In today’s generation, young people tend to be so dramatic, overly-emphazing their feelings, always in the seventh heaven when they are in love ----trying to be like Cinderella, Snow White or Sleeping Beauty---- and forgetting the most important part in a relationship. How do you know whether your current romantic relationship is the 'right' one for you? For starters, ask yourself how you feel about it 80% of the time when both of you are together. Be brutally honest with yourself. Would you describe your mood as predominantly happy or sad and your basic outlook as mostly positive or negative? A romantic relationship doesn't make you feel miserable. You don't need to endlessly obsess about issues over which you have no control, such as 'Will he ever leave me for someone else or does he love me as much as I do?' Why do so many people settle for being unhappy as a way of life? Often it's because they don't feel they deserve to be happy. But love doesn't, or shouldn't, make you feel bad. Can love actually be bad for you? Well, toxic love can -- and may result in relentless anxiety about the one who holds your life, hopes, and well-being in the palm of his (or her) hand. Desperate, worried and insecured people tend to be possessive, jealous, clinging, whiny, and/or unreasonable. So is it any wonder that this type of obsessive love can actually alienate the object of such an overwhelming, all-consuming love? Everyone needs some psychic space, and having such anxious demands placed on you can be suffocating. Who among us feel capable of living up to such high standards as making someone else deliriously happy? Extremely needy people tend to be 'high maintenance' or overly demanding in anything in a love relationship, sometimes even in a simple friendship. It's not much fun to realize the person you care about is constantly keeping score. It begins to feel as though you'll never 'pass Go' but will usually land 'in Jail' or suffer mental anxiety. But love shouldn't be a game of Monopoly. There needs to be plenty of room for each partner to stretch, and grow. Gluing two separate people together is not just symbiotic but potentially dysfunctional. So, how do you view your own relationship, to measure just how happy you are? After evaluating whether you're mostly happy and content, or mostly sad and worried, you might want to consider the basic ingredients or characteristics -- call them Strengths -- of a HAPPY RELATIONSHIP, as follows: (1) What each of us expects from the other is fair and realistic. (2) We are happy and feel comfortable with each other without any pretentions. (3) Each of us listens to the other, and cares. (4) There is ample room for each of us to have a separate life/self. We know we are two separate people who choose to be together and grow/nurture a wonderful, loving relationship. (5) We can argue or disagree, in order to agree (in a win-win situation), thus maintain the respect of each other as individuals. In this manner, we can preserve our own identity. (6) Each of us has come to rely on the other, because we value our relationship as a top priority. (7) Mutual communication and sharing is valued by each of us. (
Neither of us must be something or someone other than what we are, to please the other. (9) Total honesty is a shared value, as well as kindness and sensitivity toward one another's feelings. (10) Our relationship works well now, not as an unfulfilled goal to be hoped for in the future. (11) We are both committed to the relationship, and to one another. Neither of us threatens to leave. (12) We love and care for one another, unconditionally. How many of those strengths does your relationship have right now? Remember, if yours seems to be lacking, it's not necessarily time to end it all -- because every relationship can be improved and nurtured, if both parties are willing to work out together to achieve that goal. Remember, there is no such thing as a fairytale relationship with a happy ending. The bottom line is, don't settle for mediocre, when you can shoot for and achieve what you really hoped for in a HAPPY RELATIONSHIP!!!
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