Clue sa katauhan ng babae: mukha siyang lalaki.

Jamby Madrigal
April 26, 1958
Taurus:
Kung may mga sanggol na ipinaglihi sa hilaw na mangga, maasim na siniguelas, o hinog na duhat, naniniwala ang mga bituin na ikaw naman ay ipinaglihi sa sama ng loob. Tila malaki ang kinikimkim mong galit sa pulitiko man o sa mga kamag-anak mo. Isa kang ‘bully’ sa iyong past life.
Babala ng mga bituin: Chill. Baka dumating ang araw na maubusan ka ng maaaway at ibaling mo ang iyong galit sa iyong sarili.
Sa pag-ibig, walang gaanong pagbabagong nakikita ang mga bituin. Masyadong maulap ang aspetong romantiko ng iyong buhay.
Sa pulitika, sinabi mo last week na hindi ka naniniwala sa mga surveys.‘Wag kang mag-alala. Hindi rin sila naniniwala sa ‘yo! Quits lang pare.

Bro. Eddie Villanueva
October 6, 1946
Libra:
Ang katulad mong Born-Again Christian at spiritual leader ay hindi naniniwala sa mga hula.
Ang sabi ng mga bituin: ‘Pwes, hindi rin kami naniniwala sa ‘yo.’
Wala kang horoscope!

BILL GATES RECRUITS A NEW CHAIRMAN

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe.

5,000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is MARIO CRUZ.
Bill Gates: ‘Thank you all for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.’

2,000 people leave the room.

MARIO says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay.
I'll give it a try'.

Bill Gates: ‘Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.’

Another 2,000 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself 'I’ve never managed anybody but myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: ‘Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.’

500 people then leave the room.

Mario says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose?'  So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates
who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Mario turns to the other candidate and says ‘Unsa-on man nato ni, dong?'

The other candidate answers 'Ambot, bay, ikaw bahala....' 

                                                     
             â€¦..   (SUS!!! DI BA NI MGA TAGA TB ANG APLIKANTE?… )

This a true-to life story… if you have some symptom of this ailment (Alzheimer.. tama ba ni nga spelling?..) ‘ aba’y magpatingin na kayo sa doctor…


May isang babae naglalakad sa mall, hinabol siya ng lady guard..

Lady guard: excuse me ma’am…. Yong isa mong ano…. yong dede mo nakalabas!! (sabay turo sa breast ng babae) …

Laking gulat ng babae napatingin sa kanyang breast sabay takip… napasigaw at tumakbo palabas ng mall..

Babae: Oh my God!!! Yong baby ko… naiwan sa taxi!!!

Going crazy with confusion


A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got the following reply.

"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.

My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife.

So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.

But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?"

After staring blankly with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied: "Move over!"  


..mao na ning estoryaha nga ang punoan nahimo na lang nga udlot.. resulta na ni sa "grafting" mangga ang punoan ang bunga avocado...

..mangatawa na lang ta... kay ingon nila "laughter still the best medicine" di gyod  ka magka overdose ani...

eto po ang full story ni inday.. ishare ko po lamang..

                                 *******************

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila. Habang ini-interview ng amo...

Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag ayos ng bahay, magluto, maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?

Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.

Amo: [nosebleed]


Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang me bukol si junior.


Amo: Bakit me bukol si junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]


Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.

Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [nosebleed na naman]

Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [hinimatay]


Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si junior sa principal's office dahil di makapunta ang amo at donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they ****!

Principal: [nag resign]


Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]


Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si junior.

Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang nagdudugong ilong]


Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nabalitaan nya umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]


Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday. Si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gusto maki pag text-mate.

Inday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request - Petition denied.


Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong, nagging syota nya rin si Inday. Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si Inday ke Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!"

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem to contrive as any affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Therefore, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself"


Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan ni Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (sabi ke Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing because maybe someday you'll realize that the one you gave away is the very thing you've been wishing for to stay.

Narinig ang lahat ng eto ng amo ni inday.

Amo: [nagpakamatay]


O SYA, TAMA NA YAN AT PUNASAN MO NA ANG IYONG NOSEBLEED.... hehehehe

In a street accident, a woman tried to help the victim but suddenly....

A nurse came in and said......

"Miss excuse me!.. please step back! I have a course in first aid and I am trained in giving CPR.."

The woman stepped aside and watched the procedure and said....

"If you a need a Doctor.. I am just at your back"...


..... lesson : humility counts....

This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! (After the story, there are some very interesting facts!





I am a father of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.


The last class I had to take was Sociology.


The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.



Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.'





The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.



I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway.. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake,

Literally.



Soon after we were assigned the project, my wife and, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning.



It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son.



