Author Topic: Protecting Your Marriage from Its Greatest Threat (Read 11704 times)

Gener · « **on:** November 01, 2009, 09:36:07 PM »

Infidelity is considered the most significant cause of breakdown in marriage. Whilst there are other factors such as financial disputes, children, career and even in-laws, however infidelity remains as the number one marriage killer. But what drives one to become unfaithful to his or her partner?

Why Infidelity

Infidelity knows no boundaries or socio-economic status that even couples who are living together as husbands and wives for so many years are not exempted from it. Though risk is higher to those who have just started to live together under â€œone roofâ€ as married couples (this is the stage where oneâ€™s imperfection no matter how small is becoming to be more obvious) and those marriage relationship though being consummated but separated geographically because of work assignments or job location. Most self-help articles that I read related to marriage talk about infidelities caused when one became more â€œcomfortableâ€ with someone else other than his or her spouse.

Protecting Your Marriage By Maintaining Your Boundaries

â€œWe never intended to fall in love. We were just friends at the office.â€ These are phrases we commonly heard in the movies though not far from common reality. So how can we protect our relationship from its greatest threatâ€”infidelity or any affair? One word: boundaries.

Some experts say that marriages with strong foundation are immune to affairs. But in reality, itâ€™s not the strength of your love that protects your relationship but the strength of your boundaries. A boundary is an inviolable, personal conviction. Most marriage falls into the trap where one is being unfaithful to his or her partner when he or she lost control of the situation when they crossed their boundaries. The boundary that usually falls first is the â€œshared secret.â€ By sharing this â€œsecretâ€ you break your boundary. A â€œboundary â€“breakerâ€ could be anything like â€œflirtatious touchâ€ or can be an e-mail with a double meaning or an overly personal compliment. If the other person responds in kind and neither of you tells your spouse, you give each other a silent signal that your feelings are mutual and the secret is safe. Like a spark igniting fuel in an engine, a shared secret revs up a relationship and begins the affair.

How To Maintain Your Boundaries

First, donâ€™t cross the â€œshared secretâ€ boundary. If you sense that somebody is testing that boundary, immediately tell your spouse. Exposing the secret immediately defuses it and builds trust.

Second, never share marriage problems or dissatisfaction to anybody other than your spouse. Opening up your relationship problem to a third party (unless he or she is a relative) may give â€œwrong signalâ€ to that party. A third party can be an officemate, a secret admirer, your boss or could be your close friend. Sharing your marital woes to a relative sometimes is not helping at all because of their tendency to be biased. Marriage problem can be best settled between you and your spouse alone unless of course you are sharing it to prove a point where you think your own personal experiences can be of help.

Third, donâ€™t give overly personal compliments. This exactly may have the same impact as the second advice though done in the form of compliments and â€œsweet nothings.â€

And lastly, never violate personal space by sitting too close or touching. I donâ€™t see the need to elaborate on this further, right?

Lest we are tempted to become unfaithful to our spouse, remember that â€œThe marriage bed is to be undefiledâ€ (Hebrews 13:4) and the phrase â€œmarriage bedâ€ means the physical and emotional intimacy that makes the marriage sacred. Donâ€™t give the intimacy that you promised your spouse to anyone else and keep your boundaries firm.

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gwargz · « **Reply #1 on:** November 03, 2009, 06:25:34 PM »

And lastly, never violate personal space by sitting too close or touching.
I donâ€™t see the need to elaborate on this further, right?

Dali ra ba jod ko makuryentehan. Hahahaha!

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #2 on:** November 03, 2009, 07:43:35 PM »

Hahahaha.GWARZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank's Gener for the nice info.

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gwargz · « **Reply #3 on:** November 03, 2009, 11:33:49 PM »

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glacier_71 · « **Reply #4 on:** November 04, 2009, 12:40:45 AM »

Dali ra ba jod ko makuryentehan. Hahahaha!

then, you are protected.

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gwargz · « **Reply #5 on:** November 04, 2009, 01:17:31 AM »

Woooh, i am electricuted, Mist !!!! Hehehehe.

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Gener · « **Reply #6 on:** November 04, 2009, 08:09:09 AM »

Woooh, i am electricuted, Mist !!!! Hehehehe.

hahaha, patay, sunog ka na yan(lol)

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Chongki · « **Reply #7 on:** November 04, 2009, 08:14:26 AM »

nice.....ill bear this in mind

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #8 on:** November 04, 2009, 01:53:30 PM »

Woooh, i am electricuted, Mist !!!! Hehehehe.

