Author Topic: joke of the day.. (Read 7644 times)

Barbaro · « **on:** March 11, 2008, 02:23:03 PM »

Mike Arroyo* met Gary Kasparov in HongKong. Mike askd Gary: "If d present
situation in my country is like a chess game, what wud you do?" Gary K
replied: "SACRIFICE d QUEEN, Ride d HORSE, Leave d CASTLE, Follow d BISHOP &
RESIGN!

source: http://chocobaby. luv.ph

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Scarb · « **Reply #1 on:** March 19, 2008, 07:29:48 AM »

babae: nong! sakay ko!
drivr: cge! asa man ka?
bbae: diha lang sa kanto! naay bayad ang bata?
drivr: ay libre lang kay duol man.
bbae: ah, ang mosabak naay bayad?
drivr: wala gihapon!
bbae: cge nak! sabaka ko...

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Scarb · « **Reply #2 on:** March 19, 2008, 07:30:38 AM »

Customer: Day, kape.
Tindera: Tag P10 na ra ba.
Customer: Diba tag P8 ra na?
Tindera: Nimahal naman gud ang gasolina.
Customer: Ah, ayaw na lang butangig gasolina!

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Scarb · « **Reply #3 on:** March 19, 2008, 07:32:35 AM »

anak: ma, busog nako, dili nako mahurot
mama: hutda dyud na! kabaw baka nga daghan gipang gutom sa
kalibutan?
anak: nya kung ako ni hutdon, mabusog sila?!

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Scarb · « **Reply #4 on:** March 19, 2008, 07:33:35 AM »

ATTY: asa ka pagkahitabo sa rape?
JUN: sa kamaisan
ATTY: nag-unsa ka didto?
JUN: nalibang!
ATTY: pila ka kadupa gikan sa krimen?
JUN: naa bay malibang magdupa-dupa?â€¦ . Ayaw pagbugal-bugal
'torni uy!

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Scarb · « **Reply #5 on:** March 19, 2008, 07:34:45 AM »

bana: gang, naka-save ko ug 6.00 karon kay ako na man gigukod
ang jeep, wala man ko mu sakay
asawa: bogo! taxi unta imung gigukod aron mas dako imong
na-save

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Scarb · « **Reply #6 on:** March 19, 2008, 07:35:42 AM »

bana: love, promise sugod karon di na tika luiban. ako nang
biyaan ang akong kabit
asawa: wow, tenk you love, ako sad promise, ang sunod natong
anak, ikaw nay amahan. promise jud!

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Barbaro · « **Reply #7 on:** March 30, 2008, 11:30:42 AM »

Dear Folks,

Recently, Gloria Arroyo said that she "expects a rough patch
ahead for the Philippines as global economic growth slows amid soaring oil
and rice prices." So, to mitigate the "pain of a deteriorating global
economy and the accompanying rise in prices," she is going to build more
roads, bridges, ports and educational facilities to serve as a "buffer"
kuno. Whoa! This must be another Glojoke. Since when did building roads
mitigate a "deteriorating global economy"? If Gloria was going build roads
as expensive as the 2.2-kilometer Diosdado Macapagal Highway -- which
was built at 1.1 BILLION PESOS -- it's going to take TRILLIONS of taxpayers'
money to build them! At 60% ovrerpricing, it's going to make a few people
multi-billionaires. Cong Dadong must be turning in his grave right now.

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orChids · « **Reply #8 on:** March 30, 2008, 12:59:33 PM »

Hahahaha another gloriagate?

Sus pastilan Manang Gloria,samot na katakilid ang Pinas.

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Barbaro · « **Reply #9 on:** April 01, 2008, 04:06:11 PM »

GMA: Hoy, Neri, is it true you called me
EVIL?
Neri: A, eâ€¦yon po kasi ang acronym ng
pagkatao ninyo maâ€™am.

E-xpert
V-ersatile
I-ntelligent
L-ovely!

GMA: Hihihi! True ka jan! EVIL nga
ako!