We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then
Even my wife did..





I did not move an inch.... An overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.



As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.





As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling'





His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance...




He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.





The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.




I held my tears as I stood there with them.





The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.





He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford.. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).




Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.



That is when I noticed all eyes in the

Restaurant were set on me, judging

My every action.



I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.





I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand.




He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.'




I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you.... God is here working through me to give you hope.'




I started to cry as I walked away to join my wife and son.. When I sat down my wife smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope.....'





We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.





We are not church goers, but we are believers..





That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.





I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.





I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it.





Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?'





I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class...





She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed...





In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son,the instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.




I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:





UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.

As always! Madaling araw na naman nakauwi si Rolando galing sa inuman at lasing na lasing. Pagdating nya ay tulog na ang kanyang misis kaya tumabi nalang sya sa kama at natulog na rin. Kinaumagahan, Sa muling pagmulat ng mata ni Rolando ay nakita nya na ang katabi ay isang lalaki, bigla syang nagulat at bumangon!

Rolando: Sino ka! At ano ginagawa mo dito sa Kwarto namin?!

San Pedro: Huminahon ka Rolando. Hindi ito ang kwarto nyo at ako ay si San Pedro

Rolando: Ha? Kung ganon patay na ako!

San Pedro: Ganon na nga iho.

Rolando: HINDI! HINDI ITO PWEDE! Ang dami ko pang hindi nagagawa ang dami ko pang naiwan sa mundo! Maawa ka San Pedro pabalikin mo ako sa lupa kahit manlang sandali para makapagpaalam sa mga mahal ko sa Buhay!

San Pedro: Teka Huminahon ka. Hindi ka na pwede bumalik bilang ikaw pero pwede kita I reincarnate bilang isang inahing manok o bayawak!

Rolando: mmmm kung bayawak baka mapatay uli agad ako. Inahing manok nalang po San Pedro, pero ilagay nyo po ako dun sa bukid namin para maging malapit ako sa pamilya ko!

San Pedro: OK pagbibigyan ko ang kagustuhan mo

At muling nabuhay si Rolando bilang isang inahing manok. Nakita nya ang sarili na puno ng balahibo at kasama nya ang ibang mga inahing manok sa bukid nila. Kinausap sya ng isa pang inahing manok na si Susy.

Rolando: Whew,isa na akong manok ganito pala ang feeling. Teka, bakit parang umiinit ang tyan ko at kumukulo?

Susy: Ikaw ba yung bagong manok dito? Ganyan talaga ang pakiramdam kapag malapit ka na mangitlog. Magrelax ka lang at hayaan mo syang dumaloy.

Rolando: Ano? Mangingitlog ako!!. Oo nga pala inahin nga pala ako kaya normal lang siguro yun.

Kahit medyo kinakabahan si Rolando ay sinunod nya si Susy at nailabas nya ang unang itlog. Matapos mailabas ang itlog ay guminhawa ang pakiramdam ni Rolando.

Rolando: Wow ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng mangitlog, napakasarap! Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ito, Para akong isang ina na nagsilang ng sangol napakasarap, ngayon ko lang naramdaman ito....Pero teka bakit parang meron pa?

Susy: Hwag ka mag-alala di tulad ng tao, tayong mga manok kaya natin mangitlog ng isa hangang walo, kaya magrelax ka lang at hayaan mo silang lumabas

Rolando: Ganon ba? O sige. Maraming salamat Susy! Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko pero totoong nakaka-antig ng damdamin.

At muli na naman nagitlog si Rolando. Gumaan muli ang pakiramdam nya.Napangiti at nasabi nya sa sarili nya na ito ang pinakamasarap na naramdaman nya sa buong buhay nya kahit na noon namumuhay pa sya bilang isang tao, Halos mapaluha sya sa galak. Naghahanda na sanang ilabas ni Rolando ang pangatlo nyang itlog ng biglang may matigas na bagay na pumalo sa ulo nya at may narinig syang malakas na sigaw.

Misis: Hoooy Put@*%*#! Mo! Gumising kang Demonyo ka! Ba't tumatae ka sa kama

                            ********THE END *******************


ambot unsay maayong i-title ani.. "ang palahubog ba?", "ang himungaan?"..  o "palahubog nga himungaan?"


Lesson: before maghubog-hubog... hala, kalibang una  o pwede mag-diaper daan para syurbol

When I taught my grader son of his assignment, my eyes caught the attention  the title of the story in his book whose author was just printed "from e-mail"..... I narrated to him the the whole story translating it to our native dialect... as the story ended.. I asked him, "did you understand the story?", my son just smiled and said, yes... as I gave him the "golden rule".... "Do not do unto others, if you don't want others do it unto you".. here's the story.. I think some of you have already read this.. a nice story that ought to be shared..

