Author Topic: Men & Women (Read 5414 times)

Barbaro · « **on:** August 16, 2007, 11:05:03 PM »

SUCCESS:

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

STYLE:

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

MONEY MANAGEMENT:

A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants.

A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn't want.

HAPPINESS:

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

MARRIAGE DECISIONS:

Men marry because they are tired.

Women marry because they are curious.

Both are disappointed.

MARRIAGE AND THE FUTURE:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband,

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MEMORIES:

A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her.

A man cherishes the memory of the woman who he didn't marry.

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN:

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

WHAT A WOMAN WANTS:

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy...

- One is to let her think she is having her own way.

- The other is to let her have it.

LONGEVITY:

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

MISTAKES:

Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing.

THE BATTLE:

A woman always has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

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Happy · « **Reply #1 on:** August 16, 2007, 11:41:29 PM »

haha I would say some are true

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Barbaro · « **Reply #2 on:** August 23, 2007, 11:51:50 AM »

But now we have conculsive proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged:

RELATIONSHIPS:
First, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he
refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were boinking on a
semi-regular basis.

When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out
to the girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are
Idiots." Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the
break at 3 am early on a Sunday morning - he will call and say "I just
want you to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you,
and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know
there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love
You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once.
There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this
need; alas these classes rarely prove effective.

SEX:
Women prefer 30-45 minutes of foreplay.

Men prefer 30-45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back
to her place as part of the foreplay.

MATURITY:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can
function as adults.

Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and
giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school
romances rarely work out.

HATS:
Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.

COMEDY:
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching
television, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately,
the men will get very excited - they will laugh uproariously, and even
try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite Stooge.

The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.

HANDWRITING:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken-scratch.

Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's"
with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their
"p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even
when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

BATHROOMS:
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush,
toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the
Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is
437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

MAGAZINES:
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women.

Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is
because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body
is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.

GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the
store and buys these things.

A man waits until the only items left in his fridge are half of a
lemon, and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He
buys everything that looks good. By the time he reaches the checkout
counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on The
Beverley Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to
the10-items-or-less lane.

GOING OUT:
When a man says he's ready to go out, it means he's ready to go out.

When a woman says she's ready to go out, it means that she WILL
be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes
putting on her makeup...

SHOES:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit,
and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a
plastic bag from Saks. When she arrives at work, she will put on her
dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet
are under her desk.

A man wears one pair of shoes for the entire day.

LEG WARMERS:
Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or
doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any
time she wants.

A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the
"Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line."

CATS:
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

MIRRORS:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror.

Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in
any shiny surface - mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe
Garagiola's head...

GARAGES:
Women use garages to parke their cars and to store their lawnmowers.

Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in
garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless wooden things
in garages.

MOVIES:
For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses
Vivien Leigh for the first time in "Gone With The Wind."

For men, it's when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae
Clark's face in "Public Enemy."

JEWELRY:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Anymore
than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

MENOPAUSE:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of
complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature
and degree of the changes varies with the individual.

Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator
glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes
shopping for an expensive foreign sports car.

THE TELEPHONE:
Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the
telephone to send short messages to other people.

A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon
returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for
three hours.

LOW BLOWS:
Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on
television, and one of the fighters is felled by a low blow.

The woman says, "Oh, gee, that must hurt."

The man doubles over and actually feels the pain.

DIRECTIONS:
If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar
surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions.

Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. A man will never stop
and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the
while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there, "
and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store."

ADMITTING MISTAKES:
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.

The last man who admitted that he was wrong was General George
Custurd

RICHARD GERE:
Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.

Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy
who works out at the health club and dates only married women

OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends
and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail...

A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

NUDITY IN MOVIES:
Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude
scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been
produced by men.

The only actor who has ever appeard nude in the movies is Richard
Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

DAVID LETTERMAN:
Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the
earth.

Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad
haircut.

CAMERAS:
Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for
state-of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography
classes.

Women purchase Kodak Instamatics, and often produce better-looking
shots.

POLITICS:
Men love to talk about politics, but they often forget to do
political things such as voting.

Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys is
growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to
campaign for them and cry on election night.

LOCKER ROOMS:
In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football,
and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly
as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.