Hahahaha.Mag order ka nang maraming saging kay Jimmy para you can maintain your boundaries.

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #9 on:** November 04, 2009, 01:54:36 PM »

nice.....ill bear this in mind

And bring it into action...when the scene starts..

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #10 on:** November 04, 2009, 02:02:50 PM »

Woooh, i am electricuted, Mist !!!! Hehehehe.

Dili man hinuon ni matawag og "shared secret", pero example ni sa "overly personal compliment", bwahaha.

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #11 on:** November 04, 2009, 02:05:35 PM »

Dili man hinuon ni matawag og "shared secret", pero example ni sa "overly personal compliment", bwahaha.

Bwahahahaha..perting pangawot ni gwargz ron Toy.

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #12 on:** November 04, 2009, 02:15:31 PM »

Bwahahahaha..perting pangawot ni gwargz ron Toy.

Hala ka, Mist, next step ato kay mo-PM nimo, bwahaha. Peace, Bay Gwargz!

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #13 on:** November 04, 2009, 02:17:52 PM »

Hala ka, Mist, next step ato kay mo-PM nimo, bwahaha. Peace, Bay Gwargz!

Hahahaha,unya ig PM, moingon Mist,naa koy dalang daghang saging gusto ka?

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #14 on:** November 04, 2009, 02:35:33 PM »

Hahahaha,unya ig PM, moingon Mist,naa koy dalang daghang saging gusto ka?

Unja motubag pud ka, usa ray ako, oi, pero kanang dakong dawin nga balikog sa tumoy, bwahaha.

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #15 on:** November 04, 2009, 02:41:18 PM »

Unja motubag pud ka, usa ray ako, oi, pero kanang dakong dawin nga balikog sa tumoy, bwahaha.

Bwaahahha.,..mapul-an jud ang mo translate ni Gener ani kay di raba to kasabot ug bisdak.

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hubag bohol · « **Reply #16 on:** November 04, 2009, 03:14:14 PM »

Bwaahahha.,..mapul-an jud ang mo translate ni Gener ani kay di raba to kasabot ug bisdak.

Oo nga, ano? Pasensya na, Bay Gener. Ang ibig sabihin ni Misty, walang threat yung marriage nya kun palagi syang pinapakain ng saging, pero ang gusto nya ay yung saging nga baluktot ang tumoy.

Bwahaha, unsa toy tumoy sa Tagalog, Mist? Nagkayamukat tuloy itong isip ko!

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Gener · « **Reply #17 on:** November 04, 2009, 03:27:56 PM »

Oo nga, ano? Pasensya na, Bay Gener. Ang ibig sabihin ni Misty, walang threat yung marriage nya kun palagi syang pinapakain ng saging, pero ang gusto nya ay yung saging nga baluktot ang tumoy.

Bwahaha, unsa toy tumoy sa Tagalog, Mist? Nagkayamukat tuloy itong isip ko!

hahaha, grabe

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #18 on:** November 04, 2009, 03:44:02 PM »

Oo nga, ano? Pasensya na, Bay Gener. Ang ibig sabihin ni Misty, walang threat yung marriage nya kun palagi syang pinapakain ng saging, pero ang gusto nya ay yung saging nga baluktot ang tumoy.

Bwahaha, unsa toy tumoy sa Tagalog, Mist? Nagkayamukat tuloy itong isip ko!

Hahahaha...tumoy is- sa dulo ng walang hanggang..

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gwargz · « **Reply #19 on:** November 04, 2009, 04:31:30 PM »

Hoooooy! Grabe mo manglibak haaaaa?
Gatoo mo ug wa koy intelligence agent?
Naa ko. Daghan sila. Apil si Jimmy Galolo.
Hahahahahaha.

Bitaw, Mist. Gamay ra ang kuryente, oy.
9 Volts ra. Morag manghod sa battery sa ispat.
Kutob ra sa panit. Wa maapil ang unod.
Sa akong bagtak ba.

Time pa, nganong nawala na ta sa thread?
Aw, protection diay sa marriage from its greatest threat?
Gaba, sa akoa threat man tanan higayon?
Ugaling lang gihatagan ta sa Dios ug panghunahuna
aron maghigugma pag-ayo sa asawa, magpailob pirmi
kay aron mahimong balaan, ngisi pirmi bisag way bugas,
bahalag saging basta kay tigas. Tigas ang katawan
sa kalusugan.

