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Let's just share our individual stories. Perhaps it will help in the decision of those who are still trying to make up their minds, or ease the pain and loneliness of those who think they are going through this alone. To kick this off, let me share this story of an OFW from Saudi Arabia...

OFW story: hopes, dreams outweigh fears


Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 00:13:00 06/24/2008


After reading Randy David’s column “Love in the time of migration” (Philippine Daily Inquirer, 6/14/08), I couldn’t help but admit that my life at this point fits into the scenario he painted. In fact, I was watching a delayed telecast of a nightly news program of a TV station in the Philippines when I received two text messages from my wife. I looked at my watch to check the time—it was half past 1 a.m. from where the message came. So, I thought, my wife was still awake.

I texted back with my own message, which I ended with “Good night.” After a few minutes, I got another message from her. She bade me “Good night” in turn, but I could sense some despair in her message.

The following morning, in the office, I sent her and my kids—as my usual way of keeping in touch with them—a message. She replied, and her messages this time clearly exposed her desolation.

I empathize with her. Barely eight months have passed since I left her and our four kids to work here in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, tucking in my suitcase a few pictures of them to remind me of our hopes and dreams. It would be my first time to be away from my family that long. Before we decided to take this “big leap” that could make or break our lives, we spent countless hours in prayers, asking for God’s guidance.

Our story is not uncommon. Millions of Filipinos have gone abroad, leaving their country, families and loved ones in pursuit of a better life. The stories of overseas Filipino workers (OFWs) don’t necessarily yield to happy endings: philandering husbands, unfaithful wives, errant children longing to feel the warmth of the love of absent parents have become ordinary fare. Yet, these stories are not enough to stop a large number of Filipinos from leaving their families to work abroad.

The lack of opportunities back home is what pushes people like me to leave home for greener pastures; our hopes and dreams of giving our families a better future outweigh our fears of the risks we might have to face in strange lands.

Going back to my wife’s pained text messages, I would always reply to them with words of assurance, though I know that these would never offer enough comfort under our present circumstances. But better that the words are said than allow yourself to wallow in fear.

What you think and what you do is what you will become; that’s life’s predisposition. If we think life has been very cruel to us, it is not so much because such is our destiny but because we have predisposed ourselves to those “cruelties” by our thoughts and actions. Professor David is right: It has been very easy to measure the economic benefits of overseas work. But it is doubtful if one can ever quantify what the Filipino family has given up in terms of love, or what it is doing to recover it.

I just wish though to find ways to recover what I have given up in my pursuit of a decent life for my family. But until I see a better option than going abroad, I’ll just have to keep my hopes and dreams alive.

GENER MARCELO (via email)



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Promise from a Mother’s Heart
By: Gener Marcelo

Many years ago, my mother made us a promise that changed our lives forever.
Now that I’m also a parent, I’ve come to see my mother’s promise as a kind spiritual umbilical cord to bring new life to me and to my other siblings from our humble beginnings.

Life’s Difficulties

Being the 4th sibling in the brood of 5, we were raised by our mother all by herself since our father has no steady means of livelihood. Despite her meager income from selling women’s undergarments, we’re still fortunate that all of us could still go to school. We lived in a shanty made of old galvanized metal sheets salvaged from a decommissioned foundry and with the help of my father’s friend; the once old foundry was turned into a bungalow that serves as our haven. Having an electricity source that time is a luxury that we couldn’t afford that we have to finish our school’s homework before dawn and the gasera (kerosene lamp) is the only source of light comes night time. More so that the source of our water comes from a leaking residential water pipe is short lived; after having been discovered by its owner that he had the damaged pipes repaired immediately. Having nothing much of life’s basic needs drives my mother to make night also a day. At my very young age, I saw life’s difficulties thru the eyes of my mother. She would often tell us that there’s nothing wrong to be born poor but to die out of poverty is unacceptable.

Being the only breadwinner in the family, my mother has to leave our house before sun rise entrusting all of us to our eldest sister and before dawn, we would all be together partaking what has been prepared by my ate (eldest sister) on the table after saying the grace before meal. Everything was going almost as a routine that by the time my mother arrived at the house, I could tell if her day is a success by the pasalubong (presents) that she will buy from a nearby carinderia (eatery). But this success happens only on a few occasions that I could count it only in one hand. More often than not, our meal would always be a loan canned goods from the neighbor’s sari-sari store (retail store). Pork and chicken for a meal could mean only one thing – special occasions such as birthdays, Christmas and New Year celebration. I remember one time how my father with the help of my older brother catches a hen that by chance wrongly entered our house. That time, we had our mouths greased by the cooking oil from a sumptuous chicken adobo.

