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Author Topic: QUEEN OFFERS TO RESTORE BRITISH RULE OVER UNITED STATES  (Read 398 times)

hubag bohol

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QUEEN OFFERS TO RESTORE BRITISH RULE OVER UNITED STATES
« on: October 30, 2016, 03:01:58 PM »
http://www.newyorker.com/
By Andy Borowitz , OCTOBER 29, 2016



PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY REX FEATURES VIA AP IMAGES


LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—In an unexpected televised address on Saturday, Queen Elizabeth II offered to restore British rule over the United States of America.

Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, the Queen said that she was making the offer “in recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.”

“This two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn’t end well,” she said.

The Queen urged Americans to write in her name on Election Day, after which the transition to British rule could begin “with a minimum of bother.”

Elizabeth acknowledged that, in the wake of Brexit, Americans might justifiably be alarmed about being governed by the British parliamentary system, but she reassured them, “Parliament would play no role in this deal. This would be an old-school monarchy. Just me, and then, assuming you’d rather not have Charles, we could go straight to William and those children of his who have mesmerized you so.”

Using the closing moments of her speech to tout her credentials, the Queen made it clear that she has never used e-mail and has only had sex with one person “very occasionally.”


Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report for newyorker.com.

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islander

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Re: QUEEN OFFERS TO RESTORE BRITISH RULE OVER UNITED STATES
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2016, 05:33:02 PM »

obviously a satire. :)

Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. In 2001, he created the Borowitz Report, a satirical news column that has millions of readers around the world, for which he won the first-ever National Press Club award for humor. The Borowitz Report was acquired by The New Yorker in 2012. (from http://www.newyorker.com/)
Republic Act 8485 (Animal Welfare Act of 1998, Philippines), as amended and strengthened by House  Bill 6893 of 2013--- violation means a maximum of P250,000 fine with a corresponding three-year jail term and a minimum of P30,000 fine and six months imprisonment


hubag bohol

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Re: QUEEN OFFERS TO RESTORE BRITISH RULE OVER UNITED STATES
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2016, 08:40:23 PM »
Sa nawong lang daan aning Andy...


]


;D



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