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By SUSAN DONALDSON JAMES | Good Morning America – Mon, Jan 16, 2012 12:08 PM EST


Life seemed nearly perfect for Catherine and John Graves, who married in 2001 and lovingly merged two families that included six children.

The couple also joined forces in a masonry business in Phoenix and looked forward to a bright economic and emotional future.

But just a few years into their new marriage, John Graves showed signs of having an affair. He seemed to lose interest in his wife, squandered company money and disappeared for hours at night.

Catherine Graves, now 45, even hired a private detective. But it wasn't another woman who was the problem -- it was an aggressive and fatal brain tumor that had slowly caused personality changes and eventually killed her husband of only five years.

"I faced a harsh reality," she said. "I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with him."



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And an estimated 70 percent of all caregivers are women, according to Richard Nix, executive vice president of Aging Care, a website that provides resources and an online community.

"The point is caregivers are trying to hold it all together and don't have the time to go to support groups," Nix said.

Another study from the American Psychological Association found that caregivers like Graves are more likely to report more stress than the general population and at higher risk for chronic illness themselves.

Graves said she stayed strong during the five months she cared for her husband. But after his death in 2007, Graves declined into depression and anxiety and was eventually treated for post-traumatic stress.



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One of the most infamous cases was Charles Whitman, the so-called Texas Sniper. The University of Texas student killed his wife and mother, then killed 13 others shooting from a tower in Austin in 1966; 33 others were wounded.

After an autopsy, doctors revealed he had glioma blastoma. "Indeed, much of his behavior was attributed to that," said Barrow.

"It's not rare for people with brain tumors to present, among other things, a personality change," said Barrow. "Sometimes it's subtle and noticed only by loved ones."

John Graves' tumor was located in the frontal lobe, which controls personality and emotion -- "the things that make you who you are," according to his wife.

His short-term memory had started to fail and "he honestly didn't know where he was and how to get home," she said. "He'd be on the phone and not know who he was talking to.

"I thought maybe he was doing drugs and drinking or he was depressed and gambling," she said.



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Even the medical professionals had little sympathy, she said.

"It was so about the patient -- there was nothing for me," she said.

"I held together really well," Graves said. "People commented that I was doing such a great job."

But after he died, she never dealt with the grief and plunged forward on "autopilot," even dating. Eventually the stress of caregiving hit her.

"I crashed," said Graves, who eventually sought counseling and was put in an intensive outpatient treatment program.

She was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress and dissociative disorder.

"I check out mentally," she said. "On the outside I looked normal, but I was so disconnected and far away. ... I had alienated myself from everyone, even from myself."



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Even today, she is feeling the "aftershocks" of experience, but Graves said seeking therapy and writing her memoir have helped bring her back.

"I wanted to have a voice to my story and to help reach out to others who need someone to connect with," she said. "That was the worst part -- feeling so alone."

"The longer life goes on, the more I am connecting," Graves said. Their collective children, now aged 16 to 28, are thriving and her stepdaughter is pregnant with the first grandchild.

And Graves is back at work, this time as a production assistant in casting.

"It's strange -- I was so removed," she said. "But now, I remember the good times."

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Di jud bitaw matag-an ning kinabuhi...



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