source: press release
Tantrums, kicking, hitting, whining, power struggles, screaming, bedtime fights―they are enough to drive parents crazy. Children can be hard to get along with when they start to show behaviors you can’t fathom the reason why.
So why do children really misbehave? Understanding the root cause of the frustrating and maddening behaviors of a child is a significant aspect of effective discipline.
Let’s take a moment to do a reality check for these misbehaviors. Children are not little adults. They do not come into this world equipped with knowledge and experience. Much of their behavior is simply normal for their age. Thus, they need lots of information and explanations how to behave in an acceptable way.
For example, it would be unreasonable to tell a three-year-old to clean up his mess and expect that he will do the job. Instead, slowly explain to the toddler what he/she could do to help you out in cleaning his/her stuff. In that way, a sense of
responsibility is established on the child.
It’s no secret that children don’t always do what we would like them to do. Having lots of stored energy, they always move around and make noises. Children misbehave because they do not understand the rules or hold expectations beyond their
developmental level. As adults, we should always keep our expectations appropriate to their age.
Children seek attention. Sometimes children “act up†to get your attention by doing negative things. When a new baby comes, misbehavior is much more likely. He will do things that will catch the attention of the family, such as pinching the baby’s skin
or perhaps, dancing in the middle of the gathering.
When children feel they don’t get enough positive attention from their parents, they will act out with attention-seeking behaviors like whining, screaming and clinging. When the child misbehaves, parents often stop what they are doing (cooking, watching TV, or reading) to warn his/her child to stop. This successfully provides the child with attention for misbehaving.
Children want some kind of independence. Your child’s difficult behavior may be due to her desire to assert herself. They start to control over certain areas of their life so that they can feel capable and free.
Give them small freedom to manage over small points of their doings. This will fulfill their need for independence. Don’t be authoritative as then it will result to repulsion. When your child wants to do dishes, let him/her be, as long as he/she is
guided by adults. Teach him/her, don’t demand the rules. This will only make the child take control of his/her choices.
Children need to feel they are loved and secured. Be generous with your hugs and kisses. When he/she is down, comfort him/her with words of encouragement.
Words are powerful tools to remind your child that he/she is being loved. Giving appropriate praises can be a reward to a good behavior. Parents should also build a strong relationship with their child by doing fun games and recreations.
Children who feel inadequate may turn to bragging, boasting and even fighting other kids. Imagine how a child feels when his parent keeps on saying, “You can’t do itâ€, “You will never be good enough like your brother.†If his/her parent does not believe
on his/her capabilities, then how can a child believe himself/herself?
Children’s misbehavior is also patterned by his/her parents’ actions. What the child sees and experiences at home becomes what's normal for them. If he/she sees her mom is yelling at dad, he/she will eventually do the same.
Parents are the first teachers in the eyes of their child. Whatever acceptable or unacceptable behavior he/she learns, parents are the responsible actors. Understanding a child’s misbehavior is no easy thing. Most of the times these
misbehaviors send a message that needs our abrupt attention. It is true that disciplining a child is a life lesson always in the process. So, the next time you are caught off guard by your child’s misbehavior, take a deep breath, count to 20, or give yourself five minutes away from your child to cool down before you respond.
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