Reason #1: The "Pleasure Principle" Men, and women, generally want to FEEL GOOD in
their lives.
And they want to have the people around them be
a source of pleasure and comfort and support.
Yourself included.
When you are constantly freaking out on a man
for what it is about him that freaks you out, you
quickly turn into one of the people that it
DOESN'T FEEL GOOD to be around.
And this has a huge impact on whether or not he
wants to invest more time, effort, and energy in
you and your relationship.
Or if he will decide to give up on trying to
fix what's going on with you so you can both feel
good together.
Reason #2: Emotional Experience And The Future For a man in a relationship, the ways a woman
acts in the "little" situations become indicators
of how she's going to respond when things really
are tough and in the future.
So if a woman is consistently negative and
emotional... and can't get herself together even
when a man tries to explain things and comfort
her... then a man isn't going to think that things
could be any better in the future together.
Reason #3: Lost Feelings Of Attraction Love can be important to a man.
But just like a woman, if he doesn't also keep
experiencing the exciting and addictive feelings
of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with the woman he
loves... then eventually EVERYTHING ELSE starts to
not matter.
When a man doesn't FEEL that deep level of
connection with a woman, at least every so often
to remind him of why he's with her, then he'll
forget why... and the relationship will become
just a whole bunch of "work" to him.
Whenever he thinks of his girlfriend, he'll
think of all the problems, frustrations, and
negative emotions and experiences... and he'll see
a future and a commitment as something that will
make him LESS SATISFIED in his life.
Often times when women are feeling distance or
trouble in a relationship, they'll try to "talk"
to a man and work on "the relationship."
Big mistake if you want to turn things around.
For a man, he wants to do things together (not
talk) to know his relationship is working.
Creating a deep level of connection and sharing
the attraction you have is one of the most
powerful and important keys to giving a man his
own reason for wanting to be with you, no matter
what.
If you want to learn the secrets to easily
creating or recapturing the intense attraction
that will have a man asking you for more
attention, then check out my "Natural & Lasting
Attraction" CD/DVD program.
It will show you exactly how to get back to
sharing intense Physical and Emotional Attraction,
and give you the 6 keys to the kind of deep
lasting attraction that will keep your
relationship moving forward and strong.
Reason #4: The "Neediness" of Co-dependence A man wants to be with a woman that brings
something better to his life, not take away his
time, energy, and emotional "stability."
So when a woman doesn't have much going on for
herself in her own life a few things happen.
First, she focuses on her relationship too much
as her source of happiness or unhappiness.
You can tell when you've done this in your
relationships in the past when you've said things
like:
"I can't believe how I hardly ever saw any of
my friends while we were together."
...or
"I can't believe I let him control me that
way."
...or
"I feel so stupid for wasting so much of my
time on our relationship, when I could have been
doing things for me and my life."
The reality is that no man and no relationship
is capable of being everything to a woman.
And no relationship requires that you sacrifice
all your time, life, and energy for it... no
matter how much it seems that way.
But our relationships can "trick" us into
believing that they need all of our time and
attention just to survive.
Not true.
In fact, the way this works is completely
COUNTERINTUITIVE.
Often times men leave a woman because they see
that she depends too much on him and has lost her
own sources of happiness... and this not only
looks and feels "needy" to a man, but it keeps the
woman from having much to bring into the
relationship and add to their lives together.
Reason #5: "She's Trying To Fix Me..." Every few weeks or months I come across someone
who says or alludes to the idea that "people don't
change."
Wrong.
People often change their state of mind in an
instant.
Especially from happy to sad.
Of course, changing perspectives, opinions, or
beliefs can take a bit longer... but these change
quickly, too.
A man can and will "change" and compromise for
a woman.
It's a fact.
I see it all the time where men let go of their
"bachelor lifestyles" for one special woman, and
change a ton about their social lives.
But this only happens when a man has HIS OWN
REASONS to change.
It NEVER works, or lasts, if a man simply tries
to change for a woman, or for the sake of the
relationship.
There's a rule I like to use in my life
whenever I come to a situation where I'm trying to
align my own desires or goals with someone else's:
"All motivation is self-interest."
In other words, if you're trying to create a
great situation with a man, you're going to need
to understand what HIS REASONS are going to be for
doing the work on his end to make it happen.
But lots of women try and get a man to change
by showing a man how it affects THEM, not him.
This is the exact opposite of understanding
that people are motivated by the things that THEY
WANT, and not what others feel and want.
It takes some maturity to accept that other
people (men) have their own unique way of seeing
things and wanting what they want (to stay and
work things out, or not).
But once you learn to accept these things and
start to work with them instead of against them,
life gets a whole lot easier.
And a whole lot more fun. So those are 5 of
the most common reasons and situations about why
men leave women and relationships.
One of the most important things underlying all
these 5 reasons is the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE that
you create with a man.
I think of the emotional experience that you
share with a man in your relationship as the door
through which your relationship will either open
up and move forward...
Or on the other hand, as the barrier that
causes a relationship to stay shut and go nowhere.
And I look at COMMITMENT as a man and a woman
agreeing to open the door together and walk
through it.
But the truth is that men don't COMMIT for the
same reasons most women do.
They don't think about, talk about, or want to
walk through the door the same way most women do.
That's why the "process" by which most men
commit is different.
For most women, there's often a kind of tension
and resistance built into moving forward in a
relationship with a man.
And I'm not just talking about the spoken words
of that make a commitment... but about the
"emotional commitment" a man has inside with you.
If a man is deeply committed to you and your
relationship on an emotional level, then any
"issues" you run into are just going to be "bumps
in the road" to him. And he'll be confident,
comfortable, open, and secure with you in working
them out.
But if a man ISN'T "emotionally committed" to
you, then each and every little problem is going
to cause him to get irritated, frustrated, and
have him wanting to blame you and withdraw.
n the road" to him. And he'll be confident,
comfortable, open, and secure with you in working
them out.
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