Women talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. Not in
abstract terms, either. They're graphic and technical, and they *never* lie.

LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days.

A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his
surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his
laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty
sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to
the laundromat, and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.

WEDDINGS:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about the "ceremony."

Men talk about "the bachelor party."

CHEERLEADERS:
Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all-American.

Male cheerleaders are scary.

GYM SOCKS:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks.

Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles,
have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

TOYS:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the
age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get
older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples
of mens toys: miniature TV's, car phones, complicated juicers and
blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots the serve cocktails on
command, video games, and anything that blinks, beeps and requires at
least six "D" batteries to operate.

PLANTS:
A woman will ask a man to water her plants while she is on
vacation. The man will water the plants. The woman returns five days
later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

MUSTACHES:
Some men look good with mustaches: Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds.

There are no women who look good with mustaches.

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C2H4 · « **Reply #3 on:** September 06, 2007, 12:32:25 PM »

LOL funny! and true!

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Bambi · « **Reply #4 on:** September 06, 2007, 01:18:10 PM »

Men think mostly about SEX and women want LOVE at all.

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Barbaro · « **Reply #5 on:** September 14, 2007, 06:07:14 PM »

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.

"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.

The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"

The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!"

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Happy · « **Reply #6 on:** September 14, 2007, 06:34:14 PM »

hahaha kolokoy banaha

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hazel · « **Reply #7 on:** September 15, 2007, 12:13:27 AM »

hahahaha amaw banaha.

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Barbaro · « **Reply #8 on:** September 15, 2007, 08:01:06 PM »

Here are the correct answers to the 5 hardest and most often incorrectly answered questions a female may ask you.

The five questions are: 1 - "What are you thinking?" 2 - "Do you love me?" 3 - "Do I look fat?" 4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?" 5 - "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:

1 - "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:

a - Baseball b - Football c - How fat you are. d - How much prettier she is than you. e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know, " Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2 - "Do you love me?" The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear. Wrong answers include:

a - I suppose so. b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes. c - That depends on what you mean by "love". d - Does it matter? e - Who, me?

3 - "Do I look fat?" The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:

a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either. b - Compared to what? c - A little extra weight looks good on you. d - I've seen fatter. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy. 4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include:

a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way. b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things. c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality. d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5 - "What would you do if I died?" Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:

"Dear, " said the wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why, dear, I would be extremely upset, " said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of couse not, dear" said the husband. "Don't you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said. "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" "Alright, " said the husband, "I'd remarry." "You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes" said the husband. "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause. "Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband. "I see, " said the wife indignantly."And would you let her wear my old clothes?" "I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband. "Really, " said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?" "Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do." "Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too." "Of course not, dear, " said the husband. "She is left-handed."

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jules_unicode · « **Reply #9 on:** September 15, 2007, 08:04:22 PM »

hehehe...

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Sigbin II · « **Reply #10 on:** September 15, 2007, 08:16:48 PM »

"Dear, " said the wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why, dear, I would be extremely upset, " said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of couse not, dear" said the husband. "Don't you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said. "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" "Alright, " said the husband, "I'd remarry." "You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes" said the husband. "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause. "Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband. "I see, " said the wife indignantly."And would you let her wear my old clothes?" "I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband. "Really, " said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?" "Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do." "Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too." "Of course not, dear, " said the husband. "She is left-handed."

Naa na diay gi-andam para ipuli.

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Happy · « **Reply #11 on:** September 16, 2007, 03:27:50 AM »

3 - "Do I look fat?" The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not":

Mao ni pangutanaha nga ako sige pangutana sa akong bana, ang iyang tubag mao jud wala, walang labis walang kulang nya, wala man siya mobiya sa room bi hehe

Nya karon nakabasa mi ani sige mi pangatawa lol... ako gipangutana unsa iyang huna huna pagtubag ana, gikabuangan nuon kog tubag nga, the big elephant looks sexy to him kuno haha

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Happy · « **Reply #12 on:** September 16, 2007, 03:29:45 AM »

patubuon lang kuno gamay akong ilong elepante na , maayo jud duklon oi

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Barbaro · « **Reply #13 on:** October 04, 2007, 01:32:21 AM »