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svetlana · « **Reply #10 on:** April 01, 2008, 04:29:36 PM »

Customer: Day, kape.
Tindera: Tag P10 na ra ba.
Customer: Diba tag P8 ra na?
Tindera: Nimahal naman gud ang gasolina.
Customer: Ah, ayaw na lang butangig gasolina!

wahahahahahaha

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Vito Andoline · « **Reply #11 on:** April 01, 2008, 05:33:28 PM »

yehey.musta na svet.longtime no hear

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Barbaro · « **Reply #12 on:** April 02, 2008, 11:19:36 AM »

GMA: Sana palarin ako na makamit ang
katangian ni Cory at Susan.
BUNYI: Ano po ba yun, Maâ€™am?
GMA: Yung pagiging biyuda nila. Wala sanang
problema ang bayan!

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svetlana · « **Reply #13 on:** April 02, 2008, 12:33:42 PM »

GMA: Sana palarin ako na makamit ang
katangian ni Cory at Susan.
BUNYI: Ano po ba yun, Maâ€™am?
GMA: Yung pagiging biyuda nila. Wala sanang
problema ang bayan!

hahahaha mabasahan ning Mike lex! wahahaha

Hello Vits! alive and kicking japon ko.

thanks!

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Barbaro · « **Reply #14 on:** April 09, 2008, 03:53:06 AM »

Dear Folks,

Here she goes again. Gloria has set aside P500 million for
fertilizers. This must be another Glo-joke that Gloria continues to humor
the poor with. The last time she allocated money for fertilizers, Joke-joke
Bolante pulled the P3-billion "fertilizer scam" prior to the
2004 presidential election. Now, who is going to do the hocus-pocus this
time for you know whom?

By the way, Gloria declared that she is going to appoint a
Deputy Ombudsman for Agriculture. Ha ha ha... Perhaps, it would be better
if she appoints a Super Ombudsman for Malacanang where all the strings were
allegedly being pulled from. Of course, that would only be another Glo-joke
because who in the Devil's name would investigate Gloria's people including
members of the First Family?

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Barbaro · « **Reply #15 on:** April 12, 2008, 09:01:05 PM »

Chinese uncle negosyante catches nephew
stealing money from cash register, slaps
him and shouts, â€œWalanghiya! Macapagal
mukha mo!â€
Nephew cries, â€œArroy O!â€

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orChids · « **Reply #16 on:** April 12, 2008, 09:05:14 PM »

Hahahahahaha arroy o,macapagal na nguso ko katatawa sa 'yo Barbz.

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Barbaro · « **Reply #17 on:** May 09, 2008, 01:23:03 AM »

*Manila Contractor*

The Iloilo City contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job
will run about P45,000: P20,000 for materials, P20,000 for my crew and
P5,000 profit for me."

The Mindanao contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, I
can do this job for P35,000: P15,000 for materials, P15,000 for my crew and
P5,000 profit for me."

The Manila contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
MalacaÃ±ang
official and whispers, "P135,000."

The official says, that's incredulous, "You didn't even measure like the
other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Manila contractor whispers back, "P50,000 for you, P50,000 for me, and
we hire the guy from Mindanao for P35,000 to fix the fence."

Anonymous Author

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Happy · « **Reply #18 on:** May 09, 2008, 06:16:31 AM »

ATTY: asa ka pagkahitabo sa rape?
JUN: sa kamaisan
ATTY: nag-unsa ka didto?
JUN: nalibang!
ATTY: pila ka kadupa gikan sa krimen?
JUN: naa bay malibang magdupa-dupa?â€¦ . Ayaw pagbugal-bugal
'torni uy!

hahaha kani jud ang nakapabahakhak nako sa tanan

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Barbaro · « **Reply #19 on:** May 12, 2008, 01:29:14 AM »

Dear Folks,

Whoa!!! Gloria pitching for birth control??? This must be another
of her Glo-jokes. Wait till Pope Benedict XVI hears about this. She must
really be pissed off at the Pope for declining an invitation to visit the
Philippines. I can't blame him. After all, Archbishop Oscar Cruz declared
Gloria a "public sinner." Archbishop Cruz vowed not to give Holy Communion
to Gloria and her family members until she confesses all her sins and gives
back the money she stole from the people. Some people said that Archbishop
Cruz's act was an act of excommunication. That would probably be the real
reason why the Pope would not visit the Philippines at this time. It would
really be awkward for the Pope to be seen with a "public sinner."

