As published in the column of Juan L Mercado
As a hobby, an editor-friend collects the text of ads, billboards and bumper stickers. They provide a rich lode of humor, he says. Here are some:
Ad in a newspaper classified section: "Guitar for Sale. Cheap. No strings attached."
Billboard in a hospital room: "Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time! Ad in a management glossie: "Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives."
Barber shop ad: "We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business"
Ad in a family magazine: "You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off. "Ads in a women's magazine: "Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.
Restaurant Notice: "All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the Manager." Signs in three bars: "When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading." "My Grandfather Is 80 And Still Doesn't Need Glasses... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle." And: "Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."
Billboards In Driving School: "If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way". " Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be."
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