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #20 on:** November 04, 2009, 04:33:48 PM »

Hoooooy! Grabe mo manglibak haaaaa?
Gatoo mo ug wa koy intelligence agent?
Naa ko. Daghan sila. Apil si Jimmy Galolo.
Hahahahahaha.

Bitaw, Mist. Gamay ra ang kuryente, oy.
9 Volts ra. Morag manghod sa battery sa ispat.
Kutob ra sa panit. Wa maapil ang unod.
Sa akong bagtak ba.

Time pa, nganong nawala na ta sa thread?
Aw, protection diay sa marriage from its greatest threat?
Gaba, sa akoa threat man tanan higayon?
Ugaling lang gihatagan ta sa Dios ug panghunahuna
aron maghigugma pag-ayo sa asawa, magpailob pirmi
kay aron mahimong balaan, ngisi pirmi bisag way bugas,
bahalag saging basta kay tigas. Tigas ang katawan
sa kalusugan.

Hahaha.Nigawas na jud si gwargz gikan ni kuyog ni Jimmy..tagalog oi kay di kasabot si Gener.

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #21 on:** November 04, 2009, 04:36:16 PM »

Ang masasabi ko lang talaga dito is girl or boy we have to check ourselve if we are already mature and strong inside.If you are, then kahit na ilang girls or boys ang magparamdam ng kuryenti ay hindi ka ma kuryenti kung marunong kang mag decide ng NO.

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david · « **Reply #22 on:** November 04, 2009, 04:42:03 PM »

ako magpa kuryente permi

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gwargz · « **Reply #23 on:** November 04, 2009, 04:49:07 PM »

ako magpa kuryente permi

Tweeeng, tweeng, tweng.

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gwargz · « **Reply #24 on:** November 04, 2009, 04:49:48 PM »

David, pila ka volts?

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david · « **Reply #25 on:** November 04, 2009, 04:56:38 PM »

kanang di pa high voltage

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #26 on:** November 04, 2009, 05:46:39 PM »

Hahahaha..

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jorgeanna · « **Reply #27 on:** November 04, 2009, 05:49:51 PM »

honesty is always the best policy... mao na secret sa relationship namo sa akong bana.. bahala og you know masakitan imong partner, basta tell it all lang gyud para naay solutions dayon and sakto gyud nga never tell any of your relatives about your marital woes kay makadugang na sila sa problema

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gwargz · « **Reply #28 on:** November 04, 2009, 07:15:47 PM »

honesty is always the best policy... mao na secret sa relationship namo sa akong bana.. bahala og you know masakitan imong partner, basta tell it all lang gyud para naay solutions dayon and sakto gyud nga never tell any of your relatives about your marital woes kay makadugang na sila sa problema

Correct! 100%. Approved. Certified.

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Gener · « **Reply #29 on:** November 04, 2009, 10:37:59 PM »

Ang masasabi ko lang talaga dito is girl or boy we have to check ourselve if we are already mature and strong inside.If you are, then kahit na ilang girls or boys ang magparamdam ng kuryenti ay hindi ka ma kuryenti kung marunong kang mag decide ng NO.

salamat mistyeyed for being dialect sensitive, konti na lang ang dugo ko sa ilong, di na gaanong malakas ang nose bleed ko, hehehe

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gwargz · « **Reply #30 on:** November 05, 2009, 06:53:03 AM »

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Tagalog si Gener

Geneeeeeeer

Ba't di mo sinabeeeeh. Huhuhuhuhu.
Dong, patuwarin mo akoooooooooo.

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gwargz · « **Reply #31 on:** November 05, 2009, 07:05:54 AM »

Yes true, Gener.
The greatest check against temptation
is just within ourselves.

And how strong is a person against flesh temptation
is checked sometimes by how strong Faith in God.
Ang taong malayo sa Dios, o, walang Dios
ay hiyang sa tentasyon, o nagpaparaos palagi
sa tentasyon.

Ang taong gumagawa palagi ng mali, lalo na
kung wala siyang Dios, para sa kanya,
subconsciously ito ay nagiging tama.

At ang taong malayong-malayo sa Dios,
ay hindi malapit. Teka, teka, mali yata.

At ang taong malayong-malayo sa Dios,
ay walang dunong tungkol sa pagtutuwid
ng kamalian.

Ang taong walang spiritual nourishment
ay parang tanim na di dinidiligan.

Ang maling pagkakataon (chance of the flesh),
ay parang posporo. Nasa kamay mo na ang palito
at pwedeng ikiskis. Isang maling desisyon at
masusunog ka agad.

