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Is there a profile of men who batter their partners?

Most experts say there is no one profile of men who batter or beat women. Domestic violence crosses all social and economic boundaries.

According to Dr. Susan Hanks, Director of the Family and Violence Institute in Alameda, California, men batter because of internal psychological struggles. Usually, men who batter are seeking a sense of power and control over their partners or their own lives, or because they are tremendously dependent on the woman and are threatened by any moves on her part toward independence.

Some men batter because that's the only way they know how to be close to or relate to a partner. Some men grew up in violent households, where they watched their mothers abused by their fathers and where they themselves were abused. Some men become violent under the influence of drugs or alcohol, although the substances themselves do not cause the violence.

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Why don't men leave relationships that are supposedly so unsatisfactory to them?

If we listen to men who abuse their wives, what we hear is how terribly inadequate these women are for the men. At the same time, we know that abusive men are tremendously dependent on their partners.

Fear of rejection, emotional withdrawal, and/or abandonment are major factors that actually cause these men to be violent. Men who batter women are often psychologically incapable of leaving the relationship.

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How does domestic violence affect children?

Children are traumatized by witnessing violence in their family. The children in these homes are at high risk of being battered themselves by either the batterer or the victim.

In addition, the long-term effects of witnessing such violence can create a cycle of violence that spans generations. We know that many men who are abusive witnessed their mothers being abused and many were victims of physical abuse themselves.

We also know that women who come from a family in which they witnessed their mother being battered are more susceptible to developing what is called "battered women's syndrome." Such women may come to believe there is nothing they can do to get out of an abusive relationship.

Both men and women who come from abusive homes may come to view the violence they have witnessed as normal, and carry it into their own relationships as adults.

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Types of Spousal Abuse

Spousal abuse is an alarming trend [in the United States], with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reporting that over 22 percent of women and 7 percent of men suffering abuse at the hands of a spouse or partner. Sometimes spousal abuse goes unreported because it is unidentified; you know that your spouse is making you feel bad, but you're not sure what it means. Understanding the different types of spousal abuse can make you more aware of what constitutes abuse so you can get the help that you need.

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EMOTIONAL

Emotional abuse is sometimes also known as verbal abuse. It is the seemingly subtle actions of a spouse or partner to make you feel bad about yourself, to belittle or control you psychologically. Your partner may call you names, discount your worth, embarrass you in front of other people or isolate you from your friends and family, says the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. Emotional abuse doesn't leave visible scars, which is why it is such a lonely and confusing type of spousal abuse.

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SEXUAL

Sexual abuse can be confusing if you are married. You may mistakenly believe that rape only happens as a crime by someone you don't know. Unfortunately, rape and sexual assault can run rampant in a marriage. Sexual abuse by a spouse constitutes any time you're forced into sexual behavior, be it watching a sexual act, participating in an act that you've protested to or being penetrated against your will, according to the Michigan State Police. You may believe that it is simply part of your marriage to go along with what your spouse wants sexually, but if you protest or feel uncomfortable and your spouse forces you, it's considered sexual violence and spousal abuse.


more at http://www.livestrong.com/article/145260-different-types-of-spousal-abuse/#ixzz2Xdm6Yq00

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the one in the middle of the cycle, the DENIAL, is said to be more common among the more affluent or educated filipino families.  maayo pa tong naa sa squatter areas kay mosiyagit lang ang asawa, way uwaw-uwaw mao nga mahibaw-an dayon sa katilingban.

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because i am an absentee neighbor kay tagsa ra ko sa cebu, kausa many christmases ago, padung na mi sa subdivision christmas party.  niadtong panahona, kami pa ang kinaduolan nga balay aning pamilyaha.  nag-ilis na ko para sa party, purya, nakadungog man kog verbal riot sa ilaha.  the abuse was unthinkable.  then i saw them at the party.  di to ako panghilabot, pero nisurok akong dugo pakakita sa laki.  hubag ang mga mata sa baye, but she pretended that nothing happened.  unfortunately, her husband's abhorrent behavior was carried to the party; he was drunk pre-party, and all he did was hug the microphone during the party and talk and talk. 

i regretted attending that affair.  the rest of the neighborhood celebrants must have noticed my anger and my glares.  someone said nga aristokrata ra kuno ko kaayo for the group.  they didn't know that i wanted to wring some guy's neck.  since then, wa na gyod ko imbitara sa subdivision association christmas party bisan mopauli ko kun pasko.  di na pod ko interesado. 