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law and a four year   old grandson. The old man’s hand trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his steps faltered. The family ate together at the table but the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult, teas  rolled off  his spoon onto the floor when he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. “We must do something about grand father, “ said the wife. “I’ve had enough  of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor”.

So, the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, grandfather had broken a dish or two. His food was served now in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tears in his eyes as he sat alone. Still, the only words of the couple had for him were sharp, admonition when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four year old son watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?”. Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food when I grow up.” The four year old son smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their check. Though no words was spoken, both knew what must be done.

That evening, the husband took grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table for the remainder of his days, he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife carried to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled or the tablecloth soiled.


.. Makaako kaha ka pagbuhat ani sa kaugalingon nimong amahan..?.. after all those years nga gialimahan ta, maguol gani kung duna tay bation sa lawas, magpulaw pa gyod... binugawan ug lamok, langaw...mag problema kung way gatas....  bisan pa sa kamatuoran nga purwisyo na pag-abot sa panahon.. "Di guihapon ta kabayad sa atong utang"... paingon guihapon ta dinha.. BONUS pa gyod kung, moabot ta sa ilang pangidaron karon... think of it..

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.


He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."


We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.


But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.


Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.


When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.


He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.


While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,


"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.


Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.


Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.


He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."


By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tear s began to fall.


I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.


"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.


I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."


I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."


I said, "Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."


FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.


And come to think of it, we pour ourselve s more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?
So what is behind the story?


Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

Ito ang alamat kung bakit
>nagsi-sinungaling ang mga lalaki...
>
>Karpintero itong si Aquarius ( …kapareha lang siguro ng username, hehehe)… at isang araw  gumagawa siya ng isang bahay sa tabi ng ilog. Sa lakas ng pagma-martilyo niya eh nalaglag ang martilyo niya sa ilog...umiyak siya at lumitaw yung guardian angel niya, "tutulungan kita, bay Aqz..".. .sabay lundag sa ilog.
>
>Lumabas ito na me hawak na gold
>hammer,"ito ba ang martilyo mo?" "Hindi po"...lundag uli ang anghel at lumitaw na me silver hammer,
>"Ito ba?"..."Hindi po"...lundag uli sa ilog ang anghel at lumitaw na me ordinary hammer,
>
>"Ito ba?" "Opo" . Natuwa ang anghel, "dahil honest ka, bukod sa martilyo mo, sa 'yo na rin ang gold and silver hammer"...
>
>Makaraan ang ilang araw, naglalakad si Aquarius sa ilog at kasama ang misis niya...eh sa katangahang palad, nalaglag si misis sa ilog...iyak si Water-bearer este Aquarius... litaw si guardian angel, "tutulungan kita" ...sabay lundag sa ilog at ng lumitaw eh kasama si Paris Hilton, "ito ba ang misis mo?"... sagot si Aquarius, opo" ...nagalit si anghel, "sinungaling ka!... Akala ko pa naman mabait ka"...
>
>Nag- reason-out si Aquarius, "Sorry po,angel.. .kasi kapag sinabi kong hindi', eh lulundag ka uli sa tubig at pag-litaw mo eh kasama mo si Jessica Simpson, at pag sinabi ko uli na hindi siya ang asawa ko eh lulundag ka uli at ang tunay na misis ko na ang kasama mo. At dahil sa kabaitan ko eh ibibigay mo din sa akin sina Paris at Jessica.
>
>Mahirap lang po ako at hindi ko talaga kaya ang me tatlong asawa, kaya 'Yes' na lang ang sinagot ko nung una. 


>Moral lesson of the story: kaya lang naman nagsi-sinungaling ang mga lalaki, eh for a good and noble reason.   

It is the year 2006 and Noah lives in the
> PHILIPPINES.
> The Lord speaks to Noah and says:
> "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover
> the whole Earth with
> water until all is destroyed.
>
> But I want you to save the righteous people and two
> of every kind of living
> thing on the earth.
>
> Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
>
> In a flash of lightning,
>
> God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
>
> Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and
> agreed to build the Ark.
>
> "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the
> Ark and bring everything

