Bran, there is something in death that I can't just fathom. Though I know very well that Papa will be resurrected at the final trumpet call when Christ returns because Papa had surrendered his life to Christ before he died, the humanity in me will always resurface. Because our minds and our senses are so acquainted with anything that is physical that we always find it difficult to experience the supernatural life. I know that Papa now lives in me as a living memory but there is that indescribable longing in my heart, a longing to hear his voice, to see his smile, to hold his hand, to sit or stand beside him.
At times I wish to come home to the Philippines and I would stay in the cemetery with him. I want to see the place where he's buried so that I'd experience a total assurance that he really stays there.
At the same time, there is that unexplainable fear of coming home. I fear the sight of our house. I fear the familiar surroundings of our neighborhood. I fear that his memories would overwhelm me if I see the things that he used to see, if I hear the things that he used to hear, if I touch the things that he used to touch. Papa loved to wear the shirts that I already abandoned, and that fact alone, if I'd see those shirts at our house, will intensify the nostalgia, and then the nostalgia will explode into fear. Nevertheless, I will run and embrace this fear so that I would know that death is real.
Mike. I feel connected to you in a way, pre, because we are both fighting the feeling of unexplainable pain of loss. This loss is so complete, and so certain that I sometimes question if I will ever be the same again. Death will always shock those affected, pre. No matter how great we are in life, no matter our convictions, our actions and contributions----there is no escaping death. For death is the stage before our final judgment; where the Lord God calls each and every one of us home.
Pre, as a human being, we are naturally needy of the physical. We yearn to touch, hear, taste, and see. For we have yet to be given the grace of God's face. Our eternal soul dwells in our shell, the body, and the only way for our soul to feel and yearn for the connection to the eternal God, the Only God, The One True God, is through physical means. It is in the time of death, my dear friend, that the soul is released from the capsule that is our body. Upon this, all or dreams, yearnings, hopes, aspirations--all that defines our soul, our inner being, will be lifted high into the heavens to be called to the Throne of God. It is then that we will be humbled---to see the Face of God. And receive judgment. And This judgment is absolute. Firm. I believe Mike. I truly believe with my heart and soul, that we all shall be united with our loved ones that have gone before us to their rest. All shall be united, and all your prayers will be answered. The Lord God is a God of compassion, and hears all
For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one;he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.Psalm 22:24
We do not know the Lord. There is no complete understanding of the Lord God, who is the alpha and the omega. Whose throne reigns infinite as the heavens that he so created by mere thought. But this is utterly true, pre, that he KNOWS all of us. He knows us and our actions even before we think of it or act on it. For so he formed us in the womb.
Pre, I am totally totally here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. It is good to talk about our losses, the best thing we can do as humans and as brothers in our faith---is to support and comfort one another in our time of need. And I am so inspired by you, Mike. My faith has been strengthened by reading your writings, by seeing you cope with your loss and the anguish of loss. You have an admirable character, pre. Though I never had an older brother, I feel that I can call you my Kuya. Remember pre, that we are all here for a reason. Do not despair all the time, and I know how hard it is to not feel the pain of this loss--God knows I have my own battles to fight in the loss of my best friend--but we must not despair too much, my dear beloved Brother. For the Lord is so GOOD that he wants all of us to be happy. HE has given us a loving family, warm and supportive friends, miracles of everyday life, the breath of life that is in us, and the grace and LOVE of the Holy Spirit. The devil and his wicked demons are there who wish for us to despair, and stay in grief, for he is the antithesis of Love, and Happiness that is the Lord our GOD. We all carry our own crosses, pre, the burdens that we all carry in our journey that we call life. Be strong. Be firm in faith. And long for the promises of family, my dear brother. Many Loved Ones near and far away long to see you. They Await to see you.
You are In My prayers and In my thoughts.
Always Your Friend,
With Love,
Bran
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