Men & Women

Apartment

A proper man met a beautiful girl and agreed to
spend the night with her for $500. So they did,
and before he left, he told her that he did not
have any cash with him, but that he would have
his secretary write a check and mail it to her,
calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT." On the
way to the office he regretted what he had done,
realizing that the whole event was not worth the
price. So he had his secretary send a check for
$250 and enclosed the following note:

Dear Madam,
Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for
rent of your apartment. I am not sending the
amount agreed upon, because when I rented the
apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat;
3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and
at home. Last night, however, I found out that it
had been previously occupied, that there wasn't
any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately
returned the check for $250.00 with the following
note:

Dear Sir:
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect
a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied
indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of
it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the
space, the apartment is indeed of regular size,
but if you don't have enough furniture to fill
it, please do not blame the landlady.

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hazel · « **Reply #14 on:** October 04, 2007, 01:35:40 AM »

oi!!!! so kinsa man jud ang sad-an ani? hehehe

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Happy · « **Reply #15 on:** October 05, 2007, 05:03:09 AM »

hahaha nya kay wala naman mobalos si sir sa suwat, guilty siguro siya haha

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Barbaro · « **Reply #16 on:** October 06, 2007, 05:25:08 AM »

man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:

Most honorable sir:

You leave house.

He come house.

I watch.

He and she leave house.

I follow.

He and she get on train.

I follow.

He and she go in hotel.

I climb tree-look in window.

He kiss she.

She kiss he.

He strip she.

She strip he.

He play with she.

She play with he.

I play with me.

fall out of tree, not see.

......NO FEE

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Happy · « **Reply #17 on:** October 06, 2007, 05:49:33 AM »

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Barbaro · « **Reply #18 on:** October 23, 2007, 05:50:58 PM »

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.
7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their
Mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women:

1. the most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you.

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Happy · « **Reply #19 on:** October 25, 2007, 09:46:31 PM »

hahahaha, men are hard headed while women is KSP diay haha

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Barbaro · « **Reply #20 on:** October 29, 2007, 04:00:07 PM »

THE WONDERFUL MAN: IDEAL vs. REAL

IDEAL REAL (what you want) (what you're lucky to get) -intellectual -reads "interesting articles" in "Palyboy" -artistic -often wears matching socks -considerate -splatters just a bit; only leaves the seat up 50% of the time -interested in your mind -sometimes looks up from your chest -faithful -only looks at other babes in your absence -hopelessly romantic -able to distinguish between cactus and rose -classy -keeps "Playboys" hidden -sensitive -notices when you cry -communicates well -answers phone sometimes -cross-cultural -swears in Spanish -progressive -knows difference between "woman" and "girl" -great lover -sex lasts longer than cigarette -clean -only has herpes and its "under control" -athletic -gets his own seconds -loves kids and pets -had snake he fed live things to -good taste in music -has one good Dylan tape that a friend gave to him

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Barbaro · « **Reply #21 on:** November 12, 2007, 08:43:28 AM »

SEMINARS FOR MALES

1. Combating Stupidity
2. You, too, can do housework
3. PMS -- Learn when to keep your mouth shut.
4. How to fill an ice tray
5. We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas -- Give us money
6. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk at 4: 00am
7. Wonderful laundry techniques (formerly titled "Don't wash my silks")
8. Parenting -- No, it doesn't end with conception
9. Get a life -- learn to cook and then clean up the kitchen
10. How not to act like a jerk when you're obviously wrong
11. Spelling -- Even you can get it right
12. Understanding your financial incompetence
13. You -- The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons to give flowers
15. How to stay awake after sex
16. Why it is unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the bathroom
17. Garbage -- Getting it to the curb
18. You can fall asleep without "it" if you really try
19. The morning dilemma: shower first, THEN breakfast
20. I'll wear it if I damn well please
21. How to put the toilet lid down (formerly "No, it's not a bidet")
22. "The weekend" and "sports" are not synonyms
23. Give me a break -- Why we know your excuses are b.s.
24. How to go shopping with your mate and not get lost
25. The remote control -- Overcoming your dependency
26. Romanticism - Ideas other than sex
27. Helpful postural hints for couch potatoes
28. Mother-in-laws -- They are often people, too
29. Male bonding -- Leaving your friends at home
30. You too can be a designated driver
31. Seeing the true you (formerly "No, you don't look like Mel Gibson,
especially when naked")
32. Changing your underwear -- It really works
33. Fluffing the blankets after flatulation is NOT necessary
34. Techniques for calling home

