Tina: Gina anong tawag mo sa mister mo? Ako kasi “dear†ang tawag ko
kasi mahal na mahal ko ang mister ko. Eh ikaw?
Gina: Ako? “Lab†ang tawag ko sa kanya.
Tina: Sweet naman. “Lab†kasi mahal na mahal mo din?
Gina: Hindi! “Lab†kasi sya ang aking labandero.
******************************
Bata: pabili po ng ubas!
Tindero: wala kami ubas.
Next day…
Bata: pabili po ng ubas!
Tindero: wala kami ubas.
Next day…
Boy: mama pabili po ubas!
Tindero: wala nga kaming ubas! Isa pang beses magtanong ka iistepler ko
yang
bibig mo!
Next day ulet…
Boy: may stapler po ba kayo?
Tindero: wala. Baket?
Boy: pabili nga po ng ubas! hehehe
******************************
In a classy bar:
German: Waiter, REMY MARTIN, single!
French: Waiter, CARLO ROSSI, double!
Pinoy: (pakilala pala tayo dapat bago magorder) Waiter, POPOY DIMAUNAT,
married!!
******************************
Teacher: Paul, 1apple+1apple equals?
Paul: Ma’am, 2 apples!
Teacher: Very Good! Ikaw Peter, 1apple+1orange?
Peter: Ha? Ay! Ma’am wag ganun! Pag apple, apple lang! Magulo kayo eh.
******************************
Salesman: Good morning, sir!. I’m here to sell you our company’s version
of a
cloth dryer.
Buyer: Aber sige nga. Ano bang advantage niyan?
Salesman: This is the newest invention of the year 2007.
Buyer: Oh sige ano bay an? What is it made of?
Salesman: Sir dahil new invention siya, simple lang siya. It’s made of a
clothesline and a peg (lubid at sipit).—(bago nga).
******************************
Girl: Love, kapag kasal na tayo promise hindi na maninigarilyo?
Boy. Oo, Promise.
Girl: Hindi na din maglalasing?
Boy: Hindi na din promise.
Girl: Eh magbabarkada?
Boy: Hindi na rin promise, basta pakasalan mo na ako.
Girl: Wow naman, malapit na talaga akong pakasal na sayo. Eh last na,
ano pa
iiwan mo pag-kasal na tayo?
Boy: Hmm….Ikaw, pag ayaw ko na sayo.
******************************
Edna: Ayoko na, suko na talaga ako sa mister ko. Palagi na lang akong
bubugbugin
muna bago iromansa!
Mryna: Maswerte ka mare.
Edna: Ha? Anong maswerte dun?
Mryna: Mas grabe yung mister ko mare. Binubugbog ako tapos si Inday ang
niroromansa!
******************************
Mrs: Hoy! Tama na ang beer mo, masyado kang magastos.
Mr: Ikaw, make-up mo ang magastos.
Mrs: Nagpapaganda ako para sayo!
Mr: Ako, umiinom para gumanda ka!
******************************
Sa math class:
Teacher (galit) : Ano ba kayo ang simple lang ng tanong hindi nyo
masagutan? Ikaw
Bob, tumayo ka nga! Hindi mo ba alam ang sagot sa tanong?
Bob: Eh kasi sir sabi ng parents ko wag daw akong sasagot sa nakakatanda
lalo na
pag galit na. Sumusunod lang naman ako.
******************************
Sa isang science class:
Teacher: Class, sa tingin niyo, bakit maalat ang dagat?
Student 1: Kasi po para mabuhay ang mga species sa dagat.
Teacher; Very good. Ikaw Lito, ano sa tingin mo?
Lito: Maalat dapat Ma’am ang dagat para hindi mapanis agad ang isda.
******************************
Public Service:
Host: Sige, Lolo manawagan na po kayo, ilang taon na kayo lolo?
Lolo: Salamat. 98 na po ako.
Host: Wow, ang tanda niyo na pala lolo pero malakas pa. May kasama ho ba
kayo?
Lolo: Wala ho, ako lang mag-isa.
Host: Naku, sige po manawagan na kayo lolo.
Lolo: Pinanawagan ko lang ang kuya ko. Kuya, umuwi ka na, hindi na galit
sa yo si
daddy!
******************************
Misis: Naku naman Darling, bat lagi mong binibigyan ng pagkain yang
pulubi, tignan
mo mukhang ayaw na umalis dyan sa harap ng bahay natin.
Mister: Eh kasi naman Darling pag umalis siya wala ng magtyatyagang
kumain sa luto
mo.
******************************
Kumare 1: Ate, puwede ba ditto muna ako sa inyo? Lumayas kasi ako sa
amin dahil
buntis ako.
Kumare 2: Naku siguro mas mabuti na dun ka na lang sa nakabuntis sa’yo
ka magpunta.
Kumare 1: Kaya nga dito ako nagpunta eh, andyan ba si pare?