Making Both Ends Meet

With the family’s meager source of income, my mother knew that she has to work doubly hard to make both ends meet. With the help of my eldest sister, my mother would go to Divisoria market on early mornings to buy vegetables and sell it to our neighbors. This newly found livelihood provides steady means of income; barely ensuring that we can all eat 3 times a day. Thus, realizing it as a better alternative livelihood, she left her garments selling job and focus instead on selling vegetables. Hardship in life knows no ages. Barely only 7 years old; while most children of my age are playing with toys, vegetables loaded in a basket or bilao has been my favorite toy every morning roaming street after street. While during school break, I would end up selling ice buko (frozen grated coconut with milk) and bibingka (rice cake) I got from a trader using my school ID as business collateral. Every night without missed, I would often see my mother talking to God thru her prayers and often that I heard her saying, “Panginoon, tulungan Mo po kami” (God, please help us).

Test of Times

Whilst our life is still no bed of roses despite the passing of years, the turn of events in our family life is something kid of my age couldn’t understand. Endless nights I would see my mother sobbing in one corner of our house, beaten black and blue by my father every time he gets drunk. All that I can do together with my other siblings was to comfort our mother in her time of despair. I developed the fear every time my father leaves home to be with his buddies for I know what would happen next when he arrives after his drinking spree.

Days had passed into weeks and months and I lost the count. But one thing I can never forget was the time when my mother could no longer bear the beatings from my father. She brought us out of the house; all 5 of us while my father was drunk and sleeping. With nowhere to go, she has no choice but to distribute the 4 of us to our respective ninongs and ninangs (godparents) taking only with her my eldest sister. I vividly remember crying and pleading with my mother not to leave me but with a heavy heart, she made me a promise, anak, pangako, babalikan kita at ang mga kapatid mo kapag maayos na ang lahat”(son, I promise, I will come back for you and your other siblings when everything is okay). At that time, I knew that my mother’s heart bleeds to watch me as she and my ate (eldest sister) disappear down the corner of the street. I don’t know how long we were separated from my mother; all I know was that everyday seems to be eternity.

Reunited at Last

Mother’s promise to her child is a promise from a pure heart that can never be broken. True to her promises, one by one she collected us and reunited at last. Though there has been not much of a change in our life but that moment I saw my mother and the rest of my siblings is more than what I can ask for. Determined not to be separated again from one another, the 5 of us promised to help our mother even more. I for one become a collector of bets after school and have to divide my time collecting kanin-baboy (hog feeds) from our neighbors to feed our hogs. With hard works and collective efforts, our life changes a bit better and we had the first taste of life’s little luxury when we purchased our first appliance – an electric fan that costs 450 pesos. My eldest sister’s first paycheck ended up as a down payment for a black and white television set while the meager earning from selling vegetables was used to purchased a Class B freezer at a factory price that eventually give us the queue to diversified our goods selling fish and meat. My youngest sister never to be outdone had her own share of business – selling ice and ice candy. For the first time we experienced a bit of life’s little pleasure and still as I normally see from her, I would see my mother talking to God and saying still the same prayer, “Oh, God please help us.”

Then I became a teenager

Years gone by and I was in the prime of my teenage years. Having been unexposed to people of opposite sex other than my sisters, I was often mistaken as suplado by my girl classmates. High school life proves to be the most memorable stage of my life for it was the stage I was able to build and extend relationship outside my family. It was the time I started to court girls and my mother is a very able partner of keeping my childhood secrets away from the girls I brought home.
When I was in college, I landed a part time job flipping burgers at a fast food restaurant in Makati. I worked in the morning and study in the evening. Hard work and perseverance to succeed has always been in my mind. Barely a year since joining the company, I was promoted to Junior Manager Position despite being still an under graduate. I finished my Engineering Degree in college and landed in good company after graduation. At night, I could still see my mother praying but that time, few words has been added to her old litany, “Oh, God please help my children in their work and studies.”