Folks, this is going to be a battle royale between Pope Benedict XVI
and Gloria.

from: perry diaz

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lolongmendez · « **Reply #20 on:** July 19, 2008, 01:55:38 AM »

bana: gang, naka-save ko ug 6.00 karon kay ako na man gigukod
ang jeep, wala man ko mu sakay
asawa: bogo! taxi unta imung gigukod aron mas dako imong
na-save

sunod gani airplane ang gukora para dako na jud ma save..he...he

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Barbaro · « **Reply #21 on:** July 29, 2008, 10:48:10 PM »

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

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Lorenzo · « **Reply #22 on:** July 29, 2008, 10:51:19 PM »

hahahahaha, Mr. Barbaro, oh love that one.

Sige, i'll have to save this one; forward this to some of mi amigos.

LoL,

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Barbaro · « **Reply #23 on:** July 29, 2008, 10:53:01 PM »

ok lang dong..enjoy..

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orChids · « **Reply #24 on:** July 29, 2008, 10:53:32 PM »

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Hahahhahaha oh,woman's world!

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Barbaro · « **Reply #25 on:** August 02, 2008, 01:16:57 AM »

Math Genius
isang araw nagtanong ang teacher sa kanyang mga estudyante....

Teacher-kung may anak akong lima sa una kong asawa at lima ulit ang anank ko sa pangalwa kong aswa....ano ang tawag ninyo sa akin

Estudyante-may taglay po kayong kalandian ma'm......

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Barbaro · « **Reply #26 on:** August 08, 2008, 12:41:56 AM »

Dowry/Nuptial Presents
Isang Pinoy ang nagtayo ng Company sa isang bansa sa Asia. Makalipas ang apat na buwan, dumalo siya sa party ng Ambassador. Doon sa Embassy, nakita niya ang napakagandang Secretary ng Amb. Sabay ligaw agad ang Pinoy. Tradition dito sa bansa, pag nanligaw ka, magbibigay ka ng dowry/nuptial presents para makapag-asawa ka. Sasabihin agad ng babae kung ano ang gusto niya.

Babae: 1st dowry, bigyan mo ako ng 14 carat gold wedding band at 72 carat diamond ring. Tumawag ang Pinoy sa cell phone at sinabi sa kaniyang Accountant ang kailangan. Sabi ng Accountant, walang problema. Naisip ng Secretary na 'easy' lang pala ang unang request kaya't tataasan niya ang susunod na dowry.

Babae: 2nd dowry, magpatayo ka ng 60 acre mansion sa New York at 40 acre summer home in France. Tinawag ng Pinoy ang kaniyang Broker sa NY at France. Sagot ng mga Broker, wala rin problema.

Babae: 3rd dowry pakakasal lang ako kung 10 inches ang "ari" mo! Dahil dito, biglang namutla ang Pinoy at hindi makapag-salita agad.

Babae: Akala mo, kaya mong lahat ang dowry ko. Wala ka pala ibubuga tungkol doon sa ari mo!

Pinoy: Sorry po, maski na masakit, ipapaputol ko na rin ang ari ko sa haba na 10 inches long!

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marie214 · « **Reply #27 on:** August 08, 2008, 03:46:05 PM »

hahahaahhaha
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Barbaro · « **Reply #28 on:** June 05, 2009, 03:47:44 PM »

Girfriends nagpasikatan:

Girl 1: Our family spent the whole summer in Europe. It was great. How about you? Where did you spend your summer vacation?

Girl 2: I just spent it here in the Philippines.

Girl 1: Really? Eew! Where in the Philippines?

Girl 2: At your boyfriendâ€™s bed. He was great!

Haha! Yan ang banat. Kumusta naman ang Europe pag ganun?

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lore_meeh · « **Reply #29 on:** June 05, 2009, 07:03:14 PM »

hahaha.. mao na siyay giingon nga "when the cat is away, the mouse will play"

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bol-anon nga cebuano · « **Reply #30 on:** June 05, 2009, 11:03:58 PM »

PANGIT
Eloy: Pre, sa imong banabana, guwapo ba ko?
Andoy: Pangit ka ug nawong , Pre.
Eloy: Pagtarong diha, Pre, ha! Unsay pangit?!
Andoy: Imong nawong, pangitaon kaayo ba!!!

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Mulligan · « **Reply #31 on:** June 06, 2009, 09:45:50 AM »

Cebuano nga version:

MAOT

Eloy: Pre, sa imong banabana, maot ba ko?
Andoy: Maot ka ug nawong , Pre.
Eloy: Pagtarong diha, Pre, ha! Unsay maot ?!
Andoy: Imong nawong, maotganun kaayo ba!!!

