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Author Topic: Your naughty joke for the day  (Read 39164 times)

windgate

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #180 on: June 01, 2010, 12:53:30 PM »
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin
was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of
flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and
eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart
opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart
closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.

The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”

“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.

“What’s so funny about that?”

“I’m a gynecologist.”





 ;D ;D ;D ;D



basin ovary shape lang doc dili bisong... hehehe


statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #181 on: June 01, 2010, 12:58:43 PM »
See, who's the boss..

 A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means
business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?! "

The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four
weeks pay; now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks,
  "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters,
    "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
Every Christian has GPS -God-Provided Salvation!
It may not guide you to everywhere you want to go in this world, but it will ensure  that you arrive safely in heaven.

Lorenzo

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #182 on: June 02, 2010, 05:42:31 AM »


basin ovary shape lang doc dili bisong... hehehe

hahaha, awww basin pood.

windgate

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #183 on: June 02, 2010, 08:43:11 AM »
Pedro: Alam mo pare, ang damidaming babaeng nababaliw sa akin. Paano ko kaya sila mapipigilan?
Juan: Tigilan mo ang pag-stambay sa Mental Hospital!!
------------ --------- --------
If your ears itch, someone is thinking of you.
If your eyes, itch, sumone wants to see you.
If your lips itch, someone is dying to kiss you.
If your entire body itches, KAGID NA YAN! KAGID!!!
------------ --------- -------
DIARY ng PANGET:
Dear Diary, I'm so happy talaga. Nahuli kasi ako ng ang kong nakatingin sa kanya. Minura nya ako. g***!! Narinig ko na rin ang voice niya! Ang ganda niya talaga! Last time nga, itinulak niya ako! Dumugo ang nose ko kasi sinadya ko siyang banggain. Nakakakilig, di ba? At least nagkadikit kami!
Ask nga siya ng pix ko, kasi ipapasalvage daw niya ako. So sweet!! At ang pinaka da best pa, sabi ko "love you!" Reply niya "f*** you!!" Sarap np? Nahorny ako..
------------ --------- -----
LIFE in HELL.
Demonyo - di ka pwede dito, isa kang addict. Sige, LAYAS!
Addict: Bakit?
Demonyo: Kasi pag-bangag ka, para kang nasa HEAVEN!
 ... pagtsur uy!! hehehehe!!
------------ --------- ----
Nanay: knock, knock!!
Anak: hu's der?
Nanay: nanay nimo!!
Anak: Nanay nimo hu??
Nanay: bu**** ka! ablihi ko! pa who who pa ka diha! amawa ka! OFEN door, NOW!!
------------ --------- --
Mama: JUan, why man ni imo grado? Daghan man red?
Juan: Nahutdan itom nga ink amo titser ma.
Mama: Ngano'ng naa man pud "F" diri sa card?
Juan: Mama oi, maratol dayon. Ipasabot ana "FASAR!"
------------ --------- -
Boy comes to class with broken eyeglasses.
Teacher: What happened?
Boy: I was kissing my girlfriend.
Teacher: Then how did your glasses break?
Boy: She corssed her legs!!!
------------ --------- --
Si Juan ug si Pedro sa Lasang.
Juan: Tabang bai, gipaak ako o*** sa cobra!!
Pedro: Ako text-san si doc.
  ... sa text: Pedro: doc, ako amigo gipaak ug cobra. Unsa ako buhaton?
                  Doc: supsupa ang samad nga gipaak sa cobra, kuhaa ang duga!!
Juan: Bai, unsay gisulti sa doctor??
Pedro: Sorry wa na kuno'y pagasa bai!!!
------------ --------- --
Your EX is limping around the front yard bleeding to death. What do you do??
Remain clam... Reload. Aim. Shoort again!!! Good job!! Hahahahaha!! !
------------ --------- -
Old couple at SM holding hands while window shopping.
Sikyo: Ka sweet ninyo oi?!
Lolo: 50yrs na ming minyo, ingon jud mi. Di ko mokompyansa kay SHOPLIFTER ni!!


statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #184 on: June 02, 2010, 09:01:34 AM »


Windgate, kahimuot kaayo imong jokes

Every Christian has GPS -God-Provided Salvation!
It may not guide you to everywhere you want to go in this world, but it will ensure  that you arrive safely in heaven.

bol-anon nga cebuano

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #185 on: June 03, 2010, 01:48:16 AM »
Naay usa ka Pari nga naglakaw sa dalan.
Nakakita siya og batang babaye nga nikatkat sa bayabas nga walay panty.
Gitawag ang bata sa Pari.
Pari: Day, diay 100 pesos pagpalit og panty.