Kaya tama ka Gener, kung pwede lang,
huwag masyadong malapit sa opposite sex
lalong-lalo na kung mahina pa at makukuryente pa.
Misty, palayo jod inday. Hehehehehehe.
Joke, joke, joke.

Pag-ampo. Pag-ampo jod sa kanunay.
Para mapildi ang daotang hunahuna.
Ug palayo para di makoryente.

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Gener · « **Reply #32 on:** November 05, 2009, 08:03:03 AM »

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Tagalog si Gener

Geneeeeeeer

Ba't di mo sinabeeeeh. Huhuhuhuhu.
Dong, patuwarin mo akoooooooooo.

hahaha, wag gaanong tumuwad baka pasukin ng hangin ang kuwan...hahaha
ok lang, medyo kasabot ng konti, it's a learning process for me:-)

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gwargz · « **Reply #33 on:** November 05, 2009, 09:46:22 AM »

Gener, why are you joining TB when you are a Tagalog?
What pushes you down here?
Why not on Tagalog speaking webbies?
Just curious. Kasi bihira lang ang taong katulad mo
na umistambay sa ganito.

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Gener · « **Reply #34 on:** November 05, 2009, 10:50:33 AM »

Gener, why are you joining TB when you are a Tagalog?
What pushes you down here?
Why not on Tagalog speaking webbies?
Just curious. Kasi bihira lang ang taong katulad mo
na umistambay sa ganito.

it all started after seeing the link to this site when bennylene posted my article he found originally posted in Inquirer.net. Im a member of other networking groups but I must say that people here in TB esp. boholanons are hospitable (manay tess, grazie) and very intellectual; like bro mike, bennylene, lorenzo. These are something I can't find in other networking groups, frankly speaking, medyo mababaw and walang sense ang mga threads. Kaya eto, trying to learn your dialect and hopefully, someday I can converse with all of u guys fluently para no need na for manay tess to translate for me, hahaha

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gwargz · « **Reply #35 on:** November 05, 2009, 11:57:59 AM »

it all started after seeing the link to this site when bennylene posted my article he found originally posted in Inquirer.net. Im a member of other networking groups but I must say that people here in TB esp. boholanons are hospitable (manay tess, grazie) and very intellectual; like bro mike, bennylene, lorenzo. These are something I can't find in other networking groups, frankly speaking, medyo mababaw and walang sense ang mga threads. Kaya eto, trying to learn your dialect and hopefully, someday I can converse with all of u guys fluently para no need na for manay tess to translate for me, hahaha

I see. Awesome. And me, as a full-blooded Boholano or Bol-anon, by the Power and Authority vested upon me by Mike Ligalig and the Consortium of Bol-anons, hereby grant upon you an Honoris Causa by the Order Of Dagohoy. And you shall be now an Adopted Son Of Sikatuna. It is the highest order (according to me, hehehe.) of adoption given to people with your mindset of bonding with us. Congratulations !

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Gener · « **Reply #36 on:** November 05, 2009, 12:24:09 PM »

I see. Awesome. And me, as a full-blooded Boholano or Bol-anon, by the Power and Authority vested upon me by Mike Ligalig and the Consortium of Bol-anons, hereby grant upon you an Honoris Causa by the Order Of Dagohoy. And you shall be now an Adopted Son Of Sikatuna. It is the highest order (according to me, hehehe.) of adoption given to people with your mindset of bonding with us. Congratulations !

...and I accept it. hahaha

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #37 on:** November 05, 2009, 02:10:15 PM »

salamat mistyeyed for being dialect sensitive, konti na lang ang dugo ko sa ilong, di na gaanong malakas ang nose bleed ko, hehehe

Hahaha,mabuti,kailangan may target time ka na maging fluent sa bisaya para wala nang dugo.

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #38 on:** November 05, 2009, 02:11:07 PM »

I see. Awesome. And me, as a full-blooded Boholano or Bol-anon, by the Power and Authority vested upon me by Mike Ligalig and the Consortium of Bol-anons, hereby grant upon you an Honoris Causa by the Order Of Dagohoy. And you shall be now an Adopted Son Of Sikatuna. It is the highest order (according to me, hehehe.) of adoption given to people with your mindset of bonding with us. Congratulations !

I second the motion and alive witness.

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mistyeyed · « **Reply #39 on:** November 05, 2009, 02:11:39 PM »

...and I accept it. hahaha

Congratulations!!!

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