I got Wed

In my teenage years, I happened to change my misfit image for the gloss of popularity, whatever the cost. Having the financial freedom, I shrugged off any consequences and believed that to have a “good” testimony, like so many of the dramatic ones I had heard, that I had to have a “past.”
At 24, I got married to a workmate, with my mother initially not relish on my plan. My marriage relationship immediately bears me a son and my mother with her joy ballooned with the arrival of a grandson.
That time, my mother’s nightly litany has grown few more words adding her grandson in the list

My Ups and Downs in Life

My career continuous to flourish that I end up jumping from one company to another and so as the number of our kids. We spent our lives lavishly trying to savor good things in life that I have never experience before. We spent more than what we can save. My initial car was bought thru bank loan but my career continuous to flourish that I just found my self buying my second car in cash on top of the one issued to me by the company where I worked. At times, my only problem then was - where to park all my rides.
Year 2005 comes the most devastating time in my career. I have to leave my high paying job because of disagreement with my boss. With no savings come that rainy day, I transferred to another job that pays me relatively lower and without any perks. We were facing then the biggest question that I have to answer – can I still afford my children’s education? My eldest son and daughter were studying at an exclusive school for boys and girls respectively while the third one is enrolled in a Catholic School. My marriage relationship also succumbs to the test of times. And there; at that time where my life seems so low, I found my self in the arms of my mother helping me and my wife to pick up splinters of our broken dreams.
There I was retold by my mother’s promise to God from her heart – Which she would always pray for me and my family as long as she lives. A promise that she would never break like the promise she has made the first time we were separated.
Now, we are slowly picking the paces of our once fragmented hopes and dreams but my greatest hope is for me to respond to God’s given gift to me - my mother. As my children grow, I will tell them that God has a plan for all of us in our lives, and He intervened to protect us at all times. I will tell them the way God’s grace intervened to touch the spiritual deadwood that characterized our family tree, grafting in a new branch – one that is spiritually alive.
 
And I will tell them how it all began with a mother’s promise from the heart.


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Diary of a Departing OFW
By: Gener Marcelo

Sep. 24 (11:00 am: Manila Time)
Prior to my return to overseas work assignment, I spent the last hours of my stay in the Philippines inside a church in Makati with my wife, Jembie. Initially, we thought of watching a movie but I realized that we need a solemn moment of solitude. The last hours before my flight schedule proved to be the most trying moments of my life as if I really hope that I could freeze the clock from ticking away precious seconds of my life. On my way to the airport, we have to go back to our house to pick up my youngest daughter to go with my wife during the airport send-off. On our way to the airport the rain pours as if God in high heavens is sharing with me the pain of leaving a family behind. The car I was driving of all the times suddenly had a mechanical trouble leaving me no choice but to ask my brother to send the car back home and hailed a taxi instead in the middle of the rain pouring at intermittent intervals.

(1:30 pm)
At the airport, I asked my wife to board the taxi waiting at bay and to her hesitation, I reasoned that they have to go before heavy rain pours, not from above but from my eyes. I pretended to be fine even though I was not. As the taxi sped away from my view, thoughts of running after the taxi to bid farewell to my wife and daughter comes to my mind but my legs and feet proved to be powerful than my thoughts. Finally, they’re gone and out of my sight, I was left alone and with a heavy heart, I dragged my feet inside the airport terminal and found my self standing aimlessly in front of an X-ray machine. In that area near the X-ray machine is a sign visible to all incoming passengers telling us of personal effects that are not allowed in all hand-carried and check in luggage. The person manning the X-ray machine ensures that all passengers pass through the metal detector and have to be stripped of metal objects. The X-ray machine scans all bags and luggage that pass though the conveyor but perhaps what the X-ray machine and the metal detector failed to see are the tears in my eyes and my bleeding heart.

(2:10 pm)
Inside the terminal, the check in counter at NAIA as expected is chaotic. Passengers come and go and from the piles of passengers queuing to check in their luggage. One can easily discern a passenger on leisure trip, with a face beaming with pride and excitement from the one driven away from his family not by choice but of dire needs whose face is masked by strong determination but with a heart that bleeds inside. At the boarding area, I saw a batch of passengers disembarking from the plane’s aisle with their face beaming with excitement to reunite with their loved ones – exactly the same euphoria I felt on my way back to the Philippines during my 2-month vacation.

