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This poem was written by an old woman living in a nursing home in
Ireland. It was found among her things when she died.




What do you see nurses, what do you see?
Are you thinking when you look at me?
A crabbit old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with far away eyes,
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice- "I do wish you'd try."
And forever is losing a sock or a shoe.
Who unresisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you think, is that what you see?
Open your eyes, nurse, you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still,
As I use at your bidding, and eat at your will,
I'm a small child of ten, with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters who loved one another,
A young girl of 16, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at 20, my heart give a leap.
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At 25 now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to build a secure, happy home.
A women of 30, my young now grow so fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At 40, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At 50 once more, babies play round my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead.
I look at the future and shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I've known,
I'm and old women now and nature is cruel,
Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart.
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again, my battered heart swells,
I remember the joys and I remember the pain,
And I'm living and loving life over again,
I think of the years all too few- gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
Open your eyes, nurse open and see.
Not an empty old women, look closer- see ME.

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Ah, but of course, Belle. Luoy pood sa writer , as her body was just a mere shell, her soul hidden within. One can't help but smile yet shed a tear. 

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My dear,

There are stressors in life, which are environmental demands, that can affect our psychological defenses as well as our physical limitations that can lead to a reclusive situation (some individuals can even hide this by supposed extrovert activity). In fact, it is quite evident that stressful situations , and an increase in stressors can pose a risk for the development of anxiety, depression and the manifestation of mental disorders. However, we can best study how one can buffer himself/herself from this with the use of coping mechanisms; central to this is the presence of social support groups (family, friends, therapy) and positive personal control.

There is no such thing as an 'unaffected' individual; as all humans cope with stressful situations, and in what you refer to as being 'living dead'. Devoid of feelings, and numbness to external environment is symptom of depression, which is an effect due to a stressful situation and or a pathology in one's endocrinal pathways.

There is nothing wrong in sharing these kinds of thoughts, nor should one be ashamed of it, as it allows one to identify the source of such stress, and can lead to the development of proper coping mechanisms to buffer against the stressor.


With a hug,
Lorenz.

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Belle, sweetheart,

Just know that there are always ups and downs in life, and that its perfectly, perfectly normal to feel these emotions. Everyone goes through these feelings, I don't know what you've been through, and only you have felt the pain that you have felt. No one can really ever understand these personal painful moments.

I can say that I had the feeling of total sadness when I lost my best friend 3 years ago because of his unexpected death. Coping with his death, was an ordeal. But thanks to good friends, a strong support group, and a personal relationship with God--allowed me to cope with it and buffer the stressor event.

So I empathize with your situation. And remember, always continue to share with us your written thoughts.


Truly,
Love,
Bran Lorenz



PS. You are too beautiful to stay feeling down. So, please, smile...


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There is beauty in revelation, dear. It releases the burden of the heart...
Belle, you are right, no one can really ever understand how another person feels, or how painful a life experience was for them.
Just know that we care, and that we are here for you.

Always,
Lorenz

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You are ever so welcome, Belle.

Continue to be a blessing to everyone, and most of all your son.

God Bless!

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