Author Topic: Miriam’s top 6 pork punch lines  (Read 1554 times)

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Miriam’s top 6 pork punch lines
« on: September 10, 2013, 02:22:28 PM »
BY AYEE MACARAIG
POSTED ON 09/09/2013 4:11 PM  | UPDATED 09/10/2013 12:07 PM


THAT'S SOLUTION. This is what Sen Miriam Defensor Santiago calls throwing corrupt politicians at sea. Santiago cracked jokes on the pork barrel scam at the National Student Conference on Hotel and Restaurant Management. Photo by Rappler/Franz Lopez

MANILA, Philippines – Pick-up lines are out. Pork barrel punchlines are in.

Sen Miriam Defensor Santiago veered away from her usual pick-up lines, the staple of her public speeches especially before young audience members.

In her speech at the National Student Conference on Hotel and Restaurant Management on Monday, September 9, the senator focused her ire and humor on the controversial pork barrel scam.

READ: Miriam: Court case can suspend politicos in 'pork' scam

The senator has been a vocal critic of her colleagues implicated in the scam, especially her archenemy Senate Minority Leader Juan Ponce Enrile.

The multi-billion peso scam involves an alleged web of corruption where lawmakers allow their development funds to be transferred to fake non-government organizations in exchange for kickbacks.

Santiago delivered the following lines at the start of her speech, drawing laughter from the audience:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xT85F-VmZIQ#

1. Anong tawag 'pag nagtapon ka ng basura sa dagat? Sagot: Pollution

Ano naman ang tawag kapag tinapon mo sa dagat ang mga pulitikong kurakot? Sagot: Solution.

(What do you call throwing trash at sea? Answer: Pollution.

What do you call throwing corrupt politicians at sea? Answer: Solution.)

2. Kapag nagsinungaling ka sa congressman o senador, kakasuhan ka na ng perjury, may jail term ka pa. Pero kapag ang congressman o senador nagsinungaling sa iyo, ginagawa na nila ang trabaho nila, magkakaroon pa sila ng bagong term.

(When you lie to a congressman or senator, you will be charged with perjury with a jail term. When a congressman or senator lies to you, they are just doing their job and will even have a new term.)

3. How to tell if a politician is telling the truth:

Whenever he’s crossing his arms, he may be telling the truth.

Whenever he’s stoking his chin, he might be telling the truth.

Whenever he looks at you straight in the eyes, he might be telling the truth.

But when he opens his mouth, he is lying.

4. There was a study on the connection between government employees and the sport they play. Ang paborito raw sport ng entry-level government employees ay basketball. Kapag lower management position na, ang paborito raw nila ay bowling. Kapag upper management naman, paborito raw nila ay tennis. Ang paborito raw na sport ng high-level government officials is golf.

The study then made this conclusion, kapag tumataas ang posisyon mo sa gobyerno, lumiliit ang balls mo.

(They say the favorite sport of entry-level government employees is basketball. For lower management position, it’s bowling. For upper management, their favorite is tennis. The favorite sport of high-level government officials is golf. The study then made this conclusion, the higher your position in government, the smaller your balls get.)

5. May 3 doktor, pinag-uusapan [nila] kung anong pasyente ang pinakamadaling operahan. Sabi ng isa: Electricians – everything inside them is color-coded.

Sabi ng pangalawang doctor: Librarians – everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

Sabi ng pangatlo, pulitiko ang pinakamadali: They have no brains. They have no guts. They have no hearts. And they have no balls.

(There were 3 doctors, talking about which patient is easiest to conduct an operation on.

One said: Electricians – everything inside them is color-coded.

The second said: Librarians – everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The third said politicians: They have no brains. They have no guts. They have no hearts. And they have no balls.)

6. Top 3 na pinakasinungaling na trabaho sa Pilipinas:

Number 3: Beautician: Sasabihin nilang maganda ang customer kahit hindi naman talaga.

Number 2: Konduktor ng jeep: Sasabihin niya na dalawa pa ang kasya kahit puno na.

And last and the most prolific of all these liars, Number 1: Pulitiko. That’s the end of the story.

(The top 3 jobs with the most liars in the Philippines:

Number 3: beautician. They will say the customer is beautiful even when she is not.

Number 2: jeepney conductor. He will say there is still room for two even when the jeepney is full.

Number 1: politicians. That’s the end of the story).


 â€“ Rappler.com

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"If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud." ~ Emile Zola~  ‎(ᵔᴥᵔ)

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Re: Miriam’s top 6 pork punch lines
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2013, 02:43:04 PM »
(There were 3 doctors, talking about which patient is easiest to conduct an operation on.