> aboard in one year."
>
> Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered
> the earth and all the
> seas of the earth went into tumult.
>
> The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.
>
>
> "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
>
> "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best
> but there were big
> problems.
>
> First, I had to get a Mayor's permit for
> construction and your plans "did
> not comply with the codes".
>
> I had to hire their "engineering firm" and "redraw"
> the plans.
> Then I got into a fight with Municipal Fire Safety
> Inspector over whether
> or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and
> extinguishers.
> Then my neighbors objected, claiming I
was
> violating zoning ordinances by
> building the Ark in my front yard,so I had to get a
> permit from the municipal planning office.
>
> The Municipal Planning office told me to get a
> barangay clearance.
>
> But when I went to the Barangay Captain,
>
> he said I should first get a permit from the
> municipal planning office.
>
> I got confused.
>
> I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
>
> because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect
> the Monkey-Eating
> Eagle.
>
> I finally convinced the DENR that I needed the wood
> to save the eagles.
> However,
>
> the DENR won't let me catch any eagles.
>
> So, no eagles.
>
> The carpenters formed a union and went out on
> strike.
>
> I had to negotiate a settlement with the KMU.
>
> Now I have
16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no
> eagles.
>
> When I started rounding up the other animals,
>
> I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected
> to me only taking two
> of each kind aboard.
>
> Just when I got the suit dismissed, the DENR again
> notified me that I could
> not complete the Ark without filing an environmental
> impact assessment on
> your proposed flood.
>
> They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they
> had no jurisdiction over
> the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
>
> Then the DPWH demanded a map of the proposed new
> flood plan. I sent them a
> globe.
>
> Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed
> with the DOLE that I am
> practicing discrimination by not taking godless,
> unbelieving people aboard!
>
> The BIR has seized all my assets,
claiming that I'm
> building the Ark in
> preparation to flee the country to avoid paying
> taxes.
>
> I just got a notice from the BIR that I owe some
> kind of user tax and
> failed to register the Ark as a recreational
> watercraft.
>
> The NBI and ISAFP each wanted a piece of the action
> alleging that the Ark
> would be used by Garcillano to escape.
>
> The PNP on the other hand insists that Mr. Arroyo
> might use the Ark to flee
> to the USA.
>
> Malacanang sees the opportunity to use the Ark for
>
> GMA's Strong Republic Nautical Highway presidential
> campaign sorties.
>
> Upon hearing my building the Ark, Congress did what
> they always do
>
> ---
>
> formed a fact-finding committee.
>
> I'm not worried about that though because they've
> never had anything done

> anyway.
>
> Finally the Senate got the courts to issue a TRO
> against further
> construction of the Ark,
>
> saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a
> religious event and
> therefore unconstitutional.
>
> I really don't think I can finish the Ark for
> another 10 or 16 years!"
>
> Noah wailed.
>
> The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and
> the seas began to calm.
> A rainbow arched across the sky.
>
> Noah looked up hopefully.
>
> "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth,
> Lord?"
>
> "No!," said the Lord sadly...."The government is
> already doing that."

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,

"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:

"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing.

She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" .. really?
The old man replied,"Yep. And no matter what we tried..

we still couldn't get the jar open."


Har! Har! Har!… kamo ha?… dirty mind... hehehe

Dear Ate Charo.

Nais kong ikuwento sa inyo ang namagitan sa amin ng aking itay isang gabi.Hindi ko kayang makalimutan kahit anong bahagi ng gabing iyon. Malakas angulan noon. Katatapos ko pa lamang maligo at nakatapis pa lamang sa loob ngaking kuwarto.Narinig ko si Itay na kumakatok sa aking pinto. Nang sagutin ko ang pintoay sinabi niya na kailangan daw naming magusap. Pinapasok ko naman po siyadahil ama ko po siya.Nagulat na lamang ako nang isarado at ikinandado ang pinto. Hinawakan ni Itay ang braso ko. Napasigaw ako, sabi ko "ITAY huwag, anak mo ako!".Ngunit hindi tumigil ang aking Itay. Ipinagpatuloy niya ang kanyang ginawa.Pumikit na lamang ako dahil sa ayaw kong makita ang mukha ng aking tatay sakanyang ginagawa.Naririnig ko si Inay na binubulabog ang pinto. Sumisigaw na, "Hayop ka wag mong gawin yan sa anak mo." Ngunit wala pa rin. Ipinaubaya ko na lamang ang sarili ko sa Diyos.Pagkalagpas ng ilang oras ay natapos din ang aking Itay. Nang humarap ako sa salamin ay nagulat ako sa aking nakita. Magaling naman pala mag-make-up si Itay. Noong gabi na iyon ay nagladlad ng kapa si Itay.Bakla pala siya. Natuwa ako at mahusay ang kanyang ginawa. Naisip ko na matutuwa ang aking boyfriend dahil sa ganda ko. Nagyakapan kami doon at nagiyakan.Masaya na kami ngayon at walang problema.

Yours truly,

BADONG

(salvador... luod gyod ka kaayo... ewww..yukzzz..!!!)