Now, for the females.... (seminars will be given by men only)

SEMINARS FOR WOMEN

1. "Are you ready to leave?" -- Definition of the word "yes"
2. Appropriate rhetorical questions (Formerly "Honey, do I look fat?")
3. Elementary Map Reading
4. Crying and law enforcement
5. Advanced Math Seminar -- Program your VCR
6. You can go shopping for less then 4 hours
7. Gaining five pounds v. the end of the world: a study in contrast
8. The Seven-Outfit Week v the Seven-Week Outfit
9. PMS -- It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine (was: It's Happened Monthly
Since Puberty -- Deal With It)
10. Driving I: Getting past automatic transmission
11. Driving II: The meaning of blinking red lights
12. Driving III: Approximating a constant speed
13. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving--It's As Simple As Oil and Water
14. The Super Bowl: Not a Game--A Sacrament
15. Telephone Translations (was: "Me too" equals "I Love You")
16. How to Earn Your Own Money, not just Spend His
17. Giftgiving Fundamentals (was: Fabric Bad, Electronics Good)
18. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
19. Know When to Say When: The Limits of Makeup
20. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry
21. We forget birthdays, you forget sports stats: LET'S LET IT DROP
22. MYOB: Proper response to other couple's public arguments
23. Yes, You Can Buy Condoms (was: WE learned to deal with the
embarrassment)
24. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels
25. What Goes Around Comes Around--Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy
27. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out
28. Committment Schmittment (was: Wedlock Schmedlock)
29. "To Honor and Obey: " Remembering the small print above "I Do"
30. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House
31. Your Mate: Selfish Jerk, or Victimized Sensitive Man-child Healing
Wound by Expressing the Latent Wild Man Within?
32. Yes, you too can were the same clothes more than once!

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C2H4 · « **Reply #22 on:** November 12, 2007, 08:48:36 AM »

LOL

Nalingaw ko sa imong seminar for women, Barbaro...

I believe you are getting ready to give that very seminar yourself in the next couple of months...

musta naka oi? busy sa preparasyon noh?

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Barbaro · « **Reply #23 on:** November 12, 2007, 08:57:30 AM »

oisttt.. dis-a man sad ka anang balitaa oi..busy preparasyon kay mo uli ko..no other than that...

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C2H4 · « **Reply #24 on:** November 12, 2007, 09:41:56 AM »

oisttt.. dis-a man sad ka anang balitaa oi..busy preparasyon kay mo uli ko..no other than that...

aggaaayyy!

bisan unsaon kay mag deny lagi gihapon,

isumbong tika sa imong friend nga taga canada

Linkback: https://tubagbohol.mikeligalig.com/index.php?topic=3389.0

Happy · « **Reply #25 on:** November 16, 2007, 05:48:13 AM »

hahaha lingawa nakog basa oi

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Barbaro · « **Reply #26 on:** November 23, 2007, 12:18:31 PM »

Advice From Men To Women

...Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'

...If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.

...Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one.

...Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.

...Please don't drive when you're not driving.

...Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.

...The quarterback who just got pummeled isn't trying to be brave. He's just not crying. Big difference!

...When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine.

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Barbaro · « **Reply #27 on:** December 05, 2007, 07:25:27 AM »

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding
You of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
Unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting
In enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and
The urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person.'

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager
To share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same
Irritation level as nagging him.

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Barbaro · « **Reply #28 on:** December 10, 2007, 09:27:39 PM »

Before Marriage .... ..
Boy : Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

Girl : Do you want me to leave?

Boy : NO! Don't even think about it.

Girl : Do you love me?

Boy : Of course! Over and over!

Girl : Have you ever cheated on me?

Boy : NO! Why are you even asking?

Girl : Will you kiss me?

Boy : Every chance I get!

Girl : Will you hit me?

Boy : Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

Girl : Can I trust you?

Boy : Yes.

Girl : Darling!

After Marriage ...... SIMPLY READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP

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Author Topic: Men & Women (Read 5414 times)

hazel

hazel