One said: Electricians – everything inside them is color-coded.

The second said: Librarians – everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The third said politicians: They have no brains. They have no guts. They have no hearts. And they have no balls.)

No brains, no guts, no hearts, no balls? Hmm, that aptly describes a pesky TB member... ;D

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Re: Miriam’s top 6 pork punch lines
« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2013, 02:47:11 PM »
No brains, no guts, no hearts, no balls? Hmm, that aptly describes a pesky TB member... ;D

No brains = eediot par excellence; the retard you love to hate
No guts = all empty threats; epic fail to the max
No hearts = avoided by women; most likely has changed orientation
No balls = supreme irony here; Bals pa naman ang palayaw

:P

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Re: Miriam’s top 6 pork punch lines
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2013, 03:03:11 PM »
unsa man ka hubag?  gag writer ni miriam? ;D

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Re: Miriam’s top 6 pork punch lines
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2013, 03:13:39 PM »
unsa man ka hubag?  gag writer ni miriam? ;D

Hmm, haven't you considered the possibility that I am Miriam herself?

(Agoi, hapit na ta matakdi sa naay delusion of idiotic grandeur diri!)

;D

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Re: Miriam’s top 6 pork punch lines
« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2013, 03:18:26 PM »
dia pay qualified tingali nga no. 7 punchline ni miriam:

on her arch-enemy, senator jp enrile---

"He is a man who has grown so old in government corruption that I believe he was a waiter during the Last Supper."

Read more: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/484303/lawmakers-linked-to-pork-barrel-scam-should-be-jailed-says-santiago#ixzz2eXDz4iN4

Linkback: https://tubagbohol.mikeligalig.com/index.php?topic=75363.0
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Re: Miriam’s top 6 pork punch lines
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2013, 03:19:47 PM »
Hmm, haven't you considered the possibility that I am Miriam herself?

(Agoi, hapit na ta matakdi sa naay delusion of idiotic grandeur diri!)

;D

i did imagine, briefly.  but miriam would have no time for tb much as she would wish she had.  chronic fatigue, you know...

Linkback: https://tubagbohol.mikeligalig.com/index.php?topic=75363.0
Republic Act 8485 (Animal Welfare Act of 1998, Philippines), as amended and strengthened by House  Bill 6893 of 2013--- violation means a maximum of P250,000 fine with a corresponding three-year jail term and a minimum of P30,000 fine and six months imprisonment

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hubag bohol

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Re: Miriam’s top 6 pork punch lines
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2013, 03:23:17 PM »
dia pay qualified tingali nga no. 7 punchline ni miriam:

on her arch-enemy, senator jp enrile---

"He is a man who has grown so old in government corruption that I believe he was a waiter during the Last Supper."

Read more: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/484303/lawmakers-linked-to-pork-barrel-scam-should-be-jailed-says-santiago#ixzz2eXDz4iN4

Oh, my! Older then than Koshkosh Balongush who was born in 1721! :o

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Re: Miriam’s top 6 pork punch lines
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2013, 03:29:11 PM »
Oh, my! Older then than Koshkosh Balongush who was born in 1721! :o

at least naman koshkosh was born a century after magellan landed in the philippines. ;D

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Republic Act 8485 (Animal Welfare Act of 1998, Philippines), as amended and strengthened by House  Bill 6893 of 2013--- violation means a maximum of P250,000 fine with a corresponding three-year jail term and a minimum of P30,000 fine and six months imprisonment

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Re: Miriam’s top 6 pork punch lines
« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2013, 03:41:34 PM »
at least naman koshkosh was born a century after magellan landed in the philippines. ;D

Nadaot na imong memory sa pagkinamras, o kaha natakdan na ka sa retard mode. Shouldn't it be TWO centuries? :P

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Re: Miriam’s top 6 pork punch lines
« Reply #11 on: September 10, 2013, 04:01:20 PM »
aw, oo, two centuries diay.  i sit corrected.  nabali akong kantang yoyoy villame nga maoy akong timaan sa landing ni magellan.

"on march sixteen fifteen hundred twenty-one..." unta to.  aguy, nikanta man kog "on march fifteen sixteen hundred twenty-one..."  sorry po.  di ni mental retardation.  mental retrogression lang, hangyo, hehe.

bitaw, bai hubs, were you part of magellan's welcome committee?

Linkback: https://tubagbohol.mikeligalig.com/index.php?topic=75363.0
Republic Act 8485 (Animal Welfare Act of 1998, Philippines), as amended and strengthened by House  Bill 6893 of 2013--- violation means a maximum of P250,000 fine with a corresponding three-year jail term and a minimum of P30,000 fine and six months imprisonment

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