(3:45 pm)
The PA system announces the boarding call to remind all passengers bound for Abu Dhabi to board the plane. As the ground steward announces the order of boarding by seat number, I remember praying that my seat number’s row be overlooked. As I enter the plane, my heart is pounding and my shoulder becomes heavy not by the weight of my bag but of my emotion. While the plane is on its way to the runway, I wanted to tell the stewardess to ask the pilot to stop the plane to let me out but again, reality reminds me of the need to go.

(11:45 pm: Dammam)
I arrived in Dammam after a connecting flight from Abu Dhabi. After checking out at the immigration counter, I saw my officemates who patiently waited for me until wee hours. We head straight outside the airport terminal only to find our company car towed away by airport’s park and ground employees. We found the car in the impounding area and while my companion is paying the impounding fee, I remained inside the car recalling the events that had passed for the last 24 hours.

(1:45 am)
We reached our accommodation and head immediately to my room only to find the air-conditioning unit is not functioning. I opened my room’s window and I glanced upon the tall chimneys of petrochemical plants nearby that breaths fire in the sky. The chimney breaths fire like a dragon but the fire couldn’t dry the tears on my pillow. As I glance to the 4 corners of my room, I knew that I’m alone – again. My body is exhausted but my mind keeps on resuscitating the events I had during my short stay with my family back in the Philippines – sleepless in Saudi Arabia. I don’t want to unpacked my suitcase for I was imagining that tomorrow, I will be back to Philippines and to be with my family and to never be separated from them again. But how is that? I quipped. Will I resign from my job? What shall I tell my boss? I have just arrived from a vacation then I will resign? Ok, granting my boss allows me, what’s next? Will it be “And they lived happily ever after” story? I don’t know, I just really don’t know.

(3:00am)
I still couldn’t sleep so I tried to keep my self busy so as not to give my mind a chance to procrastinate. I cleaned the toilet seat and floors, I cleaned the room, wiped off the dust in my cabinet, on the windows, tables until I come across the files of my family’s pictures and letters from my children and wife. In one of the letters, I saw the Toblerone chocolate given to me by my daughter as her gift before my flight, at that time, I feel like dying.

I know that days before my next vacation are still far but if only God would allow me to make one wish, it would be an opportunity to work in a place where my heart is – my family.



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Don't Toy around with Temptation
By: Gener Marcelo

A former filipina actress now based in U.S. and owns website intended for OFWs posted a thread in one of the forums that goes with a question, “What is it with having another lover?”

So as not to be judgemental, I tried to look deeper to reasons why we all do what we ought to do, whether right or wrong. In case of having an affair outside of a legitimate relationship or other than your significant other, it all boils down on how someone evaluates all viable options available at hand that would justify his course of action. Unfortunately, there are people who fail to do such but instead proceeded of doing it as if “bahala na” mentality (where most Filipinos are known for) then later on regret what he or she has done. On the other hand, there are people who claim that their respective spouses or partner are what pushed them to do such thing, either just to get even or they found something to that other partner which they couldn’t find from their respective spouses.
 
Among all these, men in general are more susceptible to having an “extra” affair because of this common malady among men such as “wala namang mawawala sa akin pag nambabae ako” - a distorted belief I would say. There are men who even tried to justify, biblically of their having other relationship, that men in biblical times have many wives. King David for one is known to have many wives. He even coveted the wife of one of his soldiers, where the latter, he sent to battle with intention to let him (soldier) be killed so that he could have his wife. But look on how God punished King David for his carnal act. There are also men (a self appointed philosopher) who explain the paradox of why men seek more and more relationship other than the present, - that woman was taken from a man’s rib which makes his rib cage incomplete thus, man’s continuous pursuit of finding his missing rib (woman) goes on and on until he finally finds his perfect match — A foolish reasoning, I would say because it is an unfortunate fact that there is no perfect among us, not even one.

But above all these, if we are into a situation such as this, ask God to help you get away from it and once you had managed to get out of it, try to learn from your mistakes. But if you are still in the process of toying an idea to have one, think of it a 100 times before you do it. Think of all possible consequences, your family, hurt feelings, unwanted pregnancy, etc. Just like in old school, we were taught to count up to ten when we are mad, but in this case, count of to 100, or a thousand, or up to zillion or even to eternity. The reason behind this logic is to give us ample time to think until the temptation dies.
 
