Does Living Together Before Marriage Really Work?
posted by Dr. Ellen Walker Jul 4, 2011 2:27 pm
http://www.care2.com/ Recent studies suggest that the conventional ‘rules of relationships’ have changed. It seems that couples can cohabitate and still have a chance at a happy, committed marriage. We have become less traditional overall, and this seems to have spilled over to the relationship arena.
So why is it now possible for the old rule, stating that living together before marriage results in relationship disaster, to be rewritten?
What does the research show?A new report from the National Center for Health Statistics concluded that there’s little difference in marital success between couples that cohabitate before marriage and those that don’t. These findings contradict older research, as well as the common belief, that living together prior to marriage leads to divorce.
To understand what’s really going on here and to know if things have changed, we have to look below the surface. A primary factor at play is that society’s view of cohabitation has shifted. I recall how, throughout much of the United States in the 1980’s, couples who lived together were said to be “living in sin.†These days, there is often criticism of couples that take up residence early on in a relationship, but not all cohabitating couples are lumped into a single category. In fact, in most circles, there is little sigma for those who live together prior to marrying when there is a strong commitment. These couples are often more mature, and they may have a history of divorce. Or they may be younger couples who have dated for several years and plan to have a wedding at some point. Couples who are clearly committed and take time to plan for marriage are often given even more respect than those who rush to the altar. In fact, with the high divorce rate, rushing and even having lavish weddings is viewed with cynicism, as so many young couples end up splitting after a few years.
Another significant shift in societal view is the belief by many that it is normal and healthy to have more than one primary relationship in one’s adult life. For example, some adults see it as natural to raise a family with one spouse and to spend post childrearing and retirement years with another person who may be quite different from one’s first partner. This second long term relationship may or may not involve legal marriage, but the commitment between the partners is often stronger than that of a marriage in early life.
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