Niuli ang batang babaye ug nisulti sa iyang mama.
Bata: Ma, gitagaan ko ug 100 pesos sa Pari ipapalit ug panty.
Next day ang mama nasad ang nikatkat sa Bayabas ug wala mamanty.
Nakit-an kini sa pari ug gitawag unya gihatagan ug 1 peso.
Mama: ngano peso ra man ni ako unya imong gihatag sa akong anak kay 100 pesos.
Pari: 1 peso para palit ug blade pangshave. Baga na kaayo na ang balhibo.
"The difference between a smart person and a wise person is that a smart person knows what to say and a wise person knows whether or not to say it."

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Bambi

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #186 on: June 03, 2010, 08:54:57 PM »


Windgate, kahimuot kaayo imong jokes



Bwhahahahaha  pastilan this is our future hobby gjod!  ;D ;D ;D :'(

Naay usa ka Pari nga naglakaw sa dalan.
Nakakita siya og batang babaye nga nikatkat sa bayabas nga walay panty.
Gitawag ang bata sa Pari.
Pari: Day, diay 100 pesos pagpalit og panty.

Niuli ang batang babaye ug nisulti sa iyang mama.
Bata: Ma, gitagaan ko ug 100 pesos sa Pari ipapalit ug panty.
Next day ang mama nasad ang nikatkat sa Bayabas ug wala mamanty.
Nakit-an kini sa pari ug gitawag unya gihatagan ug 1 peso.
Mama: ngano peso ra man ni ako unya imong gihatag sa akong anak kay 100 pesos.
Pari: 1 peso para palit ug blade pangshave. Baga na kaayo na ang balhibo.


BnC, maayo kay dili si Lola ang mikatkat sa biyabas whahahaha unja....at the same time "laugh, cough, sneeze and  pee" kon tua nas taas. lol  ;D malas si Padre ug maihi-an

windgate

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #187 on: June 03, 2010, 09:04:44 PM »
 
Mag-uyab nagstorya daplin sa dagat.
Girl: babes unsa imong zodiac sign?
Boy: (naghunahuna kay bugok) ikaw sa babes.
Girl: zodiac sign naku kay CANCER
Boy: ako GOITER
Girl: ha?! wala may zodiac sign nga goiter!!
Boy: hehehe! di bitaw ULCER bitaw!!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

bag-ong kasal...
Bana: Ling magbutang ko ug alkansiya sa atong kama para kada mo kayat ko maghulog ko ug singkwenta pesos atong savings pang ref ug TV set.
Asawa: ok ng plano mo!
       After 1 yr...
Bana: Ling, akong gibuak ang alkansiya ug pwede na ta palit appliances. Bilib ko nimo dah! Nagsaving pud doay ka kay naa may mga tibuok P500 ug P1000.
Asawa: ikaw ra may KURIPOT! Tag P50 lang kada i***! Atong mga silingan tag-isa ka libo ang ihulog!!!   
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
 
An engineer & a doctor both fell in love with a nurse...
One day the engineer had to leave for a week. He gave a present to the nurse and asked to open it after he left... The nurse unwrapped the gift and found 7 apples with a note saying.. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away!!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
 
Sa ngayon, tatlong bagay lang ang gagawin na magpapasikat sa iyo sa buong mundo...
1. Maging boxing champion ka sa 7 weight divisions.
2. Mag massacre ka ng 57 ka tao.
At ang pinakamatindi. ..
3. Pakasalan mo si .... ALING DIONISIA!!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
 
Dahil nanalo si Pacman sa election, magpaptayo siya ng school. Tatawagin itong: PACQUIAO UNIVERSITY. Para maiksi PACQ U...
Ang tawag sa mga studyante dun ay PACQERS,
at kapag dun ka mag-aral, magkakaroon ka nang PACQING FRIENDS,
at gagamit sila ng espesyal na papel na ang pangalan ay PACQ SHEET...!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
 
From Koala Bear: Nonoy is leading the race because the PCOS machines are made intentionally for him. PCOS means "President Cory's Only Son!!" 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
 
THE GUN
... is a bery important solution to a problem, ryt??!
... specially wen a dog gokurize you. THE GUN is rily important.. inig mo paghot na ang iro, THE GUN na lang jud!! THE GUN ug kusog, ha??!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
 
Ad2 mi Olmuk'
akay me jep'
O2g ayo dagan
to2y to2y gud'
Way brep' brep'
abot hulbada'
eyot bitaw na
liged! Da moh Mu lagi', Monge
nu'on. Hehehe!!

------------ --------- --------- -------
 
MRS: Ang hirap sa 'yo, di mo na ako iniisip pag nalalasing ka.
MR: Hoy! di totoo yan, ha!! (hik!) Katunayan, kanina ko pa iniisip kung ano ang pangalan mo e! (hik!)
------------ --------- --------- ------

 

bol-anon nga cebuano

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #188 on: June 04, 2010, 01:43:04 AM »
We do the same thing:

US NAVY (chewing bubble gum): in United States those four-sided parts of the bread are not eaten.
FILIPINO: Why???
US NAVY: Well, we put it in a recycle bin and make biscuits from it and send it to the Philippines.
FILIPINO (medyo naasar): ahhh... wi du da seym ting hir!! (we do the same thing here).
US NAVY: Really?? How??
FILIPINO: Here in the Philippines we do not throw used condoms.
US NAVY: Huh??? Why?????
FILIPINO: We make bubble gums from those and send it to United States.
US NAVY: PWAAAAA!!!! (dungan luwa sa bubble gum).
"The difference between a smart person and a wise person is that a smart person knows what to say and a wise person knows whether or not to say it."