Lastly, speaking of temptations, we cannot eliminate temptations (even Jesus was tempted for 40 days and 40 nights) but we can avoid temptations by staying away from it. Avoid things or situations that are closely associated with temptations. If you are head over heels over a guy or gal of your desire, remove all things that would trigger your desire of having an affair with him/her. If the person you desire is still in your mind despite all painstaking ways of avoiding it, my simple but effective formula - PRAYER.
 


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'My father did not see me grow up'


INQUIRER.net
First Posted 12:14pm (Mla time) 07/17/2008


The article "Firms benefiting from OFW must give back" somewhat retells my story as an OFW, absentee father and provider.

The story tells of the “(mis) adventures" of the OFW’s children entering their "bumpier rides" approaching adolescent years, and the difficulties and agonies of 20- and 30-something parents as they enter the tumultuous phase of child rearing.

Though my age doesn't fall in that bracket, the story fits my biography. My wife and I are very supportive of
each other in the performance of our culturally-prescribed roles as home maker and provider, respectively. However, these old roles have melted in the growing needs of our family; both husband and wife have
to work to earn a living to support these growing needs.

Though my wife stays in the Philippines to work, the impact of these changes on our family still has a jarring effect on our children, especially my eldest son who's starting to confront the paradox of the absentee father I am. My children are now beginning to miss my living presence – a gap I'm trying to compensate for through monthly remittance and balikbayan boxes. But these can't mask the sense of loss now surfacing as resentful grief that my children have painted in their hearts: "My father did not see me grow up."


As Prof. Randy David put it in one of his columns, "the suffering of OFWs children could probably double (or perhaps triple) on the parent's side," I always think of my family when I see a nice place, hoping that they could also see what I'm seeing. I would always think of my family when I eat a sumptuous meal, worry too much for their safety and desire to share the pain in their time of failures and celebrate with them in times of triumph. How I wish I could do all these without remiss in my other duty as a provider.

Fulfillment on the part of an absentee parent is to see that their obligation helps steer the course and ensure that those left behind have a much better future – a tangible recognition of their toiling away from home. As the good professor nicely put it, "It has been very easy to measure the economic benefits from overseas work. But I doubt if one can ever quantify what the Filipino family has given up in terms of love, or what it is doing to recover it."

Gener Marcelo
Jubail Industrial City, KSA


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taasa oi, wa pa nako mahuman

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i read two. they're very touching....thumbs up to you, gener!!

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Hi there benelynne, itsmy pleasure knowing yuu as well. my membership here in this e-group happened perhaps not by circumstance but by destiny. I was browsing my online postings when one link re-directed my search here. eventually, quite reluctant for I'm not a Boholanon nor Cebuano and I only knew small bisayan words. But nonetheless, people here are very hospitable and I can sense that most of them are good people. Though one of my postings here met some bloooper when I unknowingly posted untimely humorous post.

Good to know that your kids are already started to adjust to their environment. Well Filipinos are known for its resiliency, making it a powerful tool to adjust to the test of times.

God bless you bro and again, thank you for posting one of my articles here in this group.

Yoroshiku onegai shimasu. Ganbatte kudasai

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 I have been to japan for about a year as required by my previous works in 3 japanese companies in the phils. i can see that bohol is a nice place (from the pictures) but i havent been there. Moshi jikan ga attara, bohol e ikitai, and perhaps we could share the karaoke mic , hahahha, and you are right bro, i love red wine and O-sake too.

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Hi Gener & Benne san,

I'm not frequent with Tubag Bohol due to work constraints these days.

Like Gener, I am also in Saudi and living in Al Khobar. In fact we are just neighbors (about 60 Kms away) from Jubail.

Thanks Gener for Gener-ously sharing your inspiring thoughts. I am sure it opened other people's perceptions about life and going abroad, which is rather a sacrifice (in our case).

As everyone knows, our income in Saudi is not too favorable compared to other countries. However, I still considered myself lucky because my wife and 3 young kids are here with me and that is the only compliment. This makes me think about the future of our country, when present generation is in constant trauma of a separated family. Perhaps only our being a resilient race helps.

At an early age, your kids knew what is Faith. It is comparable to Christian faith, where Physically you are not there, but they felt your care and they are looking forward to your coming back. "Remote Parenting" is a new vocabulary.

By the way, did you went to the Filipino Fun Day at Half Moon Beach Yesterday? Eric Santos, the singer was the guest. I did not went because tickets are high.

Regards

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By the way, Gener, if you don't mind my asking, when and where did you stay in Japan for a year?

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