PANGIT
Eloy: Pre, sa imong banabana, guwapo ba ko?
Andoy: Pangit ka ug nawong , Pre.
Eloy: Pagtarong diha, Pre, ha! Unsay pangit?!
Andoy: Imong nawong, pangitaon kaayo ba!!!

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inday_bulilit · « **Reply #32 on:** June 11, 2009, 04:39:44 PM »

halu barbaro! nkit-an ra jud ka nako..cge lang ka joke joke bisan asa! hehe..

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bol-anon nga cebuano · « **Reply #33 on:** June 13, 2009, 02:51:40 AM »

Bisaya Killer

May isang tao pumapatay ng mga bisaya. Nabalitaan ito nila Inday, Teresa at Marites, na pawang mga Bisaya!

Nakita ng killer si Inday!

Killer: Bisaya ka?
Inday: Hendi!

*BANG!* Pinatay ng killer si Inday!

Dahil dito, nagpraktis sina Teresa at Marites.

Teresa at Marites: Hinde. Hinde. Hinde.

Nakita ng killer si Teresa.

Killer: Bisaya ka?
Teresa: Hinde.
Killer: Ano pangalan mo?
Teresa: Tirisa!

*BANG!* Pinatay ng killer si Teresa!

Dahil dito, nagpraktis si Marites.

Marites: Hinde. Marites. Hinde. Marites!

Nakita ng killer si Marites.

Killer: Bisaya ka?
Marites: Hinde.
Killer: Ano pangalan mo?
Maritess: Marites.

Lumakad na palayo ang killer. Sa sobrang tuwa napasigaw si Marites.

Marites: YIS!!!

*BANG!* patay rin si marites.

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #34 on:** June 13, 2009, 02:02:11 PM »

Girfriends nagpasikatan:

Girl 1: Our family spent the whole summer in Europe. It was great. How about you? Where did you spend your summer vacation?

Girl 2: I just spent it here in the Philippines.

Girl 1: Really? Eew! Where in the Philippines?

Girl 2: At your boyfriendâ€™s bed. He was great!

Haha! Yan ang banat. Kumusta naman ang Europe pag ganun?

Whahahaha.Patay.

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #35 on:** June 13, 2009, 02:03:53 PM »

Bisaya Killer

May isang tao pumapatay ng mga bisaya. Nabalitaan ito nila Inday, Teresa at Marites, na pawang mga Bisaya!

Nakita ng killer si Inday!

Killer: Bisaya ka?
Inday: Hendi!

*BANG!* Pinatay ng killer si Inday!

Dahil dito, nagpraktis sina Teresa at Marites.

Teresa at Marites: Hinde. Hinde. Hinde.

Nakita ng killer si Teresa.

Killer: Bisaya ka?
Teresa: Hinde.
Killer: Ano pangalan mo?
Teresa: Tirisa!

*BANG!* Pinatay ng killer si Teresa!

Dahil dito, nagpraktis si Marites.

Marites: Hinde. Marites. Hinde. Marites!

Nakita ng killer si Marites.

Killer: Bisaya ka?
Marites: Hinde.
Killer: Ano pangalan mo?
Maritess: Marites.

Lumakad na palayo ang killer. Sa sobrang tuwa napasigaw si Marites.

Marites: YIS!!!

*BANG!* patay rin si marites.

Hahahaha.Ano ba yan,wa may lusot bay,patay man japon oi.

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #36 on:** June 13, 2009, 02:05:01 PM »

PANGIT
Eloy: Pre, sa imong banabana, guwapo ba ko?
Andoy: Pangit ka ug nawong , Pre.
Eloy: Pagtarong diha, Pre, ha! Unsay pangit?!
Andoy: Imong nawong, pangitaon kaayo ba!!!

Hahaha.Da, Hadlok lagi.

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buenavista · « **Reply #37 on:** June 14, 2009, 01:15:35 AM »

hehehe wa klaro!

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Barbaro · « **Reply #38 on:** June 14, 2009, 12:48:38 PM »

Lady to Fortune Teller: â€œI have two suitors, I like both of them, but canâ€™t decide who to marry. Tell me, who is the lucky one?

Fortune Teller: â€œOne will marry you. The other will be the LUCKY ONEâ€.

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #39 on:** June 14, 2009, 01:06:26 PM »

Hahaha.Mura diay nag pancit canton nga lucky me.

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