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To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.

SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings    

Do you:

feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior   

Does your partner:

humiliate or yell at you?
criticize you and put you down?
treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
blame you for their own abusive behavior?
see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats    

Does your partner:

have a bad and unpredictable temper?
hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
threaten to take your children away or harm them?
threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
force you to have sex?
destroy your belongings?
   
Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior

Does your partner:

act excessively jealous and possessive?
control where you go or what you do?
keep you from seeing your friends or family?
limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
constantly check up on you?

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Rush in to relationships

Many victims dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together. Abusers can come on like a whirl-wind claiming "love at first sight", and using flattery such as "you are the only person I could ever talk to" or "I have never felt loved like this by anyone". They may need someone desperately, and will pressure the other partner to commit to a relationship before they are truly ready.

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Exhibit controlling behavior

Often at the beginning, a batterer will say that this behavior is because they are concerned for your safety, a need for you to use time well or to make good decisions. Abusers will be angry if you are "late" coming back from the store or an appointment; you might be questioned closely about where you went, who you talked to. As this behavior gets worse, the abuser may not let you make personal decisions about the house, your clothing, or going to church. They may keep all the money; or may make you ask permission to leave the house. These types of behaviors mimick the parent/child relationship and thus be definition cannot be part of an equal and healthy relationship.

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Use isolation to keep you centered on them

Frequently, an abusive person tries to cut the partner off from all resources. If you have friends, you are a "whore", a "slut" or "cheating". If you are close to family, you are "tied to the apron strings". Abusers will accuse people who are supportive of causing trouble, and may restrict use of the phone. They can gradually isolate you from all of your friends. They may not let you use a car (or have one that is reliable), and may try to keep you from working or going to school. Some abusers will try to get you into legal trouble so that you are afraid to drive or go out. Sometimes this process can take years and then suddenly a victim looks up and realizes that they've been moved across the country, away from family, friends and a support system and without a job or resources of their own - making them completely isolated and totally dependent on the abuser.

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Use of force during sex

Abusive partners may show little concern about whether you want to have sex, and use sulking or anger to manipulate you into giving in to sex. They may start having sex with you while you are sleeping, or demand sex even when you are ill or tired. This should send the message that the abuser is just in it for themselves and/or they are enjoying the power of coercing sex knowing that you are less than willing. They may want to "make up" by having sex after they have just been physically or verbally abusive to you. Sex under these conditions is just an extension of the power and control exerted by the prior abuse.

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Use negative behaviors (drugs, alcohol, battering) to cope with stress

Studies suggest that batterers, in general, have a higher incidence of drug and alcohol abuse than non-batterers. This does NOT mean that drugs or alcohol CAUSE the abuse, rather it lowers inhibitions making an already frustrated and violence-prone person more likely to fall back on violence as a crutch, especially when confronted with their lack of communication skills and feelings of inadequacy.

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Are prone to hypersensitivity

Abusers are easily insulted, and may take the slightest setback as a personal attack. They will rant and rave about the injustice of things that are really just a part of living, such as having to get up for work, getting a traffic ticket, or being asked to help with chores.

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Exhibit cruelty to animals or children

This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain. They may expect children to be capable of things beyond their ability. They may tease children until they cry. They may be very critical of other people's children, especially any children you bring in from a previous relationship. An abusive partner may threaten to prevent you from seeing children you have no biological rights to, or punish children to get even with you. About 60% of people who beat their partner also beat their children. Of course the OPPOSITE of this can be true also. Abused women often say that they stay "for the sake of the kids." Unfortunately, one parent abusing another is one of the greatest risk factors for child abuse as well as for children to sink into depression, anxiety disorder, other mental and physical illnesses, and criminal, even violent, behaviors of their own. Abuse also models the role of violence to the children as THEY grow up and into relationships of their own. Dr. Phil McGraw hits the nail on the head with his oft repeated line: "Children would rather be FROM a broken home, than LIVING in one".


more at http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/batterer.shtml

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bully type like you. sipyat lang ka hubag nga ako maoy imong gi initan

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