******************************
Pinky: Grabe Tina! Biruin m, P150,000 daw ang hot oil at P150,000 din
naman sa
rebonding ang sinisingil sa kaibigan ko.
Tina: Ha? Bakit ang mahal naman sa parlor na yan?
Pinky: Naku talagang sobra naman yang parlor dyan sa kanto.
Tina: Gano ba kahaba ang buhok ng kaibigan mo?
Pinky: Kasing haba daw ng buhok ni Rapunzel.
******************************
Sa isang sementeryo:
Guard: Sus, ginoo! Ikaw lang pala. Akala ko multo ka! Ano ba yang
pinupukpok mo
diyan sa lapida?
Babae: Basta.
Guard: Bukas na yan, malalim na ang gabi.
Babae: Nakakainis kasi! Wrong spelling ang pangalan ko dito!
******************************
Pedro: Pareng isko, ang tapang pala talaga ni Paeng ano? Biruin mo,
tumalon sa
eroplano nang walang parachute!
Isko: O, totoo? Baka naman joke yan.
Pedro: Hindi kaya. Totoo kaya yun.
Isko: Asus, sige nga saan mo naman nabalitaan yan?
Pedro: Eh di dun sa burol nya!
******************************
On the first day of class:
Teacher: Class, anong natutunan niyo ngayong nakaraang bakasyon?
Tina: Natuto po akong magluto.
Teacher: Magaling, eh ikaw Nancy?
Nancy: Hmmm. Natutunan kong kulang ang 3 buwan para matutong linisin ang
kwarto
ko.
******************************
GF: Walanghiya kang lalaki, niloloko mo ako!
BF: Ha bakit? Wala naman akong ginagawa ah!
GF: Wag ka ng magsinungaling. Huling huli kita, may kasama kang ibang
babae kanina.
Holding hands pa kayo!
BF: Makinig ka muna – Hindi kita niloloko, maniwala ka…Yung kasama ko
kanina ang
niloloko ko!
******************************
PAMATAY NA PAMBABARA:
Boy: Pwede ba umakyat ng ligaw?
Girl: Sori, wala kaming stairs.
Boy: May I hold your hand?
Girl: No thanks, di naman siya mabigat.
Boy: Sabihin mong mahal mo ko.
Girl; Mahal mo ko.
Boy: I want to dance like this forever.
Girl: don’t you want to improve?
Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Girl: Really? But could you stay there?
Boy: I love you and I would die for you.
Girl: How soon?
Boy: Ikaw lang nagiisang babae sa buhay ko.
Girl: Wala ka bang nanay?
Boy: do you have a boyfriend?
Girl: wala…Ayaw ng asawa ko eh.
******************************
Lolo and apo were talking one day.
Apo; Did God make you, lolo?
Lolo: Yes, God made me.
Apo: Did God make me too?
Lolo: Yes, God made you too.
Apo: (After studying herself and her lolo) You know lolo, God’s doing a
better
job lately.
******************************
GIRLS are said to be grown up when she starts wearing bra…
BOYS are said to be grown up when he starts removing the bra….
******************************
Smart boss + smart employee = profit.
Smart boss + dumb employee = production.
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion.
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime.
******************************
A newborn baby was laughing really hard, with his tiny fists closed. A
pediatrician
unfolded his tiny fingers and found…the BIRTH CONTROL PILL!! hehe
******************************
Call Center Edition!
Agent: Thank you for calling. This is Candy, how may I help you?
Customer: What did you say your name was, Mandy?
Agent: No, Sir. It’s Candy.
Customer: Sorry, can’t hear ya….didja say Mandy?
Agent: No, Sir. Candy! Sir. Candy! As in Storck!!!!
******************************
Call Center Bloopers:
Customer: I have a problem; you have to tell me what to do.
Tech Support: Sir, what is the prompt on your screen?
Customer: It’s asking for ‘Enter Your Last Name.’
Tech Support: Ok Sir, just type in your last name.
Customer: Huh? How do you spell that?
******************************
Death of Mr.Bean’s Mother;
Mr.Bean: (crying) The doc just called up, my mom’s dead.
Friend: Condolence, my friend….
(after 2mins. Mr.Bean cries even louder)
Friend; What now, Mr.Bean?
Mr.Bean: My sister just called….her mom died too! Huhuhuhu!!!
******************************
Groom to virgin bride on wedding night: If you want to live in this
house, you have
to learn to be thrifty.
Bride: Yes dear. But why are you using so much oil? You can easily do it
using
your spit.
******************************
Lina: I never saw such big mosquitoes. I had one mosquito in my room
that kept me
awake all night.
Connie: Why did it keep you awake?
Lina: He kept pushing me out of bed.
******************************
AGE OF BOOBS:
14 to 16—LEMON
17 to 22---ORANGE
29 to 40---TENDER COCONUT
41 to 55---USED PILLOW
56 to 65---BALOON WITH NO AIR
....hahahaha....more bay lex...more!!!
Linkback:
https://tubagbohol.mikeligalig.com/index.php?topic=2497.0