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hubag bohol

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #189 on: June 04, 2010, 08:38:18 PM »
Ad2 mi Olmuk'
akay me jep'
O2g ayo dagan
to2y to2y gud'
Way brep' brep'
abot hulbada'
eyot bitaw na
liged! Da moh Mu lagi', Monge
nu'on. Hehehe!!

Another version:

Adto ko Mutuan,
akay ko nyep,
otenta mlete.
Utog ayo dagan,
wa brip-brip.
Abot kulbada,
iyоt bitaw ligid,
ah, mumo mi.
Da, mungi lagi mi.

;D
...than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

hofelina

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #190 on: July 15, 2010, 03:45:27 AM »
Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words?

1.  BOO_S
2.  _ _NDOM
3.  F_ _K
4.  P_N_S
5.  PU_S_
6.  S_X

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - - -
Ops...  no going beyond this line until you answer the above.




Answers:

1. BOOKS
2. RANDOM
3. FORK
4. PANTS
5. PULSE
6. SIX

You got all 6 wrong.... didn't you?

hubag bohol

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3 Women Die and Go to Heaven
« Reply #191 on: August 08, 2010, 12:23:32 PM »

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any duck, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"


Bwahaha!  ;D
...than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

bol-anon nga cebuano

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #192 on: August 10, 2010, 12:24:56 AM »
warden: kamong tanang piniriso sa selda 1 ug 2 magbag-o namo ug brief.
mga priso: yehey, bag-o nata ug brief mga kakosa.
warden: nahala, panghuboa na ninyo ang inyong mga brief.
mga priso: humana mi ug hubo sir, asa na among bag-ong brief?
warden: ang mga brief sa selda 1, ibaylo sa mga brief sa selda 2. so karon bag-o na inyong mga brief tanan.
mga priso: waaaah, bag-o na jud. bag-ong gi swap.
"The difference between a smart person and a wise person is that a smart person knows what to say and a wise person knows whether or not to say it."

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aquarius

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #193 on: August 10, 2010, 06:30:35 PM »
may usa ka salesman nga namaligya sa iyang "vacuum cleaner" gipasulod siya sa tagbalay.. apan dakong kahikurat sa ginang dihang iyang gikalat sa carpet ang dala niyang tae sa kabayo... pwerteng sukoa sa maong babaye...

Salesman : Relax lang Mrs. sa imong kasuko kay akoy mokaon ning tae sa kabayo kung di ni malimpyo sa akong baligya nga "vacuum cleaner"...

Ginang : pwes..! karon dayon ..hinay-hinayi na na'g kaon kay "BROWN-OUT".....!!!!  ;D ;D

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statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #194 on: August 11, 2010, 01:37:41 AM »


   Hala, kalooy sa salesman

Padayon kita sa mga komedya;

Punsyo: Bai gibangongot ko kagabii bay
Kardo: ngano man diay bai, unsa imong damgo?
Punsyo: gilibutan kuno ko sa mga kandidata sa bb. Pilipinas!
Kardo: unya nganong bangongot man?
Punsyo: ako ang nidaog bai.... :o
Every Christian has GPS -God-Provided Salvation!
It may not guide you to everywhere you want to go in this world, but it will ensure  that you arrive safely in heaven.

bol-anon quo nyur!

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #195 on: August 11, 2010, 01:42:21 AM »


   Hala, kalooy sa salesman

 States, maru man pod kaayo ang Salesman kay nagdala man pod ug portable battery para sa iyang vacuum cleaner :D

statesville

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #196 on: August 11, 2010, 01:47:51 AM »
 ;D, nasalbar diay kaysa iyang habhabon ang iya gilabay, ngeh!
Every Christian has GPS -God-Provided Salvation!
It may not guide you to everywhere you want to go in this world, but it will ensure  that you arrive safely in heaven.

Scarb

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #197 on: August 11, 2010, 03:34:54 AM »
   
“Logical consequences are the scarecrows of fools and the beacons of wise men.”~Thomas Henry Huxley~

david

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #198 on: September 17, 2010, 02:28:00 AM »
tua pa, kay gipabisaya ni maam. kabalo naman unta siya nga bolok-bolok nis cosme. nakadungog noon siya sa tinood. hehehe.



pila naman katimaan ang naa nimo, dave? hahahahahaha
murag naa na tanan bai...tsk tsk tsk
hmmmmm

hubag bohol

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Re: Your naughty joke for the day
« Reply #199 on: September 17, 2010, 01:41:57 PM »
   

He he, mistake kay lubot unta ang tuyo...  :P
...than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

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