2. Detach and revel in your independence again.
Attempting to fill the void yourself — without rushing to a new relationship or trying desperately to win your lover back — is essentially what detaching is all about. The Buddha taught that attachment that leads to suffering. So the most direct path to happiness and peace is detachment. In his book, Eastern Wisdom for Western Minds, Victor M. Parachin tells a wonderful story about an old gardener who sought advice from a monk. Writes Parachin:
“Great Monk, let me ask you: How can I attain liberation?†The Great Monk replied: “Who tied you up?†This old gardener answered: “Nobody tied me up.†The Great Monk said: “Then why do you seek liberation?â€
One of the most liberating thoughts I repeat to myself when I’m immersed in grief and sadness is this: I don’t need anyone or anything to make me happy. When I’m experiencing the intense pangs of grief, it is so difficult to trust that I can be whole without that person in my life. But I have learned over and over again that I can. I really can. It is my job to fill the emptiness, and I can do it… creatively, and with the help of my higher power.
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